trying to be a voice of reason one comment at a time
Inspired by Rated Ponystars Aftermath of A Fallen Star, follow the story of the ponies of Ponyville trying to cope with the death of one of its own. Filled with many twists and turns, Equestria sits on the brink of disaster unless its youth can return.
Page generated in 0.076 seconds
Total duration
798 users online
1,169,147 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Whaaaaaat! Twilight Sparkle murdered!
*immediately stops reading*
I'm sorry, let me go compose myself...
Sometime later:
Ahh, very good story. Intriguing.
Overall: 2030/2563
Also, in the description it should be "ponies" not "ponys"
4965739 whoops. Thanks for that. Glad you like the story!
Two things about this chapter.
One, didn't Fluttershy find Spike about two minutes after he ran inside? It isn't humanly (or dragonly, or whatever you want to call it) possible to write a final letter and kill yourself in two minutes. And I think it would've been better if you had described his body, but it's fine the way it is.
And two, Rainbow is acting VERY out of character. She's the element of loyalty, if anything, she'd be the hardest hit by Twilight's death (other than Fluttershy obviously). Rainbow can be very brash and obnoxious, but she's not insensitive. Also, if she doesn't care about Twilight dying, she'd see the death of one of the Wonderbolts' as an opportunity to get on the team. Just saying.
Other than that, I like this story. You can use decent grammar/spelling and, even though the 'Twilight being murdered' thing is kind of overused, I'm interested in where this goes.
5006854 Yeah, I think I should have done more with that. And Rainbow's character change was just a little in the moment type thing. I know that's not the best way to explain it, but at least it's an explanation. Thanks for the advice! Glad you like it!
One to Kellawolves. You forget the original of this story. Rainbow Dash got mad at Twilight for not helping her get into the Wonderbolts. Her last words to Twilight was I HATE YOU! So imagine if those were the final words to one of your closest friends and they are murdered the next night.
For this chapter why Does Twilight think she can't be Twilight again one day? I can understand her hiding till they find the traitors but honestly it would not be that long. Even those who disagreed with her didn't wish her death except a few. and the main story shows that it won't take long. a month or two at most.
5009261 all will be revealed in due time. I'm actually working on a chapter from Rainbow Dash's POV that should clear up her last actions.
5011489 It's not Rainbow's Actions I question. I figure it's like the main story of this idea. It's Twilight's thinking I question as to why she thinks she can never be Twilight again.
5011534 she's trying to not act completely like herself in order to not set off Pinkie (because you know, it's Pinkie). And the fact that she's worrying about if she can live her old life again after she reveals herself.
5012950 I understand while Blueblood's around she has to true not to. but you made it sound like she would never be Twilight again.
And you can't trick Pinkie Pie forever...(FOREVER!)
See.
I want to read this, but I always wait until stories are complete so I don't have to be tense waiting for a new chapter.
5018452 it'll be a while before this is done lol. I'm expecting something in the neighborhood of 20-25 chapters before it's all said and done.
5018520 It's still a lot less tense. And I've already put this on my "Read It Later" list and will check for an update daily. (Of course, I know you can't update daily, but, you know...SHUDDUP I'M SMURT
)
Since you seemed so keen on harsh criticism of my work, I thought I'd pop over and take a look at your work, to see how an "expert" does it, maybe learn a thing or two.
This is what I found:
hooves
sugarcube (It should only be capitalized when in the proper noun "Sugar Cube Corner")
Don't abbreviate "okay" in prose.
In this usage, 'hamlet' should not be capitalized.
What would 'earing' a carrot entail, or even accomplish? He should probably just eat them.
The capitalization thing AND you can't even spell it right?
Also, lots of punctuation errors.
This is flat, lifeless, and uninteresting. Everything about this is cookie-cutter characterization. Even the setup for something bigger--the murder of Twilight Sparkle--at the end of this is handled so flatly, so lifelessly, I can't help but yawn and not want to read any further.
I skimmed the second chapter, and it honestly just gets worse from here. I'd go take a look at your other stories to see if perhaps this is a fluke, but...I don't really see any reason to expect better from you after this shallow offering.
5301141 Well damn someone's bitter. Yes, I do realize that my current stories are shit, but do you really have to do this? And do you know the difference between you and me is? I'm actually accept critism, even yours, while you dismissed mine and some others who had vaild critisms.
5301141 Oh wow. Sounds like your sub-par Applejack rape fic all over again.
5301270 no need to get into this. The feud is just between us two, and I don't want anyone else getting in and possibly making it worse.
5301310 Sorry to say that I'm only here for Mythril cause he's not a good critic. Not really defending you. Sorry man.
5301339 I had a bit of a feeling. No worries man!
5301141
Woah... was there something I missed? Last comment I saw bestrfcplayer make was
And that didn't seem too harsh in my opinion.
Why did you add this story to Knights in the Requested fic folder? Shouldn't it be in "Fanfics the readers wrote"?