• Member Since 4th Mar, 2014
  • offline last seen Yesterday

PhiliChez


The day will come when I write a story and finish it too.

T
Source

Twilight goes with Rainbow to watch her race in Cloudsdale only to suddenly find herself being 'wooed' by Thunderlane.


Saw the cover art and decided to make a story around it with permission from Ravenpuff

9/6/14 Featured!
I don't really know the meaning of this. I was going for a minimum length little thing because I saw the cover pic. Then it gets featured. Maybe it means I can die peacefully now. Except people want me to write more. Dunno what to do with my life anymore.

Many suggestions later. *Dramatic sigh* I suppose I'll switch this to incomplete. :)

YouTube reading by Captain Bron3y!

New chapters edited by the fantastic AnonponyDASHIE

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 389 )

I knew it was only a matter of time.

4959411
4959468
you guys make me so happy inside.


4959565
4959736
I don't even know what's meant here.

you brought me in with that cover picture, a picture a friend shared with me a while back, and i stayed because of the hilarity. bravo, my fine writer. bravo.

i agree with this person: 4959745
we need more awkward mating ritual dancing. after all, this was the first step in his courting.

4959749 I knew someone was going to make a story based off the cover image sooner or later.

LOL +1 just for that PIC. I'll read it later though. :rainbowlaugh:

4960066
oh heheheh. right there in the first page of comments you see someone with the same username being urged by the artist to write this.

4959781
I can sort of imagine seeing this continue. I would have to develop Thunderlanes character more I suppose. But I don't know how I would fit more dancing in. Maybe we could have Twilight being a nerd and asking him to do it again in order to study the psychological effects on herself after reading about it. Then maybe she gets distracted. idk.

4960093
well, it's a mating ritual dance right? i doubt that a lot of "modern" pegasi would do it. thunderlane probably did it since he was convinced into doing it by rainbow dash, possibly since they knew of the dance prior, for whatever reason, since, it being twilight, it would possibly work on her effectively. i dunno, just typing words at this point.

4960194 aren't we all?

you'd think that it'd be archaic. But it works. Also, twilight would probably not know anything about it and has never spent enough time near large numbers of pegasi to learn of it by accident.

Interesting story. So because of that Dance, Twi developed a crush on Thunder. That is awesome.

She laughed to herself. All according to plan

....CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!!.....
....Wait,Wrong fandom.

4960243
you have a point there. though, think of it this way: since she witnessed the dance first-hand, it might have gotten her curious as to why she reacted the way you wrote. she might ask thunderlane about it, with him not budging an inch, which could send her on one of her usual "over research" things trying to figure out more about it.

4960422 right. well if I decided to add more to this story then I think I can finagle it together and include another dance that would be only slightly contrived.

4960437
true true. in a way, aren't all dance-based courtships that.

Ah, I remeber that picture. Nice to see someone wrote a story about it.

4960312
CRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wait we're not doing that?!?!

4960541 granted, that phrase is probably used in ten thousand places but I don't actually know what you're referencing.

Having Thunderlane do a mating dance for Twilight is one thing, but having him succeed really drives the funny home. I had myself a hearty chuckle.

This was a cute little story! I think Sparklane is a great ship! Good job

4960683 i suppose if I get much more attention I'll have to do something like that.

I think the mating dance could use more detail.

"Art thou wooed yet, milady?" seems like an odd thing to say, unless this takes place around the time of Luna's banishment.

4961078 I added that because that was the artist's alternate title to the cover art. I saw that and I decided to run with it.

This makes me giggle. I'm not seeing much for continuation purposes and it's certainly isn't high literature, but it's cute and funny and that's all it needs to be :pinkiehappy:

The only real nitpick I can find is that there's no indication that Twilight is thinking about books before Dash makes a comment about it and by then her comment comes across as jarring.

4961194 ya that occurred to me. I think I'll just learn from it. I'm not up to swooping in and adjusting things at the moment. I might consider it though.

Holy mother of god, someone made a story with that picture.

[reading intensifies]

so... a highly intellectual pony like twilights falls to her baser instincts...

whaaa? it should be a rule for twilight to go into an internal logic train sililoquoy

When the book thing came up I was thinking of Twilight reading the Karma Sutra while in the middle of coitus.

Aw. Very cute display of body language. Any chances that this thing may become the story?

4960550

Lord Castellan Ursakar E. Creed of Cadia. One of the heroes of the Imperium of Man in service to the God-Emperor of Mankind. Creed isn't some fantastic super-combatant like most, even though he's a manly cigar-chomping motherfucker who knows how to use his dual pistols. Instead, he's smart. Too smart. Batman wets his pants and hopes Creed's not already behind him smart.

In the tabletop game, Creed has a rule called "Tactical Genius" which lets him sneak units onto the board... anything but calvary. That means from two hundred soldiers in one big platoon, to a squad of Titans (gigantic mecha ranging from the size of a house to about that of a small city). When translating that from game-terms, that means that he can hide something the size of a town right next to the enemy army and they'll never notice until it strikes.

Thus giving rise to the joke "CREEEED!" as his enemies would likely shout upon seeing a massive engine of destruction appear out of the most unlikely of places imaginable (some not), and know it just had to be Creed - meanwhile Creed hears his name being screamed in rage and anguish and takes a puff of his cigar with a grin: "Just as planned." It's a Warhammer 40,000 fandom thing.

I didn't even need to put on my shipping goggles to read this, it caught my interest just for the prospect of thunderlane trying to dance.

Little bland. Could have done much more with the courting ritual. Now it's just a very short shipfic with a a few unique lines.
Disappointed, sorry. :duck:

To be honest, I think you could have done a lot more with this. Your writing is good(if a little rushed, though I feel like that's because of the plot being rushed and not the actual writing), and the idea is a very interesting one, which leads me to believe you just didn't feel like putting too much effort into this, which is disappointing. Faving in case you decide to expand on this

This is a very cute and amusing scene. And, well... That's it.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's really good for what it is, but I don't think it has enough to stand on it's own.

Well, according to the mythology, Pegasi have portions of the brain developed in an identical way to birds.
Although, given Twilight's lack of skill in flying, I'd say the pegasus parts of her brain are hopelessly recessive and primitive.
Although although, that could be an explanation as to why it worked so well: the instincts come from a part of the brain so markedly different from the systems she's used to that she simply is incapable of controlling the actions it causes.

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