• Member Since 4th Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen Last Friday

lollipopchica


I like cake and all things Shining Armor/Chrysalis.

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Dismayed by the price of royalty, a changeling princess turns her back on her heritage and unintentionally falls in love while trying to build a life for herself. Will she return to her people, or will this newfound independence make her turn her back on her species forever? Pairings: Chrysalis/Shining Armor

Chapters (16)
Comments ( 61 )

More soon, right?

Keep up the good work! I want to see how this goes.

Excellent work so far Lollipopchica, hope to see more chapters soon. -thesomeonefromsomewhere

Asked a blue cotton candy colored pony by the name of Victory Bell.

Is that a Pokémon reference I see? :twilightsmile:

Okay, this has been an enjoyable story so far. My biggest complaint is that you are suffering from a terminal case of Lavender Unicorn Syndrome. Especially when you refer to characters by their eye colors. You might as well have named Chrysalis's secret identity "Harlequin Eyes," with how many times you use it.
And an editor would also really improve things here.

This absolutely has to be one of the best Chrysalis/Shining fics that I have read. I love how it deals not only with their day to day life, but also their familial situations. I like the idea that his family wants him to get together with a princess but he'd rather get together with someone he likes rather than someone with status.

Well crafted chapter, with a pleasing end.

That's really sad.

What...? Oh come on! Why is it every Chrysalis x Shining Armour fic I run across is either devoid of substance, clop or ends in tragedy!? :flutterrage:

Sorry, as it really is a good story, entertaining and engaging from start to, well, almost the finish but these sorts of endings do nothing to me but leave me frustrated and miserable. :fluttercry:

Edit: My bad. Just found the sequel. :rainbowderp: Reserving judgement. :twilightblush:

And yet everything a bout what made her

Should be "about".

The final installment of this saga is soon to come, so keep an eye out if u wanna know what I had for after the wedding.

Can't wait :pinkiehappy:
I really hope that there's at least a non-depressing ending to all of this.

Pretty sure you need a sad tag on this. There is nothing not sad about the ending to this story.

The distraught pegacorn barely missed colliding with a changeling soldier

The adolescent pony could see the dark desert sky through the hive's main entryway.

Studying her foe with shrewdness beyond her maturation, the changeling filly knew

Just what is Chrysalis?

With a sigh, Vader closed his eyes as green magic washed over him revealing his true form.

That Vader had got in some hard hits and now she was feeling every one of them.

"Vadek", unless the first time the name is said it is wrong.

I don't know why this has a poor upvote to downvote ratio, so I decided to give it a try. One thing that annoyed me slightly is the use of words in place of Chrysalis like "teal haired filly" and similar things. It is OK to say "Chrysalis".

"Vive alveare, morietur in alveare" their voices sang as Imaga

Comma

It'd had been six months since she had run away

"It'd" or "It had", no "It'd had" that is just saying "It had had".

they did eat even though it was mostly for pleasure.

Then why is it implied Chrysalis ate a lot of apples and oats when in the White Tail Woods?

Mad Moxxie's XOXO was the name of the cabaret her persona Oceania was employed as a show pony.

Someone likes Borderlands.

Despite having just fed, the magic needed to amplify her sustenance was complicated.

Is there a missing comma here or just forgotten words?

"No It was more of a promise."

Comma, lower case "it".

catching the pony with a vicious uppercut with the back of her head. Grunting, the olive colored pony landed on his back

How would have land on his back if punching in the back of the head?

"Stop it!" He growled striking her again.

"Better," He smirked pompously.

Lower case "he".

"No talking!" He reminded yanking her up painfully by her hair.

Lower case "he", comma after reminded.

"Let go!" She growled, putting everything she had into another strike.

Lower case "she".

The sound of hoof prints caught her attention and

Hoof prints to make noise, "prints" should be "steps".

"Mother, Don't!"

Lower case "don't".

Moments later the changeling disguised mare was roused from her stupor as a set of hooves dug into her flesh.

This sounds odd, I would suggest not using it as a replacement for a name.

Harlequin eyes were wide as the coal colored mare thought of her mother.

You use this phrase way too much.

"She was attacked," Came the stallion's disruption.

You don't capitalize after a comma, that comma is replacing a period.

They said they tried to help you , but were overpowered.

Unneeded space.

Shining armor watched as Chrystal took in his confession.

Capitalize

I bet you believe in the illuminati too.

Capitalize

There are a number of grammar errors here and there I have noticed but the story itself seems good. The repeated use of phrases describing Chrysalis instead of using her name or her assumed name is annoying. They are used way too much.

and this story is about 3 chapters away from being done.

*looks at chapter menu*
Liar.

It’d been a week since Justyx’ first meeting of his friend’s friend.

He was still sore about the defeat he suffered at her hooves a few weeks ago.

Just one week.

The Changeling Princess was seeing stars when her harlequin eyes opened.

We get it, now you can slow down on your use of it.

*Dream Sequence*

Don't say it, use a horizontal bar to show there is a scene change, like this:


The healer knew not how to respond, so she didn’t allowing the pegacorn to continue uninterrupted.

This sentence needs rewording, and why are changelings pegacorns now?

Harlequin eyes were almost thoughtful as they followed the activity in this warm place.

I am beginning to think Chrysalis' name is really Harlequin Eyes.

The two soldiers both happened to have their eye on the same mare.

It is unclear what two stallions, I am assuming Aero and Firestar.

There were irreconcilable differences between the two species

What difference are those?

Good chapter, nothing much else to say.

This story feels like it has been under appreciated in my opinion. I have so far enjoyed the premise and execution.

“I didn’t sign on for this shit!” Somepony screamed.

Lower case "somepony".

*Flashback End*

Again, these should be marked with horizontal lines or make it all italics with extra space separating it out.

So now Chrysalis has to fight with who she was and what living with ponies is making her become.

I get the feeling Chrysalis was just roughed up a bit since she did not disappear for more than a day. Cordelia however suffered a lot worse.

The turmoil that dulled his blue eyes, cut at her black heart.

I don't think you can really say Chrysalis has a black heart anymore.

"Then help me!" Was the changeling's fierce reply. Avoiding the situation is only going to make it worse!

This part feels like it should be in quotes.

Shocked by his own intensity and the satisfied look on his marefriend's face, the cerulean maned pony tried to turn away

Is his name Cerulean Maned or Shining Armor? I really can't tell.

Good, didn't feel forced. Chrysalis has really changed from her selfish ways.

"Good morning, he murmured in the space between them.

Closing quotation.

The light colored mare with a thick mahogany mane looked like a gaping fish as she stared down at her.

In an earlier chapter it was stated that a changeling could recognize another changeling if they were close. Why didn't Chryssie notice Ono?

I liked this, well thought out, pacing was good, nothing felt rushed. Though some follow up as to what Shining's family thought of Chrystal just disappearing would have been nice. This was a depressing story, but a good depressing story. Sucks to be a changeling queen in this universe, their whole life is just misery till they go insane and are killed by one of their daughters.

6058971 maybe it slows the lost of love energy?

5008307 I like to think of it in the catagory of Homer and his wine-dark seas, but yeah, noticeable tic is noticeable. But seriously, ponies don't have maws, horrible wyrm things do. Even most changelings don't have dentition worthy of the word - other than maybe Fluffy from Of The Hive.

Hmm, intriguing. Will continue reading.

Should I read the story this is a prequel to first, or can I continue with this?

Cya
Raziel-chan

Looks like Chryssie is busy playing that stallion-shaped fiddle.

Cya
Raziel-chan

Poor Chryssie. D:

Cya
Raziel-chan

Well, good damn it, Twilight!

Cya
Raziel-chan

This fic is going to make it cry once all this collapses on Chryssie, isn't it?

Cya
Raziel-chan

Aww, I want to be angry at Odonata, but she's just doing her job.

Cya
Raziel-chan

The feels... And seeing as it's almost the ends, I think the feels are only going to increase.

Cya
Raziel-chan

Another good chapter. I like that there's no clear good and bad side here, the changelings are desperate and Chryssie is being selfish, but, on the other hand, is it fair to crush the need if one because of the need of many?

Cya
Raziel-chan

Poor Chryssie. This entire chapter and it's feels... Yeah, no wonder she became so bitter.

I wonder how Shining's family felt too.

Cya
Raziel-chan

Chrysalis did not want to be the Queen of Changelings.

There should be more of 'Celestia didn't want to be Princess' too.

"We're sorry, Princess, but the Queen demands it."

Buck the Hive Mind. Buck the Hive. Buck the Queen.

Studying her foe with shrewdness beyond her maturation, the changeling filly

I thought she was sixteen or something.

If a changeling guard did come after her, at least she would be in a place where she could easily blend in and evade if she chose.

But they could blend in and catch just as unaware too.

The only thing that actually required skill was laundry.

The idea of washing clothes by hand scares me.

Anything sweet that didn't involve apples was a win in her book.

There's a story there I hope we see. Hopefully involving a red, strong stallion scaring the bejesus out of her.

The Changeling Princess chuckled bitterly as she was struck with a bout of irony.

Is she disguised or au natrual?

While it was true that changelings did not eat for the same reasons normal ponies did, they did eat even though it was mostly for pleasure.

That's silly. 'Lings have bodies made of organic matter, they should eat for the same reasons as ponies. Love should fuel magic or something, but food is pleasurable.

A charcoal grey unicorn with eyes as green as emeralds.

If I keep asking questions like such, will they still be answered?

"It's already been paid for," he politely informed her.
"By who?" She asked confused, as this disguise had no friends to speak of.
"The unicorn there with the purple filly. He said he hopes you enjoy this one as much as the last."

He has fine taste in mares.

"Love me…" she moaned as she felt his desire for her bringing about her own craving.

She on a mission from her Queen to find Chrysalis, not get wrapped up with random stallions.

Feasting on the amorous emotion her spell extracted, she sighed as her body was nourished through the deceptive magic.

It is undoubtedly the cheapest, least nutritional love a 'Ling can eat/consume.

'We give enough for the hive,' her mother had said. 'We shouldn't have to give that as well. There are spells for those kinds of things.

I hope she's not giving anything to the Hive. She left it for a reason.

"S'okay sug, all you need is a good ride to remind you of your place in the world."

But the roller coaster line is eighty minut-OH! That's not what he meant...

"I could look in on her."

Good Guy Shining.

True to his word, Shining Armor had stopped by every day for about an hour or two, twice a day to check on the mare, administer medicine and change bandages.

He cares for her, can't she feed off that love?

The next day he visited, he came prepared with sweets to bribe her with.

...Clever boy.

"I thought you didn't like me around and that I was a sexist pig who didn't know how to treat a lady."

Tsundere Chrysalis.

"Taste like it's bad for you too…

It's all going to her thighs.

Wanna lick?" she teased turning her gaze back onto him as she held out a sample.

And she calls Madam Brass a flirt. Lucky bastard.

"You ponies…. And your callings… I bet you believe in the Illuminati too. I mean how could your parents possibly know that? Shining Amor… What a joke!"

Ponies and their Marks are the laughing stock of the entire world.
6652913 I just assumed all women knew how to play.

The changeling guard, who stood off to the side of the great doors, valiantly stared forward despite the inhuman sounds that escaped the locked room.

As ponies, I would expect inhuman sounds.

Her mother, Cerci, had been a vain ruler.

Cerci? Vain? Say it isn't so.

"First, I have to pick up my sister. After I take her home,

"Are you Shining's girlfriend?"

Asked a blue cotton candy colored pony by the name of Victory Bell.

:rainbowdetermined2:Use Poison Powder!

"You're sister isn't shy… she's socially retar-"

She's got a point.

Cadenza Mi Amore was an Equestrian princess with a coat the color of cerise and a mane of rose, gold and violet. She was beautiful just as a princess should be. Everything about her was sweet and refined. Just the kind of mare parents dreamed their colts would bring home.

And a Mary Sue, I wouldn't let my son anywhere near her.

It seemed Shining Armor's parents knew exactly what they wanted for their son. Chrysalis wondered if they'd stare upon her with the same expression if they knew she was a princess too. Probably not, a thought that made her smirk despite the bitterness that washed over her.

He wants something better than Princess of Obsession.

"Did anypony ever tell you how refreshing your naiveté is?"

I like how blunt Chrysalis is at times. Sort of a counter to the sneaky/manipulative Chrysalis often portrayed, and how a wife of such a naive stallion gets her point across.

Chrystal ended up with a dislocated shoulder while Justyx was left with a sprained wing.

Just because a duel to the death has two main characters, doesn't mean either of them survive. Fortunately the stakes were lower today.

but she‘d be a liar if she said she was looking forward to the stallion actually popping it back into place.

Bow chika bow wow.

“I know this city thinks of you as its personal golden boy…” He was considerate and genuinely modest. It was irritating and yet oddly charming.

He's a flat character but can have any mare he wants.

“They pretend to be okay with it now… but I know they wanted me to do something more…. ‘respectable.’ Meet more ‘respectable‘ ponies.”

The Guard has a reputation for corruption. Not many are, but you never know who, and they extort their power in big ways.

His parents would get over it and he‘d probably end up marrying that ’respectable’ pretty-in-pink princess.

He needs her like Applejack needs to be humbled.

Chrysalis kept telling herself she didn’t need anypony… and yet here he was. It felt right somehow.

Changelings need someone.

“You’re my friend, Chryssie… why wouldn’t I?” Shining Armor gave her a lopsided grin.

:pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy:

“No… Just stay with me… Please?” She ducked underneath his foreleg in a one legged embrace.

Yeaahh, he's got her for good now.

7322497 Why yes they will! She's disguised... just a very lazy disguise. Lol. And as far as feeding off SA's love, yes she can and eventually she does. Thanx for your interest, though! QC is a bit of a brat, but I don't consider her evil. I tried to make her less of an archetype and more like a strong willed teenage girl, which is probably still archetypal in a way, but at least she's balanced out. She's 16ish, more 17ish going on 18 by the end of it. I like your comment about AJ, btw. Lolol. Oddly enough my sister says the same thing.

Today they brought the stallion’s younger sibling.

I hope she's warming up to Chrysi.

A development which annoyed Twilight Sparkle immensely. The lavender pony sat between the two with a deep scowl on her maw.

She can be so cute when she's angry.

“What’re you two watching?” Chrysalis asked conversationally.
“Nothing you’d be interested in.”

Lost, the Movie

“So you can take advantage of me…”

I would bet Shining has zero alcohol tolerance and he's making himself more vulnerable.

“How’s your shoulder?”
“How’s your pride?”

Perfect response.

The feel of his body so close to hers made her tense as she found herself wondering what it would be like to have him pressed to her in other ways.

Ugh, just <squee> him already!

Her cheeks flushed as she felt the pleasant emotion he directed at her.

D'aww. Her first kiss.

There were irreconcilable differences between the two species and yet she was allowing herself to become genuinely invested in this stallion.

Nonsense. 'Lings are a tribe of pony like bat ponies and unicorns. Different, but not.

"They clash with your coat and ruin your complexion."

That sounds like a helpful answer.

She didn’t realize how much she looked forward to seeing Shining Armor till now.

:fluttershyouch:

“What about pretty-in-pink?” She scrambled lamely.

He doesn't care about her. This fic is making me question how the two were supposed to get together in the first place. Was he pressured into it? That's a terrible way to start a relationship.

“Maybe I don’t want good! Maybe I want selfish and conceited!”

Good for you.

“You don’t know me…”

You know nothing Shining Armor.

“You’d whether masquerade as a pauper than take your rightful place as Queen?”

Rather

Since then her dreams had been filled with all sorts of unpleasant things. This one just happened to be the worst.

Damn cheap cop-out. Thankfully you didn't drag it out too long.

Didn’t he know that unhinged ponies lived in Canterlot too?

I heard there's this one mare who forces ponies she knows nothing about to fall in love. Talk about a fricken psycho.

“What’re you doing?”
“Seeing you…” She pressed her ear over his heart, relieved by the strong beating of the muscle.

What are you doing? Handling weapons grade D'aww like that? Be careful, someone's liable to get hurt.

Chrysalis found that the nightmares were less frequent whenever the stallion was nearby.

I really need to see your license for distributing Sweetness this strong.

Very good chapter. Hoping to finish it soon.

However, this particular cake looked like a strawberry threw up all over itself after being attacked by a deranged rainbow.

I told the Princess to keep an eye on her daughter when she was here.

She really had tried to make it look pretty but piping was something she had yet to master.

Piping's a bitch with hands, but with telekinesis it should be a breeze.

They were probably snogging each other shamelessly in the back she thought sampling a piece of cake.

Ron and Lavender, sittin' in a tree-

Not that she was complaining, but she preferred to believe her brother was on drugs than to accept the fact that he missed the self-serving mare.

Love is a powerful drug

the thought of what his parents would do to him if they walked in on all of this.

"You should lock your door if you have a visitor Shining.""You're not too good at this sneaking around thing son."

“Me and Chrystal had a fight, that’s all.”

All couples fight.

Generally speaking, white magic can heal, and purify things. Dark magic can burn, amongst other things.”

The Elements of Harmony banished a mare to the moon for a thousand years. They turned a draconicous to stone for longer, without harming either. I will never be convinced that the Elements of Harmony do not use dark magic.

He had been an idiot, but there’d be time to talk about that later.

Eh, what else is new? It's a term of endearment to her.

A behemoth-like creature with onyx chitin reared up, swallowing the surprised pony in its shadow.

Oh man, of broke out of my basement again didn't it?

Odonata had come to collect herself a runaway princess.

Too bad she's found a place to fit in now.

The Daily Bugle was known for its coverage of other Equestrian cities. Its newspaper was the most known in Equestria.

I thought that was Equestria Daily.

She sighed as her dark eyes flashed an electric blue. She couldn’t believe it’d been a year since that fateful day in the Queen’s chamber room.

Year?

Maybe the good pony folk of Ponyville could explain how this one did.

Good pony folk? More like racist scumbags. Ask Zecora if you question their racism.

The last few chapters will be kind of emotional-ish-y so consider yourselves warned!

This is what I'm here for.

Loki can be such a jerk sometimes,

With the way Thor and Odin treated and lied to him all his life, I don't blame him for being a jerk.

"But I don't want you to go. You're my best friend." She admitted rather sadly.

Maybe she can make a new best friend like Moondancer, or Beatrix Lulamoon.

"Does Chrystal know? What am I saying&.

"Does Chrystal know? What am I saying

Whether Chrysalis had realized it or not, being with Shining Armor was making her a more approachable pony.

That's what love does to a person.

"Attention passengers, Chimed the train's stewardess over the intercom. If your destination is Ponyville

Forgot the quotation marks.

He would ask if she was going to join him, but he already knew the answer as she sunk in after him.

This would be a great time to change into her 'Ling form.

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