Guardia del Este
Reddux the Tyrant
Chapter IX
Guardia del Este
Fine glanced over his shoulder. “You are gonna stay out here, aren’t you?”
Fleur stuck her tongue out. “I don’t know why I couldn’t wait inside the fort, but yes, I’ll behave.”
He raised an eyebrow and didn’t move.
After a moment of staring, Fleur finally rolled her eyes and turned to walk inside the tent just beneath the massive wall. She poked her head out to scowl at him. “There, are you happy?”
“Never.” He turned away and walked alongside the wall. “I’ll be back in a couple hours… probably. Just think about what I said, okay?” He perked his ears for a response and received none. It would have to do.
Guardia del Este wasn’t as massive as Fine had feared. The wall, made of a sand-colored brick, rose about twenty feet above his head. It was nothing compared to the fortress at Estéril Pezuñas. Even without having seen the interior yet, Fine doubted the place would last long against a dragon attack.
Thinking of the dragons had him peering to the north, but of course there was nothing. He couldn’t help but wonder about what the dragons were waiting for. With Celestia out of the picture, what was to stop them from turning Equestria into a land of fire and brimstone? It was that kind of thinking that made him feel the urgency of his mission.
Something was keeping the dragons back. Whatever it was, he had to finish his job before it stopped doing so.
The fort’s main gate faced the west, a peculiar design choice in Fine’s mind when the road leading to it was from the south. No guards stood at the front gate, which was open and free to enter. Fine didn’t question that particular decision; the foe this place was built for wasn’t going to be entering via the front gate.
Fine paused just within the wall, slowly casting his gaze along the interior. The walls formed an open space roughly three hundred feet wide all around the central fort, which was short and broad. A large number of buildings dotted the interior of the wall, all made from that familiar brick. It was quiet, with only a few guards manning the walls. A few stood in small groups in the courtyard, mostly chatting amongst themselves and minding their own business.
Closing his eyes, Fine recalled what he knew about the place. It only took him a second to remember that he needed to find the servants’ quarters. This in mind, he trotted for the keep’s front door.
A pair of guards were playing checkers by the entrance. They glanced up at his approach and waved. “Don’t recognize you,” the one closest to the door said.
“Just arrived,” Fine replied. “Came from the city.”
“You mean Estéril Pezuñas?” He nodded. “Any news of when our reinforcements are coming?”
“Sorry guys, not a clue.” Fine studied their faces and saw… nothing. No real reactions at all. So they didn’t know about Reddux’s attack yet. Good.
“So what brings you to the fort?” The stallion made a move on the board, which earned him a muttered curse from his companion.
“Got a friend who works in the kitchen,” Fine replied. “Just coming by to visit before things get antsy.”
“You talking about the dragons?” the other soldier asked, his eyes set on the board. “Ponies are crazy. Dragons attacking, please; if you believe that then I’ve got a townhouse in Canterlot for sale.”
Fine chuckled and rubbed the back of his head. “Hey, I just go by the rumors. So, uh—” he gestured to the door, “—is it safe to go in? No big burly stallions gonna kick my flank while I’m trying to find my friend?”
“Nah, go ahead.” The closest stallion waved dismissively. “Just stay out of the center tower. The commander’s pretty stern about who gets into his ‘sanctum.’”
“Got it, thanks.”
“No problem. You gonna make a move or what?”
“I’m thinking.”
“Yeah? Well, think already.”
Fine left them to their game, his pleasant smile fading as soon as he’d turned away. Now that he knew what was considered ‘public domain’ around here, the rest would be easy. He pushed open the door and stepped in, wondering how the two would react when the army showed up with the news.
The interior of the keep was as quiet as the inside. Quieter, in fact; not a soul occupied the inner hall. Fine let the door close and went deeper, his hooves echoing noisily on the hard stone. Soon he came to a door with a new hallway curving to both his left and right. A faded sign over the door offered directions. The kitchens were to the right.
He turned left, for the servants’ quarters.
Despite the seriousness of the situation, the tension in Fine’s shoulders eased. The hallways weren’t well lit and the shadows were deep. The place was cramped and the solid stone imposing. Even the occasional torch in the walls didn’t do much to ease the gloom.
All in all, he felt right at home.
On instinct, he began to move with the shadows, his ears perked for unfamiliar sounds and his hooves moving in a rolling, smooth fashion that quieted his steps. A smile spread on his lips and he reached up to tap the knife at his throat, making it sway. Even if it was hot in the castle, he was glad to be out of the glaring spotlight that was the sun.
Not for the first time, Fine swore to himself that if he ever had a home of his own he’d build at least one windowless room of perfect darkness. It would be his own special little retreat.
His ears perked to humming. The sound made him cringe; whoever it was really needed to work on his voice… not that he had any room to talk. He spotted a half-open door and, after coming a little closer, determined that the sound was from there. Fine wasted no time approaching, poking his head around the corner.
Numerous beds – most of them of the bunk variety – dotted the room. Uniforms were discarded throughout, and every bed seemed to be its own island of property for whoever slept wherever. Clearly these were the servants’ quarters, but at the moment there was only one servant present.
Fine observed the grey coated pony, who was lying on a particularly large bed and intently reading from a scroll. Fine’s mind went over all the facts he had about this mission. One name stood out, and the red-maned stallion met the description. Feeling marginally confident, he strolled into the room.
The pony jumped to his hooves and shoved the scroll under the sheets.
“Too late for that,” Fine said.
The stallion peered at him, one hoof half-buried under the sheets. “Who are you?”
Fine straightened up, his expression abruptly as solemn as the grave. “Somepony from out of town.”
Ears perking, the stallion’s gaze only grew more focused. Slowly, he pulled his hoof from the sheets and stood tall. “And from what town, exactly, are you from?”
“The town that hides in the moonlight.”
The stallion’s face softened. “Fine Crime?”
Fine nodded. “Deep Depths.”
“You’re taller than I expected.”
“And you’ve got one odd job.” Fine let his own expression soften as he gestured to the area around him. “What the heck are you supposed to be watching at Guardia del Este? It’s in the middle of nowhere.”
“Says the pony who has been assigned to spy on dragons.” Deep Depths shook his head. “I’m investigating some unusual occurrences in the area, which I’m reasonably certain are related to our giant, scaled lizard problem.”
“I see.” Fine glanced about the open space. “Is it safe to talk here?”
“Not really.” Depths turned and fixed his sheets. At Fine’s raised eyebrow he said, “I’m supposed to be the Servant Master of the castle. Got to at least look the part.”
“Gotcha. So where can we talk?”
“And when.” Depths adjusted his uniform and pointed at the ceiling. “There’s a balcony on the west side of the keep. We’ll talk there. Not now, though; I’m scheduled to set up a meal for the base commander and his favorite cronies. Meet me there in three hours. You can get through the commander’s ‘sanctum,’ can’t you?”
Fine sniffed with a smirk. “Are you really asking me that question? And here I thought my reputation preceded me.”
Depths returned the expression. “Just giving you a chance to show off.” He started for the door.
Fine watched him go. “Would there be any benefit to me if I went around talking to ponies?”
“You can try,” Depths replied from over his shoulder, “but all you’ll get is a less detailed version of what I already know. Take a break, I’m sure you need one after walking through this heat for a few days.”
Fine couldn’t argue that point. He looked around the room, wiping sweat from his brow. Should he go back to Fleur for a while? No, he much preferred to let her stew. It would be another good test of her patience. So… what to do in the meantime?
He looked towards the dark hallway, a smile coming to his lips. He hadn’t had a good chance to practice his special talent on his own for a little while. He didn’t have his notebook and pen, but that was alright; just exploring would do him good.
He set off, wondering what dirty little secrets he could discover.
Fleur stared up at the roof of the tent, her eyelids drooping. She watched a lone string dangling from the corner, like she had for the last hour. Doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. She closed her eyes and relished the dark.
“Don’t think,” she muttered, shifting atop her sleeping bag. “Just sleep, Fleur. Stop thinking.”
She wished she could tell the time. She tossed and turned, doing her absolute best to empty her head of all thoughts. She squeezed her eyes as tightly as she could and buried her head under a fold of the sleeping bag. A few lingering seconds and she pulled it out with a groan.
At last she sat up, making sure to cast a glower at the sunlight streaming in from the front of the tent. Her eyelids were so heavy, it should be easy!
With a defeated sigh, she turned and flopped back down on the sleeping bag. How could somepony be so tired and so bored yet not be capable of sleep? Her hoof flicked at the corner of the bag as she pouted and grumbled to herself.
Time lingered. She remained immobile and fought to keep her brain as empty as possible. The world was silent; not an insect disturbed her ears. Gradually, mercifully, her body began to relax. Her eyes closed…
Something was touching her. It was gentle, rubbing slowly around her shoulder blade. She shifted, but it didn’t stop. It slowly, teasingly drifted down her back.
Her stomach tightened; the thing stopped above her tail, which slipped between her legs.
There were two of them now, gently moving to her flanks, slipping along the curve of her hips and smoothly massaging her cutie mark. She whimpered.
One of them began to migrate farther back, to move beneath her tail…. between her thighs.
Fleur jumped up with a cry and jerked about.
Nothing. She was alone. She pressed her hooves to her crotch and shivered as the sensation faded.
“D-don’t think.” She slapped herself gently on the cheeks a few times. “Don’t think about it, Fleur. F-Fine will be back soon, and you’ll be okay.”
She blinked as her own words filtered through her brain. Had she really just said that? At what point had she come to accredit Fine with safety?
She shook her head forcefully. “You’re not a little filly anymore. You can take care of yourself.” After a moment’s pause, she facehooved. “And now I’m back to talking to myself.”
She stood, wobbling a little as fatigue weighed her down, and went to the front of the tent. Pushing back the flap, she peered out. The near-barren landscape gleamed in the oppressive sunlight. It was almost painful to look at. A few shrubs dotted the horizon, but most everything else out there was cracked dirt and sand.
Abandoning any hope of finding a distraction out there, she let the flap fall and sat. When was Fine going to—
She let out a snarl and turned away, snatching one of Fine’s bags. She dug around until she found the loaf of bread they’d been sharing, ripping off a small chunk. Tossing the rest back inside, she bit into the hard stuff and had to tug to pull the piece off. She took her anger out on the bread, demolishing it in short order.
Her frustration vented slightly, she dropped back onto her sleeping bag and once again stared at the tent’s ceiling.
In fighting down her thoughts, she found them shifting to somepony she’d not thought about in a while: Fancy. Why did he come to mind? Perhaps because the tent was the same color as his mane. Yes, that was probably it.
Closing her eyes, she envisioned Fancy’s face. That dumb moustache, his lopsided smile. More than anything, she remembered the way he looked when they were trapped in that shed together. He’d been determined to protect her, even though it had been so obvious that he was terrified. And the way he tried to be supportive of her at the castle, even if he missed all her hints.
She liked Fancy. He seemed like a kind pony. It was a true shame she couldn’t rely on him, or she might have stuck with him instead of Fine. She couldn’t help but wonder…
Fleur scowled and rolled over, pressing her head into the folds of the sleeping bag for a second time.
Her words were muffled as she spoke. “Stop it, Fleur. You don’t need them. You can take care of yourself.” She used her hooves to press the fabric tight around her face. “You’ve lasted this long by yourself. Just get what Fine can offer, then run off. It’s not like either of them care.”
Silence stretched on as she lay there, breathing heavily into the sleeping bag. She tried to let her mind drift, but that only led to memories, memories of pressing herself under the bunk of a ship’s cabin and wondering where her father was; pressing herself beneath the covers and praying her door wouldn’t open; pressing herself into the corner of a building and wishing the rain would stop pelting her.
Alone. Always alone.
“You’re supposed to be.”
She pushed the thoughts away, gritting her teeth against the wetness of her eyes.
“You don’t need them.”
A ghostly something began to rub around her shoulder blade.
She whimpered.
“F-Fine… hurry up.”
Fine stared at the doorway, his horn glowing red. He strained, working the elements of the spell as best he could. If he could just figure out how all the pieces worked together…
Smoke began to form around his legs. He sensed it, knew he was closer than he’d ever been before. “Come on… come on…”
“What are you doing?”
He flinched, the light of his horn winking out with an audible pop. Jerking about, he found Deep Depths watching him from the open doorway with a raised eyebrow.
“Not a damn thing,” Fine grumbled, turning back to the door. So close…
“Looked like a spell to me.” Depths stepped in and closed the door behind him. “The door’s unlocked, y’know.”
With a scowl, Fine shoved the door open. “Yeap.” He stepped out onto the balcony, his eyes immediately drifting up to the sun. The sight of it made him cringe; it was bad enough when it was only up for half the day.
Depths stepped up beside him, closing the balcony door. “I heard what happened to Celestia.”
Fine rested his forelegs on the stone rampart and looked down at the fort’s walls.
“Nothing to say?” Depths leaned against the wall and studied Fine. “It’s a bad situation, I know, but we’ll—”
“Don’t try to talk positive to me about Celestia.” Fine cast a one-eyed glare over his shoulder. “As far as I’m concerned, she can stay asleep for a thousand years… though I do wish she’d brought down the sun first.”
Depths’ ears perked. “You don’t like Celestia?”
“No.” Fine’s eyes went to the wall once more. “And if we met, I guarantee she wouldn’t like me either.”
“Why?”
Fine groaned and threw up his hooves. “Why does everypony have to make such a big deal out of it? Out of her?” He turned to Depths. “Let’s just get on with our business.”
Depths frowned, though he seemed more confused than upset. “The Archons serve Celestia. We are her most loyal force. How can you be one of our top agents and not be loyal to her?”
“I am loyal to Equestria, not Celestia.” Fine pressed a hoof to Depths chest. “I didn’t join because I have any love for that… mare. I joined because the Archons can give me something nopony else can.”
His companion raised an eyebrow. “You mean legal victims?”
Fine felt something cold clench around his heart. He turned away with a scowl and said nothing.
Depths sighed. “You’re a scary pony, Fine.”
“You have no idea.”
“Nor do I want to.” Depths walked up beside him and stared out at the desert. “Alright, so let’s talk. I’m guessing you spent the last few hours doing exactly what I said you didn’t need to do?”
“Force of habit,” Fine replied with a shrug, still not meeting the pony’s eye. “It was good practice.”
“Didn’t learn anything about the dragons though, did ya?”
Fine relaxed as he realized Depths wasn’t going to press him anymore. “Nope. Didn’t really expect to. I’m tempted to just head out to the Badlands and get it over with.”
“I think that will be necessary, anyway.”
Fine glanced at Depths, who wore a solemn expression as his eyes turned to the north. “What have you got?”
Depths rubbed his chin. “There’s some weird things going on around here. You hear about the wife of Estéril Pezuñas’s harbormaster?”
“Yeeeesssss?”
“Somepony claims to have seen her.” Depths nodded to the north. “Or at least a pony matching her description. She headed into the Badlands.”
Fine peered at the red, sun-streaked expanse, his mind churning over this news. “Interesting.”
“We’ve also lost five soldiers in the past two months.” Depths turned his gaze upon the castle walls. “The base commander won’t even issue a search order, and keeps himself locked up in the top three levels of the keep.”
The part Fine didn’t have time to examine.
He stared down at the castle courtyard, his mind humming. He began to see things, things most ponies would miss: the two mares ‘entertaining’ one another behind the farrier’s shop, their tails just barely visible; the guard sleeping on duty near the entrance of the southern tower, leaning on the wall and chest heaving in a slow rhythm; the two stallions still playing checkers at the entrance to the keep, one of whom was within six turns of winning. The regular, analytical tik-tok of his brain.
“Is there anything in the Badlands?”
Depths peered at him. “Like what?”
“If a lone mare did run off into the Badlands, there must be a place capable of supporting life out there.”
“Right.” Depths thought for a couple seconds. “Dunno if she’d get that far, but there’s a place called Crater Lake. It’s exactly what it says on the tin, and the only source of fresh water in the Badlands.”
Fine’s eyes narrowed. “And a dragon meeting place.”
Depths cocked his head. “How’d you know?”
“Deductive reasoning.” Fine tapped a hoof on the stone a few times. “If somepony goaded the dragons into an attack, that’s the most likely crime scene.”
“So that’s where you’re going.”
“Probably.”
Depths whistled and shook his head. “That’s a five day trek into some rough country. Better make sure you’ve got the supplies.”
Fine nodded. “It’s just two of us. We’ll be fine.”
“Whoa, whoa.” Depths raised his hooves. “I’m not going anywhere. Hoofknife wants me figuring out the mystery of this place first.”
“I wasn’t referring to you.” Fine glanced towards the front gate.
“Then who?”
Fine wondered just how much he should reveal. Thinking on Fleur brought about another curious thought. He wasn’t sure he liked it.
“How long have you been with the Archons?”
Depths blinked and cocked his head. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“It’s just a question.”
“Hmm…” Depths peered at Fine, who averted his gaze. “Seventeen years.”
Huh, he didn’t look that old. Did he start young? Fine shook his head to get rid of the stray thoughts. “You ever feel like helping somepony? Like… taking on an apprentice.”
Depths’ eyebrows rose and he glanced down at the courtyard below. He considered the question carefully. “I’d say that apprenticeships in the Archons are rare and need proper approval, but given your history…” He shrugged. “I can’t say I’ve ever been tempted to, no. I’ve had two of them forced on me, though.”
Fine frowned and eyed the fort’s gate. “And? How’d they do?”
“First one flunked.” Depths leaned against the stonework once more. “I left her in Manehattan. Last I heard she was working as an officer on some cruise ship. At least she’s alive; the second one didn’t last two months.”
Fine’s stomach twisted at this news. He closed his eyes and saw Fleur as a charred stain on the wall; the sight made him shiver. “Great…”
“Hoofknife sent me your file when he said you were coming.” Depths eyed Fine as though he were a lab specimen. “Never pegged you as the type to take on an apprentice.”
“Unusual circumstances.” Fine turned to him. “Do me a favor and keep it under wraps. I don’t want Hoofknife to know I’m considering it until I think it’ll work out.”
“So you haven’t decided yet.”
Fine shook his head and sighed. “I don’t necessarily want to, but the… ‘candidate’ is proving very hard to get rid of. She might make it on determination alone. And…” He stopped himself from saying what was really on his tongue. “…she’s definitely got skills.”
Depths tapped his chin as he studied Fine. “Far be it from me to lecture Hoofknife’s personal protégé. Just make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into.”
A small huff of a laugh broke from Fine’s throat. “That’s exactly what I told her.” He shrugged off the topic. “Moving on, do you think any of the oddities here have anything to do with the dragons?”
“Yes.”
Fine blinked. “You didn’t even pause to consider it.”
“I don’t have to.” Depths gazed down at the courtyard with a grim frown. “There’s some weird things going on here. Not the normal weird. The officers are keeping quiet, and most of the regulars are too laid back and inexperienced to know something’s up, but I’ve been here for two months. Believe me, Fine Crime, somepony is planning something, and I don’t think the timing of the dragon attacks is a coincidence.”
Fine raised an eyebrow. “Any factual evidence?”
“No.” Depths stood tall. “But I can tell you this: the base commander’s my prime suspect. There’s a conspiracy going on here, and it doesn’t end at Guardia del Este.”
Fine frowned and shook his head. “So how do you know it’s related to the dragons?”
Depths sighed. “I can see that you’re the ‘stick to the facts’ type. It’s a hunch, okay? I don’t think ponies wandering off into the Badlands and towards dragon territory is a coincidence.”
With a scowl, Fine lowered his head and thought. If this hunch was right, then it couldn’t be ignored. If it was wrong, he’d be going into dangerous territory – with a foal in tow – for nothing. Yet there was nopony else to check out the situation…
“Alright.” He nodded and turned for the door. “Looks like I really am going to Crater Lake. It’s not like I really expect to find anything combing the southern forts, anyway.”
“Fine.”
He looked back to find Depths staring intently at him.
“Good luck.”
Fleur rose upon hearing the tent flap open. She rubbed her eyes frantically.
“Have you been… crying?”
“No.” She brushed the last of the tears away and refused to look at Fine. “What took you so long?”
He said nothing. After a few seconds, the bread satchel floated over to the front of the tent. Fleur sucked in a deep breath, trying in vain to push down all the terrible thoughts that had refused to go away.
“So… did you find out anything?”
“Yep.” The bag floated back to its place in the corner. “I know where we’re going.”
Fleur blinked and turned to him. Only his head and forelegs were in the tent, and he seemed more intent on eating his chunk of bread than talking to her.
“’We?’”
He nodded. “You still intend to come, don’t you?”
“Well… yes.” She lowered her head a little. “I just thought you were going to interrogate me or something. Weren’t you supposed to tell me where we’re going first?”
He studied her as he chewed. “One of my gifts is analysis. I know – from what you’ve already told me, your general behavior and your background – that it doesn’t matter where we’re going: you’ll want to follow. But, because you should know… we’re going to a place called Crater Lake, in the Badlands.”
Fleur thought on this and shivered. “So we really are going to see the dragons.”
“More like spy on them.” Fine took a moment to finish his bread, leaving Fleur to recall the horrors of Sueño. She tried to steel herself to this news, but it wasn’t easy with all the things she’d been thinking on lately. A long yawn escaped her, and shook her head to clear it.
“I hear that.” Fine began to pull out of the tent. “We both need some sleep. Let’s just—”
“Wait.”
He paused, and Fleur blushed at her outstretched hoof. What was she thinking? She wanted to take the word back, but he was already peering at her expectantly.
“I… um…”
Fleur clenched her jaw and looked away. Her stomach cut flips and her heart pattered in her chest. “I… that is… c-can you… sleep in the tent this time?”
Silence. She didn’t dare look to see his reaction.
“It’s a little small for two.”
He sounded so insensitive.
“I know,” she whispered. “I just… I…” Damn it, she was going to have to say it, wasn’t she? She was supposed to be braver than this.
Fine sighed. “Damn it, this isn’t in my job description.” She could hear him shuffling. “You want to be in the back or the front?”
Fleur raised her head high. “I’m not sure it matters.”
A hoof touched her shoulder and she flinched away on instinct. She glared at him, but his expression was no less hard.
“You can’t be a kid and an adult at once. If you need help, just say so.”
“I’m not a kid!” She bowed her head and tried to control her shaking. “I’m n-not. I just… Damn it!”
He turned his head away, never losing that hard expression. “It’s okay.”
She huffed a weak laugh. “You’re really bad at this comforting thing, y’know that?”
Fine’s head bowed. His eyes remained locked on something she couldn’t fathom.
“It’s okay to be scared.”
Fleur’s body went stiff. “I’m n-not—”
“It holds you like a chain, doesn’t it?”
She looked up at him, at his eyes. She saw the intensity in them. Suddenly, she really wanted to know what it was he was seeing.
“Fear isn’t a bad thing,” he pressed. “It’s healthy. It can consume you if you’re not careful, feasting itself on your every waking moment. Yet it can also be a weapon, a tool to remind you that you’re alive, to keep you going towards something better.”
His eyes turned to her, and she shrank back at their intensity. “Wield it or succumb to it. It’s up to you. If you want to succumb, keep telling yourself it’s not there.”
Fleur stared at him, her breath coming in slow gasps. “W-w… which one happened to you?”
Fine’s eyes narrowed. He held her gaze for some time.
Then he turned and laid down, stretching himself before the tent’s entrance. “Try to get some sleep.”
She waited to see if he would say anything else, but he remained quiet. After a while his breathing deepened, and she knew he’d fallen asleep. There really wasn’t much room left in the tent…
Trembling, Fleur forced herself to lie down, keeping her back to him. She tried to keep from touching him, but their coats brushed one another and she flinched away. She silently wondered if this was a good idea, and cursed herself for showing such weakness. Now he probably thought of her as some scared little filly…
It was true, wasn’t it?
She lingered, staring at the tent wall and trying not to think.
Something brushed against her shoulderblade. She flinched and moved back, hoping to get the ghostly sensation to stop. The motion led to her pressing against Fine’s back.
She froze and held her breath.
Fine didn’t wake up.
Slowly – so very slowly – Fleur relaxed. She closed her eyes.
Seconds passed. Then minutes. The touch didn’t come back.
Pressing a little tighter against Fine, she wondered if she should be ashamed… or relieved.
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Guardia del Este . . .
Guard of the East?
5279044
Yep, that's the name. The background is that there are six forts in the south along the Badlands, which can be considered a 'neutral zone' between Equestria and the dragons' Burning Lands. Guardia del Este is so named because it's the easternmost of these forts.
Well that was an enjoyable two hours. Really enjoying this story.
5303703
And with that, you're caught up. No worries, though; I update pretty regularly.
5303726 Yeah, scary though. I just read everything you wrote and it took something like three weeks. Oh well, where is that book on I was reading on Roman Republic Breeding Practices of its Equestrian Class.
Ah, this guy. I kinda like this guy. He seems to be pretty upstanding, for an Archon.
Good job showing Fleur isn't as all "grown up" as she thinks she is. Even so, she hasn't even totally convinced herself. And Fine may not be the best comforter, but he does wield some sagely advice, taken from his disorder no doubt.
I love me some conspiracies! I don't really have any good theories as of yet, besides the commander pony being in cahoots with Reddux somehow. Wonder how this will unfold..
I'm seeing a lot of this. Very weak sentences, and only weakening as the structure repeats itself. Lots of -ing words as well. Note that these imply simultaneous actions.
ex 1:
Did she snatch up the bag at the same time as she turned away, or after? If the latter, this structure is incorrect.
ex 2:
Did she do the ripping as she found the bread, or after finding the bread? If the latter, this structure is incorrect.
ex 3:
She bit into the bread at the same time as she tossed the rest? Plausible, but only marginally more-so than the first two.
ex 4:
This one, unlike the other three, is perfectly okay.
This is the one major weakness I still see in your writing everywhere. Split up the actions so they're not implied to be simultaneous when they shouldn't be. Don't be afraid to change up your sentence structure either. Lose as many -ing verbs as possible.
Anyway, This feels so much like a Final Fantasy story, particularly 6 at the moment, with the desert fort. I love it. I feel like Fancy is our Locke, and Fine is our Edge. Fleur doesn't quite feel like a Terra yet, though.
I want to hug Fleur and slap her upside the head at the same time. She's falling into the trap of "emotions are for the weak" she has to be tough and vigilant at all times, never trusting anyone, believing she deserves to be alone.
I hope that her "dear old uncle"
gets his just desserts before all's said and done.