Set in the Gentlemanverse and inspired by Aetherpony's "Wild Rose." Richard, a Gentleman for hire, is called upon to tend to the needs of Ponyville's resident rose vendor.
"Thank you miss, ah, what's your name? I'm Stuntman." I reached my hand out to fist bump her hoof,"Name's Pinkie Pie," she replied returning the greeting,"I'll have it right out in a jiffy!" Galloping off at high speed and disappearing through double doors into the kitchen, she left me to sort out what in blazes just happened.
Break up this paragraph. There are two separate characters talking in it.
There are some formatting issues, but I won't go there. Instead, I'll just poke through some of the world-building and add my two cents.
Rummaging about in the icebox produced nothing but griffon-imported meat that didn't survive my stint in the hospital.
Just FYI, Equestria of the Gentlemenverse does sell meat, though it's a niche business. Mostly pork, though. Griffins will rarely import food because they are facing a shortage after the incidents of Feathered Heart.
Amazing as it is to think about, the Equestrians can control the very forces of nature, but they can't produce electricity from steam.
I like this observation. It's also something I noticed odd about how Equestria canon is shown. While I did make Equestria not as advanced as it was shown in the show (they have arcade boxes, which means they do have computers), the most advanced thing I've seen them use to produce energy/electricity is a dam.
This meant that in the rare instances I was at home I was working out or reading the newspaper.
It's nice that you've also noted how simple living is in Equestria. Harry jogs for fun. (Granted, the sequel may open up a few modern human conviniences, but that's a spoiler).
I was holding on and she kinda slipped out of my hands; I felt it in the morning.
My comrades will never let me live it down.
Even the nicest guy, Harry, thinks it was stupid. And yes, he'll probably never let Richard live it down.
Instead of my power suit and tie...
Huh. While I am aware the suit and tie was the uniform (or logo) for GFM, they do wear less conspicous clothing. Granted, not as casual as blue jeans and shirt, but yeah.
The verbal barrage, spoken in a high-pitched girly squeal, continued unabated for five solid...
Props for using Pinkie. I was never brave enough to write her. Yet.
I'm not sure if you noticed, but you forgot to close the italic tag after Pinkie blurted out the thing about him being a gentleman.
As a result, the rest the chapter is in italics.
I just thought you would want to know, because I would definitely want to know if I did something like that. Just slip in that closing tag after Pinkie's outburst and you'll be golden.
Also while I'm on the subject of editing.
I'm lucky to have survived. Neither my comrades nor my handler will never let me live it down.
You have a double negative here, just change never to ever and it's fixed.
Well I guess it's safe to say that Pinkie has no problems with G4M. So that makes three for, two against, and one undecided. Wonder which side of the fence Fluttershy will fall on.
haha no worries, thats a very promising start !
Break up this paragraph. There are two separate characters talking in it.
There are some formatting issues, but I won't go there. Instead, I'll just poke through some of the world-building and add my two cents.
Just FYI, Equestria of the Gentlemenverse does sell meat, though it's a niche business. Mostly pork, though. Griffins will rarely import food because they are facing a shortage after the incidents of Feathered Heart.
I like this observation. It's also something I noticed odd about how Equestria canon is shown. While I did make Equestria not as advanced as it was shown in the show (they have arcade boxes, which means they do have computers), the most advanced thing I've seen them use to produce energy/electricity is a dam.
It's nice that you've also noted how simple living is in Equestria. Harry jogs for fun. (Granted, the sequel may open up a few modern human conviniences, but that's a spoiler).
Even the nicest guy, Harry, thinks it was stupid. And yes, he'll probably never let Richard live it down.
Huh. While I am aware the suit and tie was the uniform (or logo) for GFM, they do wear less conspicous clothing. Granted, not as casual as blue jeans and shirt, but yeah.
Props for using Pinkie. I was never brave enough to write her. Yet.
Money is always the answer!
I'm not sure if you noticed, but you forgot to close the italic tag after Pinkie blurted out the thing about him being a gentleman.
As a result, the rest the chapter is in italics.
I just thought you would want to know, because I would definitely want to know if I did something like that. Just slip in that closing tag after Pinkie's outburst and you'll be golden.
Also while I'm on the subject of editing.
You have a double negative here, just change never to ever and it's fixed.
Well I guess it's safe to say that Pinkie has no problems with G4M. So that makes three for, two against, and one undecided. Wonder which side of the fence Fluttershy will fall on.
As we all should know:
It's all run by a pink pony anyway, so the Ponk is all in.
hum pinkie in bed should we be scared or happy?
7476841 Thanks!
7258478
The question of the ages