Chapter 4: Mistakes Were Made
Soarin and Rainbow Dash went to Hay Burger after the movie. "That movie was awesome," Rainbow said as she dumped ketchup on a basket of hay fries.
"Yeah, it was pretty cool," Soarin agreed. He poked a stray pickle back into his burger. "Listen...Rainbow Dash..."
"Yeah?" Rainbow asked through a mouthful of hay fries and ketchup.
"This whole dating thing...are we doing it right?" Soarin asked. "I mean, are you...are we having fun, or...?"
"Hay yeah!" Rainbow said. "We're hangin' out, havin' fun...I'm not big on all that drippy sappy romantic date junk. I'm havin' fun with you." She tilted her head. "Yeah, I'm worried about Fluttershy, an' about what went down with Fleetfoot, but...nopony's dead, Fleetfoot'll get better, an' AJ an' Big Mac are lookin' after Fluttershy, so I can relax and have a good time with you. I'll worry about all that other stuff later."
"So...you do enjoy spending time with me?" Soarin asked.
"Of course I do!"
Soarin sighed with relief. "Good. I was afraid...maybe I was too boring for you."
"Nah, you're cool," Rainbow said.
"It's just...I've only ever had like, one girlfriend...I don't think she liked me very much."
Rainbow stopped stuffing her face. "Really?"
"And...she wasn't exactly a girlfriend." Soarin looked sheepish. "She um...actually she was more of a gold-digger."
"Oh."
"Yeah." Soarin sipped his soda. "We were doing a show in Neighpon, and she...just latched onto me. Her name was Miso Horny."
Rainbow snorted. "What was she, a hooker?"
Soarin blushed furiously. "Actually...yeah." He looked down at his food. "She...she said she wanted to change her life, but she needed...she needed a good stallion for that. So she came back to Equestria with me, I rented her a place in Canterlot, we got together like, on weekends and stuff...she always wanted to go shopping, or wanted me to take her to all these fancy, expensive places..." He sighed. "She took me for everything she could, and then she met a unicorn stallion who had more money and that was it."
"Whoa." Rainbow shook her head. "Dude. That sucks." She paused. "Did she...I mean, did you and her...you know, nevermind. None of my business." She reached across the table and patted Soarin's hoof. "I'm goin' out with you because I want to. Because you're you. Not because you're a Wonderbolt..." She trailed off, then sighed and admitted, "Okay. You bein' a Wonderbolt is a major turn-on. But...you're a good guy, and I know you can keep up with me."
Soarin chuckled. "Nopony can keep up with you, Rainbow Dash."
Rainbow grinned. "Yeah, okay, true that, but..." She popped a hay fry in her mouth. "I think we get each other, y'know?"
"Yeah...I think you're right."
"But you do gotta clean up that pigsty you live in. Seriously, dude. I'm surprised your house hasn't turned brown."
Soarin grimaced. "It's...it's not that bad...is it?"
"It's pretty bad," Rainbow said. "Rule one of having an awesome girlfriend: she's gonna come over, so you gotta keep your place clean."
"I'll...I'll be sure to clean it up when I get home."
* * * * *
Fluttershy made her way downstairs to find Big Macintosh, Applejack, and Thunderlane sitting at the kitchen table, eating brownies. "Mmm...those smell good..." she said.
They glanced up. "Hey, you alright?" Applejack asked.
"Oh...yes...I'm fine..." Fluttershy ducked her head. "I...Big Macintosh...I'm so sorry about...what happened..."
"Don't worry none about that. Sit on down, have some milk an' a brownie."
Fluttershy joined them at the table. "I'm surprised you made brownies," she said. "Usually, when you bake, it's..."
Applejack chuckled. "Come on now, sugarcube. Ah can bake somethin' other than apple treats now an' along." She sipped her milk. "So...Big Mac sorta told us what happened, but...mind fillin' me in on th' whole story?"
Fluttershy looked down sheepishly. "Oh my...I did something so terrible..." She looked up. "Is...is Fleetfoot alright?"
The others looked around at one another.
"You...kinda put 'er in th' hospital, sugarcube," Applejack said. "But...if'n what Big Mac's sayin' is true, she..."
"She dragged him up to the hayloft and fettered him, then...then said...really mean things to me..." Fluttershy took a bite of brownie. "And...well...I know this sounds terrible of me, but...I've never really liked Fleetfoot. Ever since the tryouts for the Equestria Games, she..." She shook her head. "She's the one who tried to talk Rainbow Dash into abandoning Ponyville, and...she just has that really irritating voice." Fluttershy covered her face with her wings. "Oh...oh my...I'm a terrible pony."
"You're a wonderful pony," Big Macintosh said. "Ah admit, Ah don't much care fer seein' two mares fightin' over me like that, but..."
"If'n you hadn't done what you did, Ah durn sure would have," Applejack said. "That mare is crazy."
"Well...yes...she is," Fluttershy agreed. "But that doesn't give me the right to try to eat her face or...or make her wings go up her...umm...rear end..."
"Okay how about we get AWAY from this topic right now?" Thunderlane suggested.
"Eeyup."
"Agreed."
* * * * *
"So," Cadance asked as she, Twilight, and Shining Armor had tea, "how's it going with Flash?"
Twilight rolled her eyes. "He's a total wiener."
"Really?" Cadance asked.
Twilight calmly and clinically explained her attempts thus far to get to know Flash Sentry better. As she spoke, Shining Armor's eyes grew progressively wider, while Cadance brought a hoof to her face, brow furrowing in agony.
"And so we'd only gotten to page 73 of the section on personal history, the part about his lineage on his great-great-grandmother's side, when..."
"Just...just...stop," Cadance said.
Twilight faltered, frowning. "What?"
Shining Armor turned green. "You know...I'm pretty sure big brothers are supposed to feel protective of their sisters and dislike the boys they date, but...I think I actually feel sorry for Flash. Or any other guy you do all that to."
Twilight's ears wilted.
Cadance sighed. "Twilight...this isn't how love works. Love isn't about measurements and resumes and questionnaires, it's about...well...it's about chemistry."
"Right! Which brings me to page 379, which we never even got to—"
"NO!" Cadance shouted. "Not...not that kind of chemistry." She took a deep breath. "It's about...it's about how well you connect with another pony. Take me and Shining Armor, for instance. When I first laid eyes on him, I just...knew."
Shining Armor smiled.
Twilight tilted her head. "But...remember when Shiny left with Mom and Dad for his recital, and you made me tell you everything about him, and we sat up for hours making index cards and pie charts and—"
"THAT WAS DIFFERENT!" Cadance shouted, blushing furiously. "Besides, I was a teenager then! And...and..." She looked over at Shining Armor. "Help me out here!"
"Uhh...what my adoring and in no way deranged beautiful wife means," Shining said, "is...there has to be some attraction to begin with, or...forcing it isn't going to work."
Twilight frowned. "But...when I met the other Flash Sentry, all it took was me bumping into him and him helping me up..." She shook her head. "Why isn't it the same with this Flash? I don't get it..."
Cadance tilted her head. "Maybe it's a species thing?" she suggested. "You never had any interest in boys until you went to that other world, did you?"
"Well, no..."
"Then maybe you're just not into stallions. Or mares. Maybe you're into...what were they called again?"
"Humans?"
"That. Maybe that's what you're into."
Twilight's head drooped. "Well then I'm in real trouble." She paused, a thoughtful look on her face. "Unleeeeeeeeess..."
"Oh, I do NOT like where this is going," Shining Armor muttered, diving behind the sofa.
* * * * *
"I'm back!" Sweetie Belle called.
"Welcome home!" Rarity called out. "Did you enjoy your movie?"
"Yeah, it was good!"
"Did you enjoy spending time with Spikey-wikey?"
"Sure, that was cool too. Well, I think I saw Button Mash headed for Sugar Cube Corner. I'm gonna go over there and have a milkshake. Later, Rarity!"
As the door closed, Rarity's eyes narrowed. "Button Mash, is it? Oh, no no no. That weird little colt is not taking my precious little sister away from Spikey-poo."
* * * * *
Pinkie Pie and Cheese stood on a hill overlooking the city of Party Gras, which was alive with lights and music and laughter and movement.
"It's beautiful," Pinkie said.
"They say the ponies of Party Gras party harder than anypony anywhere else in all of Equestria," Cheese said reverently.
Pinkie grinned. "They've never met us," she said.
"Are we...are we really ready for a party of that magnitude?" Cheese asked nervously.
Pinkie smirked at him. "Don't tell me you're...boneless."
Cheese narrowed his eyes at her. "Nopony calls me—"
"BOOP!" Pinkie exclaimed, poking Cheese on the snout.
Cheese blinked cross-eyed at his nose, then burst out laughing. "Okay, let's go say howdy to those party pilgrims."
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Okay, so Twi' has a human fetish. Ah, bother. It's not bad or anything, just... I dunno, personal headcanon conflict.
Rarity has got her shipping goggles on too tight.
Literal RL facepalm at Soarin's ex's name. Was she a Bond Girl in a previous life?
Makes locial sense for twilight
At least Pinkie is doing okay.
Well, I can't blame Fluttershy. I can't stand Fleetfoot's voice, too.
At this point it's not even a love triangle XD Now I feel sorry for Button Mash.
You and me both, Shining...
I'm thinking either Rarity needs to pony up and either go out with Spike or just tell how she really feels about him instead of trying to force him onto her sister. Innuendo not intended.
And thus begins the highly successful "Planet Of The Humans" franchise
Good
Can we disqualify Rarity from the bet now because at this point she's just being a bitch to Spike
5274273 Who said that's really the case? Cadance may be the Princess of Love, but that doesn't mean she's infallible.
5274484 She rove you rong time...untir you got no money...
5274617
The irony here? Andrea Libman voices Fleetfoot.
(And yes, I knew that going into this. It's a gag.)
5274624 Psst...spoiler alert...Rarity doesn't WANT to go out with Spike. That's why she's doing this in the first place.
5274780 How is she being a bitch? She's trying to hook Spike up with her little sister. Her reasoning is entirely selfish, yes, but she's not doing it to be a bitch. She's doing it to try to put a stop to the crush nonsense without actually having to break Spike's heart. But either way, yes, she's already actively DQed herself in the first round.
5274806 I know, but she did draw his name and the point of the game is to go out with the one whose name you've drawn so . . . she should either just do the date and let things go from there whether good or ill, or simply flat out tell him how she feels instead of trying to distract him with her sister so she won't have to hurt his feelings.
The reason for Soarin's hesitance becomes clear. A bad experience can sour matters for a long time.
Fleetfoot may be a bitch, but the more I hear about what Fluttershy did to her, the worse I feel for her. Though some of that may simply be out of sheer horror. My shoulders ached after the bit about the wings...
Twilight as an anthrosexual is an interesting proposition. It could have been that, or it could have been pubescent hormones messing with her. Well, only one way to find out, and that's science!
And Rarity appears to have forgotten the purpose of the entire exercise in the name of beautiful young romance. And
Looking forward to more. Especially finding out whether or not Party Gras is still standing.
5274894 Fluttershy and comedic sociopathy go together like bacon and eggs, or feet and fungus!
5275025
Demanding? She asked him to clean up his place. Which is a pigsty. That's not being demanding.
You know...there are two fanon characterizations I hate more than anything else. Orphan Scootaloo...and human-obsessed Lyra.
Rarity you are scerwed
5274560 for now
No Human Fetish!!!
Rainbow Dash: Making work with Soarin. She's opened him up a bit. Social Link level gone up.
Fluttershy: Shows how much she genuinely cares for Macintosh. Social Link goes up by two.
Applejack: She and Thunderlane already feel like a couple. She might be the one to beat. Social Link goes up by one, but was already pretty high.
Twilight: Good GOD girl, I agree with Shining Armor. Any guy she does that to needs a hug. But she learned that she's into humans. She's lagging behind, but I think she can make up for lost time if she plays her cards right. Social Link remains the same.
Rarity: Disqualified.
Pinkie Pie: Can she and Cheese Sandwich just get married already? Let's face it, she already won. I don't ship these two (oddly enough) but you make it seem so natural. Social Link maxed out since day one.
I laughed at the innuendo sections, this was great.
5275574
My Little Human so awesome, tho.
Twilight is 10 kinds of hilarious. Most excellent chapter.
Oh no, Rarity. Please don't do anything to fimfiction's favorite gamer (Unless, of course, you count Luna and Sweetie Belle in that category).
Dating a guy through the mirror would be tricky, so I bet Twilight uses a transformation spell on Flash. I hope he can play guitar, that's probably his only hope.
Xenophile Twily? My Head-Canon!
!
Have a
Have a Favorite!
Dammit, Take My Money!
Twily was under the effects of foreign body chemistry! Maybe she's just uninterested in her normal body.
Anyways, I think Soarin is a good, stable, nice guy influence for Rainbow. She needs someone to keep her a bit more down to earth.. Uh.. Not literally.
Pinkie and Cheese are about to unleash the partyocalypse. I bet they party so hard they burn out on one another (and possibly burn down Party Gras in an orgy of destruction, cupcakes, giant party floats, and possibly actual orgies.)
Rares, don't let Sweetie get that gamer boyfriend! He'll ignore her for his machines and make her the breadwinner while he blows her paychecks on new games and ignores basic hygiene. Nooooo!
Not sure what to make of Fluttermac yet. He's so stoic. He may not even be into mares.
More??????
i get that soarin doenst like rainbow????
i dont know, he doenst really feel alive?
but still love the chapter and the story!'
Keep it up!
5304704
Everything you just said? You pulled out of your ass, completely ignoring the context of the story.
5304864 im sorry then..
5304872 I'm just absolutely at a loss to understand how, from Soarin and Rainbow Dash having a pleasant time together and Soarin telling Rainbow about the last girlfriend he had, you'd even BEGIN to interpret that as "Soarin doesn't like Rainbow" and "Soarin doesn't feel alive". Seriously, where in anything in the story is there ANYTHING like that?
5304878
sorry
5276216 Yeah, Pinkie can pop out a foal right this minute and I wouldn't blink.
Held that in for weeks!
Twi needs to get laid yesterday. Seriously.
And someone PLEASE find out Rarity's sordid scheme and bitchslap her!
Everyone else is good! I like how their relationships are progressing, and how Thunderlane already seems like part of the Apple family.
Well... Mythril I have no Idea what to say at this point... Why is it you write all the best stories?
~Silver Spade
5562499 Glad you enjoy them
5274899 I prefer bacon and eggs personally
A bipedal spell............well this is going to be freaky, especially if/when Sunset Shimmer comes to visit and finds..........well I'll leave that up to imagination.
It strangely makes sense though. We don't know much about pony Flash and if he's anything at all like human Flash. I mean, if I were a pony I really like Fluttershy, but the first pony I've ever really thought to be drop dead gorgeous is Coco Pommel. Both have similar personalities, but Cocos' seams lean a bit towards my interests.
As for Fluttermac, I have a really hard time with that one. I'm a big CherriMac fan and I can't see that changing.
5672484 Yeah, well, I don't think it's working here, so hard to keep up...
Are you gonna continue I love this story
5688913 Yes, but it will be a while. Except for the two stories that follow a regular schedule, all my other stories are on the backburner at the moment due to other time commitments.
5688957 oh ok at least ur gonna continue
5274806 If I recall correctly, Libman has said she doesn't like her voice, which is probably part of the joke.
5276216 The Flash Sentry social link hasn't gone into reverse yet, though.
I'm enjoying this way more than i should.
I cannot wait for when the next chapter comes
No, my SweetMash ships!
... Well, I am absolutely sure this will in no way end horribly for somepony. Really. I am.
Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
let's recap
*Twi has some crazy scheme that may/may not endanger lives
* Applejack and Thunderlane are pretty much an item
* Rainbow Dash and Soarin are okay
* Fluttershy and Mac are ..okay
* Pinkie Pie...is Pinkie Pie no sh*t
*Rarity's plan seems to have a few holes in it
And the award for most facepalm-inducing pun ever conceived goes to...
Are you gonna continue?