I'm a warrior of Flagclan, and I do not believe in killing (Part of my softness for people). Feel free to talk to me whenever. Thanks! :) {And I'm a girl. Peeps usually think I'm a boy}
Lilac was just a normal unicorn. She was a little supersticious, believing in karma, demons, and of course zombies. When a report on the news talks about the starting of the zombie apocalypse, she heads straight to her attic for protection. She had just prepared for herself, but soon she has to take care of the main six and her best friend, Zapper. She could leave them on the streets, but they have food, which is good enough for her to let them in.
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You need to pace your stories, I feel like its moving to quick
I usually move it quickly in the first chapter, then I slow it down. When I write, I try to write quickly because.....I don't know, I just move it quickly. I will try to slow it down though in the next chapters. Thanks for voicing your concerns.
4920173
4920211 Ok, also try to see if you can add more details, not trying to ask to much but if you can, that would be greatly appreciated
Okay I'll try my best. I'm kinda of amateur so I'm not very good. Hence why I'm looking for an editor lol. Thanks though for the advice, and feel free to tell me about any other problems.
4920236
A blue pegasis walked towards the large gate... That should be pegasus
He caulked his ears as he heard his name. That should be cocked.
He coughed as the arm chocked him. That should be choked.
If felt warm and sticky, flowing down his side. It
There was no windows, only her large supply of; candles, matches, water, canned food, and clothes; and a cot for her to sleep on. Was should be were and I don't think you need the semicolon. I think its fine without anything.
She knew that could never happened... That should be happen because it isn't past tense.
I read the author's note but edited anyway. Do you have a kik or something so you can tell me when you updated a story?
4934919 I'll try to remember to tell you. I know that if you favorite the story, it'll tell you when it's edited I believe, but I rather just tell you so you don't have to Fav a bad story.
4937499 Hey, I just read your comment to The_Average 1661. Writing quickly to draw readers in is a good strategy, but I didn't think it was too fast. On a scale from one to ten, with 10 being the fastest, I would give it maybe a 6.5. I think it was a good beginning so far, but I think this would be a good first chapter instead of a prologue. I think that for a prologue, this had too much action. I also think that a little back story of Lilac and Zapper could be nice. Also, some pacing could be nice, slowing and speeding up the story periodically to build suspense. Also I think that there wasn't enough panic for the apocalypse.