• Published 4th Sep 2014
  • 10,880 Views, 571 Comments

Lyra Is Crazy: Many Months Of Mommy Madness - Masterweaver



Lyra wants a baby. Bonbon is a changeling. What could possibly go wrong?

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Lyra Is Desperate: Conception Is Complicated

By Ponyville standards, this was an ordinary house. The lower floor was sixty percent living room, fifteen percent dining room, fifteen percent kitchen and pantry, eight percent bathroom, and two percent under-stair storage closet. The upper floor consisted of a short hallway with attic access and six doors, leading into the den, a laundry room with linen closet, an empty room with a closet, a bathroom, another empty room with a closet, and the master bedroom with attached bathroom and walk-in closet.

The inhabitants, on the other hoof, were another matter entirely.

"But Booooooniiiiiiiie, it's such a great idea!"

"It's an impossibility, is what it is. I mean, even if you and I... how would this even..." Bonbon slammed her hoof down in frustration. "Genetics, hon! I can't fertilize you at all!"

Lyra rolled her eyes. "We've been over this, Bonbon. I am a highly magical creature. My magic will naturally balance out the zygote. Or do I need to bring up centaurs again?"

"Centaurs aren't real."

"Hippogryphs, then." Lyra grinned broadly. "You can't deny them! You've met a hippogryph!"

"Yeah, yeah...." Bonbon sighed, turning away from the batter she was mixing. "Look, one example does not make a trend--"

"Mules and Zonies."

"....Even with three examples, we can't be sure--"

"Oh come on, Bonity Bon, lighten up!" Lyra jumped forward, gnawing on the changeling's ear. "You're going to have to cool me down anyway, why not make it worthwhile?"

"L-Lyra!" The blushing green confectioner tried to push the unicorn back. "Off, off! I thought we'd just do what we normally do, you know, I didn't think that you'd--"

"Bonbon, do you know how old I am?"

Bonbon sighed. "Not old enough."

Lyra gasped loudly, her hoof clutched to her chest. "Not old--?! Not old--?! My mane is going white!"

"That's your natural color--"

"Bonbon, don't you see? I'm a married, graduated unicorn living in a small town! I'm practically an ancient hermit!"

"I... what?"

"This could be my only chance, my last chance for a child!" she desperately wailed, collapsing on the ground. "I could go fallow any day now!"

"Lyra, you're twenty six."

"An old maid--! Oh, Bonbon, you're my wife and you can help me, please please help me!"

"Have you taken your medication today?"

Lyra blinked. Bit her lip. And glanced from side to side. "I... yeeeeeah. I'm pretty sure I did, do you want me to check?"

Bonbon sighed. "Look, it doesn't matter. It's just... why do you want this so badly? I'm pretty sure we could adopt, and being totally honest here I don't know if you would be able to handle pregnancy."

The unicorn took a deep breath, standing up and holding her eyes shut. After a moment, she sighed. "Do you realize... what you mean to me?"

"I... am your wife?" Bonbon suggested awkwardly.

"Do you know what that means?"

"We are married?" The changeling rubbed her mane awkwardly. "I mean, I do love you, you know that right?"

"It's not just about love," Lyra pointed out calmly. "Ponies can love... pretty much anypony. And love is important, I love you, but... marriage is the greatest expression of trust."

Her eyes opened, and Bonbon was startled to realize there wasn't a hint of the usual humor in them. "Trust that I will be there for you, that you will be there for me. Trust that we can share a home, our income, and not break them for silly purposes. Trust that we will respect each other, even when we disagree... I trust you, Bonbon. And this..." She tapped her belly meaningfully. "This would be the ultimate expression of my love and trust in you."

The sounds of the temperature charms humming away dominated the living room, broken occasionally by chirps of birds flying by the house.

"...oh," Bonbon managed.

"Yeah," Lyra agreed.

"...I didn't realize.... I mean, for changelings it's all communal..." Bonbon sat down heavily.

Lyra stepped forward, giving her a hug. "It's okay. I know you'll do great."

"No, I--I mean, I don't know anything about--" Bonbon leaned back, looking Lyra in the eyes. "Hon, I can't be a parent! I don't know how!"

"Neither do I!"

"But--you had, like, a personal mom and all that!"

"Bonbon, sweetie, you've met my mom." Lyra rose an eyebrow. "Do you really think she's a good model mother?"

Bonbon considered the twitchy, slightly darker version of her wife that had smiled a bit too broadly all the way through their shotgun wedding and whose red eyes had grown distant whenever her fake horn was pointed out. "...Alright, you have a point. One!"

"Plus my point about ponies being naturals at hybridization."

"...Two points, fine." Bonbon gave her a flat look. "You want to try for three?"

"I'll need the sex anyway!" Lyra singsonged.

The changeling shoved her off, but couldn't stifle an amused snort. "Alright, alright, I get it." She stood up, giving the sprawling mare a look as she shook her head. "...Fine, you've convinced me."

Lyra's face snapped her direction. "Really?!"

"But there are conditions!" Bonbon held out a hoof. "One: We get a medical expert to do weekly checkups on you. I don't want anything going wrong."

"Yeah okay, that makes sense."

"Two, we contact the princesses and arrange for some sort of guard." Bonbon sighed. "I've gotten enough bad looks after the invasion, I just know some bigot is going to try to wipe out the 'abomination' before it's born."

Lyra winced. "Oh. Right, politics. Forgot about those..."

"Three: If it comes down to it, if I have to make a choice between you and the baby..." Bonbon took a breath. "I'm picking you."

The unicorn shot up. "WHAT?!"

"Look, I'll look for any way around it, okay? But if it's down to the wire--"

"Whoa, no no no, let me get this straight. You'd want me to abort?!"

"Only if your life is seriously threatened by the pregnancy!"

"I didn't know you could be so, so heartless!"

"You think it's heartless to care about my wife?!" Bonbon roared. "If the baby comes out fine then fine, but until it does it's just a potential and I am not sacrificing the pony who I love for somepony who I've never met!"

Lyra stared at her. "So.... you'd do that to keep me alive?"

"Yes. I don't care if you'd hate me after that..."

Bonbon trailed off, her eyes falling to the ground.

Lyra sighed. "...If it comes down to the wire. If there's no other option. And only then, only if the doctors say that it's like that."

Bonbon looked up, tears in her eyes. "You... you sure?"

"Hey." Lyra stroked her cheek. "Trust, right? I mean, if this doesn't work out..." She sighed. "We can adopt."

"...Thank you."

Lyra shrugged.

"...Well then!" Bonbon took a moment to clear her throat. "Now that we've agreed to do this thing, we have to figure out how to do it! I mean, I assume you want me, er, au naturale, and that presents its own complications."

"What, you mean the fact you have two?" Lyra giggled. "I don't know, that could be--"

"The lower one is an ovipositor," Bonbon clarified. "If both of them went in, you'd have a changeling egg in there that would hatch a miniclone of me who would claw her way out."

"...oh." Lyra winced. "Okay, so top only. Gotcha."

"Except the tips are kinda... close." Bonbon bit her lip. "They can be separated, but usually require somepony prying them apart and, well, you wouldn't exactly be concentrating on...." She trailed off.

"...Erm." Lyra's hoof rose, awkwardly. "I... have two holes?"

"I... I thought you hated--"

"Any sacrifice for my baby," Lyra stated plainly, managing to ignore her blush. "We'll just buy some lube."

"...oh. Okay, sure." Bonbon coughed. "That just... leaves the, erm, last factor. In order for me to trigger, well, in this case--you have to understand, what we've done before is nonreproductive and, uh, different. Fun, don't get me wrong! But, uh, well..."

***

"You want me to do what?"

"I, uh... need some queen pheromones." Bonbon coughed, glancing around the library awkwardly. "And I was hoping to get some from you." Lyra bounced behind her eagerly.

Rainbow Dash, recently revealed changeling and new Queen of the Equestrian Rogues, tilted her head. "Pheromones, pheromones... That's an egghead word, I know that word--"

"It's basically natural perfume," Twilight explained as she continued writing something down in the corner. "Usually used by animals to mark territory or to... trigger..."

She stopped writing.

"...yeah, um..." Bonbon's face was now a lurid shade of green. "Lyra convinced me to, uh, give it a shot."

"Give what a shot?" Rainbow glanced from Twilight to Bonbon. "What are you two being so weird about?"

Twilight gave a quiet little cough, shuffling her hooves. Bonbon bit her lip, trying to avoid Rainbow's gaze.

"We're going to try for a baby!" Lyra squealed.

"Oh. Oh! Congratulations!" Rainbow grinned broadly. "I don't see what that has to do with me, but--"

Bonbon's horn lit up and yanked the Queen's head down to her level. There was some frantic whispering.

Rainbow blushed brightly. "Oh..."

"Yeah." A tissue box levitated up. "We'll just rub some off you and then be on our way."

"Um, okay. Sure." Rainbow Dash extended her wings, exposing her thorax ridges. "This isn't going to be, uh... awkward, is it? I mean, should we do this in privheeheeheethattickles!"

"Aaaaaand... done!" Bonbon nodded. "Right. Okay! Thank you, we're just going to head home and, uh, put this to use then!" Bonbon backed away quickly. "Goodbye Twilight, goodbye Rainbow!"

The library door slammed shut, but it couldn't block out Lyra's loud cheer.

"That... happened," Twilight commented.

"...does... does this make me an aunt?"

"I... huh." Twilight tilted her head. "I... I guess it does..."

Author's Note:

BTW spoilers for Winds of Change.