Pivotal Moments
Celestia
A vague and distant voice first rouses me from my slumber, though weakly. The jolt of pain that wracks my entire body is much more effective.
“Rise and shine, princess,” the powerful, deep voice says, before another round agony rips through me. “We wouldn’t want you to be unconscious for this.”
By the voice and tone I already know what awaits me, but I confess that when I open an eye I’m still a bit dismayed to see King Sombra standing before me, a smug smile on that warped face of his. In my half-conscious state I even feel the urge to gasp, but that notion is swiftly quashed by the realization that I’m not breathing. My lungs don’t appear to be functioning at all, as near as I can tell. Looking down, it quickly become apparent that my chest is a blackened ruin, with a prominent hole directly through my heart. It’s numb rather than agonizing, suggesting major nerve damage.
“Hello your highness,” Sombra’s mocking tone draws my attention back to him. “It’s good to see you awake again. I wanted to have you aware for the last few hours of your long life – and the beginning of your own personal hell. After all you have done to me over these many years, it seemed only fitting that you would go first.”
“I have been impaled, disemboweled, burnt alive, crushed beneath a rock titan, suffered sextuple amputations, been eaten by a dragon, and on one memorable occasion been beheaded. I fear neither death nor pain,” I tell him in a calm tone. Though my lungs are useless, my inherent magic gives me a voice. “Do your worst.”
It’s not bravado that makes me tell him this. Rather, I want Sombra to take his time. I can deal with a little suffering. The more time he spends tormenting me, the sooner the army moves in. Seeing as I am here and in Sombra’s clutches, I must assume Lulu is either driven away or captured herself. I would know if she were dead. That means plan B is now in effect. Stalling Sombra is therefore my best move.
“You will learn fear, Celestia,” Sombra says, pointing behind me with a hoof. “Do you know what this is?”
Moving my neck is difficult due to a heavy rune-inscribed black iron brace around both it and my horn. With a little bit of straining though, I manage get a good glimpse of some sinister-looking contraption of black iron and crystal. I am strapped to a solid platform of dark iron by all six of my limbs, plus my horn, neck, and tail. My mane has been cut away. The platform has been positioned to me on eye level with the false king, and is held in place by six pillars of blackened crystal. Smaller shards of crystal poke out of the platform and into my body at various points. The entire contraption is covered with pulsing green runes, which explains the lack of flaming death erupting from my horn despite my fervent urgings to the contrary.
“It looks like another overly-complicated torture device,” I answer. “No doubt intended to draw out my death agonies for as long as possible, correct?”
He shakes his head, smiling. “Wrong, dear princess. That is a device for draining magic.”
Oh... oh dear.
“You see,” Sombra goes on. “During my years wandering the earth as a ghost I heard tell of what had happened when Lord Tirek escaped Tartarus all those years ago. I found them… most inspirational. Imagine what a being not handicapped by foolish notions of peace and morality could do with all that power. So I got to thinking: if he could steal the magic of the alicorns, why couldn’t I? Of course, I’m not a natural to the power like he was,” there is the slightest undertone of bitter jealousy. “So I had to duplicate the effect artificially. It took me a great deal of time and effort to design such a masterpiece, and even longer to find somepony willing to build one for me. But it was all worth it, because through it I’ll have everything you ever had and more.”
My face is impassive – I don’t say a word.
“Just imagine it, princess,” he leans in close, almost whispering into my ear. “One pony with all the power of not one, but six alicorns in a single body! No one in the world could even come close to matching me! The Crystal Heart and the Elements of Harmony themselves could not touch what I will become!”
Six? Counting Shining Armor, there are only five alicorns alive today, I’m absolutely sure of- Oh.
Cadence is alive then. Given the circumstances, I’m almost uncertain if that is a good thing. She may well wish she wasn’t.
“You will not prevail regardless of what happens to me, Sombra.”
“Really? Because it looks to me that I’ve already prevailed. You’re helpless, your sister and niece are in my hooves, your nephew is screaming in an endless nightmare in the back of this head, and your oh so precious student is locked in a magical coma in a coffin at the bottom of the sea. That’s right,” he gloats. “She was never even in the Crystal Empire. Everything you saw from the moment she came back from her survey was the changeling queen Ecdysis wearing her form. And you fell for it hook, line, and sinker. How does that make you feel?”
Horrible, if I’m entirely honest. How could I have been so stupid? So blind? And after the debacle at the wedding so long ago? Did I allow emotion to blind my reason again? After what just happened in the throne room, I must admit that I did. But I’m hardly going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that.
Twilight, Lulu… I’m sorry. I failed you. I hope that you will have more luck than me.
“So,” I say. “Your plan, as it were, is to steal the magic from myself, my sister, my niece, my nephew, my student, and my niece’s unborn foal, correct? You believe this will make you effectively invincible, allowing you to… what? Take over the world like some cliché supervillain from a foal’s comic book?”
Sombra grimaces. “To give ponykind the leader it should always have had, and destroy the ruinous indolence your rule has brought to our society. But yes, the restructuring of the prevailing world order is part of the plan. It has been ever since I clawed my way back out of the void between worlds, guided by the beacon attached to dear Shining Armor.”
Of course he did. I knew I should have moved to put an end to that danger long ago. A ruler’s sentiment and emotion once again reveal their fundamentally poisonous nature.
“And about that,” his expression perks up. “Your amateurish little assassination attempt twenty years ago came far too late. But it did help push Cadence right into my hooves, so for that I am grateful.” Sombra gives me a mock-bow.
Why am I not surprised to hear that my niece consorted with an evil ghost? If she had learned to let go of unnecessary attachments centuries ago, this would never have happened.
“So, you’ll take over the world and… what? Turn it into an enormous slave camp? A vast gladiatorial arena for your amusement perhaps? Some demented playhouse where you exercise your sick impulses on the weak and helpless?”
“Patience, dear Celestia. You’ll see soon enough. In fact you’ll have a front row seat. You see this?” Sombra pulls a small rainbow-hued crystal from beneath his cape. “This is where I plan to put your soul after I drain you dry and you die of your wounds. Having been a ghost myself, I don’t wish a vengeful alicorn spirit stalking me for the rest of time. From here you’ll get to scream and beg and watch helplessly for the remainder of eternity as I do what I wish with everything you cherish. A suitable vengeance for engineering my downfall not once, but twice.”
“Make that three times,” I say, voice still calm and confident.
“I doubt that very much,” Sombra answers. “Very soon you’ll be a screaming spirit in a gemstone prison. Yes, this device might take some time, but for a being as old as yourself a few hours should just fly by.”
Sombra’s horn lights up, and around me the bizarre invention begins to activate. Arcs of electricity move up and down the crystals, while runes pulse and dim in seemingly random patterns. I begin to rotate backwards, towards the ceiling.
I brace myself, body and soul, as best I can. If this monster wants my power, he’s going to have to pry every last drop out of a wringer. I must draw out the process as long as possible. Any additional suffering it brings me is immaterial.
“Oh, and before we begin, I just wanted to add how idiotic your so-called plan for your own kind of world conquest was. Even discounting the dubious probability of training dozens of virtually kidnapped alicorns to behave precisely according to you will, you didn’t even need them! You had the sun, for gods’ sakes! You systemically eliminated any potential knowledge or ability to move it outside of yourself centuries ago! All you had to do was inform the world’s leaders that their nations would now bow to you, or else never see another sunrise! It was that simple!”
“So, you propose I should have united the world in hatred and fear of me using terror and mass-murder?” I don’t even bother to hide the scorn in my voice. “Who do you think I am, you?!”
Sombra ignores me as he completes the activation sequence. “Hold on to your crown, princess. This is only going to hurt a lot.”
It does.
Cadence
The lock of the cell’s door shatters after several strikes. The golems in the cell with me move forward, firing bursts of black lightning through the partially opened door. They shove it open roughly as my would-be rescuer retreats and advance into the cavern beyond. I hear the sound of more scuffling as flashes of black and green briefly go by. It takes a few seconds, but eventually there is the sound of shattering crystal and heavy thuds.
And then my little spark of hope dies as changeling drones march into my cell.
There are half a dozen in here with me, more than I can get a proper count of outside. Black and chitinous and repulsive as ever, though to my surprise looking a little rough around the edges. Some have cracks in their exoskeleton, others have wings more tattered than usual, and still others feature patches of deep frostbite on their bodies. I would have expected them to be plump and happy. The Crystal Empire should have provided a veritable all you can eat buffet for them.
“So,” I ask them. “I assume you’re here to drain whatever’s left of me? Your queen not get enough earlier?”
They don’t answer. Instead, the drones walk up to surround my prone form. One of them gets a firm grip on my horn and… tears the chain off?
I gasp as I feel magic surging through me again. The other changelings viciously attack the chains binding me to the walls and floor, tearing the rune-covered iron apart with hoof and fang and magic. The flow of power grows stronger and stronger as each one is destroyed. I can sense my body’s innate power pouring into my neck, mending muscle, straightening and refusing bone, and merging ruined nerves back to the peak of health. Ordinary sensation begins to return to the rest of my body as my broken neck is repaired. The changelings stand there and watch as, over the course of a few minutes, my body brings itself back to full capacity.
I rise slowly to my hooves and stretch my wings, almost as confused as I am elated by this strange turn of events. The insectile equines watch, passively as ever, as I flare my horn and give it a test run, followed by cricking my neck.
“Why?” I ask.
“Not of love of for you,” one of them, the largest, says to me. “We are betrayed. Our queen is dead. Sombra means to kill us all rather than share power.”
I resist the urge to say that it serves them right.
“We want him dead before he can complete his scheme. You are the only one who can do it. So we broke you free,” the drone says, buzzing its wings slightly. “Simple.”
“What’s going on up there?”
“Your empire is in the grip of Sombra and many windigoes. He has managed to subdue your aunts – with our queen’s help,” it adds bitterly. “As well as your husband and sister. He plans to consume all of their magic to become the single most powerful being in the world, as well as yours and that of your child. You must stop him before he can. We are no match for him without the queen.”
I put an involuntary hoof across my stomach.
“And…” I hesitate. “Shining Armor?”
“Possessed. The dark power harvested from the Imperial-Prench War and your husband’s relative unfamiliarity with his body enabled Sombra to overtake him. But he is not yet finished. If you can purge the king’s soul from his body, you may yet save him.”
“Alright,” I nod, moving towards the exit. At the last second, I turn my head back. “And… thank you.”
“Hmph.”
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I hope Cadance will leave Celestia on that torture device, so old alicorn would die painfully. Suitable end for xenophobic woman who desires to make breeding stock out of her own family members. In the end Sombra is right, ponys in this story should grow up and take care of themselfs without any help or suppression.
thank you for not leaving the readers with the red wedding cliffhanger
6364442
For once, we agree on something.
6364442
I somewhat doubt that will happen.
Regardless of one can say about Celestia, in the end she was still right about at least one thing. Shining Armor being a dark magic beacon did attract King Sombra.
And irrelevant of who is truly at fault, Cadance will probably blame herself. Also, no matter how much she hates Celestia, she still probably won't do any worse than simply kill her. To cause eternal suffering is not something to be taken lightly, if there are possible alternatives that are just as easy to execute.
6364442
6365886
To clarify, the thing she's strapped to isn't a torture device or some mechanism of eternal torment. It causes pain, yes, but that's only a side-effect of ripping the magic out of its victim so the operator can consume. It's a mechanical, much less efficient duplication of Tirek's magic draining abilities. And the threat of soul imprisonment comes from Sombra himself, not the machine. The only reason it would be fatal to Celestia right now is that her body is has taken what would be mortal wounds without alicorn magic to sustain itself.
6365163
Fair question. You'd have to ask Celestia for an answer, and at the moment she's rather preoccupied. But I'm sure she would tell you that she had ideas on how to go about it. And Cadence is magically bound never to reveal the conflict between them, on pain of having her brain erased. That was covered at the end of the previous story. She doesn't know what, precisely, might be regarded by the spell as a breaking of her oath, and consequently is not eager to press the limits.
As to Luna (and Twilight), while they are nominally of equal rank both in practice defer to Celestia. She's the oldest and most powerful, has never gone "Nightmare", and in any case had a thousand years without competition to embed herself in Equestria's governing structure and backroom channels. She is capable of acting unilaterally without their knowledge or consent. It seems pretty clear that Twilight isn't aware of what her old mentor gets up to. The state of Luna's knowledge has been left deliberately ambiguous, though at the least she clearly still loves her sister and will fight her hardest to defend Celestia.
6365352
Who are you?
6365886
Dunno-dunno. Celestia triggered very strong maternal instincts in Cadance. There is only possibility of what young and powerful mother would do to defend her offspring.
6365938
This story is actually very well written out, the PoV from what goes on behind the alicorn's minds and hearts as to the front they portray has been done well. I would really like to see how it goes on, even with the deviation from Cadence's revenge with Sombra coming in and all that.
I do have a question though: Sombra seems to be a more talkative version of the canon Sombra. Just...some
onepony evil for the sake of being evil. Is there more to this?6367038
Well, he's explained why he feels what he does to be necessary (besides revenge, of course). He believes the alicorns to be weakening ponykind as a whole, leaving them fragile, vulnerable, and stupid to maintain their own rule. Considering the ease with which pony defenses are brushed aside both in the show and here, he isn't without a point. Though his solution pretty much amounts to replacing them with himself.
And I wholly subscribe to the theory that the time he spent in the ice, combined with dark magic corrupting his mind, had left Sombra mostly insane and animalistic by the time of "The Crystal Empire". Being dead for centuries had its benefits as far as his sanity goes. And, after putting so much time and work into his plan, he really, really, really wants it to be understood and appreciated. Also he just really hates all the alicorns on a personal level and wants them to suffer. So that's why he's being so talkative.
6367080
I see. Sorry I missed the main point on his speech, my mind pretty much went "Oh he just hates the Princesses (well can't really blame him there) and wants revenge along with total world domination". Which...in a basic essence is his plan.
I also didn't mean he's OOC by being talkative, I'm simply aiming a joke at the original canon script where I think his vocabulary didn't exceed 5 words and lots of sound effects.
Thanks for explaining!
I sometimes wonder how much of Sombra in this fic is a reaction to the autocratically 'peaceful' attitudes of Celestia...
But he seems like he'd be pretty vicious normally, though, and there's no clear causality chain between "Sombra was born into a world where Celestia did her best to control the world, preventing ambition and probably a good amount of progress" and "Sombra rejected morality and desired to be a tyrant ruling through fear."
It's possible that, with the ability to have a little bit of ambition, he might never have become extremized, or have the escalation that puts him a thousand + years later in Shining Armor's new alicorn body after overdosing on dark magic before he died... or maybe he'd be worse because there's no Celestia and Luna to stop him.
Hoi, you asked for comments on your story, yes? I'm afraid I'm obliged to give them to you now.
While I did add this story to favorites, I'm going to hold off on giving it a thumbs up for a bit - I'll explain why in a moment. Mostly, I use my favorites folder for stories that I want to read updates on as soon as they come out - the thumbs are reserved for when I've decided that the story is unquestionably good.
Now, while I am enjoying this story enough that I want to see an update as soon as it happens, I'm not quite sure it's hit the thumb yet. I guess this is the part where I list stuff I do and don't think is good, or am questioning. WARNING: LONG ASS POST - TLDR AT BOTTOM. SORRY NOT SORRY
To start, I'll say that I really like your character exposition and development, particularly on Cadence. It's been several hundred years, and she's starting to show some cynicism instead of the perky pink princess we're presented for the most part in the show, and I find that refreshing. I also like the way you've structured Celestia - she's a cunning master of politics who's obviously had that thousand years of experience at running a nation by herself. She fits into the chessmaster archetype wonderfully, with enough emotional weakness to make her still a little sympathetic instead of completely cold and heartless. Don't get me wrong, she's still scary, but she's got a plan and she's doing everything she can to make it happen, and accepting sacrifices in the name of what she believes to be the greater good. In tandem with your side story on the origin of Alicorns, this fits her beliefs perfectly - and I say beliefs because, while she presents the story as fact, it was still told to her second-hand by her parents - that her role is to guide the mortal races and promote harmony, and by the gods she's going to do just that.
That being said, I'm less than pleased with Twilight and Luna as depicted. I know they're not the focal characters of this story, but while Cadence has demonstrated development in character (if not growth) and Celestia depth, Twilight still behaves more or less as she did prior to the events of your story, and Luna hardly appears as anything other than Celestia's backup. Again, they're not the focal members of the story, so a lack of depth (eg Luna) is understandable - we're not privy to their struggles and perspectives as much. But as much as Celestia values Twilight's innocence and naivete, I mean, cmon. It's been 400 years - even Twilight wouldn't be so sheltered to be unchanged after that long. I'm not the same person I was four years ago - in four hundred, who would even recognize me? Again, it's not a huge dealbreaker, but a bit disapponting and jarring against the backdrop of Cadence and Celestia.
Speaking of those two, I like how contrasting the ideals of Cadence and Celestia are - Cadence, Alicorn of Love, is ready to risk many for few, where Celestia, Alicorn of the Sun, is ready to trade a few for many. Cadences philosophy goes 'this person is important to me and I will do anything to take care of them', where Celestia follows 'every life is equally special and thus, when many are threatened, it is better to sacrifice few to save them.' Cadence is motivated by selfish yet empathetic means, whereas Celestia aims to be altruistic and uses cold, calculated methods to obtain it - sacrificing not only others but her own integrity. Cadence sees her Aunt and thinks she doesn't have enough empathy for an individual - Celestia thinks she has too much. Just adore the contrast here, it's very nice and I'm excited to see how it pans out.
On viewpoints, I also like how Sombra has been fleshed out. He's got reasoning, but it's clearly flawed to anyone that isn't him - "The Alicorns are using their strength to oppress us! I shall take that strength for myself and oppress everyone else! Manifest Destinyyyyyy" -Which is good. A well constructed villain should have an argument for why they're right, but one that can be countered. After all, if the villain doesn't take themselves seriously, why should I - but if they're argument is rock solid, why are they the villain? Sombra here has just the right balance of justification and irrationality to make him unquestionably the one I do not want to win.
But to bring another negative, Shining Armor is just kind of...flat in comparision. Maybe it's just because he doesn't have a good foil like Cadence/Celestia, but he just doesn't seem as interesting. I mean, yeah, he's been cynical, depressed, and resigned to his fate most of the story, but he's pretty one-dimensional: he wants Cadence to be happy. I think the most interesting part of the story for his character was when he and Cadence were talking with their grandaughter to the xth power and her husband. They both say that openness and honesty are what's important, but neither is following their own advice. Shining Armor says that Gallium should tell his wife how he feels rather than just avoiding it, but then he won't tell Cadence that he feels awful because he wants to make her happy - but that doesn't work because Cadence has super-empathy, but she doesn't tell him that she knows he feels like shit and is trying to make it better because she thinks that will make him feel worse. It's kind of classically hilarious, but there should be more to him than absolute devotion and depression. At this point he's coming off as just a damsel in distress - nothing more than the motivation for the conflict between the two leading ladies. Maybe it's intentional, but he feels less like a character to me and more like a plot device.
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Now, if you read through that wall of text I commend your dedication to receiving feedback - I don't like to do something halfway, so if I was giving feedback by god you were getting feedback. And I would like to remind you that I am enjoying and eagerly following this story, and that I'm not saying anything I pointed out as negative needs to be changed - they're just my observations, impressions, and opinions. I want to see where you take this story, and I have a feeling that all the issues aren't going to be resolved by the end of this one, in which case I will be following the sequel with equal interest.
TLDR
Cadence and Celestia as you protray them are awesome
Twilight and Luna aren't as well developed as I'd like
Cadence and Celestia are foils of each other and I love it - both flawed but committed to their ideals.
Sombra is a very well constructed Villain
Shining Armor is not a particularly strong character and that's kind of disappointing but I can live with it.
Most importantly: I like this story. You keep doing your thing.
6368915
Thank you for the thoroughness of the feedback! I appreciate the effort you put in. And flattery is always nice.
Now, in response to your criticisms:
Twilight and Luna are, as you noted, not the main characters of the story. Their viewpoints have not been explored as much, and in Luna's case are intentionally ambiguous. How much does she know about her sister's activities, and does she agree? As to Twilight's lack of apparent change, it can be attributed primarily to Celestia's own involvement. Twilight is her go-to agent for high priority, morally upstanding missions as seen both in the show and here. Part of her effectiveness comes from her sincere belief in what she's doing, which would be threatened by a fuller picture of her mentor's behavior. Also, Celestia regards her as being the closest thing to a living daughter she has, with Twilight being her biggest emotional weakness. Her innocence is valuable to Celestia from both practical and emotional angles, and its preservation is something I imagine she takes quite seriously. And there are more than enough good works to be done throughout Equestria and the world to keep the Princess of Friendship occupied.
As to Shining Armor, I tried to make it plain that his mindset is due in a great part to psychological damage resulting from his crystalline state. The reason his devotion is so intense is because that's literally all he had left in the world. The depression is due to, well, the rather obvious fact that he was a necromantic construct that couldn't enjoy anything about life and is widely looked at with suspicion and distrust. And for a good reason, since he was aware of his status as a dark magical beacon. Until very recently he had no chance at enjoying life besides the abstract pleasure he got from devotion, so that's what he did. Four hundred and twenty years is a long time for a mortal mind. You'll note he's gotten a bit more lively since transferring, his thoughts are much less mopey, and he gets more playful and aggressive with Cadence. But it's only been a very short period of time, so he isn't fully back to the way he was when he was last alive. Assuming he survives all this, I imagine his perspective and outlook will be very different in a few months or so.
And the part about Shining and Cadence not taking their own advice to their grandchildren was totally intentional. Sometimes one can see the problems in others that one cannot see in oneself.
That seems kind of out of character for him. I'm going to slowly kill you and then torture your soul for eternity... but your student's perfectly safe. She's even in a coma to prevent the horrible "And I Must Scream" clausterphobia from setting in.
6364442
Then the planet becomes tidally locked and everything dies in about a month as Cadance struggles desperately to figure out how everything works. OR she unfreezes Luna, who immediately orders the invading expeditionary force to burn the Crystal Empire to the ground for Cadance's regicide. OR she kills both princesses, takes over Equestria and becomes the evil Empress of Ponykind.
I suppose if the author wanted to double subvert a grimdark ending, it would be a good choice.
6370690
Actually, this is only sensible on Sombra's part. Leaving Twilight conscious and able to act - even just to think - would almost certainly have been the last mistake he would ever have made; he wouldn't have survived long enough to betray the new changeling queen.
Besides, the only reason she's alive is so that Sombra can kill and torture her for all eternity, just as soon as he's done with Celestia...