Luna's plan to thank the Elements of Harmony involves playing match maker. Who better for the six but colt versions of themselves. Her plan sends them to a parrel dimension to do just that. hopefully her oversight doesn't destroy her own dimension
played out in 3rd pony(person) mostly with the main six follows Luna as her plan is in the basics (other words the beginning and a little at the end)
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I want this to be good and it's slowly moving to something I like.
really spike is in it to or is it just the picture. Spike almost never gets any love.
Am I the only one slightly creeped out that near identical pairs like Rarity and Elusive would even get together in the first place? It seems... I dunno, like there's something not right with that. Not your fault though, of course, and I'm not going to bash on pairings.
As for the story, you need to edit this up. There's some technical errors floating around, and your pacing is much too fast to make the reading experience particularly enjoyable. With some cleaning up though, I could see you maybe doing something with this.
Dude u spelled sweetie bell wrong its with a ie. i think you might want to google it im not a spelling wizard. but i know their is no y.
465871 well sorry I really am new to this fandom and I didn't have access to internet when I first wrote this I just never bothered to look.
465828 yeah I'm not that big of a fan of things like that myself but I do know what I am doing just wait ok.
The idea is cool, please don't think I'm trying to bash you here, but you have a lot of run-on sentences, and you could really use a pre/proof-reader to help you clean this up; otherwise this story is kinda hard to follow. It feels like it's kinda jumping around.
465946 its cool dude dont worry about it were all humans right. unless someone out their found out how to change shape. then i think we still all the same species.
466018 maybe but my style of writing is to create questions only to answer them later
466099
That's fine, but this isn't a question of having a certain style of writing. Your story is straight up hard to follow in places and in need of proof-reading. It's one thing to create cliffhangers and bring up things that keep the reader guessing, but you haven't really done that.
Again, I'm not trying to bash you here, I like your idea. But, you need to work on the story flow and pacing.
466202 no proof readers but your also not the first to tell me these things I try
466213
Trust me on this, haha, find someone who's willing to preread or proofread your work. My first fic was a pile of CRAP, only reason anyone liked it was because they thought my idea was interesting. Someone offered to help me out with proofreading and such to rework my story into something better, and the difference is like night and day, and I learned a lot of things that improved my writing skills.
Frankly, I'd offer to help you myself, but I'm currently in the middle of a ton of work at university as well as writing my own story.
466229 I've tried but nobody is willing I'm not supposed to be writing so famiy is out and the fandom is basicaly taboo here.
Set up for story:
"The mane six decide to fuck themselves, literally."
No.
Hehehehrhrhrhehehahahaha...hajahahahaha...hahehahaHAHA....Hi eVEryPONy
Cool story, keep up the good work
Rule 63 ponies!
good so far
I like the idea of them falling for their other selves but... wouldn't they be considered narcissists if that happened?
“Rarity!” Twilight called “What are doing get in here.”
I'd edit that to "What are you doing?! Get in here!", unless the intent of that dialogue isn't exclamatory in nature, in which case drop the exclamation points.
Had to make an early note of that as it did pull me out of the story, and I'll add in more later if I see more stuff that does that.
discussion in the first place. “Well the pegusai didn’t schedule
The plural is Pegasi
Those are the most immediate, but upon further reading I noticed several other errors of a technical nature, such as grammar, spelling, and punctuation. I'd run this by somebody for proofreading. Teachers and professors usually don't judge even if you're still a closeted brony.
That said, you did give a dream possibility, but then you had another hint one sentence later. Now, this is a problem for me. If it's a dream, it was a bit pointless unless you do something with Spike having recurring nightmares, ideally with a non-literal interpretation. If it isn't a dream, then having him fall asleep and wake up one sentence later was pointless.
Just my two bits.
Don't beat yourself up: you just need to work on your spelling and grammar
467537 if you paid close enough attention I said that Twilight had enough magical energy that it fed off itself and Spike didn't fall asleep he fainted and just wanted to believe it was a dream.
I DEMAND CHAPTER 3!!!! lol
504562 wait till the 27th
Quagmire: I like where this is going, heh, heh. All right!
DARN YOU CLIFFHANGERS!!!! But I am wondering to see how the Mane 6 adjust to the parallel dimension.
Why is spike left out of these type of storys?
512459 I couldn't think of a way to make it work sorry
512534 It don't got to be shipping, but 2 spikes whould mean THE SNARK WILL BE DOUBLED
.
512557 not the point with his sleeping habits all he would do is get in the way I couldn't find a way around that
504936 lol ok
cant wait for chapter 4
why u hate spike
522221 I don't
MORE PLEASE AND THANK YOU
DUN DUN DUN
More Please!
Oh my sweet cliffhangers
Confound these cliffhangers....
Not really a cliffhanger. More of a self-hanger. Or a ceiling-hanger.
I'm a terrible person.
549824 simple pun funny me laugh hard. Not really I was thinking that life isn't all hearts and rainbows what if that really happened then I thought of something else wait for next chapter for that though
AJ x r63 dash? DO IT PLEASE
550201 That was kinda the intention
550785
Wait, if it's like that, what's the point of the cover art?
567209 the best one I could find that fits
First
Great chapter.
Go on.....
Hmm...
The bag is bigger on the inside.
The Doctor would approve.
And punctuation. The dialogue seems choppy and robotic, almost.
592147 I try my best