Hi, I'm just a typical Brony and a fan of Twilight and Rainbow Dash, as well as background ponies Blossomforth, Thunderlane, Comet Tail and Cloud Kicker. I'm also an amateur story writer.
Lance Gleam, the son of Princess Twilight and Comet Tail suggests a trip to the Everfree to his friends in order to prove himself to the Royal Guard in order to join them, but it takes the motivation given by Spectrum Streak, daughter of Rainbow Dash and Thunderlane, a trainee Wonderbolt to get them involved. Will the pair understand their feelings for one another and achieve their intertwined dreams, or will the Prince's dreams shatter?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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What's this? A...a first story that ISN'T an alicorn OC x Mane 6 shipfic?! Well, it's still a shipfic, but at least there are no alicorns in it.
My only real issue with it is this bit at the beginning:
Holy random character bio Batman. It's probably best to sprinkle this information throughout the story instead of putting it all at the beginning.
Nice story. I loved all the different personalities of everyone. I hope you write more stories in the future.
4931552 Thank you for the tips, I'll be sure to take them on ^w^
4931990 Also, if a character isn't relevant to the story at hand and is only there for exposition or some related purpose, you don't need to give a ton of info on them. Just their names and a quick description of what they look like will do.
I love the story and how the characters are made, even though this is a one chapter story, i'd definitely love a sequel