Confeatheracy of Dunces

by BlueBastard

Chapter 1 - "The Everfree Danger Zone"

Confeatheracy of Dunces

Chapter 1 - "The Everfree Danger Zone"

As the school bell clanged proudly, it rang loud enough to momentarily drown out the cheers of the students of Ponyville Elementary – all twelve of them – as they poured out of the small, one-room building. Such a scene was replicated all over Ponyville in the other schools sounded off for the last time that semester, only the other schools took much longer to clear out because unlike Ponyville Elementary, they were actually built to handle the capacity of a town long since having outgrown its purely agricultural beginnings.

However, even though the shackles of the public education system would no longer restrain the youthful for the next three months, for some teachers the ending of the semester was as no more significant than the changing of the season. Especially for the one-mare faculty of Ponyville Elementary.

“Just like a long, multi-act play,” mused Cheerilee, the last remaining occupant inside the schoolhouse. “Every semester an act, every summer in-between another intermission.” She chuckled at the comparison, namely because had any of her students been around, they would have probably not liked to hear their teacher happily state that she considered their brief freedom nothing more than a short respite to prepare for more learning. Or maybe they would have just chalked up the flowery wording as just another oddity about her, much like how they’d just dropped asking about how she’d been turned into a pegasus for a week some time back as soon as they noticed their teacher had reverted. What an experience that had been!

Indeed, the mere idea of a full seven day period where her entire lifestyle was thrown into confusion simply because she’d turned into a winged pony, still seemed so crazy that it felt more like a delusion than reality whenever Cheerilee thought of the incident. Especially when she’d suddenly turned back only to find out it had been Discord’s doing and he’d gone and swapped the subspecies with her brother and sister-in-law. Ultimately, the whole ordeal was revealed to have been entirely unintentional and Discord had in the end set things right, but for what it was worth Cheerilee felt much more self-confident than she had been for months. She also had decided to stop trying to get hired on at other schools as the constant rejections certainly had increased her self-doubt.

Now that school was out for the summer, though, Cheerilee was certain she would still have work to do. For some students that had underperformed in the Ponyville education system, they would need additional schooling to meet the country’s standards. The number of underperforming youngsters, however, was never that large so there wasn’t much of a budget set aside beyond upkeep on the buildings. The teachers would need to volunteer their time, but Cheerilee was always willing to use her free time to assist somepony when it came to learning. She couldn’t imagine doing anything else during the upcoming summer holiday.

---

“This is not how today was supposed to go!” growled Rainbow as she angrily kicked a small stormcloud into oblivion. Just the previous week, she had promised Scootaloo that the weekend after school let out that they would hang out at her cloud mansion and have the most awesome weekend ever. Right now, Rainbow was going to possibly break that promise instead, something that she absolutely hated to do.

Yet, fate had decided to intervene, such that all the awesomeness that was certain to occur during that weekend was, in fact, not going to happen. Its method of choice was the sudden formation of a large thunderhead above the Everfree that was heading slowly towards Ponyville. Normally, had this been a typical thunderstorm brewing, it would only have existed had Rainbow’s weather team made it in the first place as according to the schedule. Then, even if things did get somewhat out of control, Rainbow knew she could count on Twilight’s near-limitless magic to protect the town under a large dome of magic or something. But this particular storm, due to forming over the untamed Everfree Forest, was not nearly as controllable and due to the dangers of working in such conditions, Rainbow had already needed to call in help from the weather teams of nearby towns to ensure the storm was dismantled well before it got close to any populated area. As it was closest to Ponyville, Rainbow was designated as the one in charge of the coordinated effort, but that meant she was spending the time meant for Scootaloo on something that wasn’t Scootaloo.

At least we’re making good time, mentally noted Rainbow, so there might be a chance I can salvage this day yet. While the number of pegasus ponies attacking the storm was a mere fraction of the virtual airborne army Dash had led the one year she’d been tasked with moving the Ponyville reservoir up to Cloudsdale’s weather factory, the danger of freak thunderbolts striking somepony not used to intense weather control was too risky. Only the most experienced pegasi were skilled enough and right now they were giving it all they had. After a tense first hour where it seemed like the storm simply wouldn’t be stopped in its progression, eventually the ponies fought back hard enough to hold the line right at the Everfree’s borders. Half the storm was already gone and-

“It’s a rumbler!” shouted out one of the ponies, one of the pegasi from Ponyville’s neighboring town of Fairfilly Heights. Rainbow’s heart sank, the term “rumbler” was used by weather pegasi to denote stormclouds that grew agitated enough such that they could potentially lash out with lightning at anypony nearby. They were going to need to slow their pace, awareness was going to be key to avoiding any casualties.

“You heard the pony!” relayed Rainbow to all the other ponies under her command. “We got a rumbler now, so everypony keep an ear out for any warning signs! Group leaders, make sure you have your headcounts!”

“Easy Mark group all accounted for!” shouted a mare several yards away.

“Berrywood group all present!” shouted another.

“Fairfilly Heights group is all here!” finally hollered another stallion.

Rainbow herself did a quick headcount of her ponies. “Ponyville group all here, so let’s keep going!” Taking wing, she soared a quick line inspection to make sure everypony was still able to keep up. After being satisfied with what she saw, her actions then turned toward helping beat back the storm.

For the next fifteen minutes, the only sounds anypony heard were the grunts of the hard working weather ponies, the continuous low rumbling of impending thunder, the punctuations of poofy noises, and every once in a while somepony going “YEAAAHHHHH!” for some unknown reason. Rainbow soon bolted up to take a look at how everypony was doing, just for a brief second, and she beamed upon seeing the clouds starting to disperse on their own on the end opposite the pegasi.

“Alright, keep it up, everypony!” she exclaimed loudly as encouragement, “we’re almost-LOOK OUT!”

One pegasus, distracted by a particularly durable cloud that was proving difficult to obliterate, failed to notice the rapid flashing in the dark mounds behind her, the telltale sign of an impending bolt about to strike. Rainbow cut herself off, racing down to knock the unaware pegasus out of the way, but had acted fast enough only to effectively swap places with the formerly endangered pony. There was no time for Rainbow herself to clear the spot before the bolt lashed out and made contact with the blue pony. All Rainbow felt from that point on was the pain of high voltage electrocution amidst a scattered viewfield, before the pain stopped and her sight had grown hazy. A sound, maybe one or more pegasi shouting at her, she didn’t know, sounded before suddenly a hard surface like the ground had placed itself in the path of Rainbow Dash, the impact knocking her out cold.

---

“Is she going to be okay?!” shouted Pinkie Pie, her hooves wrapped in a death grip around the neck of the unfortunate hospital aide who had done nothing wrong other than be on front desk duty when the party planner nonpareil dramatically flew through them.
“C-can’t….breathe…” was his response.

“Pinkie! Stop choking the poor pony to death!” chastised Rarity, who, despite looking like she was the picture of calm, was displaying the signs of outright panic to those who knew her best. “Making sure he’s not okay isn’t going to do anything for Rainbow!”

“Oh, right.” Pinkie’s hooves left his windpipe. “Sorry~!”

Just then, Pinkie and Rarity were joined by Fluttershy, Applejack, and Twilight. “Have any of you seen Rainbow?” asked Fluttershy.
“Unfortunately not,” replied Rarity. “Pinkie and I only just got here.”

“Ah’m still in the dark as to what happened!” testily exclaimed Applejack. “All Ah was told was Dash got hit by some kinda weird lightnin’ and was brought here an hour ago.”

“An Everfree bolt,” answered a voice off to the side. As the five friends turned to look, they saw it was Nurse Redheart. “From what the ponies that brought her here, they were clearing that big storm coming in when Rainbow Dash knocked another pony out of the way of getting hit by lightning. Between that and her nosedive straight into the ground, she was knocked out cold.”

“But, Rainbow’s been hit by lightning many times,” pointed out Twilight, “I know storms that form over the Everfree are supposedly different, but while it’s fortunate few ponies have ever been hit by their lightning, those few cases don’t indicate the Everfree storms are any different than regular storms in terms of overriding natural pegasus weather insulation to a level beyond minor singing.

“Yeah!” suddenly came the ever-recognizable voice of Rainbow Dash, followed by her slightly singed form storming out from the doors separating the waiting room from the rest of the hospital. “Seriously, I had more harm done by Derpy accidentally demolishing part of the town hall on top of me! I appreciate all of you girls coming to see if I’m alright, but you all should know it takes more than a simple lightning bolt to ground me! And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a storm to go see destroyed!”

“Hey, you can’t just leave!” hollered out a doctor giving chase – the same doctor, the girls noted, as the one who treated Rainbow after she broke her wing – behind the blue pegasus. “You need to have your bill of health cleared first!”

“All of Ponyville needs that storm cleared,first!” retorted Rainbow, who launched into the air as soon as she was out the door…only to crash down when her wings wildly flapped about uselessly.

“I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash,” stated the medical expert, walking up to the crash landed flyer, “but you’re obviously not in any condition to take flight.”

“What are you talking about?! I feel fine!” Without missing a beat, Rainbow jumped into the air with every intention to ascend higher. However, she suddenly found herself flapping her wings uselessly, barely able to hover before having to touch back down. “N-no, I…I shouldn’t be having this much difficulty taking off! How can this be?”

“Because it was an Everfree storm that hit you, Dash,” said Twilight, leading the rest of the girls outside to Dash, “and given the last time something from the Everfree hit you, it was the Poison Joke that screwed up how your wings worked.”

“What does that have to do with anything?!”

“Rainbow…the lightning that hit you…I think it’s given you memory loss. You can’t fly…because you don’t remember how.”

---

The Sunday after school had let out, Cheerilee found herself heading to visit the town hall. Unlike practically every other teacher in Ponyville, her assignment as the sole teacher to Ponyville Elementary only applied to the normal school year. When it came to volunteering for summer school duty, she needed to get her assignment to whichever of the three other public elementary schools she would be working at: Whitetail Elementary, Forest Edge Elementary, and Lakeside Elementary.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Cheerilee!” came a haughty voice, the embodiment of everything Cheerilee hated about this day. As if waiting for her, three ponies – all of them unicorn teachers from the other schools - stood in front of the town hall’s front doors, and Cheerilee was only too familiar with them. The one who had addressed her: a mare of dingy yellow coloration with a blue-and-orange mane, was a teacher from Forest Edge named Breakfast Club, her cutie mark a detention slip superimposed over a red X shape. The other two were Tough Love, the trio’s representative from Lakeside who had a soft red coat matched to hair colors of white and gray and a bandaged heart for a cutie mark; and Failing Grade, Whitetail’s most notorious teacher as illustrated by her cutie mark of a test slip marked all over with red marks, her coat a pearl gray and mane of mixed red and brown stripes.

“Hello, ladies,” replied Cheerilee, keeping her composure for the sake of professionalism. “You here for your summer school assignments, too?”

“Oh, like we need to be told where to volunteer our time,” scoffed Tough Love. “I mean, we’re at actual schools that have more students than just twelve colts and fillies. Schools that actually think we’re good at our jobs.”

“Pfff, yeah!” laughed Failing Grade. “At least we’re not like somepony who only got the job at that ancient walk-in closet because her best friend from high school just happens to be the mayor and is going to be booted the absolute second the district scrapes together enough funds to build an appropriate fourth school campus to replace that tool shed once in for all.”

“Hey, let’s be fair, ladies,” chastised Club, though Cheerilee only knew too well that Club was not, in fact, suddenly defending her. “If nothing else, Chickadee here can get a job as the schoolhouse museum’s tour guide!”

“For Celestia’s sake, the name calling got old back when we were all in middle school,” deadpanned Cheerilee. For whatever reason, Club, Love, and Grade had been a trio of friends who seemed determined to bring Cheerilee down as far back as the days just after elementary and they’d gone to Ponyville Middle. Back then, the three had come from Forest Edge, as it was the second oldest of Ponyville’s four primary schools given Lakeside and Whitetail hadn’t been built at the time, while Cheerilee was Ponyville Elementary alumini. Maybe they just thought her place as a teacher was out of line because she was an earth pony and had come from “the hick school” as they’d called it, with the continued harassment the result of having to even acknowledge years later that she was a colleague of theirs. Or maybe it was the fact she’d gotten the scholarships that they believed had belonged to them way back when. Whatever the reason, Cheerilee had no way to figure out what it really was and to that end, the three still had more clout in the educational community and it was all Cheerilee could do to simply hold onto her position in it now that she’d stopped applying to get out of it.

“School really never does end for you teachers, does it?” interrupted a fifth voice. As the four teachers turned, Mayor Mare stood in the now open doors to Town Hall, shaking her head. “Honestly, I just don’t get how any of you think you can set examples for your students when you behave just as badly as they do when you’re not in front of a chalkboard!

“Actually, we don’t use chalkboards at Whitetail anymore,” boasted Grade, “since that’s the only school in the area selected to help field test the new dry-erase boards that are supposed to be more economical and easier to use.”

“You mean those chalkboard-like things that use markers instead of chalk?” asked Cheerilee in her deadpan. “Funny, I would have figured you would like it just so you can sniff the marker fumes.”

“You take that back!” Failing Grade instantly assumed a crouch as if she was going to tackle Cheerilee. But the Mayor suddenly putting herself between the two stopped any chance of that happening.

“All of you!” she barked, “In my office! NOW!”

---

After a brief, private meeting – or more like “chewing out” – in Mayor Mare’s office where the politician berated the four teachers for their behavior, the four crestfallen educators sat in uncomfortable silence as the usual pattern for the day resumed. One by one, the mayor would call them in, usually in alphabetical order, to individually give them their assignments for summer school volunteer work. Normally such a task would instead have been handled internally, with each teacher simply going to their school’s principal for the same purpose. However, the Ponyville Summer School program had been designed with the idea of “loaning” teachers between schools if need be, so it was easier for the mayor to do the job instead as it was more convenient for teachers to go to the center of town than visit each school to find out their assignment was in another building. Cheerilee, of course, didn’t have the option to visit the principal of her school instead of the mayor, because Cheerilee was the principal.

Except this time, it was Cheerilee who was left as the last mare waiting while the other three got their information.

“Well, look who’s at the bottom of the pile this time, eh?” taunted Tough Love, waving her little packet of info as if trying to make Cheerilee jealous.

“Come on, Toughie,” groaned Failing Grade. “I’m not letting you get us dragged down with her because you wanted to keep picking that fight. Some of us actually have jobs to do.”

“Heh, yeah!” agreed Club, “I’m sure we don’t want to be around whatever shitstorm’s about to befall our dear colleague!”

Cheerilee pretended to not hear as the three other mares faded out of earshot, leaving the building. Then she took in a deep breath. “Alright, Mayor, what kind of shit am I in now?”

“Look,” sighed the fake-color-maned pony, “just step in, there’s a lot I need to discuss with you.” Wordlessly, Cheerilee complied, using her tail to close the door behind her.

The teacher wasted no time; “I knew it - Ponyville’s finally building that larger school and I’m basically fired, aren’t I, May?”

“Well, I haven’t heard that in a long time,” noted the Mayor. Or, as she was really named: Pinkamena Mayline Mayre. Her namesake was her true mane color, which was a hot pink; but after a certain Pinkamena Diane Pie moved to town, the mayor decided it would be better to just go by “Mayor Mare” and dye her mane gray to avoid any confusion. However, the only pony other than her parents who ever called her “May” was Cheerilee, as the two had been quick to befriend one another in their early days back at Canterlot University. “But no, Cheeri, you’re not fired. Celestia knows you’re the best teacher Ponyville’s got at its disposal.”

“Phew, that’s a relief! Though if I’m not fired, what am I here last for, exactly? Is there something about my assignment as a summer school teacher this year that’s of a private nature?”

The mayor sighed. “Well, yes and no. The key thing is…you’re not going to be teaching regular students. There simply aren’t enough to justify having to burden you with working this year.”

“But what about-“

“You and I both know those three only do that because they have their sights set on higher administrative positions, not because they honestly care about doing anything more than their jobs requiring of them. They didn’t need to know I’m pulling some strings to get you out of the program this year.”

Cheerilee chuckled as she shook her head. “Well, thanks May, but-“ Whatever the mulberry mare was going to say next was cut off when the Mayor raiser her hoof.

“Don’t thank me yet; getting you out was more of a necessity than me simply abusing my station. You’re not going to be doing summer school teaching because you’re uniquely the only pony the town can turn to right now for a completely different matter.”

“Oh?” asked Cheerilee, confused. “What would that be?”

“Potentially one of national security,” the mayor stated gravely. “You’re the only pony with a degree in physical education in all of Ponyville that’s currently not laid up, retired, or otherwise unavailable.”

“You…need me to be a gym teacher? And what’s this about ‘national security’?”

May just shook her head. “No, Cheeri, I…no, everypony needs you to be a physical therapist.”

Cheerilee blinked. “I’m sorry, you want me to do what?” Plus, there was still that national security part to be explained….

“A few days ago, Rainbow Dash got hit by a bolt of lightning from that storm over the Everfree. Apparently, she’s fine in the physical sense but…she’s forgotten how to fly. Her insurance covers costs for flight retraining via a physical therapist in such an event, but since all the physical therapists in town are, as I said, unavailable, we need you because you’re the only pony left with any qualifications for the position.”

“May, I’m pretty sure a physical therapist needs more than just a Phys. Ed. degree.”

“Well, yes, erm…” Mayor Mare turned to ruffle through some papers before finding the one she wanted. “Ah, yes, here we go; along with the degree, a physical therapist – or substitute in this case – also needs to be well educated in being a nutritionist, have paramedic skills, and experience with therapeutic care.”

Cheerilee was silent for a long time, the indignant look on her face still glued to her features when she finally spoke up; “So you’re saying my brother is going to need to be brought in on this.”

May just nodded. “And there is the other thing, too….”

“Great, so I have to ask my brother - the doctor-”

“I always thought he was cute,” Mayor Mare admitted.

“He’s married. Quite recently too,” Cheerilee grunted. “Anyway, you’re asking me to have him come help me teach a pegasus how to be a pegasus simply because I suddenly need to use my otherwise useless Phys. Ed. degree, in addition to whatever else there is now?”

“Well, the only reason the council went along with this in the first place was, erm, you know what it’s like to be a pegasus, and I kinda, sorta told them it wasn’t a one time deal with you.…”

“You what?!” shouted Cheerilee, aghast. “Why the heck did you tell the council I can turn back into a pegasus?!”

“Because it would look good for the public image. Rainbow is a Wonderbolt reservist, so of course if it isn’t a pegasus doing the bulk of the work in getting her back in the air, most of the council thinks it would look bad. But like I said, you’re the best hope Rainbow has of relearning how to fly and-“

“What makes you think I know how to fly?! I was doing my damnedest to stay on the ground, flying was the farthest thing from my mind!”

The mayor took a deep breath, knowing she was going to have to play her trump card. “Cheeri, look, I know how much your job means to you, that’s the entire reason I throw as much support as I can into keeping Ponyville Elementary running and not simply turned into a museum piece. The fact you can run that place completely by yourself while still having class all day is the main reason the council keeps agreeing to keep it open, since otherwise there’s no point in having a building where only twelve students go when none of the other three larger elementary schools are close to reaching maximum capacity. And of course the support of both the Rich family and the Silver family since their children attend your classes goes a long way as well, but the point is I stick my neck out for you and your little schoolhouse far more often than I would like, and I only do it because you’re my closest friend. So, please, help me out here.”

Cheerilee sighed deeply. “Okay, fine. I’ll grow wings again…somehow…and have Mom teach me how to fly so I can then teach Rainbow. Please tell me there’s at least one decent benefit from all this.”

“Well, since Rainbow’s insurance is footing the bill, you’ll be paid for your trouble instead of simply volunteering, and doing this will be a significant boost towards lobbying to raise your salary and the funding to keep Ponyville Elementary more than just a monument to the old days of education.”

“Those are rather nice, so…I guess I better take my silver linings where I can find them. Though I can’t promise results and you are so going to owe me by the end of this.”

“Yeah, I know,” said the mayor. “I just hope for both our sakes we don’t regret this.”

“I’m already regretting it.”

Comments

[GroaningGreyAgony]

You get an automatic thumb up for the title reference.

[Seeking Dusk]

You were the one lauding your talent of being a quick study, Cheers. Time to prove it. Help her, Cheerilee, you are her only hope.

[An Old Chrysalis Simp]

Yes, I loved the first story and can't wait for it to be continued here

[Alaborn]

Cover art by Shinzakura?

[BlueBastard]

5542689
No, actually, most of that is done by me. The only things Shinzakura originally made was the upper right portrait and middle bottom - recolors of the "Medallions" he made for Minty and Champagne Dreams, respectively, and used with his permission. Everything else was made entirely by me from reworked vectors, but the "portrait frame" style overall is from scratch.

[howard035]

Glad to see a sequel to Winged, it was a fascinating character piece into the experience of families of different tribes. I also like the worldbuilding of the elementary schools, Ponyville is pretty large to have a one-room school house with 12 kids teaching all the children in town. I'm always a fan of Mayor Mare as the aunt of Pinkie as well.

One thing I never brought up on the last story that seems like it will be relevant here as well: What's up with the racism from unicorns towards earth ponies in education? Despite being the smartest pony ever no unicorns will hire Cheerilee to be a teacher anywhere nice, even in areas that have nothing to do with magic. In your story do unicorns control the educational establishment somehow, or are most unicorns (who don't have earth pony siblings) just generally racist towards earth ponies, and personally offended that an earth pony would get good scholarships and become a valedictorian? I would guess it's because she's looked for nicer jobs in Canterlot, which is predominantly a unicorn city, but it seemed like this rule that unicorns got all the best teaching jobs applied everywhere, so Cheerilee couldn't just get a fancy teaching job in Manehatten.

Oh, and I have to ask, is Breakfast Club supposed to be a ponified Molly Ringwald? Because if so that is awesome!

[Zubric]

. Also a lot more then 12 students at the school.