Murder on the Friendship Express!

by Shahrazad

Slate, in the Dining Car, With the Threats!

“Is that… blood?” Hot Shot looked at the stain over Ignis’ shoulder. She averted her eyes.

“Oh, oh goddess… we have to get out of here!” Tiny exclaimed.

“Nopony is going anywhere!” Slate growled; his voice sounded like gravel being dragged across bedrock.

“There could be a killer on this train, and you want us to stay here?” Bitty asked, panic rising in her voice. She clutched her cane like a shield.

Slate sighed and replied, “I’m not leaving until I get the money. It’s my job.”

Tiny perked her ears up. “What money?” she asked, but Slate ignored her.

Whistle Stop trotted forward on shaky hooves. “I have to agree with Bitty. We need to let the police handle this.”

Slate glared at him. “So long as the train is movin’ quick, nopony ‘cept Hot Shot can leave. I think you’d be easy enough to track down,” he said, giving Hot Shot a level stare. “And if you leave, I’m gonna think you done it, and I’m going to take yer little filly friend with me when I track you down. Capisce, pegasus?”

Hot Shot gasped. “You wouldn't dare!”

Slate smirked at Hot Shot. “It would be in youses best interest to stick around. It would be in everypony’s best interests to stick together. That way we can find Felix, and I can keep an eye on ya. And when I find out what’s happened… when I figure out who took the dough? We can have a nice, little chat…” Slate finished by popping his neck.

Quiet Quill quivered under the table. Pinkie Pie spat chocolate as she chirped, “Well, you can’t keep me here! But you don’t need to; I didn't do it!”

“Oh really? You don’t think I can keep you here?” He took a menacing step forward.

Pinkie’s smile split her face. “Nope! If somepony is about to break a Pinkie promise, I’ll have to leave to fix it, but don’t worry, I’ll be back before you know it!”

Slate looked at her incredulously. “What? What are you talking about? You can’t jump off a speeding train! You’d get splattered!”

Pinkie laughed, “Oh no, once you climb over the fourth wall, it’s really easy to get anywhere you need to go! But I promise I’ll come back if I have to leave. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” She did some odd motions, splattering chocolate from her hoof. “Besides, I didn't do it! I was stealing chocolate when the lights went out.”

Slate blinked and replied, “Prove it.”

Whistle Stop chuckled, “Just look at the carpet I have to clean…” The carpet in question showed a clear path of chocolate hoofprints from Pinkie’s seat, to Quill’s seat, and back to Pinkie’s seat. They didn't go anywhere else.

Slate snorted, looked at the group, and said, “Okay, the crazy pinko is innocent. Anypony else?”

Everypony looked at each other, but nopony spoke. Pinkie slipped on her plaid deerstalker cap and fake mustache, then put a pipe into her mouth. She blew on the pipe to get her detective juices flowing. Bubbles rose into the air as she said, “Don’t worry, I’m on the case!”

Slate groaned, “We’re doomed.” He shook his head, sighed, and looked at the ‘detective.’ “Well, what do we do first, Miss Gumshoe?”

“My name is Pinkamena Diane Pie, and first, I need to study the scene to collect clues. You can’t accuse a pony without proof. My friend Twilight taught me that.”

Everypony glanced at her. Slate’s brow rose and he said, “That actually sounded perfectly sane. Go ahead.” Pinkie Pie dropped her nose to the floor. With her flank in the air and her fluffy tail swishing back and forth, she sniffed around the train car like a bloodhound. Slate shook his head and mumbled, “Never mind, yer nuts.”

Pinkie sniffed Quill, who cowered into an even smaller ball. Pinkie went up and down the car, stopping at Felix’s seat. His dinner was half-eaten, excluding his dessert. His water glass was full, but his cup of coffee only had a few sips left. His napkin was crumpled and damp. The red liquid had splashed onto the plate, the table, and still dripped onto the floor. It had congealed already. Pinkie sniffed the food, and without warning, popped the rest of his desert into her mouth. She smiled and said, “Still chocolatey!”

Slate growled, “Get on with it!”

Pinkie sniffed the coffee next, and sipped it. “Hmmm…”

Tiny Tinsel gasped, “A clue? Has it been poisoned?”

Pinkie set the coffee down and sniffed the red liquid on the table and carpet. She put the tip of her hoof in the puddle and put it to her tongue. “Hmmm…” She puffed a bubble on her pipe.

Whistle Stop gulped and stammered, “I-is it ketchup?”

Pinkie looked at him, she stopped smiling, and her hair went flat for a moment. “No.” Whistle Stop’s ears fell to the sides of his head. “Are there any other ponies on this train?” Pinkie asked. Slate perked up and looked at Whistle Stop.

“Yes, just the engineer, but he’s all the way on the other side of the train. And if he had left his post, the train would have slowed down. We haven’t slowed down since we left the station, so I know he’s doing his job,” Whistle replied. Pinkie puffed on her pipe again.

“Just one engineer?” Pinkie asked.

Whistle nodded. “Yeah, he’s supposed to take a double shift and get relieved at the first stop tomorrow morning.”

“Hmmm,” Pinkie said, as she scratched her chin with a hoof.

“Well?” Slate grumbled at her. “Where’s the bearer bond?”

Pinkie turned to him and fired off questions. “Okay, first of all, I need to know about this bearer bond. Who’s Felix? Who are you? Why does he have a bearer bond? How much is it for? Where is my missing rock? And can I have your dessert?” She finished by pointing at Slate’s uneaten chocolate molten cake.

Slate groaned, closed his eyes, and sighed. He opened them and focused on Pinkie. “I guess there’s no hiding it. Felix is a wealthy real estate broker, a real stand-up type of pony. He’s worked for some major players, like Cumulus Construction and Sound Stables. I’m a bodyguard; I work for Moonlight Mortar, and I've been his bodyguard since we contracted his services. We were headed to Connecticolt to see if we could purchase a chunk of land around the outskirts of town. As a good faith deposit, Felix had a bearer bond on him worth 1,000,000 bits.”

Everypony gasped. “1,000,000 bits! That’s more than I get paid in ten years!” Whistle exclaimed.

Slate glared at him and said, “And an excellent reason for you to steal it. Are you sure he didn't do it?” Slate asked, as he turned back to Pinkie.

She nodded and replied, “Well, that gives some ponies motive.”

Ignis rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

Slate glared at her, causing Hot Shot to stand between them with his wings flared. Slate shot back, “Something the thief would say to throw us off her scent!”

Pinkie stroked her mustache and said, “Let’s try the next car; I still need more clues.”

Slate nodded. “Okay, I’ll lead, you bring up the rear. I’ll make sure nopony touches anything before you have a chance to look at it.” He slid the train car door open and trotted out.

Pinkie was pushing Quill with her head. “C’mon, we gotta stay together!” Quill was shaking as she slid across the carpet. “It’s okay, Miss may-or-may-not-be-a-murderer! I’m on the case!”

Comments

[Aramadon]

Quill was shaking as she slid across the carpet. “It’s okay, Miss may-or-may-not-be-a-murderer! I’m on the case!”

Poor Quill.
(Can you imagine somepony that just might even by more shy than Fluttershy having to deal with a stranger like Pinkie?)

[ForSpite]

“My name is Pinkamena Diane Pie, and first, I need to study the scene to collect clues. You can’t accuse a pony without proof. My friend Twilight taught me that.”

Presumably because last time she tried to do that, Twilight got herself thrown out of the Wedding Rehearsal.

[Gale Singer]

5354641 Don't you remember MMMystery on the Friendship Express?