The morning sun rose with a brilliant light that reflected off the dew that covered the grass. All across Ponyville, ponies began to awaken from their restful slumbers to start the day. Homes all across the town became filled with the noises associated with weekend mornings: the sound of alarm clocks ringing, of cereal hitting glass bowls and the pouring of milk, the sizzling of hay bacon strips on the frying pan, and of course the thud of ponies hitting the floor when they fell from their beds as they tried to rise.
A beam of sunlight shined through the window of a two-story home in the peaceful town, assaulting the still-sleeping eyes of a dark-brown unicorn stallion. Tacitus groaned slightly as he opened his emerald-green eyes and looked at the clock on the nightstand. Deciding now would be as good a time as any to get up, he stretched his back and his forelegs high into the air before heading to the bathroom to brush his teeth and comb his unkempt obsidian mane.
After finishing up in the bathroom, Tacitus went back to the nightstand beside his bed and put a gray and black flat cap on his head and wrapped a green and black plaid scarf around his neck. The cap and the scarf had belonged to his father and mother respectively, and he hardly ever took them off. His parents had died of illness almost a month ago, so the two articles of clothing meant a great deal to him, for he felt that they kept his parents close.
His parents’ deaths had affected him greatly; he had been constantly depressed and had given up hope of ever loving or caring about anypony ever again. That all changed when Tacitus met them. Six ponies of Ponyville had made it their mission to help Tacitus. Although he had initially resisted their attempts, he had finally broken down and told them his story. When they heard his tale, they had all embraced him and comforted him. They told him that they would be there for him and would take away the hurt.
No one had ever been as kind to him as they had been, and they had made him see that friendship is worth any risk, and that the pain of loss can be healed with true friends and with happy memories. He no longer mourned their death, he celebrated their life. He considered himself the luckiest pony in Equestria to have friends like them. He was happier than he’d been in a long time thanks to them.
As he finished putting on his attire, he picked up the photo of his parents that he kept by the bed. He smiled at it and kissed the picture.
“Love you guys,” he said as he placed the picture back on the nightstand.
He went downstairs and made himself a pot of coffee and a bowl of cereal. While he enjoyed his breakfast, he levitated a package that had been delivered late last night- the mail pony was almost always late with her deliveries- and began to open it.
The address said that it was from the History Museum in Canterlot. Before he moved to Ponyville, Tacitus had arranged with both the museum’s curator and the administration of Equestria University, where he had taught as a professor of history, that if any new artifacts should come in he would gladly study them and report his findings before sending it back to the museum.
Sure enough, inside the package was a statue that stood about a foot tall. It was of a unicorn dressed in armor and brandishing a gladius, a type of short sword. He could already tell a bit about what the statue was just by looking at it, but it still required further study. He smiled as he remembered telling Twilight about the arrival of the package and what it most likely contained. She was so excited when he asked if she wanted to help him study it the next day that he thought that she was going to pass out.
“Well, I shouldn’t keep her waiting.” He gulped down the last of his coffee before putting the statue in his saddlebag along with a few books before heading out the door.
The sight of the town now fully awake and busy was beautiful to Tacitus. He had come to love this town in the three weeks since he moved here, thanks in no small part to the fact that it was home to ponies he was glad to call friends. There was just something so soothing and peaceful about the town, like it was just a perfect paradise. To him, it was.
As he walked, he caught sight of something flying above him, if you could really call it flying. It looked more like a series of dips, falls, unnecessary turns, and just all-around ditzy movement. It looked as if it was flying while drunk. Tacitus knew exactly who it was.
“Good morning Derpy!” he called from below.
Not a moment later, a gray mare with crossed eyes wearing a mail delivery uniform crashed at his feet. She sprang up and seemed unaffected and she looked at him with a goofy smile.
“Hey there Tacitus! Sorry again about the late delivery. At least I didn’t break it. I didn’t break it right?” She looked at him with some concern.
He gave her a reassuring smile. “No, you didn’t break it. And as long as it gets to me, I don’t care if the mail is late.”
She wiped her forehead. “Whew! That’s a relief. I’m getting better at not breaking stuff. Hey! Do you want to get some muffins later?”
If there’s one thing he knew about Derpy, it’s that she loves muffins. “Sure, that sounds great. Meet me at lunch?”
“Sounds good to me. Mmmmm… muffins.” Drooling, she took off shakily back into the sky.
Still smiling, Tacitus shook his head slightly as he watched her go. She was a little off, but she had a good heart, and that was all he cared about.
As he continued to walk, he reflected on how many friends he’d made since moving here. He’d gotten to know many of the residents of Ponyville in the last few weeks, thanks to Pinkie (who seemed to know everything about everypony) and her amazing parties. He’d never imagined having any friends at all, let alone a whole town of them. But the ponies of Ponyville were all just so kind and friendly that it was impossible not to be friends with them. It truly was a paradise for him.
The street was filled with ponies he knew, and he waved to many of them, but he stopped at the sight of two foals running together through the street. One was a tan earth pony filly with curly red hair and pink eyes behind big blue glasses. She had a cutie mark of two candy canes joined together in the shape of a heart. The other was an earth pony colt who was much smaller than the average foal. He had a white coat with brown spots and a brown mane. His flank bore no cutie mark.
He smiled at them and waved. “Good morning Pip Squeak, Twist.”
Pip Squeak looked at him. “’Ello Mr. Tacitus. We’re going to the Cutie Mark Crusader meeting. Are you coming?”
Twist spoke up. “Yeah, it’s gonna be fun.”
Tacitus chuckled. “Not today, unfortunately. I have to go see Twilight. I promise I’ll make the next one though.”
“Okay Mr. Tacitus. We’ll see you on Monday,” Pip called as he and Twist resumed their trot and went past him.
“Don’t forget your presentation on the history of Saddle Arabia is due Monday!” he called to them as they sped off.
“We won’t!” they both called back without looking back at him.
Tacitus had become the assistant teacher to Ms. Cheerilee at the schoolhouse the first Monday after he’d moved to Ponyville. He taught history while Cheerilee taught everything else, although she was helping him branch out and begin to teach different subjects. He had been nervous the first day, but the students had welcomed him with open arms, especially after Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo told them how Tacitus had saved them from Timberwolves. He laughed as he remembered Pip Squeak drawing him with a cape and mask like he was a superhero. Once they had gotten to know him, they had taken to him even more.
He loved teaching at the school and he loved all the students, although two fillies named Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon had needed some disciplining for bullying. Although he loved all the students, he had to admit to himself that Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo each held a very special place in his heart.
From the moment he met them, they had left an impact on him. They were the first ones he willingly opened up to without any fear, and he was terrified when they had gone missing. There was just an unexplainable connection he had with them, one he could only think to compare to a big brother. Their determination to work hard and never give up in their quest to discover who they are greatly impressed him, and he had even helped them in a few of their pursuits. He was especially glad he was with them two weeks ago when they tried to get cutie marks as demolitions experts. Where they got that much dynamite, he would never know.
He continued on his journey for a few uninterrupted minutes before another set of familiar faces came into view. Mr. and Mrs. Cake, along with their young twins, were buying some ingredients from the local market. Tacitus had learned that they owned the sweets shop Sugar Cube Corner, where Pinkie lived and worked.
He waved to them. “Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Cake. How have you been?”
Mrs. Cake gave him a warm smile. “We’ve been wonderful. Thank you for asking. And thank you again for taking care of the twins last week when Pinkie was out of town.”
Now Mr. Cake spoke. “Yeah, you did a really good job with them. Would you be willing to watch them again if Pinkie isn’t available?”
Tacitus internally flinched. Like his mother, Tacitus loved foals, and Pound and Pumpkin were no exception, but he was still reluctant to look after them alone again. They were, without a doubt, the most difficult foals he’d ever met.
Pumpkin was a prodigy with magic. Tacitus nearly had a heart attack when he couldn’t find her anywhere in the house, only to realize that she had cast an invisibility spell and was in her crib the whole time. And Pound was already a proficient flier. Tacitus had collapsed in exhaustion after chasing him around the house to put him in the bathtub.
By the time he had put them to bed, he was exhausted, sore, and covered in all manner of filth. He shuddered at the memory, but then laughed to himself as he remembered playing peek-a-boo and other games with them. He was convinced that their giggle was one of the sweetest sounds in the world.
As if sensing his thoughts, Pound and Pumpkin began giggling and extending their tiny hooves out to him. That eliminated any doubt in his mind on what his response would be.
“Absolutely. Anytime you need me.” He smiled at the two infants and made a funny face that would have made his dad proud before continuing on his way.
He hadn’t walked far before he saw one of his more recently made friends headed in the direction Tacitus knew led to the town’s hospital. She was a zebra who was adorned with strange golden jewelry and an even stranger symbol as her cutie mark, and she carried a saddlebag filled with jars and vials that were themselves filled with different colored liquids. He caught up with her to greet her.
“Good morning Zecora. In town to sell some potions?”
She met his smile with one of her own. “A fine hello to you too. And yes, I’m here to sell my latest brew. With so many ponies getting sick, I thought my potions would do the trick.”
“Well, if anyone can make a cure, you can. I’ve got to get going to Twilight’s. Have a good day.” They waved goodbye to each other as Tacitus went back to his original path.
A lot of ponies had been getting sick lately. The doctors and nurses at the hospital had their hooves full. It was probably just the flu or a virus going around. Regardless, Zecora would take care of it.
After a few more minutes of walking, Tacitus finally arrived at Twilight’s castle. The first time he’d gone there, he’d been filled with dread. The castle and its resident princess had represented everything that had hurt him. Now, his joy only grew with each step he took towards the castle, for now it represented everything that he’d come to love.
“Twilight!” he called as he entered the castle.
Twilight emerged from the throne room upstairs and teleported down to the lower level so that she was directly in front of Tacitus.
“Good morning Tacitus. I’m so excited to see this artifact! Come on, let’s get right to work!”
She led him into the library, and he was about to pull the statue out of his bag when he heard a voice come from behind him.
“Hey Tacitus. How’s it going?”
“It’s going great Spike. Twilight and I were just about to start doing some research on an artifact the museum sent me. You wanna help?”
“No thanks. I just got the latest issue of Power Ponies and I’m dying to read it.”
“Did Mane-iac escape from the Asylum again?” he asked.
“Yup, and it looks like she’s teaming up with Charlie-Horse. This is gunna be good.”
Twilight shook her head at them. “You two and your comic books. I had my fill of Power Ponies when we got sucked into that messed up world.”
As Spike went to a bean-bag chair in the corner of the library, Tacitus remembered how comic books had really started his friendship with Spike.
* * *
Tacitus hadn’t spent much time with Spike, so a few days after he had told them all of his past, he had decided to spend some quality time with him.
Spike himself was really excited, for he had never really had another male friend. However, things weren’t going well. They didn’t have a lot of common ground and there were a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, which was only broken when Spike asked:
“So…do you like comic books?”
Tacitus beamed. “Heck yeah I do! You ever read Power Ponies?”
Spike gave him a smug look. “I haven’t just read it, I’ve been in it and I fought Mane-iac herself.”
Tacitus gave him a confused look and Spike began to laugh.
“Do I have a story to tell you.”
After Spike had told Tacitus of his and the friends adventure in the comic book world, to which Tacitus responded with amazement and jealousy, they spent the rest of the day discussing their favorite stories and debating who could beat whom in a fight. All in all, it was a very fun day.
* * *
After he finished reminiscing, Tacitus looked over and saw Twilight patiently waiting for him to finally show her the artifact.
“Sorry about that. Got lost in my own thoughts.” Tacitus pulled the statue out and showed it to Twilight. “It looks to be of Roamen design, but I’m not entirely sure who it is.”
Twilight smiled excitedly. “Well then, I’ll gather all the books I have on the subject and we’ll get started. This is gonna be sooooo fun!”
Tacitus smiled at her and he began to unpack some of the books he brought with him. He opened all of them with his magic and began to read, taking occasional glances at the statue as he did so. Twilight did the same thing.
As he read, he allowed his mind to wander a bit. Remembering his time with Spike led his train of thought to recall the time he had spent with his other friends. His best friends.
He remembered when Rainbow Dash introduced him to the Daring Do series. She was only exaggerating slightly when she had called it the “most awesome book ever.” The excitement, the adventure, and especially the discovery of historical treasures really made him connect with the books. He and Rainbow would spend hours geeking out over the books and wondering when the next one would come out.
In addition to her exceptional parties, Tacitus also discovered that Pinkie was an accomplished prankster. One particular morning found him sitting at his desk at the schoolhouse, only for a very loud and rude sound to emit from where he sat. His face went scarlet as the students started to laugh, but when Pinkie stuck her head through the window, Tacitus burst out laughing as well.
He recalled one day helping Rarity design a new line of clothes. He was surprised that she had asked him for advice, but she explained that she wanted to design some clothes based on ancient cultures and that she wanted him to tell her everything he knew about “the fashion of the ancients.” Her designs were beautiful, and they perfectly represented the clothing of the Roamens, Fillystines, and Equyptions. A few days later, Tacitus returned home to find her and the others waiting for him.
* * *
“Surprise!” they all shouted as he walked through the door.
He looked around and saw that the interior of his home had been completely re-done. The walls had been painted to look like a Roamen villa, the carpets depicted ancient battles like those seen on Roamen vases, and the curtains were embroidered with ancient symbols from various cultures.
Tacitus looked around the room with his mouth agape before looking at Rarity. “What is all this?”
“I do ever so hope you like it darling. This was just my way of thanking you for assisting me with my latest line. The girls all helped too. We even managed to convert that spare bedroom into a study like you always talked about doing. It has a desk, a new bookshelf, and a filing cabinet to store all those dusty scrolls and research papers.”
Tacitus didn’t know what to say. He was speechless for a moment before he finally managed to talk again. “Thank you. All of you. This is amazing.”
Rarity embraced him with one arm. “Oh, you’re ever so welcome sweetie.” She pecked him on the cheek, causing him to blush slightly.
* * *
Tacitus was snapped out of his memory by Twilight’s voice. “Tacitus, do you have Clover the Clever’s Myths and Mythology? I think this statue might be from some legend or maybe some kind of war deity.”
“Hm? Oh, yes. I have it right here.” He picked up the book in his magic and handed it to her.
“Thank you,” she said as she buried her face in the book.
Tacitus scribbled a few notes before looking at the statue again. He was missing something. The statue was much too detailed to just depict a random soldier, but he couldn’t place who it was. There was something oddly familiar about the pony that he couldn’t place.
He went back to his research and his mind wandered again, this time to Applejack. He recalled last week’s Ponyville Rodeo and cheering her on along with the rest of her friends as she won every blue ribbon. Tacitus had even gotten to participate in the rodeo himself as a volunteer. He regretted it immediately. There was no way in Tartarus he was ever going to get in a ring with a raging bull ever again. His heart threatened to beat out of his chest when he finally jumped to safety, but Applejack was impressed that he’d managed to stay in for fifteen seconds before bailing. So that was an accomplishment, he supposed. Even still, he enjoyed spending that day with her and the others at the rodeo.
And of course there was sweet Fluttershy. She had invited him to her home to help her watch over the animals, and he had gladly accepted. The only word he could use to describe that day was: serene. He enjoyed being introduced to the animals, learning their names, and watching her communicate with them. She truly had a special gift, he thought. They shared tea and sandwiches beneath the shade of a tree and talked as the birds sang for them. It was one of the most peaceful and relaxing days he’d ever had.
And now Tacitus was here with Twilight, sharing in his passion for history. Although they were quiet as they worked, the bond between them could still be felt. Two ponies who loved history working together. He had never done research with another pony before. He had to admit, he liked it.
Remembering all these fond moments that he has had with his friends, Tacitus thought once again about how lucky he was to have met them. They had brought him insurmountable happiness. It was a good life he lived. A very good life.
Twilight looked over at him and saw the smile on his face grow wider. “Found something?” she asked.
“Not yet,” he responded. “I was just thinking about-“ He stopped abruptly when something on the statue caught his eye.
He looked closely at the cross-guard on the gladius and saw a symbol that looked like a moon surrounded by beams of light. He immediately began flipping through pages in a particularly old book before he found what he was looking for.
“I knew that symbol looked familiar. The moon in front of the shining sun is the symbol of Emperor Solarus and Empress Noctus, the last rulers of the Roamen Empire. Or second-to-last, depending on who you ask.”
Twilight came up to him and looked at the book he held. “What do you mean?” she asked curiously.
“Well, another emperor ruled after them, but he was called the Usurper and the Great Betrayer, so there are historians that don’t recognize his rule as legitimate. Anyway, I think I know who our friend here is.”
Before he could elaborate any further, they heard a loud belching noise and saw a green flash of light. Spike walked over and handed a note from Twilight. “It’s from Princess Celestia,” he said.
Twilight took the letter in her magic and read it out loud.
Dearest Twilight,
Luna and I will be arriving at Ponyville Hospital soon and request that you and your friends meet us there. Please make haste, as this is of dire importance. I fear that Equestria may be in danger once again.
Your friend and mentor,
Celestia.
“This sounds serious. Looks like research will have to wait. Come on Tacitus, we need to gather the girls and get to the hospital. You’d better come too Spike.”
After Spike jumped onto Twilight’s back, the three of them set off to gather their friends and see what new threat Celestia has discovered.
Description:
Writer:
Warning! Warning! Self-insert alert!
TACITUS HAS RETURNED AND I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER!!! *squee* But damn this story sounds exciting!
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4897648 I know that traditionally self-insert is bad, but I hope you will still give the story and its prequel a chance. I promise I stayed away from anything typical of "Mary Sues," but I understand the reluctance.
4898335 That image is WAY too funny! And yes, Tacitus IS back, and he's ready for adventure. I really hope I do this right, because I want this story to be EPIC!
4899197 Tacitus. Trust me when I say this. You are one of the best writers I have ever seen on FIMFiction so far. I did not see ANY grammar mistakes or misspellings in your first chapter. Basically what I'm tring to say is...
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I couldn't decide which one to use so I used both.
4899226 Oh my God, you just made my day You have no idea how much that means to me to hear you say that. You, my friend, are awesome as well.
4899399
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4899189
4897648 I just read all of the prequel. It absolutely breaks my heart to say this, because I actually think you have the potential to be a good writer. Unfortunately, I think Elric is right. There are some serious flaws here, mostly with your main character, who *is* a bit of a Gary Stu.
1. Tragic past
2. Dead parents
3. Child prodigy
4. Saves everyone from some gigantic threat
5. Original character with the same name as the user
You've also got another cliche, which is Pinkie Pie being the first one to meet him, throwing him a party, his determination not to make friends while everyone is determined to BE his friend, etc.
I'm linking you to another story that has all these characteristics. It's far worse than yours, but it might be useful to see the ways in which his main character is like yours and some of the plot cliches, and then you'll understand why people might not care for this. Snowflare, Pegasus of Ice. We see these all the time.
Now, what you do have here that gives me hope is some technical ability, and despite his Gary Stu-ish qualities, I found myself liking your main character a bit. I think he comes off better here, because he's already friends with other ponies and he's woven into the social fabric of Ponyville a lot better.
I hope you take this in the spirit in which it's meant, because I do think you have potential.
4905004 fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/028/a/8/you_make_me_sad_by_youryaleness-d4nxu82.jpg
But in all seriousness, thank you for taking the time to point these things out to me. I appreciate any criticism I get. I admit that there are definitely some cliches and I also admit that there is some self-insert. I hope you understand that Tacitus is based on me and I have a personal connection with the character, but I honestly wasn't trying to make it Gary-Stu. I just wanted a compelling and exciting character who had a little bit of me in him. I'm new to writing, so I'm going to mess up, but I'll strive to always improve. I hope you will continue to read this story and I hope that my evolution of Tacitus will be more impressive to you and to others. Please don't hesitate to call me out on any more mistakes you see in the future.
4905004 So I read the story that you mentioned in your comment, and after reading it, I have a few questions and concerns.
I read the comments as well as the story, and the people that commented pretty much tore this story to shreds. The like/dislike ratio was also very bad. However, my story has some of these cliches, yet my story has been getting mostly positive feedback. What am I doing that he's not doing? Why is my story fairly well received while his is fairly hated?
After reading, I have more concerns about how I will present my character in my story. He is the main character, but now I'm worried about making him seem too OP. It just seems to me that no matter what, people will hate an OC that is stronger or better at something than any of the show's characters.
I don't know if this helps, but I will say that in this story Tacitus is not all-powerful nor will he stop evil all by himself. He will rely on his friends and others. There will also be some character development when it comes to his emotions and his psyche. I want to make this character deep and believable, and I hope I will be able to bring that out in my writing.
Thank you again for your criticism.
4905744 Well, for one thing, your writing itself doesn't have any real technical problems. For another, Snowflare is better than every single one of the Mane Six at everything, except for Rarity, who is dismissed as a racist, and Pinkie Pie, who is blown off as an airhead. (Nopony insults Pink Horse. NOPONY. ) The Super-Dash alone is a giant red flag--if you have a character who is faster than Dash, there had better be a darned good reason why. Snowflare is WAY overpowered and so important that Princess Celestia has personally raised him (and evidently forgotten Twilight's name.) And not-quite-finally, there's no plot at all. Everything is directly lifted from an episode, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, or the Reflections arc of the comic books.
While Tacitus isn't overpowered, his tragic past is a bit much. Since the death of his parents seems to be critically important, maybe something else could be dropped, like being dumped by his girlfriend. He doesn't have to be a full professor in order to have written an impressive book, especially since he seems very young. The blowing off the Mane Six who desperately want to be his friend needs to be handled with care, too, but at least so far there's no romantic overtones, and that makes a BIG difference.
I find myself liking Tacitus, and maybe it's just because he's a history professor. That's unusual. I don't recollect seeing that before.
It doesn't hurt that you are gracious about criticism, instead of deleting critical comments.
Hope that helped.
4905883 Thank you once again for taking the time to answer my questions. While it might be a little late to go back and change it now, I can definitely see your point about the girlfriend and professor bit. I'll try to stick to the important parts of his personality and character, as apposed to his feats (for lack of a better word). As far as the romance part goes...I have to be honest and say that I did consider it before I planned this story. But even before you mentioned it, I decided not to give him a romance. It just didn't work well for the character and story I was trying to make. Thank you again and I hope you enjoy the story.
I noticed you posted this story in the Authors Helping Authors forum for a review. Therefore, I will try to do a review for you later.
However I noticed you said this was a sequel to another story you wrote and so I was wondering if you need that story to be reviewed? If you do I will attempt to review that one first. I will be waiting for your reply.
I can see you're trying awfully hard to avoid a Gary-Stu character situation here, and perhaps not succeeding too well. Fortunately, there's an easy answer for patching Tacitus up here:
Enjoy.
Like a bad luck lottery, simply give your character 2-4 of these traits, bring them up from time to time in the fic to add drama, and watch the criticisms melt away! Whether they apply to the real you doesn't really matter, unless you have any history with them, in which case you should be able to write those one especially well!
So uhh...hope that helped.
4906113 Please do both if you can. I love getting feedback that I can use later.
4906338 Thanks for the link! I was planning on using some stuff that was listed here in this story, plus I found a few more I could use.
4906902 Very well, I shall do a review of the prequel and see what I can do with the sequel later.
Well it's taken me a little bit to find the time to get around to reading this story but I've managed to finish the first chapter. I don't know what it is you have planned for this mysterious illness, but I look forward to finding out!
Since you asked for my opinion, I'll give what I think are points that could stand a little improvement. The first is your descriptions. I'm still learning the finer points of prose myself, but I can share what I've learned from others. When you're describing Tacitus' actions or thoughts, don't spell it out word for word to your audience. Show, don't tell, right?
For instance:
You could make the same scenario obvious to the reader, but without making it verbatim. Remember, when it comes to describing a scene, you can't always paint an image in your own head and try to relate it to your audience. Rather, leave the interpretation of what they 'see' up to their own imaginations.
Those sentences could be re-written into something like this:
Obviously this is your story, so it's written in your own style and this is more of my own, but hopefully you understand where I'm coming from. Try not to spell out what's happening, but instead, paint a broad picture and let your readers fill in the blanks. All those I've asked for advice myself had nothing but good things to say about the practice.