Winter Storm

by Snake Staff

Doing the Deed

Shining Armor

“You need my help to what?!”

I facehoof and shake my head. “Maybe… that wasn’t the best way of putting it.”

My little sister has an expression that just screams “no shit” on her face. I’m very thankful I can’t blush at the moment.

“Ya think?” she manages, after a few seconds. At least she’s more polite than I might be.

I remove my hoof from my face and try to reword my proposal. “Sorry, Twily, I’ve been under a lot of stress lately, and…”

Her expression softens, and she softly places a hoof on my shoulder. She doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t need to.

Argh! Damn it all, she shouldn’t be seeing me like this! I’m supposed to be her big brother, the one who protects and comforts. Not the other way around. It’s embarrassing to think that, in addition to all the times I’ve failed in my duties before, now I can’t even keep a poker face in front of my little sister. Stallion up, Shining Armor! You’ve got ponies who need you to be strong!

I gently guide her leg down from my shoulder and give myself a brief pause to collect my emotions before continuing. Had I any lungs, I would be taking a deep, calming breath right now.

Cadence’s little show this morning really didn’t help me. I know she only wanted to try and make me feel better, but reminding me of the night when she and I consummated our marriage… Well, suffice to say that when a pony isn’t feeling well because they can’t have sex ever again, reminding them of some the best sex they’ve ever had isn’t exactly that comforting. I waited before because I cared for Cadence, and if I’m honest because I knew there was a reward at the end that would make it all worth it. But, if all goes as I see it going, I’ll spend forever and day waiting this time, with no end in sight…

Argh! Off topic, Shining! Focus, dammit, focus! Strength and discipline, like Sarge used to say. No whining like some over-privileged Blueblood brat.

Now then, where was I?

Ah yes.

“Anyway, Twily, let’s start this again.”

She nods, her eyes still showing concern.

“As I said in my letter, something’s wrong with Cadence. For a long time now, she’s been… how to put it? Off, I think would be the best way of saying it. She’s not sleeping well, and she’s jittery and reluctant in performing her royal duties. And the worst bit is that she’s denying the whole thing and refusing to confide in me. I’m worried for her.”

Twilight nods again, her ears folding back behind her head. “Do you have any idea what’s causing this?”

I nod. “I think it has something to do with what happened that night. At the WFPC.”

Her expression becomes one of anger for a moment, before shifting to thoughtfulness. “Shiny… have you considered that she might just be concerned about you? You came close to dying. It really scared everypony. Even Princess Celestia looked worried.”

I shake my head. “No, there’s more to it than that.” I tap my chin as a thought comes to me. “Here,” I reach into my desk with magic and pull out a case file. “Read this, and tell me what you think.”

My LSBFF takes the file folder and leafs through it. She’s always been a fast and avid reader, and I’m not surprised when she looks up from several dozen pages of summaries in far less time than I could.

“You think that Lady Rose Quartz had presently-unknown conspirators, but you don’t know who and everpony you’ve checked has come up clean,” she says. It’s not a question.

I grin. “That’s my Twily: astute as always.”

“Have you showed this to Cadence?”

“Yeah. That…” I pause to search for a proper way to frame it. “Could have gone better. She got mad at me, denied that anypony but Ms. Quartz was involved, tore the papers in two, and made me swear to drop the matter.”

Twilight’s brow furrows. “But you didn’t. Why?”

“Isn’t it obvious? She’s hurting, Twilight. And I can’t leave her to suffer like that. I have to do something to help, even if I have to go behind her back to do it.”

“You say she got mad and denied the weight of factual evidence?” When I nod, her frown deepens. “That’s not normal behavior for her.”

I shake my head. “It isn’t, and trust me, I know. I’m worried that somepony is blackmailing her… or something. She has to have some reason for behaving so oddly, and as her husband it’s my duty to help her when she needs it, even if she doesn’t see that she needs it.” I sigh. “I’ve been going over this for twenty years, Twilight. But…” I hang my head with the shame of yet more failure.

Twilight nods again. “But you can’t find anything on your own.” She reaches out and lifts my chin up, looking me in the eye. “And don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re doing everything you can. You’re a great brother, a great prince, and a great husband. Cadence loves you. I love you. So don’t beat yourself up too much, ok?” She smiles faintly before spreading her forelegs wide for me.

I shake my head. “You’re as clever as you always were, sis,” I embrace my sibling. “You know just what to say.”

We hold our hug for a good while before she releases me. I do actually feel somewhat better, if a little embarrassed about needing another pick me up.

I gesture to Twilight. “Go on.”

She nods. “So you want to try something you haven’t yet. You want to examine the spell directly on Lady Quartz’s corpse.”

I grin. “Right again.”

“But to do that, you need somepony who knows a lot about magic and can reconstruct and examine spell matrices from the smallest components.”

“You know your stuff, Twily.” I give her a playful punch on the shoulder.

She giggles and blushes. “That happens when you spend all day in a library for years on end.”

“So now you understand?”

“Why you want my help?” She nods. “Definitely. It’s a reasonable course of action to request outside assistance when one’s own resources are inadequate to the task at hoof.”

“Like you always do?” I tease her.

She blushes a little harder. “Heh, yeah. Like me.”

We share a good laugh.

“So,” I ask once we’ve had our little moment. “Will you help me?”

She grins broadly. “Of course I will! You can count on me, BBBFF!”

I smile. “I’m sure I can.”

We embrace once more, though the tears in her eyes are of happiness this time instead of worry.

“Now listen up,” she says, a confident look on her face. “I have a plan!”

---

And that’s why I’m currently sneaking through a cemetery in a black ninja suit. In broad daylight. Behind my giant alicorn sister. Also in a ninja suit.

Weirdest grave robbery ever.

“Twily,” I moan as we “stealthily” make our way between carved black and grey crystal tombstones. “Did we have to wear these?”

She puts a hoof over her mouth to stifle a giggle. “Yep!”

“And did we have to do this at two o’clock in the afternoon?”

“Nope!” she grins.

“What will ponies say?”

“Nothing!” she says with an exaggerated sigh. “I’ve told you a dozen times: I’ve put so many spells of concealment on these babies that it’ll be a miracle if anypony even remembers that we exist while we’re in them, much less notices that we’re here.”

“But why jet black ninja suits?”

“Gifts from an old friend, you might say. Now quit your whining and follow me.”

I groan. “Couldn’t we just teleport straight there?”

She snorts. “Yeah, if you want there to be a magical signature any ignoramus within a mile could examine. Now do you want my help or don’t you?”

You can do this, Shining. It’s for Cadence. “I do.”

“Then shut your mouth and follow my lead.”

Like I said: weirdest grave robbery ever.

We proceed through the mausoleums of the great and powerful of the Crystal Empire’s history, not having to really do much to avoid anypony, as nopony’s out here. I checked the site’s funeral schedule to be sure before we left the palace.

After a few minutes of walking around and feeling thoroughly ridiculous, we finally come upon the tomb that we’re looking for. Lady Rose Quartz is buried next to her late husband in a plot of land traditionally belonging to his household. I notice that nopony’s come by to lay flowers in a very long time, and I can’t decide whether to be spitefully gleeful (for trying to murder me, and for setting this whole thing off) or sad (because everypony should at least have somepony who cares). In the end, I settle for pity with just the slightest edge of “you got what you deserved”.

“Pass me the stick,” Twilight says, extending a hoof.

Did I forget to mention that I’ve carrying around this random piece of wood she found on the ground? Yeah, this is really bizarre and I can’t help but wonder if my sister is high on something.

Still, I toss it to her. Her horn lights up, and the stick suddenly becomes a shovel. I suppose there is a method to her madness after all.

Twilight starts digging, scooping shovelfuls of dirt and lawn up and tossing them aside without ceremony.

“What, that’s it?” I ask rather incredulously, as the alicorn Princess of Friendship digs a hole in the ground with her bare hooves.

She pauses and looks at me. “Yeah. What of it?”

“Well…” I shrug. “I just figured we’d magic it out or something. Not dig a pit in the ground.”

“Magic it out?” Twily looks at me like I’m nuts. “Do you know how many crazy defenses against magic these noble types like to put on their graves?”

“No,” I offer, hesitantly. “Are you sure?”

“Let me put it this way, BBBFF: how many ancient royal tombs have you excavated on the Lost Continent?”

She’s referring to the original homeland of the pony species, westward across the sea, now lost to an endless winter thanks to the hatreds of the different types of ponies summoning the wendigoes. The tale of the Great Migration, as related on Hearth’s Warming Eve back in Equestria, says that many of the royals of the land left behind great treasures and magic artifacts in their haste to flee, or buried them with their ancestors. I know Twily’s taken an interest in recovering things from that period from time to time.

“None,” I admit, eventually.

“Then you have no idea what you’re talking about,” she declares with an air of finality. “We dig.”

Weirdest. Grave. Robbery. Ever.

---

Well, it takes us a few hours to pry the coffin from the earth, refill the hole, regrow the damaged grass, and get the whole thing back to an unused palace storage room Twilight has chosen to commandeer for her “laboratory”, but eventually we succeed. I frankly, am most glad to be out of that utterly preposterous ninja suit. I looked like the villain of some cheesy action film.

Twilight lays the long box upon a sturdy wooden table before prying it open with a perfectly mundane crowbar. I’d ask how she knew to do that, but frankly I probably don’t need to know. She crinkles her nose when the crystal top finally comes loose, but looks proud of herself all the same.

“So,” I say, coming over and looking down on the inside of our prize. The Lady, once a rather pretty mare, is now little more than a skeleton, with a few rotten bits of shriveled flesh hanging on here and there. From Twily’s expression, it probably doesn’t smell that much better than it looks.

“So?” she prods me on.

“So, have I gotten you everything you need?”

Twily takes a look around the room at the various bits of alchemy equipment, advanced chemistry textbooks, and the boatload of coffee she requested.

“Yep,” she nods. “I think this should do fine. I can take it from here, BBBFF!” She punches me playfully on the shoulder. “Now go get ready for your date!”

“You sure?” I ask, “I can make up some excuse to stay and help you if-”

“Shining,” she cuts me off. “I can promise you that I can handle this part on my own, no problem. If Cadence is hurting, what do you think will make her feel better: her husband and his sister hunched up together in a closet, or her husband on a night out with her?”

Dammit, she has a point. This isn’t exactly my field of expertise in any case. I don’t know how I would help her.

“Alright,” I sigh begrudgingly. “You win. I’ll go get ready.”

“Excellent choice,” she smiles.

I start to walk out the door, but Twily’s voice interrupts before I can. “Oh, and Shining?”

I turn back. “Yes?”

She conjures a clothespin over her nose. “Take a bath or something. You stink.”

Thanks, Twily.

Comments

[Chrysographia]

Updates!

Very good, keep it up!

[Wroth]

Twilight and Shining, Brother and Sister mystery solvers!

[Mad Maudlin]

So.. Did Pinkie's soul migrate to Twilight upon death?

[Snake Staff]

4954362
Not quite. But Twilight may have taken a leaf or two out of her old friend's book to help deal with inevitable stresses accompanying eternal separation from the vast majority of those she knew and loved. And you'll note that she never identified which friend the ninja suits were from. Who do we know that would have had that sort of thing?

[Mad Maudlin]

4954577
Rarity: Can make them
Rainbow: Because they're awesome
Pinkie: In case of a ninja emergency
Fluttershy: Likes to hide

She ate their souls! SHE ATE THEIR SOULS!

[Snake Staff]

4954598
I'm fairly certain that Twilight did not, in fact, consume the souls of her friends. She does miss them, though, and it's especially bad because if all goes as planned she'll never see them again.

[Arxsys]

[Dainty Blaze]

Weirdest grave robbery ever. Huh. Makes me think he's done this before. As for Twilight's behavior hilarious. Keep it up this is great.