• Member Since 12th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

ManlyDerp


A writer who makes a looooooooottt of mistakes, but whose heart is alwas in the right place... Always! I mean 'whose heart is ALWAYS in the right place"! Not... Ugh. See what I mean?

T
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*With a heavy heart, I must declare this story cancelled. Though it lacks a true ending, I encourage each and every one of you to make your own. May your vision create something even grander than my own. -Derply*
After the events of Twilight's Kingdom, vegetation across Ponyville has been thrown into disarray thanks to Twilight's new unintentional death castle. But while some plants have been sucked dry, others have flourished, such as the infamous Poison Joke.

Enter Big Mac; a stallion of few words whose about to get a few dozen more whether he, or anypony else, likes it or not.

(WARNING: While it gets silly at times, this fic borderlines between needing and not needing the tragedy tag. Contains character deconstructions that may upset people.)

Editor: Thardoc, and help from TwelveFoot as well!

Chapters (16)
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Comments ( 745 )

You need to be careful about your tense; you switch between past and present repeatedly.

Other than that, no major issues I can see. Sounds interesting!

4967822
Heh. I'm a bit rusty, it seems. Hopefully fixed now. Thanks for pointing that out :twilightsmile:

:pinkiecrazy: Confess your love for :rainbowkiss: Mac ... CONFESS IT!

4967858

Almost had a dam heart attack when I noticed there was a new story from ya...

4968010
*Hugs* Good to see ya too. They'll be a blog post later today about what this means for my presence on the site and my other works. Things might finally be looking my way again for the first time in a long time. For now though... baby steps :pinkiesad2:

Comment posted by The Cardboard Box deleted Sep 7th, 2014

“Well my brother never talk,

Should be "talks" right? Minor quibbles. Great idea, great writing quality.

4968252
Fixed. Ty for pointing it out :twilightsmile:

You don't have my attention yet. But you do have my curiosity. :twilightsmile:

Moving slowly, Granny Smith nods her head from side to side.

Normally nodding indicates someone/somepony nodding their head up and down, I think you had meant "shook her head from side to side".
Just thought I'd let you know, it was pretty awkward to read.

4968405
Fixed. Ty for pointing it out :twilightsmile:

If I know Big Macintosh he'll go to the one pony he hangs out more.

Poison Joke would play this on Mac.
Turn him from a stallion who carefully chooses his words and never says more than he needs to, into a wordvomiting Pinkie clone.
Should be good.

Is... is the return beginning? :fluttercry: <-(happy tears)

This story seems to be interesting. I can't wait to read the next chapter. I hope you can publish it soon.

4968933
Debating when to release it. I want to stockpile them and release them at a nice click, but I also don't want to leave anypony high and dry :duck:

4968877
*Hugs* The first steps, at least :pinkiesad2:

As soon as Pinkie mentioned the hook and broke the fourth wall, I said to myself, "goddamn it, Pinkie Pie." Then I finished the chapter and was worried that I had a stroke.

4969092
Heh, I don't often break the fourth wall in my writing, but when I do I make sure it's surreal :pinkiehappy:

4969078 Well excellent, I'm here if you want me to edit anything.

4969219
Thanks for the offer! Maybe I'll take you up on it later on, if these chapters get any larger then this. For now though I think I'll be fine with these little chunks :raritywink:

The story has been decent so far, but writing the prose in the present tense instead of past tense makes reading this a bit painful. There are very few writing styles where present tense is the appropriate choice, and it really doesn't work here.

4969219

Actually... considering what ShadyTail said here in the comments, I might need a refresher course on my tenses. Seems like something simple that I could have gone rusty on in my absence... think you can take a quick looksie whenever and set me back on track? :pinkiesmile:

P.S. OH WOW FEATURED! THE ACTUAL HELL?!

4969818
Thanks for the feedback! This is really just some practice writing, to get myself back into the swing of things and whatnot. I'll consider doing some retroactive editing though, before I post the next chapter, in order to make things smoother for everyone.

Again, thanks for your feedback :raritywink:

So, Big Mac knows what's happening to him, and he's driven to talk to ponies. He's pretty smart, but he's also shy... I wonder, where is Cheerilee?

(Also--damn. The apple themed family to whom he loves all except for on- Just... damn. Applejack is probably lucky she left when she did. Or Apple Bloom is in for one hell of an unexpected surprise. I'd like to know what he said to Rainbow Dash... and I'm afraid to know what he's going to say to Rarity, Fluttershy, and Twilight. Or Scootaloo, or Sweetie Belle, or... well, pretty much anypony).

By the way, this is the best story behind the crystal rainbow treecastle I've ever seen ever.

4969976
WARNING, WARNING, INCOMING FEELS NEXT WEEKEND :raritydespair:

honestly i'm laughing so hard because it's like big mac is always portrayed as a really nice person who's just quiet but this is just like "nope he's just a huge asshole" and it's great

It's...something, alright. But I'm finding myself thrown off pace by all the small errors you've got through this thing. Have someone take a look at it, and go through it to check for misplaced and misspelled words. I could find about ten in this chapter alone, so be sure you run it by someone real quick. It's interesting, I'll give you that, but it needs a polishing.:applejackunsure:

I love the idea that Big Mac is fiercely opinionated on the inside. :pinkiehappy: It's like he's now making up for every unspoken word never heard on the show.

Twi and AJ are treating this like it's a small catastrophe, but some real good could come from it as well. I really hope sometime before the joke wears off (heh) BM manages to run into that one mare in town he's had a thing for but never dreamed of opening up to.

Uh-oh, me thinks the big red stallion's going to get his flank handed to him after the end of this....:pinkiecrazy::rainbowdetermined2:

I accept that the crystal tree castle is a thing of evil that will destroy Ponyville.

:raritywink:

4969920 Sure! just PM me chapters as you finish them,

This is REALLY interesting.. Why was Rainbow Crying? D: Were she and Mac secretly dating and he just told her that he just can't stand her or something? D: Nooooooo the MacDash MUST prevail! D:

This is really getting good. I look forward to reading more :yay:

4970636
But of course!
I've even had a fic in my head for a while now relating to that...
Kind of like the House of Leaves, but literally about a House of Leaves.

This is quite interesting, but there definitely some minor errors and the present tense is quite jarring, especially when you switch into the past tense on occasion. Also, using Pinkie to break the fourth wall is fine, but having an author character make an appearance is just tacky.

Too blatant a breaking of the fourth wall, Pinkie (and author): if Twilight Sparkle ever figures things out, we're all doomed, starting with the Bronies.

Wait what? :twilightoops: Big Mac hates a family member.

Going to laugh if he secretly hates Braeburn.

I suspect it's about her vices(she's talented but shows off shamelessly because of it, is lazy as Tartarus with her duties(and spends her time napping and avoiding helping anyone out if she can rather then, well helping out others), and yet still acts like everypony owes her their attention at all times), and we've seen Dash is pretty insecure and her ego covers some pretty low self-esteem so that level of criticism would probably be too much to take. From what I can tell the big problem he has is that being unable to stop talking he can't take the time to candy-coat or lie about or prevent saying something bad and thus uncontrollably hammers them with the ENTIRE truth of his opinion, most notably the stuff that annoys him because of the stress he's under and what is caused by their idiosyncrasies every time they interact with anyone(admit it, some people do things that annoy you so badly that manners are the only thing stopping you from ranting about them to their face).

That said, I am enjoying the story so far and look forward to seeing more, and can't wait to see what happens if he runs into any of the others.

Ooohhh this seems good!!!:eeyup:

4970233
I really do like this interpretation. I'm kind of wishing for a scene where he'll just go all-out on the creative insults.

Big Mac sent Rainbow Dash crying? Wow... I love it :pinkiesmile:

Pinkie, calm down. Unlike you, we can't put our lives on hold just so we can have a party! :pinkiegasp:

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