Staff Meeting
"So, do you like your present?"
Different cultures have different ideas regarding what is 'desirable'. Griffins and pegasai tend to be more interested in well-toned bodies and aggressive mindsets than in anything else. Earth ponies liked hard workers who could keep going from sunrise to sunset (In more ways than one, if possible). Unicorns prefered beauty, style, and intelligence. Dragons liked their mates to be beautiful, but also to be caring, dependable, and have a compatible personality: When one has a lifespan lasting centuries, and one mates for life, all the looks in the world mean very little if personalities clash on a regular basis.
Just as there are differing ideals, there are different ways of attracting a mate's attention. Griffins and pegasai tended to put on displays (Sometimes even going so far as to perform a 'mating dance', although such displays were rare in public) that allowed the object of one's affections to see every positive aspect of their body. Earth ponies tended to be more prone to 'friendly love', that is, friendship that eventually moves on into love, often with a coworker. Unicorns tended to pursue individuals that had a great deal in terms of looks, but not much else (All 'flash', but no 'bang', as Jacquelynn had once put it, if Howe remembered correctly), although long term relationships required a little substance to compliment the style. Dragons tried their best to show how reliable they were in a variety of ways.
And then there was Jacquelynn.
Even after having seen what she really is, Howe still did not know what to make of her. He understood, in a vague way, that there were worlds outside of this one, and some were stranger than others. Jacquelynn was strange beyond strange. While Howe still had not fully deduced where all of her proverbial buttons and levers were, he had concluded, from observation, that amongst her kind, bare flesh was considered a means of gaining a potential mate's attention, and going around unclothed in public was a taboo. That was, he assumed, why she went around all the time in clothing that covered her entire body.
And it was presumably why he'd found her spread out on his bed, in his spartan living quarters, eyes half-lidded, wearing nothing but a red ribbon around her neck and a seductive smile on her face. Howe sighed internally, making certain to keep his expression neutral. While the others might have been more 'subtle' about trying to gain his attention, 'Jack' was of the opinion that subtlety was for losers.
Using a spell to gently pull the ribbon off of her neck, Howe said, "Thank you, 'Jack', I'll add it to my collection." Jack huffed in irritation, and took on a slight scowl. With a chuckle, Howe added, "I'll put it between that translucent robe and the apron."
In spite of being slightly miffed, Jacquelynn chuckled at that: The 'Naked Apron' had been her first attempt at getting Howe's attention, back before he'd figured a few things out. She'd been standing in his room, wearing an apron, and his immediate reaction was to tell her that, if she was looking for the kitchens, they were down the hall, on the right. He'd assumed she was lost, and Jack had then spent the rest of the week in a grumpy mood. When Howe had finally confronted her about it, she had admitted that it had been an attempt to seduce Howe. That was when the changeling had first realized that the maids might have had ulterior motives in remaining here, beyond the ones they had initially given...
While Jack was certainly improving her methods (In spite of his demeanor, Howe was not made of stone, and the maids here were all quite... charming in their own ways), she did not seem to understand that, regardless of where she may have been from, nudity did not have the same impact here. If he wanted to see bare skin in abundance, he could just walk down the street, after all...
Hoping to soothe her wounded pride, Howe said, "Sadly, even were I in the mood for that kind of recreation, this is not the time for it. I expect company to be here shortly: I sent Lapis to gather the others for a meeting. There are a few things I need to tell you about the new girl."
While Jack had worn a slightly annoyed expression for most of that, she perked up at that last part. A bemused look on her face, the 'unicorn' raised an eyebrow and asked, "Oh? There's something special about her?"
Howe pulled open his closet, and began pulling out a clothes hanger to place his suit: He'd take it to the laundry after the meeting, but for now, it would be good to be out of uniform after the last three days: If he'd had sweat glands, then his clothing would have been ripe, but in spite of his mostly odorless nature, the outfit was starting to pick up a slight aroma. "As far as I can tell," Howe said, plainly, "she is as ordinary as a changeling can be. However, I fear that she may have accidentally planted herself in a difficult situation." With a chuckle, he added, "Beyond having to deal with you and your coworkers, of course."
As Glace began squeezing herself into the room, with Rhonny making offensive comments about the dragon's over-sized flank in the hall, Jacquelynn admitted, "We are an eclectic bunch, I admit, but we're not that bad."
The dragon finally made it inside, and the griffin followed promptly. Lapis brought up the rear, and within short order, the four took a seat and waited for Howe to begin. They did not have to wait long.
"I fear that Aphid has a bit of a problem," Howe began without preamble. "The individual who was keeping her prisoner, one Ring Master, had a brother, a fellow by the name of Ring Leader." Pulling open a desk drawer, he picked out a thick folder, the one that Blue Blazes had show him earlier, then the changeling continued, stating, "A thoroughly unpleasant individual. He runs a considerable portion of the criminal underworld in Equestria. Contraband smuggling, sapient trafficking, and multiple counts of murder top the list of his crimes, but the full file would go from floor to ceiling thrice over. While the two were not close, they did keep in touch, and Ring Master was smuggling contraband on his brother's behalf."
Rhonny, with a snort, asked, "So, what? Is his brother likely to come after Aphid? Ice the witness and make the charges disappear?"
With a scowl, Glace said, "They try that, and I swear..." She did not complete the sentence, but the fire in her eyes made it clear that it would not go well for anyone who tried...
Howe sighed, then said, "If only our lives could be so simple. Due to the Changeling Protection Act, any crime that involves the abuse or mistreatment of changelings in Equestria goes immediately before the princesses. There's no way of bribing one's way out of that. Ring Master was supposed to go before the royalty this morning, and would have been expected to spill his guts about everything in order to save his skin, but..." Pulling out a photo from the folder, he let the girls see what had become of the former circus pony. "Someone decided to take the initiative, and silence him. He won't be testifying about anything now."
"Whoa," Rhonny said, her eyes wide as she saw the photo. "That is hardcore..."
Glace, equally amazed, asked, "He was turned into solid gold?"
Lapis, her head tilted slightly to one side, observed, "His head is missing."
Jaquelynn, irritated, said, "Thank you, queen obvious. It was probably so that no one could restore him. Odds are, it's been melted, smelted, and turned to bits by now. That's taking blood money to a whole new level." While Jack got on well with Glace, and tolerated Rhonny, she could not stand Lapis, although she would not say why. Taking in the environment of the murder scene, Jack asked, "So, was he murdered in his cell? Locked door? No witnesses?"
Nodding, Howe said, "Yes. No clues, either. It was obviously magical in nature, but there's no telling if there was someone else in the cell with him when it happened, or if it was done from a long distance. Still, it is clear that whoever is responsible has no compunctions about killing those in his way." With a snort, he added, "Odds are, Ring Master was silenced by someone acting on behalf of Ring Leader. The two brothers were not close, as I believe I mentioned earlier. While this means that Aphid is safe from being killed to prevent her testimony, there's another problem."
Pulling out another sheet of paper, the changeling double-checked to confirm the facts, then said, "Ring Leader's syndicate had a bounty out for a changeling matching Aphid's description, and had one for three moons. Alive, I should add. Ring Master appears to have been completely unaware of this, else Aphid would have been long gone. We believe that there's someone out there who wants Aphid, and they've offered the syndicate a ridiculous amount of bits in exchange for her."
Jack, an eyebrow raised, asked, "How ridiculous are we talking?"
"More than this mansion is worth," Howe stated simply. An astoundingly absurd sum, beyond the imagining of most any pony in the world.
"If they have somepony who can turn ponies into gold," Rhonny said, flatly, "then I wouldn't want to touch a single bit of that bounty, no matter how much they might be offering. Like Jack said, that's beyond blood money." While Lapis remained silent, Jack and Glace echoed the sentiment.
After a moment, Howe stated, "I intend to have one of you with Miss Aphid at all times. I will give her assignments that will ensure she does not find that strange in any way. I expect you all to be ready to react to any sort of a threat that might appear. The master of the house has given authorization to react in whatever manner you see fit to danger. I ask only that you leave someone alive for questioning." After a moment, he added, "And I ask that you keep Miss Aphid unaware that she is in any danger, if possible. She has had enough problems for a lifetime, if half of what I've read in her file is true. We do not need to add to her worries, unless it becomes necessary. Agreed?"
The four maids nodded, and Jack raised one hoof.
After a moment, Howe asked, "Yes, Jacquelynn?"
Grinning, the 'unicorn' asked, "Can I have day one with the new girl?"
Glace, glaring at Jacquelynn, said, "No fair! I wanted day one!"
"You can have the second day," Howe said, forestalling any arguments, and added, "And I am certain that Jacquelynn will be happy to bring Miss Aphid by for a visit tomorrow."
Nodding vigorously, Jack said, "Of course! I wouldn't leave you hanging, snowflake!"
Glace gave a surprisingly girlish giggle for a creature her size at that, then said, "Thanks."
Rhonny, her expression neutral, said, "I'll take third, then: I have some time off scheduled the following day, and I'd rather not spend my day babysitting her."
Howe looked over at Lapis and asked, "Any objections to taking day four?"
Her expression perfectly neutral, she said, "Negative."
Nodding, Howe said, "Very good. I'll take the fifth day, then. On day six, it will be back to Jack, and we'll keep that schedule going unless circumstances require it to change." Looking around the room, he asked, "Any other business to discuss?" After a moment, when no one spoke up, Howe said, "Very well. You may all go about your business. If there's any sort of change, I will let you know."
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NEW CHAPTER UP!!!
so is Jacquelynn a ex human?
Solid Gold and then the head removed. Talk about overkill.
Ohh boy ... Howe at the center of an unwanted harem ... Oh, Jackie; next time, try a collar with a bell on it. Even if it doesn't work, it'll be funny. Uh oh ... this could easily get messy. I LOL'ed at the "Blood money" joke so hard I snorted soda-pop out my nose. Looks like Midas is an evil bastard here ... or someone just found his spellbook. Still, turning Ring Master to gold then beheading him was a mite excessive, even if he did deserve it. I almost expected Ring Master's head to turn up in someone's bed, Godfather style. Sounds like our assassin is a well-trained unicorn mage, to teleport into the dungeon (possibly through the wards), off Ring Master in such an iconic way, then teleport out with his severed, golden head. Almost makes me think of Widowmaker. Glad the staff are closing ranks around Aphid, though I enjoyed their little tiff over who got to watch her flank first.
Ring Master's fate reminds me of a D&D campaign I was in once. Except he got turned into a rock, and the rock into some mantlepieces, a paperweight, and tiny sculptures of penguins.
We found this out entirely by accident when we tried to remove a curse from this guy with a magic-reversing item. It turned out to be an area effect. It was... messy.
"The individual who was keeping her prisoner, one Ring Master, had a brother, a fellow by the name of Ring Leader."
Well played.
4989147
or something like that.
4989147 I'm thinking angel from doctor who.
I think it may be bug? Or feature?
Why such small chapters!..
4990131
So I can post chapters more often.
4990196
It wasn't question, it was complaint about world's imperfection. I perfectly understand why, I just can't wait for next one!
Why do I get the feeling that Ring Master's head is on display somewhere instead of being melted down?
That doesn't feel any less disturbing.
4990363 Bah,Slaver scum deserves it...
4990493 Still... How would like it if you found out that gold coin in your hand used to be a living, breathing person; or the coin that toddler was holding because it made them feel like a big person suddenly came alive again in their hand.
I blame Fullmetal Alchemist for that last one. 
I'll just leave this here.
Oh hey look, a plot! Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
Jacquelynn's from another world…
Which one?
That's certainly one way to kill a guy and leave a calling card. Some sorta medusa? Are there any that can turn people to gold?
4990551 Damn it! You beat me to it. Also, author you should make the guy with a thing for gold heads named Gold Hoof. You'd get all thoses refrence points without it ruining the story. Assuming this guy is a pony of course.
Howe having an unwanted hare. Just made my day, especially because odds are Aphid wants to join in someday.
Thank god for the iPhone's define feature.
Good Story, you got a favorite out of me.
Inspirations detected: "Lord of the Rings" and "Charlie's Angels"
When I read the part of the maids trying to mate with Howe
That turn into gold then beheading of the ring master I was like wtf then
Nice chapter man
4990196 And yet... eight weeks since a new chapter went up on this.
5263562 ever heard of a writers block or something called real life? not trying to be rude ok maybe i did go a bit overboard with that last part but my point stands things happen and stall things and you can't expect them to always be writing in thier spare time
5280267
5263562
I have so many stories going on you don't even know. Feel free to read The King Is Dead, Long Live The Emperor. I will be updating this story later. I'm usually updating one of my stories every 3-4 days.
So we have the changeling equivalent of a pickpocket, going to work for a house that employs another changeling (who is a hell of a butler, let's be honest), an ice dragon, a Valkyrie, a golem and an Off-Worlder...
There is not enough popcorn in the world to prepare for this!
5280406 are you still updating regularly? I like all of your stories that connect to Mole Cricket and Aphid. I'd love to see them continue.
Five bucks says some thug sent after Aphid (it's bound to happen) ends up as Glace's lunch, or squished in some fashion by said dragoness. Paid with interest if some dry observation about "leaving themalive enough to question" is involved.
I believe I owe you some thanks. The title made me look up the poem it's from. I'm not disappointed in the slightest.
Amazing. Looking forward to more.
5629670
And that's why she is my favorite character.
Update please
6100778 I can kinda see that too, now that you mention it.
Update?
Seems obvious who is paying the mafia to get Aphid for them.
update?
Almost a year since its last update. A dead story.
4989068 60 weeks and 5 days ago.
When is the next one coming up?
6468717 no it fucking didn't give me an answer after I googled his name
More.
6206385 Lord Ant...
Whens the next Chapter out?
Update Plox?
7101849
Dryococelus Australis, the changeling's name, is the scientific name of the Lord Howe Island stick insect. Ergo, one can assume Dryococelus Australis is Howe.
Oh, damn it! I'm out of chapters already? And just as it was getting good! I love the eccentric cast. PLEASE continue this story!
4989068
*in caveman voice* You write. update story. *proceeds to make ape noises*
too bad this is dead.
No updates
Good story, would like to know if or when it gets finished though.