• Member Since 23rd Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Aug 5th, 2022

Barix123


Ask and you shall recieve.

Comments ( 15 )

Damn, that was disturbing ...... Just like me :derpytongue2:

I felt like I had to decipher what the heck I was reading and the plot its self was pretty predictable. I think you really need ether to brush up on a couple grammar rules or get a beta (I could help a little)

Please don't take this as a insult, and have a awesome day <3

5134965 I wasn't really trying to make it awesome. This story is really just filler until I can get other updates on my work. I had this for a while but only found the time now to post it. I can see what you mean by 'predictable' though.

In general, the dialogue sounds robotic and the pacing just never grabbed my attention.

Needs a sequel or maybe a second part with Celestia walking in on Chrysalis torturing Twilight.

5138104 Sorry, I don't have any plans on doing a sequel for this one. But your more than welcome to make one of your own.

5135336
Ahh ok, I just realized that my old comment only criticized your fic, so Ima complement it now.

The premise was actually pretty interesting and the actual rape scene was done pretty well. Also the was you told it was a pretty cool way to do it :)

~Star Struck

5139963 I think the thumbs up/down meter would disagree with you. But thanks either way.

Why are random words and such bold?

5148734 'everything is centered and bolded for some reason' (bottom author notes)

The site is f***ed up.

Down voted and I see a lot of other people agree.

The use of first person narration was a tad wonky. Part of it can be blamed on the structure of the sentences, but the tense slipups did not help. And then there is the random formating. It's annoying to have random text bolded.

Wait, so, they put a ball gag on her, and she threw up through it? How does that work, exactly? :derpyderp2:

Writing characters with status conditions - gagged, blinded in one or both eyes, blindfolded, cuffed, broken limbs, et cetera - can be difficult, because you have to remember the condition for all the subsequent scenes.

Doesn't seem like this story was ever revisited to be given the editing that it needs.

10435197
Sorry to say, this story will not be revisited. It was nice but ultimately a step in getting better at writing in my own style.

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