It was a simple nightmare, one Rainbow Dash thought meant nothing. But what she had forgotten is that dreams always contain messages, no matter how unclear they may be...
Chapters (4)
- Member Since 6th Apr, 2012
- offline last seen Apr 22nd, 2014
Raynbow
Well, I am what you want me to be, I guess.
Raynbow
Joined 6th Apr, 2012 ·
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Ah, the classic 'what if' scenario. While pretty good, I would suggest that you work a little more on your characterization. Rainbow was pretty good, but Pinkie wasn't really acting like Pinkie would. If she was in a situation like this, she'd probably be in hysterics, not in blind acceptance. You could argue that it's all up to interpretation, but the former seems a lot more believable.
Also, while all-caps shouting is sometimes used in fanfiction, I would recommend that you stray away from it. It decreases the professionalism of your writing, and you can just as easily portray heavy emotion through imagery and actions. That's just a nitpick though.
Refracted heart maybe has to do with light(love) being split into a rainbow? :D?
Anyway, I enjoyed the prologue. Tracking now.
I haven't read it yet, but as I like a challenge: Refracted Heart could mean what Meeester said - light = love being split into a rainbow - or it could be about light = love being bent, or aimed at something else, or distorted, or something equivalent.
That would be my guess.
Definitely an enjoyable prologue. You sure know how to hook a reader's attention. I'll certainly be wanting to read more of this.
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The next chapter will explain just why they were a bit out of character ^^
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You guys are pretty close, but you're not quite there :3
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Thank you
Faving. Since they changed the name from tracking.
I'm guessing this was a dream, hence the italicized text, and I really hope it is just a dream. I hope this story does have a happy ending, at least I hope it does since it's just "sad" not "tragedy"
Tracked! (: I'm excited for the next chapter!
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That, I am nearly done with~
It is definitely not as 'packed' as this chapter, but I think it should still be goodish.
Ooh, I wonder wy Pinkie is out. Maybe she had a bad drea too.
Overall it was a decent chapter but it was too telly, you spent too much time describing what was going on.
Aww! Chapter ended...
A very short but great chapter!
Can't wait for an update, your doing a great job keep it up! 
I know this is a long shot... But is PVH a reference to PMH? It's a big(ish) hospital near were I live. Then again, not many FIM authors live in Australia.
This is awesome!
I can't wait to see how this plays out. 
I... I love you, author.
"I thought I mattered to you."
These six words indeed are a story unto themselves.
And maybe I'm wrong, but I have a feeling that the confrontation is going to play itself out like an early scene in Romeo and Juliet, with Pinkie Pie in the role of Mercutio: involved only because she wanted to help a friend, but a victim of collateral damage just the same. Certainly Rainbow Dash has enough brash heedlessness for half a dozen Romeos.
Nice job pardner. Ah caint wait ta read th' next chapter.
I enjoyed the first two chapters,
chapter three did a stange turn
and then I got a WTF chapter 4...
seriously?, an overpowered pony who kills for fun, and gets stronger for every kill?
and he even surpased celestia?
WTF? dude....
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That would imply that Celestia actually does anything. I'm not gonna bother explaining, if you don't like it, don't continue reading. He does have a motive and that will be explained around chapter 6/7. In fact, I never stated that he has no motive. Luna simply said that neither her or her sister knew of it. But as I said, if you don't like how it's going, don't bother.