Know your Mare

by overlord-flinx

Day Of Fools.

...I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that today is Fools' Day, so we here at Know Your Mare should act like fools. You're also thinking that this is the two hundredth chapter, and we should celebrate. So, if we put those together, you think we should celebrate like fools. Well, shame on you. We aren't here for your entertainment. We have thoughts, feelings, emotions all our own. Did you ever consider the possibility we might want to do something classy? That on a day of celebrating fools, we'd want to celebrate the civilized? That on the day of our two hundredth chapter, we would want to class up the show?

Well... That's what you're getting today. And you're going to sit down, read it, and like it!

---

Good evening. And welcome to Pip's Corner; where we take a moment to read astounding literature written by smart authors like yourself. I am your host, Pip. Today, we have a very nice story called "Butt Buck Sluts Go Nuts". Already this story has captivated your attention with its thrilling title. Who are these "sluts"? Why are they nuts? Who is bucking? And... Why in the butt? To better answer these questions, we turn to the author of the story... My sister. Welcome to the show, Sunset Shimmer.

Happy you had me.

Now tell us, Sunset, can you answer any of these burning questions I asked about your book?

Well it's quite simple really. You see, the word slut is used to describe a group of six mares that are hungry for penis.

I see. Very interesting. Where did you find the inspiration to write this?

Personal experience.

Personal experiences are usually the best.

Agreed.

...What the hell are you two doing?

We're reading the script Cap'n gave us.

Not me. I'm ad-libbing...

Script? Why did he give you a script?

He said you need a script if you want to class up a show.

You can put as much make-up on a pig that you want; but it will still be a pig.

...Are you saying Aunty Oink is ugly?

No... Yes, she's ugly, but that's not the point here... I'll be back in a minute...

Where're you going?

To "talk" to "The captain"...

...You get the feeling a lot of that was in quotation marks?

I wouldn't know. I was busy writing "Butt Buck Sluts Go Nuts 2: Muttermy Does Manehatten".

---

---So, in conclusion, you can clearly see that celery stocks are being beaten out by the stocks based around gold. What am I telling you to do? Melt down all your gold and sell it. Don't have any gold? Melt down grandma. She's probably got a lot of gold fillings and metal fillings that you can paint gold. You need to sell, sell, sell! We're in a tough economy. Why? Because Princess Celestia would rather have her---

What are you having our kids do?

Not right now. Okay? I'm addressing the public.

No one watches this show anymore! And the people that do are too lazy, stupid, or blind to see that this has no point.

Don't listen to her! She reeks of booze!

I don't drink!

Now she reeks of lies! LIES I SAY!

You are beyond insufferable! If you're not undermining me, you're rotting the minds of everyone else who already has a rotted out head. Or, better yet, you corrupt little colts into being just like their failure of a father!

Better than letting them being belittled and treated like dirt by a "love sucking" succubus! These are good people watching. Maybe they're not the smartest, but they're still here. They deserve class.

You couldn't produce class if it came bursting out of your sphincter.

Jokes on you. I don't know what that is.

It's an anus. Which is what makes up most of what and who you are.

---

Maybe we shouldn't bother them. Mum looked pretty mad when she went to talk to Cap'n...

It's better than just standing around doing nothing. I don't get paid if I'm not working while I'm here.

You get paid?

I'm paid in the idea of a job well done... So, no. Anyway, let's hurry up and stop them from fighting. You'll be all cute, calm them down, then I'll say something snarky. You'll laugh, the audience will laugh, and I'll die a little inside. Then we'll go back to our normal day... Oh! There they are.

Hey! We won't have to stop them from fighting. Look! They're hugging. Wait... Maybe they are fighting... If they are, Cap'n's winning. That looks like a really strong pin. I don't think Queeny'll get out of it. Especially if she keeps up with that amount of--

Pip! Let's go! Go-go-go-go-go-go!

But I wanna see who wins!

We lost, Pip... We lost. That's all that matters at this point.

Author's Note:

Thanks for 200 chapters. Happy April Fools' Day. Have a great day, and that's no joke. If you want to see what happened on that floor that day, just ask. If you want to read Sunset Shimmer's book, just ask.

And, while you're at it, feel free to drop a few pennies into Overlord-Flinx's tip jar on his home page. Just an idea.

See you all real soon.

Comments

[Tatsurou]

Please tell me, despite being an April Fool's chapter, this is canon to the story!

[_CheckMate_]

Surprisingly, this is likely to be the only update this day I'm going to take seriously.

[The Libertarian Brony]

That was beautiful and I don't have to ask to know what happened.

[Dirty Bit]

Freaking LOVED the last part

Don't listen to her! She reeks of booze!

I don't drink!

Now she reeks of lies! LIES I SAY!

That was genius, too

[MustangII]

Oh god

[1stChosenStar]

Another job well done overlord flinx

[King Kenya]

I told you to go to the DOCTOR! And now I find you posting insufferably funny chapters! All very good, my ribs are aching, etc, etc, now go get BETTER! I don't want to see you for at least a week, or until you are fully recovered, which ever comes last. I will be watching.... Really good though, I do mean it, but you mustn't suffer on our behalf.

[DarkSonicTrail]

4168391
You know, you're supossed to use that meme when something is seemingly obvious, doing it just by mere questioning sounds stupid.

[DarkSonicTrail]

4168449
No it doesn't. Im not trying to use the meme.

[DarkSonicTrail]

4168378
What?

[musicman722]

....will they have kids now?

[Chaotic Note]

Oh snap, 200 chapters already? wow.

[Juria]

Oh my...

[shirotora]

But I wanna see who wins!

We lost, Pip... We lost. That's all that matters at this point.

Queeny and Cap'n sure seem like they won.

[Serefin]

Why do I get the feeling that those two just made some sort of godless abomination?

Anyway, congratz, Flinx. Normally, I hate April Fool's Day. Most of the websites I go to participate in this godawful event, and the quote/unquote 'pranks' they have are usually more annoying or frustrating then funny(one site, which hosts funny pictures, spent the entire day posting weird, bad-trip-looking things with upside-down text in the titles).

But you managed to actually make a funny 'prank'. Kudos.

[Kai_]

you said classy stuff you lied you reek of lies LIES I SAY

[OmniFox]

Ever notice Pipsqueak is a tiny colt?

[Blaze3713]

I want to see the fight. Please?

[shynight]

And, while you're at it, feel free to drop a few pennies into Overlord-Flinx's tip jar on his home page. Just an idea.

Why, so Trixie can steal them?

Also... I'M FINALLY THROUGH READING! I just spent the past 6 hours reading all 200 chapters... Totally worth it, though.

[Chaotic Ink]

4169494
In the end, it doesn't matter who wins or loses here, because we ALWAYS win

[HJSDGCE]

Sunset writing a M-rated book.
Sweet, can I preorder the sequel as well?

[Web of Hope]

Congrats on you 200th, Flinxy!

[Stella Dawn]

4170426 What are YOU yelling about?

[Ema Nekaf]

I want to read Sunsets book.

[ArchRylen]

I bet she write humans in Equestria stories.

[TheOneBehindYou]

Sexy things happened.

[APoeticHeart]

Lol. Now that was entertainment!

[DeltaXeno1138]

Now she reeks of lies! LIES I SAY!

=All the laughter

[Razzy]

Nothing like some good old horizontal monster mash.

Cya
Raziel-chan

[shynight]

And, while you're at it, feel free to drop a few pennies into Overlord-Flinx's tip jar on his home page.

You fool! Now Trixie knows where you hide the tip money!