• Member Since 16th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 11th, 2017

Pizzema Forte

You never know where the green beans are going to land.

Comments ( 24 )

Nice story. Well-written as I expected, but something about it feels off.

I'm in the minority that doesn't want these two together. In the time that Surprise has been in the actual story, Rainbolt has shown little interest in her outside of vague physical attraction. It's just my interpretation, but there's something that doesn't click with me about this pairing.

If THIS was canon, Surprise would be RD's stepmom. Speaking of which, how old is Rainbolt, anyway!?

Im not one for this kindve thing, im kindve a pony purist, clop is kindve a not for me, but i LOVE a good romance like this, its so real, and not staged. Its so much fun to just see them as normal ponies and then put them in a love scene, its different if you know them from a love scene first. I love it i just love it!

4994709 I think me and forte talked about this but I cant remember I'm pretty sure it was around 30 or so

Amazing, absolutely amazing. :heart:

4994527 I totally understand. When I was asked to write this with drunken sex, I was a bit afraid about how I'd pull it off. In previous chapters, I stated Rainbolt wasn't a drinker. Instead of choosing to bend Rainbolt's character a lot, I decided to bend Surprise a bit to make it work. I can't honestly say I felt the same way when writing Surprise in this, but all-in-all, I think it could possibly work. Besides, Surprise once bought tickets for "Rainbow Dash" to go see a Wonderbolts show, when in reality she took her there to get closer to her father. So, occasionally, she can be a bit manipulative for her own desires, which I why I chose this route. When looking at my own characters, I think the reason Rainbolt is a bit turned-off by her is because she is a bit crazy, and can be a bit possessive at times. I may have bended her a bit too much in this, which is why it's not going to be in canon with the main story.

4994709 I don't know. Every time I have to mention his age, I have to do a whole bunch of math to figure it out. I need to keep better track of my own characters. :applejackunsure:

I found something you may want to edit.

Rainolt looked at the mare and smiled.

Nice chapter, but there one or two things you may want to edit.

"You wanna get to the really good stuff?" ha asked, forcing a seductive tone that would only work on a mare.

Also, there's a part where you wrote "whole" when I think you meant "hole", though I could be wrong here. But you definitely wrote "soul" instead of "sole".

Below that was larger whole meant for the soul purpose of reproduction.

Very nice chapter, and I loved the ending line. That being said, I found some things you may want to edit.

She was only a sloppily made, blue bed with no covering.

I'm pretty sure that should be "on".

As she remembered the details of last night, she sudden felt the unusually high wetness in her snatch along with the salty flavor preserved in her teeth.

That should be "suddenly".

The entire time, Rainboolt listened with great curiosity.

Wow, really freaking descriptive >.> This is probably one of the best clopfics on fimfiction, it's just so good :rainbowkiss: But how was making it? Was it awkward or a little painful for you to do? Just wondering.

4997151 It was awkward because of the characters. It just felt weird to put the two in the situation, and I felt like they had to be a tad bit out of character to make it happen, though. I enjoyed writing it as a whole, though.

4996427 Thank you for the corrections! :heart:

Is this canon?

erotic friend fiction

What the fuck!?

I just found another thing in this chapter that you may want to edit.

Sticky, clear squirts of mare-cum spurted out onto the throbbing cocking.

Surprise and Rainbolt sex! Yay... And what's this "good stuff's in chapter 2?" Romance isn't good? Surprise flirting isn't worth reading? Rainbolt blushing isn't fun?

Man, did you get good genetics! The filly boastfully thought with a smile. I mean, just look at that mane!

She looks like her poppa, and is almost as beautiful as her momma.:rainbowdetermined2:

...Rainbow stretched her wings out and examined their damp, cyan tips. "You're awesome, Dash... Simply awesome."

:rainbowwild:Would you do me? I'd do me.

Her mane would be a complete wreck and drool would stain her cheeks upon waking.

I need to get me some of that. Apparently, the only time I relax is when I sleep.

Her mane was matted with water

Ah! That's how she got him to invite her in.

which made the grown mare smitten like a lovesick teenager.

D'aww, that's cute.

"Mmmkay." the mare chimed.

Drugs are bad.

He smiled to see Dash already lying on her bed with her hooves tucked over a blue blanket. Her pink eyes seemed wide awake and expression seemed to be grumpy.

Sounds like she's already half asleep. If he drugs her, a stampede of rhinos won't wake her up.

"Umm.... I like it to where it's very light. Like, put a lot of creamer in it. And milk. And sugar."

Yes, I want coffee with my cream and sugar.

She then blushed, and tried to remain composed, not wanting to seem too excited. "I mean, really?" she repeated in a far more calm tone.

No, sleep is the last thing she wants tonight.

She felt her upper teeth sink into her bottom lip as she tried to get glimpses of goods beyond the stallion's rainbow tail.

What did I just say? Surprise wants the bolt, Rainbolt.

"I sometimes just put random stuff up there and forget about it."

I hope this cabinet becomes it's own chapter in Raising Rainbow for some reason.:unsuresweetie:

In fact, when Surprise wrapped hers around the handle, she still had enough room to add another half a hoof. Not thinking about the size, however,

Their hooves touching there would be pretty cliche. Say, has Surprise ever been with a pony before this?

When the hour grew late, the elder sibling made an attempt to sneak out, but was caught by his younger brother. After some convincing, Rainbolt was allowed to sneak out alongside his brother, who made his way to a friend's house.

Th-That's good. Boys will be boys, and what boy doesn't want to not get into trouble with his older brother? It's good to see the two of them getting along in such a normal way.

It's bad for you and stuff...


And, you know, mean sexy and stuff. Not just pretty...

I think sexy, pretty, gorgeous, attractive, and similar adjective are interrelated, jumping from one to another is easy.

From what his brother had told him, he was giggly, chatty, and very loud-spoken when he got drunk.

I get rather talkative an lose my sense of time.

"Well, what's the worst that could happen?"

He could fly away to find Firefly and us his D knock some sense into her. Or Mrs. Skies. Or Surprise.

"I don't know... I could die or something."

I wanted to say that, but it sounded like low fruit.

"You only live once, right?"


"How's it taste?" Surprise asked hopefully.

It's vodka, it burns.

"Good. I mean, he still has a lot to learn, but he's doing well."

I told you he was going to be a good father. I bet Blue Moon likes him more than mommy.

"Yeah. I read it in the newspaper. Apparently, one of the biggest peanut farms in Equestria was seriously flooded."
"Oh. Well, that sucks."

Have we forgotten who directs how much rain each region in Equestria gets? Remember when rocks prices skyrocketed years ago? That was Rainbolt's fault.

"No, you're sweet!" His torso sprung up and he looked at the mare. "I mean, like, sugar is sweet, and we use it to describe ponies, but like, did it mean nice or sugary first?" It was then, Rainbolt smiled widely. "Oh my gosh! I usually leave that stuff in my head! It just came out! Like, I don't know! I just like talking!"

That's me, right there. Something tells me he's going to see how sweet she is soon...

I don't know anypony who's ugly. I just think we're all pretty and stuff."

Ponies are made to be aesthetically pleasing. Big eyes, smooth fur.

"I can't hear y-"

Quit trolling her.:trollestia:

"No, I am attracted to you, but... I don't know..."

"Maybe once the author finishes Raising Rainbow, she will make us be together."

"Yeah..." Rainbolt blushed heavily. "You-You have nice lips..."

Go! Go! Go! Go!

This time around, Rainbolt took action.

And with that, he's waking up next to her in the morning.:yay::flutterrage::yay:

"Well.... H-how comfortable would you be going to my room?"

For kissing? <Dr. Evil voice> Kissing. Riiight.

Oh my gosh! the white mare thought excitedly. I am totally going to get laid!

Yeah you are!
So, is drugging Rainbolt and Moonstruck the only way to get them in bed? I hope their mother could seduce their father through simpler, less devious means.
Whoo, that was a fun chapter. This takes place a few years/months after Blue Moon's birth, but I'm guessing it's not canon for Raising Rainbow? That's disappointing. Wow, I made this comment a loong one.

5011952 Ah, articunos, I love reading your comments. Also, this event isn't canon with Raising Rainbow. I added in dialogue, memories, and other things to make it seem like a realistic chapter, though. The only things that were canon are the cabinet (which you seem oddly fond of), the memory between Rainbolt and Moonstruck, and the comments Rainbolt made about Blue Moon, Mrs. Skies, and his brother. Also, there's something else canon in the next chapter, that's a little bit odd (but fun). Glad you're enjoying it. :twilightsmile:

I've felt really nice tonight. I usually don't feel this good...

It's about to get a lot better.

As the two continued, their hooves wrapped more tightly around one another, which brought their bodies closer.

<heavy breathing>

"I haven't felt like this since Firefly..."

Girls don't want to hear that, but this is a case where it's okay. Edit: Okay, that's exactly what she wanted.

the medium-sized bulge emerging from his sheathe.

It's no big deal. It's actually kind of cute

That's either very good, or very bad bad Surprise, make sure he knows the context.

"I just thought you'd think I was raping you or something..." he admitted with a blush.

Yes, having a penis means you are going to rape her.

"Oh, come on, Bolty! I think we both know I'd be more likely to rape you!"


"N-no. Not if you didn't want me to..."

Kinda defeats the purpose of rape Surprise.

"Well, I mean... we could. I'm a twenty-nine year-old virgin... I wouldn't mind it at all."

Aww, that's so sweet!:twilightsmile: That answers my question. Now hammer him like a nail.

At the moment, he felt as though the mare's needs than his. He knew what sex felt like, but she hadn't the slightest clue.

Wait, he's doing this to teach her? But, she wants it so he can return her feelings...That's sad...:fluttershysad:

So, uh... How do we, you know, get started?"
"I dunno." Rainbolt shrugged. "What do you want to do?"

Don't really know why I expected these two banging to know what they were doing.

Sexy Stallions Weekly

Wow. It sounds classy, but clearly it's not.

Rainbolt begged beneath his breath, secretly hoping he didn't seem like a jerk for letting his horny side take over.

Oh no, his sexual side he has no shared with anyone in ten, eleven years, wants something specific from her. What a terrible person...:ajbemused:

"Your cum tastes like my momma's french fries..."

Okay! That's it for me! I'm done!

"How's it taste?" she asked playfully.
"I-I donnu..." Rainbolt pressed his tongue to the top of his mouth and swallowed the sticky substance. "Weird."

Surprise, oh you!

The inside was damp and dark like a cave,

Da na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na, Batman!(I'm sorry! I really am!)

Her cute, drenched g-spot was throbbing in pleasure.

How would he know? It's inside. On the front wall, right above(or below) the skeins gland(that's pretty good too).:rainbowhuh:Don't ask!

"H-how close are you?" Surprise asked.
"I-I don't know..." The stallion bit his lower lip as a hot surge of pleasure ran through his veins. He then opened his mouth and let out a steamy breath. "Soon..."

Oh, that's great. You getting bored already Surprise? I see how it is.

If she'd been on the pill, there was no doubt in his mind he would have filled her precious pussy to the brim with cum.

Responsibility's a bitch like that. He could have gotten lucky and missed, but we all know his(and brothers) fertility track record.

"I don't know. I forgot to go to work." It was then, the stallion giggled at the thought. "I don't even like work."

Eh, buck it.

"I love you, too, Surprise..."

Do it, do it, do it, do it!
This was good. The foreplay was more clopworthy than the main event, but that's not a bad thing. Also, I felt the dialogue afterwards was much more natural and relaxed than most clop pillow talk. Now for the epilogue, please put them together, even if it's slow to grow...
4994709 I'm pretty sure he's twenty-nine.

"Well, I mean, we sort of had sex."

There's no 'sort of' about it.

"I kept hearing things!"

Did not expect that.:rainbowlaugh:
5012137 Yeah, I've been noticed! I guessed this wasn't canon, which is too bad. Ah well. It was still a good ride. If you ever do want him in a canon relationship, I still cast a vote for Blueshift.:rainbowkiss:Because shut up.
Teeheehee, I wonder, if Rainbolt showed up in Ponyville one day, after twilight meet her friends, which of Rainbows' young, single, beautiful friends would appeal the most to him? Orange tree kicker perhaps? :rainbowderp:Get your hooves off my daddy! :ajsleepy:Can't sugar, he started it. :raritywink:We all saw it, that's not true.:ajsmug:Yeah, your right.

Hmhm... Quite.

Dat last part.

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