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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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i like it
Cool a new story! Nice.
Once again, you managed to draft an interesting story. Keep up the good work.
BTW, contrast on incluidos Comet in this story, we don't see much of him after Flash Sentry.
Hehehe. Good job! Can't wait for more!
Nice story bro
I am curious to see how getting whomped by Tirek evolves into royal debauchery.
So a brand new story. on the same day you updated another story. (I wish you wouldn't do that.) But whatever, like gets this one started with it's first review:
Did I miss something when watching the finale? Last I checked, the only building that was destroyed was Twilight's home. And we saw no one in Ponyville leaving their homes during the attack, So I'm wondering what the hell happened to him.
Wow.......They couldn't even remember the first human in Equestria. That's got to hurt.
Oh yeah, this made me laugh. Although, it wouldn't exactly be a bad thing if he did find some red slippers, would it?
Okaaaaay, where the hell did that come from?
I don't know, to me he got off too easy.(but that's my opinion.)
Well shit, what the hell happened to this guy? With the injuries he sustained, it's like Jesus. What he do, walk up to Tirek and punched him in the face?*end of review*
So this new story is off to great and mysterious start. Can't wait to learn more about Connor. I also noticed that this is your first story that has Twicorn in it. While I'm pretty sure that the story won't focus a lot on her(hopefully) Please refrain from pissing me off.
So far so good, but I wish you would work on 'Tears of Fire' some more...
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
So about the anthro tag... Do the anthro ponies have human faces like on the cover or ponyish faces?
That cover art is simply delicious
Is your name Conner Rowe?
THAT COVER ART...DAMN THATS HOT
Amazing
Dat cover art...mi gusta.
4903895 (Must contain fan squeal!) Ahem, Nope. Just a random name I came up with. Why?
4903961 That's why I chose it.
Whoever diskiked this obviously has no taste or just gets on here to hate anything they can.
Where Luna damnit! Also fave and like!
4904396
I haven't disliked this story but I can understand why they might.
It's far too tell-y While also being rather inconsistent about it. There's no reason that the story should tell us Twilight is 5'8" unless A, it's important to know exactly how tall she is and B, someone is actually reading/saying those details for some reason. Nobody else got that kind of detail. Similarly, details like Pip's time in orphanages is randomly dictated to us in the middle of a completely unrelated action. This chapter is full of these things.
Then you have random, apparently pointless encounters like Discord popping in and back out. Judging by the rest of the chapter, since Discord wasn't there to bury the hatchet or to hang around and tease people, I doubt that Discord'd appearance is anything more than extra words.
And finally there are badly out of character characters like Celestia calling someone an idiot.
In my opinion the story needs work, but it could be a great little number with some quality revisions.
But there where red sun glasses!
4903801 I hope for ponyish faces, but it seems like they have humanish faces.
PS: Nice Molestia avatar
WHY is Thunderlane with Rarity?
The story is nice, but I would advise doing a full grammar check of the story.
4905281 I noticed that as well, particularly the exacting descriptions of what everyone is wearing at any given point in time, which reminded me of a trillion ( usually not very good) Harry Potter fanfics with exacting detail of everyones clothes makeup and hair.
Bucking Bronco...hmmm do i spot a Bioshock Infinite reference?
that's because he was on star trek.
I love this story!!! I can't get enough of it. Keep it coming you brilliant writer you!!!
We deal with an entire planet whose ecosystem and weather and atmosphere is constantly trying (rather successfully) to kill us every day. Yet you say humans flee Equestria and are too afraid to go there after what is by our standards the equivalent of a gunman in a mall happened? Seriously? Meh, at least it is a good fic. I just feel like punching the cowards, is all. Even with Tirek and Discord loose it is still safer than our world.
Moving out because of a timberwolf being around the house makes even less sense. They fall apart just by tripping (it literally happened in the episode with AJ fighting them when she knocked the legs off one). Besides, I'm anyone will tell you that a human reaction to a wolf skulking around a house is to either shoot it or stab it. For a timberwolf, hit it then light its remains on fire. Not move to a new house...
Some fixes
Princess Twilight Sparkle paced back and forth in her new castle.
“Twilight, it’s so good to see you again.”
“No, nothing's wrong Princess.”
Connor was an average looking man, with dark brown hair to match his eyes.
He had a slim exterior clinging to his toned, muscular form.
Since the portal opened up, Equestria’s technology department was booming.
“That right, Comet?”
number one assistant was indisposed.
- "Indisposed of" is usually used to reference a cause of being unwell in some manner. Ex: She was indisposed of a fever this morning, and couldn't make it. He is yet indisposed of his fall from grace, and cannot bear to show his face in public.
As he put his shirt on, he saw the scar he got from the Tirek incident. A large circular scar at the center of his ches
As he put his shirt on, he saw the scar he got from the Tirek incident: a large circular scar at the center of his chest. He put a hand over it and bit his lip as he thought back to that day.
His friends were fighting for their lives, while he could do nothing. He’d never felt so helpless in his life.
He set his feelings aside, and grabbed a cane he had in his closet.
He was donning a black shirt depicting a skull crossed with two swords, and jeans torn at one knee.
- Although pretty much correct, putting "with" twice so close together makes it awkward to read
“Connor!” He said, as he ran up and hugged him.
“Good. Where ye be off to quartermaster?”
Heading to the Bronco, captain.
“I’m well, your Highnesses.”
- Your Highness is capitalized as a form of respect
- Another? wheres the first?
“Need something, Discord?”
“What? I can’t just pop in and say 'hi' to my friends?” He asked, as he floated in mid air and summoned a glass of chocolate milk.
- the ' mark can be used to make quotes within quotes
opened it and saw
- (There was an extra space, in case it isn't obvious at a glance)
“Caramel found it after we got you to the hospital, and forgot he had 'till two days ago.”
5535520 a few!?! I'd hate to see what a lot are...
“Yes! No, red slippers!” The six mares looked at one another in confusion as he stood back up. He turned and froze as he laid eyes on the six mares. A long silence fell between them.
I laughed reeeeeeeally loud at this part and my mom asked if I needed to talk to the "mind doctor" and see if I could get a "huge jacket" sooooo..... Yup.
Caramel I have not found a word that can describe your stupidity
Lose the comma between "no" and "slippers". It is confusing.
5225331 Well if you're dealing with helicopter parents, or people who move to a new world but are scared of what's in it... They're still pussies, but at least they have a half decent reason to be pussies
She became an alicorn before she got the castle!