- Member Since 21st Apr, 2014
- offline last seen Nov 14th, 2014
Visual Spectrum
I am a script writer as well as a story writer. I was born in 1996. I started writing when I was eight years old and have been writing ever since.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Redo_RetroBrony · 4k words · 11 8 · 710 views
- Arctic Inferno · 2.8k words · 13 0 · 545 views
Stats
Page generated in 0.107 seconds
Total duration
1,040 users online
1,916,492 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Short, sweet, to the point, love it!
It wasn't a bad story. I think you might need some improvement however.
The dialogue seemed forced and pretty flat. It seemed like Applejack knew very little of her cousin, and Braeburn was in the same boat. The premise of the story was solid, but the repetition of "I'm sorry" was a bit OOC. Maybe if it was Fluttershy, but not Applejack.
I hope that helps in the future.
"She seems something offensive to buffalo"
Before I even read the story tell me what this sentence in the synopsis means cause I can't make heads or tails of it.
4878434 "she sees something offensive"
does that help?
4878434
I meant "see." There is a reason I never edit my own stories.
4878454
Cool, you change it. While grammar is important overall. You should always make sure that your synopsis is correct grammar. It's the introduction to your story. What people will base they're decision on whether or not they will read it.
Most people will correct grammar in the story itself, if they care to, but most will pass by a story, even if its perfectly written because of a bad summary.
Read it aloud. That helps me when I care to do so.
4878407 In his defense about the whole "didnt know her cousin" thing...
1. They rarely see each other
2. Braeburn has very little canon exposure, therefore not much to base it on
3. That's not one of the story's main points
4878484
Apple family reunions happen yearly as far as I can tell.
It has a lot to do with the dialogue however, as it makes conversations very awkward. I am speaking of the story craft-wise to help the author see what can be done to become stronger writer overall.
I can't write. I should find something else to do beside write and draw. I guess I'm not creative like I thought I was. I just wish I had something I'm good at.