• Member Since 6th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 22nd, 2014


Well, I am what you want me to be, I guess.


It was a simple nightmare, one Rainbow Dash thought meant nothing. But what she had forgotten is that dreams always contain messages, no matter how unclear they may be...

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 19 )

Ah, the classic 'what if' scenario. While pretty good, I would suggest that you work a little more on your characterization. Rainbow was pretty good, but Pinkie wasn't really acting like Pinkie would. If she was in a situation like this, she'd probably be in hysterics, not in blind acceptance. You could argue that it's all up to interpretation, but the former seems a lot more believable.

Also, while all-caps shouting is sometimes used in fanfiction, I would recommend that you stray away from it. It decreases the professionalism of your writing, and you can just as easily portray heavy emotion through imagery and actions. That's just a nitpick though. :twilightsmile:


Refracted heart maybe has to do with light(love) being split into a rainbow? :D?

Anyway, I enjoyed the prologue. Tracking now.

I haven't read it yet, but as I like a challenge: Refracted Heart could mean what Meeester said - light = love being split into a rainbow - or it could be about light = love being bent, or aimed at something else, or distorted, or something equivalent.

That would be my guess.

Definitely an enjoyable prologue. You sure know how to hook a reader's attention. I'll certainly be wanting to read more of this.

The next chapter will explain just why they were a bit out of character ^^

469545 469469
You guys are pretty close, but you're not quite there :3

Thank you :pinkiesmile:

Faving. Since they changed the name from tracking.

I'm guessing this was a dream, hence the italicized text, and I really hope it is just a dream. I hope this story does have a happy ending, at least I hope it does since it's just "sad" not "tragedy"

Tracked! (: I'm excited for the next chapter! :pinkiehappy:

That, I am nearly done with~
It is definitely not as 'packed' as this chapter, but I think it should still be goodish.

Ooh, I wonder wy Pinkie is out. Maybe she had a bad drea too.

Overall it was a decent chapter but it was too telly, you spent too much time describing what was going on.

Aww! Chapter ended...

A very short but great chapter! :pinkiehappy: Can't wait for an update, your doing a great job keep it up! :heart:

I know this is a long shot... But is PVH a reference to PMH? It's a big(ish) hospital near were I live. Then again, not many FIM authors live in Australia.

This is awesome! :heart: I can't wait to see how this plays out. :pinkiehappy:

"I thought I mattered to you."

These six words indeed are a story unto themselves.

And maybe I'm wrong, but I have a feeling that the confrontation is going to play itself out like an early scene in Romeo and Juliet, with Pinkie Pie in the role of Mercutio: involved only because she wanted to help a friend, but a victim of collateral damage just the same. Certainly Rainbow Dash has enough brash heedlessness for half a dozen Romeos.

Nice job pardner. Ah caint wait ta read th' next chapter. :ajsmug:

I enjoyed the first two chapters,:twilightsmile:
chapter three did a stange turn:applejackunsure:
and then I got a WTF chapter 4...:rainbowhuh:

seriously?, an overpowered pony who kills for fun, and gets stronger for every kill?
and he even surpased celestia?

WTF? dude....

That would imply that Celestia actually does anything. I'm not gonna bother explaining, if you don't like it, don't continue reading. He does have a motive and that will be explained around chapter 6/7. In fact, I never stated that he has no motive. Luna simply said that neither her or her sister knew of it. But as I said, if you don't like how it's going, don't bother.

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