What would happen if everyone disappeared in Equestria. Everyone except for four specific ponies who hold Alicorn Magic.
And to make it even better, there's a beast out on the loose.
(My first attempt at a bigger project, I'll update only when I have time or feel like writing.)
This is a crossover with the 4v1 monster hunting game that came out February 10, 2015 EVOLvE and I would like to credit 2K Games for making this game.
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Great intro, quite enjoyed it. I hope you keep making chapters for us to read.
Very interesting, can't wait for more. A bit more explanation would definitely help, though.
4960344 No problem, I plan on doing so in the chapter 1. Thanks you for commenting and favoriting!
For anyone that's noticed, I changed the maturity from Mature and gore to just Teen. I was thinking about it and realized that since this is my first major story, I shouldn't mess around with any gory stuff. Hope you guys enjoy nonetheless.
Which Monster are you going to base off or are you going to make an OC monster that's Anti-Ponylike/Anti-Magiclike?
oh that new game i think i choose krakken
I have no idea why, but I feel like the monster is part of a bigger picture.
This could be Discords work, but he would have at least shown himself by now, plus he couldn't exactly just make everything just disappear anyway.
Discord's
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Luna entered the throne room slowly looking exhausted and wiped, she was breathing deeply.
Is exhausted and wiped the same thing?
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When she opened her mouth to talk, nothing came out.
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Celestia ran to her side, not seeing any wounds or anything of the sort, she was just tired.
could use a rewrite.
An example
Celestia ran to her side looking for any wounds, there were none, her poor sister was just tired.
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Luna barely whispered into Celestias ear, "Something is out there, I don't know who it is or what it is, but it's huge. It's completely destroyed Manehatten, luckily no pony was there that I could see. All I know now is that Cadence and Twilight are on there way, it seems that we're... the only... one's."
Dialog from the same char should have its own paragraph.
their
Celestia's
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She knew one thing, whatever was out there had the ability to take ponies off this planet completely, maybe even the wildlife to.
too.
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There are some other issues, let me know if you need help.
Good start
The idea is quite interesting. But this needs some proofreading work, so I think you'd look for an editor. Aside from some typos and punctuation issues, it sounded to me, that the part when Celestia thinks about Discord, she contradicts herself.
-This could be Discords work, but he would have at least shown himself by now, plus he couldn't exactly just make everything just disappear anyway.-
Maybe something like : "This could be Discord's work... But he would have at least shown himself by now... And no, he couldn't just make everything disappear anyway."
Also, assuming we get in Celestia's thoughs in the first two lines, I don't really see her even think of a word such as "sucked", being a pony princess.
Just giving suggestions and advices.
Well it looks like there were some errors when I was editing the story, I had changed a lot of the things people are saying prior to publish but I guess something went wrong and it didn't save. I will be making some minor grammatical changes because of this error.
Cmon already i want another chapter! Pleease
5511595
I'm going to be completely honest with you, I got about halfway through writing it and decided to trash the chapter. I havn't really been keeping up to date with pony, I actually havn't been on this site in weeks. I'll see what I can do to make another chapter though, since people actually liked this story. Expect an update within the next week, and I'm sorry to keep you guys all waiting for the next chapter to hit. Just know that I'll have to re-read the chapter, and try to remember where the fuck I was going with this story.
Thank you for understanding
-Christi
5525575
take your time its worth waiting for the next chapter
and recently new monster in evolve just came out in youtube when all people playing this game
HELL YEAH IV'E BEEN LOOKING FOR A EVOLVE FANFIC FOR SOMETIME NOW!!!! WOOOOOO!!! Thank you, better continue this story......NO CANCEL PLEASE!
I am looking forward to see how you handle this.... interesting choice having the regular ponies vanish.
I am a monster.
Better bring Meteor Goliath or i will eat your pretty Equestria.
5525575 you evil mofo, making a great idea and just bailing on us. For shame.
This will probably be the last time I use this site, just to explain what went down
So I made the chapter, felt good about how it turned out. I put my story in a group chat where they could make comments on the story before release. Well, they were harsh but what else did I expect...
I made the changes that needed to be changed, only for more people to "correct" my "laziness and lack of feelings" which was probably correct, but I just couldn't handle it at the time.
I took a break, came back to more negative comments and just decided to leave it be. Unfinished pretty much. I have no interest in writing it anymore, since I've practically left the fandom and the game evolve ended up being a bust. But what else did I expect from 2k... Lol
This is my final goodbye, I'm sorry to say. I might check back here in the next couple days. Of you guys really want the chapter I can post the unfinished one, but imo, it is pretty bad...
One more thing: thanks to everyone who was supportive of me writing. It was short, but 35 likes with 0 dislikes? That's pretty nuts. It had tons of potential, and I realize that now.
If any of you like, you can create your own kind of story following this one, even if it wasn't what I had in mind it would be interesting to see someone else's take on the universe.
Thank you all again.
-Christi
I'm very happy you posted a new chapter, I love this story.
Nice, can't wait to see what else happens.
This is being continued? Huzzah! Off to glorious battle!
oh finally i been waiting for this