• Member Since 18th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen Sep 7th, 2014

dark_adonis26


T

What happens when some one tell you the world only has 1 week left to live? To save the world that is already dying from diseases, corruption, famine, and pollution, all of the elements has to be gathered in one location; what would you do? Does this sound like an ordinary story that has been played out over and over again? I don't know I only write the stuff that comes to mind but trust me YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 36 )

im not quite finishe this is a ruff draft but i will be done soon

YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED

Not sure if legit considering so many spelling and grammatical errors.

4879254 You're posting this draft to a site where everyone can see it. Take some time to fix errors and be proud of it.

E:

In all this decay, what this world needs is "AQUA PURE" now in a convenient small size, it will last twice as long, for half of its doubled price, of its doubled priced predecessor. "GET AQUA PURE NOW!" and receive our flavor enhancers.

AQUA PURE! GET YOUR AQUA PURE NOW TO CLEANSE YOURSELF FROM THIS HORRIBLE MESS!

This is an old fanfic. Why has this been added to my group so early?

4965112 My comment was posted 5 seconds earlier so tough luck. :trollestia:
E: 5 seconds and a bit. I dunno, this story killed my brain and thus my basic math skills.

4965125

Oh so he wrote it the 20th but it got accepted today?

"Fic sighted sir."

"Really? Well time to test this sucker out, fire when ready."

"Yessir. FIRE!!!"

upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/ea/BB61_USS_Iowa_BB61_broadside_USN.jpg

4965159

Well that doesn't mean you have to. I want to anyway.

Or we could just attack it.






Pwese?

4965165

Not until it's over 20 likes 0 dislikes.

Then we attack. :coolphoto:

4965170

THAT MAKES NO SENSE!

Can't we just attack? I want to do something fun today.

4965175

We're going to play on Xbox, that'll be exciting.

To quote Yuriofwind "What the fuck did I just read?" I'm serious, what the fuck is this? What is the plot, the motivation of the characters. Hell we're not even invested in the characters in the first place. And author, do you know what the word pacing is, because there's none. No time to get invested in the scenes if even for a little while. I think my brain died a little inside reading this, no offense

...there are ALREADY six Elements. Which of them is sixth?

4965152

Filthy casual, that pic doesn't show Iowa's good side.

upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/2e/Uss_iowa_bb-61_pr.jpg/1024px-Uss_iowa_bb-61_pr.jpg

Look at those explosions!:rainbowwild:

4965311

I saw that one, I didn't choose it from the low grade explosions.

4965321

Bruh, that be heresy you talkin'.

Oh how clever. You took the plot to "The Fifth Element" and decided to make it about ponies.

There's one thing you forgot however. While the movie is a great example of style over substance, it's still incredibly entertaining and quite possibly one of my favorite movies. This story? Not so much.

YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED.

You lied to me.

4965686

Oh how clever. You took the plot to "The Fifth Element" and decided to make it about ponies.

More like, he took the plot and a list of MLP character names, fed them both into a paper shredder, scattered the shredded bits all over the floor, then grabbed up a few fistfuls and glued them back together at random. There's no real attempt to actually map the My Little Pony cast into character-appropriate roles for their Fifth Element counterparts, and the "plot" just staggers randomly from one scene to another without any logical progression at all.

Not to mention, the spelling and grammar is atrocious. Run-on sentences, incorrectly-punctuated dialogue, random switching between past and present-tense verbs, names sometimes capitalized and sometimes not, inability to tell the difference between the possessive "its" and the contraction "it's"... and, of course, the ever-popular "telling" everything to the reader instead of "showing."

4879254

YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED.

Here's a tip, love. When an author feels the need to tell us, in your story description, how great you think your story is, it's an instant turn-off to the readership, and you've already set yourself up for failure. Even if the story itself was any good -- which this most certainly is not, by any stretch -- putting this in your story description will rub prospective readers the wrong way and prime them to dislike it.

4966054

There's no real attempt to actually map the My Little Pony cast into character-appropriate roles for their Fifth Element counterparts

I'll be honest and I just started skimming after a while. I saw the Mondoshawans, Twilight acting a little like Bruce Willis, the "evil" moving towards Equestria and the whole guy holding Twilight up before she steals his gun.

After that I pretty much ignored anything after.

4967144
Same here, really. But the problems are glaringly obvious even just by skimming through it; bad grammar, dodgy spelling, incoherent plot structure, and none of the MLP characters are mapped into appropriate roles. (I could see Rainbow Dash working in the role of Korben Dallas, but Twilight? Hardly. If anything, she'd be Leeloo, the naive, innocent "sixth element" that activates the other five through the power of love friendship.)

And yeah, bringing in the Mondoshawans as-is just confirms the lack of creativity or story logic. Why not use one of Equestria's established non-pony species, like the zebras or the minotaurs?

but trust me YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED.

O RLY?

4967217
I can see a couple characters lining up, as you said Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle standing in for Corbin Dallas and Leeloo. But what of the others?

The only two that really come to mind could be Pinkie Pie as Ruby Rhod and possibly Fluttershy as Vito Cornelius. Maybe Gilda as Zorg and the Mangalores being played by minotaurs.

But what about Rarity, Applejack and Spike?

4967485
Rarity would be the Diva, naturally. :raritywink: (Of course, that'd require some rewriting so that she doesn't get killed -- but there's nothing that says every plot element in a crossover has to play out exactly the same way as the original.) Spike could be David (Vito Cornelius' acolyte), if you swapped out David's twitchy nervousness for Spike's penchant for snarky comments, and Applejack... hm. For some reason, the idea of her as General Munro amuses me, but it'd take some work to justify it in-story, not to mention quite a bit of rewriting events towards the ending to place her in the temple along with the others to help set off the Friendship Cannon.

Gilda as Zorg? Nah. Diamond Tiara would be Zorg. :pinkiehappy:

Romance Comedy Crossover Adventure
What happens when some one tell you the world only has 1 week left to live?

Oh, is one of those ones huh?

*reads chapter*

...You 1:1'd "The fifth element"
I now see why this has no likes

4965266
You know...
The SECOND sixth....

Painfully obvious ripoff is painfully obvious.

I don't even know what to say about this one except that IF the author ever decides to continue work on it, I won't be reading it.

YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED

Congratulations, I went looking for the worst rated story on fimfiction and it's this one! In my opinion it still needs more down votes. I also got a laugh out of their being only one like, obviously coming from the author.

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