Book of Memories

How does a seemingly immortal pony cope with having to banish her sister?

How does she keep her sanity all those centuries?

What secret has she been keeping, only to be revealed to Luna just now?

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 7 )

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Katamariguy

Katamariguy #1 · Apr 16th, 2012 · · ·

Good start!

mia826

mia826 #2 · Apr 16th, 2012 · · ·

Interesting. I would like to note some stuff that you missed though.

"She was reading a book entitled Recent History of Equestria, albeit to catch up on all those years she spent on the moon." - I think you should take out the 'albeit', seeing as it doesn't make sense if you keep it in the sentence.

You could also make new paragraphs each time a different pony speaks, to make it easier to keep track of who's talking.

"Whatever Princess Celestia wanted to show to Luna was probably something very personal. It could have also been something that she had worked on when Luna was banished on the moon. " - It would be nice if you explained how Luna (seeing as it's her point of view we're looking through here) figured this out. Was it Celestia's body language? Her tone of voice?

"'What was that sis,' Princess Luna asked looking up from the book at her sister." - That cute little comma over there needs to turn into a big skeptical question mark

"Not a bond between us Luna, but a bond of leaning and even at times even friendship." - Do you mean "Not like the bond between us Luna"? Also, I think instead of 'leaning' you mean 'learning'.

"but she also had to deal with the death of every student she ever knew." - I think it should be 'she had ever known'.

There are several others I missed, so as not to drown you with my perfectionism Sorry about that. Maybe you could ask someone to look it over for you? Interesting idea though. Keep working on it!