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Fallout: Equestria - The Last Steps

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Comments ( 4 )

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Bliss Authority

Bliss Authority #1 · Sep 4th, 2014 · · · Prologue ·

Needs moar swea- nah, nah, not making that joke.

"I as an unarmed pegasus?" I think that's either a typo or an extraneous word.

Goldude

Goldude #2 · Sep 4th, 2014 · · · Prologue ·

4953913
Fixed it. Be glad this is a fanfic I can go back and edit. You do not know which the depths of my poor typing skills will sink to.

Dainty Blaze

Dainty Blaze #3 · Sep 5th, 2014 · · · Chapter One: A Change in Mustangia ·

Hmmmm. A raider that desides to go good. The prologue confused me a bit at first but its a fresh way to start a story for sure. The only things I can see that are a problem is a few grammer errors. An interesting revalation as well but it came a mite early. Rushed.

Tetragrammaton

Tetragrammaton #4 · Sep 6th, 2014 · · · Chapter One: A Change in Mustangia ·

You don't need to capitalized the "the" in front of words like Enclave or Wasteland. And wasteland doesn't have to be capitalized either (but it's not wrong to do so. Still I would recommend capitalizing it when you're not talking about the general area your characters are in right now, but about the wasteland as some kind of country. To be honest, I can't really explain it, I just think capitalizing "wasteland" doesn't look good.)

Nice story so far. An apparently ex-encalve pegasus who turned into a raider... that's unusual. Usually seeing the evil Enclave killing innocents leads ponies to want to help the innocents, not to continue slaughtering them, but... it's something different.