I like writing fan-fics mainly about my OC. I also like randomness, CAKE, any fan-fics with Luna or NMM, and I freaking LOVE animals!
Once Angel Star starts getting addicted to surgery sweets, she goes ballistic and starts trying to eat every single sweet she finds. Meanwhile, her friend Margaret tries to stop her. Will Margaret be able to stop a crazed Unicorn thats hooked up on sweets?
P.S. That picture was drawn by me, and I know my OC looks a little weird…BUT it's ok! This was the best picture I could draw for this story. :)
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Huzzah! First comment!
Anyway, here's some things I noticed that'cha might wanna look out for.
Everything Wrong with Too Much of a Good Thing! Spoilers! (Kinda)
-Diary entry format.
-Seemingly ordinary unicorn uses high-level sorcery.
-Not in chronological order.
-Mentioning Bonbon without Lyra
-I don't know these ponies. Care to explain?
-Seemingly ordinary unicorn uses high-level sorcery.
-This isn't Punch-Out!! Lay off the exclamations.
-This.
-Twilight Ex Machina
-Really? That's a thing?
-The cake thing.
5072746 I'm new to the whole fan-fic thing.
)
My OC's talent is magic, and knows a lot of powerful spells.
It was the first pony that popped in my head when writing this, but I can change it if you want.
Sorry, I'm so used to using exclamations like that.
Yes, yes it is. (In my universe it is
Yes!
Oh, and thanks for pointing these out.
5083041 Heh, I can't pretend to be an expert either, but can I leave some recommendations?
I'm gonna anyway.
Give Margaret a pony name. It's far too obvious that you're basing her on a friend/yourself from real life. Also, perhaps give her a pranking or comedy cutie mark instead. Trolling is too much of a internet term.
Both of your OCs are light blue with a brown mane? Can I get some variety? Pweaze?
Sooo... That's about it. And uh...
Followed...
5084277 Thank you!
Also, about Margaret 
I really couldn't come up with a pony name for her so she got stuck with Margaret. As for the cutie mark, I was gonna go for something else but I couldn't figure out what. Plus, since she's in my other story, Surprise! Surprise! I already established what she looks like and that she's going to be in more stories. I'm thinking it's too late to change her.
Good