• Member Since 14th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Jul 28th, 2019

sci-fi fanatic

I love the humans treated like animals fanfiction. My favorite characters are twilight pinkie pie applejack and fluttershy. The others are good too these are just my favorites


Alessandro was used to moving around places. But when he moved around, it was always of his own free will. Being a human is tough in this world. He didn't know the pony language, only the language of humans. So what happens when he's captured by ponies, and meets a beautiful, yet sly human girl?

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 10 )
Comment posted by lady Phoenix deleted Aug 30th, 2014

I would suggest using paragraphs in chapter one, and try posting this into a group called "Your human and you" so you can get more views. Just food for thought

Thanks :pinkiehappy: I'll keep that in mind

Please bear with me on some criticisms (this is supposed to be advice, not hate):

First, that Title is awful. It needs commas and capitals.

Lyra Hlarings

You mean Lyra Heartstrings?


Should be Capitalized. (this isn't the only instance, I spotted "twilight" and some others)

Alessandro was always on the move, from the day he was born, right in one of the great forests of Equestria, well, just a few minutes ago.

This makes it sound like he was born, well, just a few minutes ago.

As of now, he rested his back against a tree, because, he was, as some people say, plum tuckered.

As of now, this sentence, as some might say, well, has a lot of commas.

No matter how hard he tried, be couldn't.

*he couldn't

Unknown point of view
Blah Blah blah blabla blah
Back to Alessandro's point of view
The ride was a very long, suspenseful ride. Wherever they were going, it must have been far. He was so nervous, that he could barely breathe. After a long time, he finally decided to take a nap.

That... ruins the mood. It jerks you out of the story. You should probably just use a break, and make it clear when you go back to Alessandro's PoV by saying: "The ride was a very long, suspenseful ride for Alessandro. Wherever they were going, it must have been far." or something like that.

in his[ old home.

A wild bracket has appeared!

Two things with that last paragraph
1. It should be multiple paragraphs. Make a new paragraph every time the character speaking changes.
2. I think you forgot to turn the italics off.

Other than that, interesting story.

4928570 Thanks for the advice. As with Lyra Heartstrings, I don't know what happened there, I didn't mean for that to happen, I must have been in a hurry or something. I will try to go back and correct everything, thanks for pointing these things out to me, I really appreciate it. I will try to go back and correct these mistakes, and maybe make the story more enjoyable for everyone. Again, thank you :twilightsmile:

not bad as a basis, but must improve with time

hmm not bad in this one

I really like this. Good work!:twilightsmile:I would like it to have longer chapters, but that is you're choice, not mine.

A bit fast, also might need some more details about his "escape" attempts :twilightsmile:. The fact that he forgot about the knife untill several attempts is somewhat disturbing :twilightoops: as I imagine he would try all his options to escape and to simply forget such an important asset seems half assed in my opinion, as if he were not really trying :trixieshiftright:. It would look better if you added that he forgot about the knife due to exhaustion or if you changed it to that the knife was taken from him and he managed to remove his bindings by himself or something :rainbowdetermined2:. But that is just my opinion like the idea soo far and will keep Reading but please remember that in a story details are literally Everything and it is Always better to have to much than to Little :pinkiesmile:, remember to pace yourself and to fill out the story cus as it looks now it is like a starved husk that is simply begging for more :fluttercry:.

I wish you luck and hope you have a good day :moustache:.

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