• Member Since 30th Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen Jan 22nd, 2017


Pegasister going to school for Creative Writing.


Inkscape is a unicorn from Canterlot. She writes for a living, and usually enjoys her work, but the publishers are really laying it on hard, asking her to change her writing style to reach a wider market. With a little help from her agent, Critical Eye, she manages to get some time away in Ponyville to re-find her inspiration and rid herself of the worst case of writer's block she's ever experienced. However, she may have stumbled into more than she bargained for, when she ends up lodging in the spare room of Princess Twilight's library. She is quickly noticed by Twilight's friends, and given a traditional Pinkie Pie Welcome.
But the summer grows warm, even at night, the heat is sweltering, as if the sun never sets. Twilight, ever studious, hits the books, and discovers an ancient magic, older than the Princess Sisters themselves, that now threatens to overthrow the Equestrian Empire. Slowly rooting itself in the Equestrian leader, Celestia finds herself in danger.
The Mane Six leap into action, but could a normal unicorn writer do anything to help her new friends, or will she just have to sit on the sidelines and be forced to watch the world burn?

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 13 )

Even writing, though an art, was a business, and businesses, especially those in Canterlot, wanted to expand their profit margins.

She should get into self-publishing. :rainbowlaugh:

Every plot scenario that came into her head had to be dismissed, because she realized it sounded too close to a movie she had seen or a book she had read.

Ain't that always the way? :pinkiesad2:

“Well, if quiet is what you’re going for, Ponyville is definitely the place for you.

Apart from all the times it's teetered on the brink of disaster. :trixieshiftleft:

daffodile sandwich


“My publishers have been on my case, because they want me to start focusing my writing on books for older ponies, but it seems older ponies like what I’m writing now.”

"If it's good, they will come." Whether it be a children's book, YA or meant for adults.

Not a unicorn, and alicorn!


She started using scientific terms that Inscape hadn’t heard


The pink pony screamed over her shoulder to 4 other ponies.


“It’s you’re Welcome to Ponyville Party!”



Rainbow Dash.

Colour me intrigued. An enjoyable story, with a patient build-up, and an interesting character in Inkscape. :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by hailspider deleted Aug 30th, 2014

4926929 Thank you for pointing out those mistakes. Sometimes, when I really get going, I type too fast. :pinkiegasp:


You're welcome. Good luck with the future. :twilightsmile:

4927009 And the group is the Ink Spots! Haha! That is just too perfect.

My favorite novel of is

Of yours.

Twilight had said in return to her objections.

Over or Despite her objections.

Inkscape had never seen such a quill. She hovered it before her, as they made their way back in the direction of the library, mesmerised by it. “I have never seen a quill like this before. Thank you, Twilight.”

Drop one or the other.

He made my the best pancakes


I think it may be a good idea for me to get a pet of my own.

Don't really need the of my own bit, especially because it's a repetition of the previous line.

Good stuff. Can't wait to see how this progresses when we get to the palace. :twilightsmile:

4952631 Oh, thank you again for your proof-reading. :)


You're welcome. I'm really enjoying this story. :twilightsmile:

The lack of double-spacing between paragraphs is not just a little frustrating. It makes the story feel like a wall of text, which is by no means a good thing.

I find Inkscape's excitement about getting a vacation from writing to be a bit confusing, but only because I, for one, relish the endeavor of writing and can't imagine why I'd want to take a vacation from it. Also, now would be an appropriate time to point out that the fastest, easiest way to get people to raise their eyebrows and start second-guessing what they are reading is to name the main character with your own pen name.

This show features Twilicorn, so at the very least Season 3 has come and gone. So after three years of MLP, the rest of Equestria hasn't figured out that Ponyville isn't a source of quiet and calm? Every time this gets brought up in a story, I find myself highly amused.

I just saw dialogue from two different characters in the same paragraph. Never do this.

Aww, Pinkie's surprise party was disappointing. I expected half the town, not just the Mane 6.

Okay, to be honest, I'm pulling my punches right now. I see a lot of plot and flow issues (my specialty), but I also see no small number of stylistic problems. It seems you're stuck in tell-mode, which in this community isn't a good thing. I hate the 'show vs. tell' lesson and don't want to hit you on the head with something that intensely frustrates me every time someone hits me over the head with it, but I will say that you need to find an editor who can point out your telly lines so you can start working on phasing them out of your writing. For me it's not all that big a deal, but for the most critical literary organizations on FIMFiction, this alone is enough to disqualify you from their attention. I know guys who would have stopped reading by the end of the third paragraph.

For me, I think the biggest issue of this first chapter is that your focus is all off. You spend a lot of time describing who Inkscape is, about Canterlot, about her journey to Ponyville. Luna's appearance in her dreams felt not only forced, but just tacked on without any fanfare. This is a mistake. Luna's arrival in the seemingly unknown Inkscape's dream should have been a big moment, huge. You didn't devote any time to what easily should have been the single most important scene in this entire chapter, and because you didn't nobody's going to be holding their breaths in suspense. The amount of attention you put in something will be reflected in the amount of attention your readers give it. In the end, this chapter really didn't tell me anything about what this story's about or even provide a strong hook, and that's not a good thing.

These were the two most glaring elements of the story that bothered me. There were plenty of others, but I'm not going to take up all your comment space naming them. I recommend a strong editor who will be willing to go through your story paragraph-by-paragraph and line-by-line and point out the telly narration and where you're losing focus. A little more grammatical know-how would help, too.

4987181 As always, I appreciate the feedback, :twilightsmile: Yes, this is one of those cliche fics about my personal OC. It most-likely will not be a fantastic literary feat, nor my best work. I have recently taken on an editor. My biggest weakness are comma splices. :facehoof: You'd think four years in a university would have beaten that out of me by now.

No, no, no. The hook should have come with the last chapter when Luna showed up. If you don't draw them in within 5,000 words, odds are good you won't draw them in at all.

I have no intention of beating a dead horse (opening line aside), so I'll point out a couple new things that I see causing problems.

Your descriptions get a little long-winded at times, and every now and then you offer details we really don't need. Take the shop clerk; unless you intend for him to be an important character later in the story, there is absolutely no reason to go through the trouble of describing him. We don't even need to know his basic colors. He's the store clerk, and that's enough.

The nachos insert is another glaring example. Why is it there? What purpose does it serve? I get it, you wanted to add some extra touch of character to Inkscape, but does her love of queso really have any bearing on anything at all for this story? You could have easily revealed this as an one-liner in the journal or in the last chapter during her "Welcome to Ponyville" party instead of wasting 67 words of our reading time.

Other examples:
Actually showing how she signed the book for the clerk.
Just saying she signed the cover would be enough.
The entire journal entry.
It tells us everything we already know and is therefor extraneous. Just set the scene of her writing in it in general, or with a few lines of self-reflection on the day. We don't need to re-learn everything that we just read one chapter ago.

Hey, I spent ten years in college and I didn't get commas until I joined this community (and many would say I still don't). So yeah, don't feel bad about that.

If you're really lucky, you'll find a solid team of editors and pre-readers to help you improve. Over the last year and a half I've grown phenomenally as a writer, and it's all due to the people who now surround my work and hit me with continuous feedback, something I never had before in over 20 years of writing. You'd like to think English teachers are helpful, but in truth I think that English teachers get so excited when they finally get a student with potential that they forget to be critical. Or at least that was my experience.

Don't let the lack of attention get to you. I was in the same boat when I first got on here. Keep writing, improve your work, get help. The more work you put into it, the more attention you'll receive. Unless you write something that caters to the ignorant masses, it is a long and slow climb up the ladder, trust me.

Oh, and try no tot let the Feature Box get to you; 90% of the FIMFiction community wouldn't know literature if it came up and slapped them in the face, and thus a lot of really bad material tends to get put on a pedestal. So try not to let it get to you when the 10,000th "Rainbow Raises Scootaloo" grammar abomination gets featured.

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