One Day in Manehattan
Two Is Better Than One
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The butterflies fluttered around in the air as Celestia’s sun touched down on the horizon behind the hills, a young pegasus on a scooter zoomed past them with the wind blowing through her mane. Scootaloo felt the strong gust of the wind behind her back, she firmly grasped the handlebars of the scooter, narrowed her eyes at the ramp in front of her and the ramp launched herself along with her scooter
Adrenaline pumped through her body, her heart raced when the view of the ground came closer to her eyes. Scootaloo’s scooter came to a complete stop as she jumped back down onto the scooter once they were back down on the ground, the wheels of the scooter scratched against the ground, mud scattered across the ground and covered her fur.
Scootaloo took off her helmet, glanced around at the wake of destruction she left behind. She nodded her head and said, “That was an awesome way to show off my skills, if only somepony else saw that!”
“I’ll get see what Sweetie Belle is up to,” She hopped on her scooter, her wings buzzed as she put her helmet back on and raced down the dirt road to the boutique.
Sweetie Belle stood in front of a mirror, reciting ways on telling Scootaloo how she feels about her. “Scootaloo, I don’t know how to say this but I’ve had these feelings for you in a long time. Maybe there are ways to convey my emotions, but I love you.” She said to herself.
She grabbed the handle on the door with all her might, and flung the door open where her eyes lit up when she saw Scootaloo standing outside of the door. “Scootaloo, you can’t imagine how happy I am to see you.”
“I can say the same for you too, Sweetie Belle. Where’s Rarity?” Scootaloo peeked her head into the boutique, no Rarity to be seen.
“She went on a business trip to expand her horizons. Do you want to go on a trip with me just for today?” Sweetie inquired, she shuffled her hooves along the floor.
“Sure, why not. Beats just staying here,” Scootaloo shrugged her withers, she gestured Sweetie over to her scooter.
Sweetie Belle beamed as she wrapped her forelegs around Scootaloo’s neck. She grinned at the energetic unicorn clinging to her neck, Scootaloo’s wings flapped in the strong gust of the wind and sped off to the train station.
[/hr]
A line of ponies walked into the train carts as All Aboard, the train’s conductor, took the tickets from the ponies in the line. “All aboard, who’s coming aboard!” He announced.
Scootaloo flapped her wings harder, Sweetie Belle held onto Scootaloo tightly when the scooter came to a complete stop. She kicked the top of the scooter up, trotted to the conductor with her scooter under her forearm. Sweetie Belle followed soon behind and said, “We’re here, time to get on the train.”
The conductor held his hoof out. “Two tickets please.”
Scootaloo rummaged through her saddlebag for two tickets, her ears plopped down on the side of her head. “Oh, looks like I’m tapped out.”
“Rarity actually did give me two tickets to Manehattan, I forgot that I had them in the first place.” Sweetie grabbed the tickets out of the saddlebag and handed them to All Aboard.
“Okay. But next time, you need to bring an adult chaperone,” All Aboard took the tickets, putting them into his ticket saddlebag.
“We’ll keep that in mind, thank you!” Sweetie galloped into the train as Scootaloo followed soon behind her, walking through the train carts into the dessert cart.
The two fillies’ eyes looked around from the hallway to the other train carts, hiding behind a dessert cart filled with eclairs, cakes, and all assortment of desserts as far as the eye can see. Scootaloo reached her hoof over the top of the cart and grabbed a pudding-filled chocolate eclair, she held the soft dessert in her hooves.
“Uh...Scootaloo?” Sweetie poked Scootaloo in the side of her ribs.
Too preoccupied with the eclair to pay attention, the dessert cart rolled away from Scootaloo as the train’s wheels were now in motion. “We’re so in trouble now.”
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle trotted after the getaway dessert cart, tripping over each other as they walked in the same path to stop the cart. They rolled along the floor into the speeding dessert cart that careened into Pony Joe as he walked out of his private train car, his head fell bumped into the wall. Joe was perched on top of the cart and the two Crusaders tumbled onto Joe, crashing into the cart and the dessert confectionist.
Sweetie Belle giggled innocently. “Sorry about that Pony Joe.”
Scootaloo flashed a goofy grin at Sweetie Belle then looked at Pony Joe, his face covered in pudding and creamy pink frosting from a cake. She stuffed the pudding-filled chocolate eclair from earlier in her mouth and said, “I don’t know about you, but the frosting was a nice touch.”
Joe grabbed their fur by his teeth and sat them down away from his private train car, he walked back to his private train car. “I don’t know why I deal with these things. Making a living is almost a challenge,” He mumbled under his breath, closing his train car’s door behind him.
“Well that was a bust, hopefully we get a better chance at snagging some desserts in Manehattan.” Scootaloo groaned, crossing her forelegs.
“There’s a lot to do in Manehattan, I’m sure we’ll have a wonderful time there.” Sweetie put her foreleg over Scootaloo’s back, a huge smile stretched across her face.
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The train rolled into the Manehattan Train Station as the wheels made a screeching sound against the tracks, coming to a complete stop. “All aboard!” The train conductor announced loudly, train cart doors opened and ponies dragged their luggage out of the train onto the platform to their next destination. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle stepped out of the train and trotted along the platform, they walked up the stairs with their hooves holding tightly on the metal guard rail.
As the train rolled on to the next stop, a crowd of ponies waited patiently for the next train.
“That was one long train ride. I’m surprised that I didn’t fall asleep from boredom,” Scootaloo rubbed her sleep deprived eyes, walking one final step past the stairs and watched the top floor of the station fill up with ponies racing down the stairs to try and catch the next train.
“You’ll be okay, Scoots. Let’s go have some fun!” Sweetie grabbed Scootaloo’s hoof and pulled out her out of the station, not giving her a minute to say anything.
Scootaloo’s pupils grew to the size of dinner plates, her eyes scanned the beautiful skies and watched the bustling activity that Manehattan had to offer, from business executives to newspaper editors roaming the streets. “This place is so much busier than Ponyville is. But still decent though.”
“I guess it is, Scootaloo. Let’s get something to eat,” They walked down the steps outside of the station and wandered around the streets.
During their trip traveling around the Manehattan streets for some sustenance, the two friends trotted near a line of restaurants. The choices ranged from Neighponese sushi to Chineighese food, then there were the pish posh places that the Canterlot nobles dine at for small portions and horse d'oeuvres to boot.
Scootaloo’s stomach rumbled at the presence of food, and the Neighponese sushi sizzled against the stove as her nose took a quick whiff of the sushi. The young pegasus’ hooves floated from the ground while her wings buzzed, lured over to the sushi’s scent in the air.
Scootaloo tapped Sweetie Belle on the wither, “Want me to pay for this one?”
Sweetie moved her friend slightly to the side and dropped a woven bag of bits on the counter, “Don’t you worry, I got this.”
The cashier unraveled the bag of bits over the register, filling the register with the bits. “Thank ya kindly, what would ya like?”
“My friend and I would like some spicy tuna rolls, please.” Sweetie’s expression lit up with a big smile etched across her face.
“Coming right up!” The chef flipped the spicy tuna rolls on a black tray, handing the tray of rolls to Sweetie Belle. “Enjoy!”
“Thank you! Come on Scootaloo, let’s go eat.” Sweetie exited the restaurant with Scootaloo, they sat down on two lounge chairs and looked into each other’s eyes.
I don’t know how to approach this delicately. Sweetie’s thoughts ricocheted around in her mind. Her own psyche was split down the middle, she didn’t know which way to approach this but she decided to tread lightly. “Scootaloo.”
Scootaloo picked up a pair of chopsticks and hoisted four spicy tuna rolls up to her mouth, hurled the rolls into her mouth, chewed the tuna rolls. “Yeah, Sweetie Belle?” She swallowed the tuna rolls as they traveled down her throat into her stomach, she wiped her mouth with her hoof.
Sweetie rubbed the back of her neck, crossed her forelegs and both of her cheeks turned pink. “I couldn’t find the courage to tell you this, but I love you. To be honest, I didn’t know how you would react to this.”
Scootaloo laughed hysterically, her face turned red and her nose snorted while she tried to get a few words out. “I-I love you too! I do enjoy us being great friends and that we would do anything to make each other happy. Though I’m curious, how do you really feel?”
“I just feel like the whole world is in my hooves, a beautiful rainbow stretched across the skies and happiness for everypony to bask in the happiness together. Devoting my time to having a relationship with you now, possibly into future as well, would be worth it for every minute that I spend with you. Not to mention, that every time that I see you, my head spins around with butterflies in my stomach.” Sweetie’s rush of emotions subsided, wiping away a bead of sweat from her brow.
Scootaloo’s face felt her tears flow from her eyes and form a river along the sides of her face, she touched Sweetie’s mouth before she could speak. “You don’t have to say anymore, we can continue once we start eating.”
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The young unicorn chewed each of her spicy tuna rolls one by one, she felt the heat build up in her ears and cheeks. Her nostrils snorted out a huge puff of smoke from her muzzle as her face turned red like a tomato, and drank a glass of water in a matter of seconds.
Scootaloo shook her hoof erratically, fanned the intense heat from the spicy tuna rolls. She doused her face with a cup of water, “I’ve never had somepony have a crush on me before, and had little to no interest in relationships. But we can make this work… together.”
The young, brash pegasus stretched her hoof across the table that met Sweetie’s hoof in the middle of the table. They opened their mouths as their lips meet, their tongues wrestled against each other to get the upper hoof. After the kiss concluded, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo looked at each other with uncertainty.
“That was really unexpected. Oh...Scootaloo, I don’t know what to say. This could be the first step, given that we allow this to flourish into something more.”
“I’m still confused though. Are you sure that you love me?”
“Believe me when I say this, I do.”
The moonlight shone down on the two fillies, illuminating the night sky and the streets near the pavilion.
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Who would dislike such a impressive story?
Alright, long story short, it felt to short and to rushed to earn my like.
The cuteness levels are hurtin'
Scootabelle eh? Oh now this seems interesting!
The beginning of the fic definitely needs some editing. Try to read out loud to yourself whenever you finish a chapter, it helps to find out areas in a story where you can improve.
While the idea and tone of this fic was all fine and dandy, the mood isn't there. I blame this on the lack of character involvement. Except for the beginning scene, it seems like you can just add anyone's names in the story instead of Sweeties' or Scooterloo's names, and it would be the same story.
Interesting idea, but you might want to take time to improve this story. Remember, writing does take some time and patience in order to fully flesh out a story. I'll leave a like, as I thought that the story was, for all its faults, good.
4891469 Thank you for the constructive criticism.
I really enjoyed this little thing, but it felt rush. You should make it a little longer , or at least write another chapter when they go on a date and Applebloom finds out or something.
4891755 Glad that you liked it. I felt that it was rushed too, I didn't know how to approach the romance delicately and correctly.
4891767
No problem. I liked it so i'm gonna check out more of your stories too :)
4891826 Okay then, help yourself!
Scootabelle? My OTP gets some love at last.
4892030 Had to be done.
I think that the biggest problem in my eyes (that hasn't been covered in another comment) is that the trip to Manehatten had nothing to do with the romance. Nothing happened there to make it easier for Sweetie Belle to confess her feelings. Also, even if Scootaloo was okay with Sweetie Belle's feelings, I feel like there still should have been more discussion on the topic before Scootaloo was willing to go along with it. Overall I think another thousand or so words would have helped you paint a better picture. All that being said, this is not reallly bad at all, like anything there is just room for improvement.
The changes you made were definitely for the better. And that picture is super cute!
pretty much what other people said. It's a little rushed, and the dialouge borders on the absurd sometimes. Slow down, take a step back and really think about how your characters would say things.
In particular stood out as dialogue that didn't make any sense.
Just to detail pick here (just a tip): your description for sushi was horrible. There is no cooktop cooking in most sushi and definitely not for spicy tuna rolls. I make sushi as a hobby. So my tip here is do some research in the future. Even if it is a minor detail.
Other than what other people have said. Great fic.
4903430 Thanks for pointing that out. All criticism helps me improve.
4921802 Thanks for the informative tip.
I didn't say this the first time I read the story, but this is adorable.
But it needs a sequel where Apple Bloom finds out.
“Okay. But next time, you need to bring an adult chaperone,”
Just take the tickets and get out of the story, mate.
I enjoyed the story it was pretty good. But, it did feel a bit rushed during the trip to manehattan. Otherwise great story!!!