John. His life was the one of the average kid. He goes to school, he works to maintain himself, he gets along well with his neighbors... In short, he is a good guy. When he plans to travel to another place for some vacations to stay away from everything, one of his neighbors tell him to be careful on his road, for he might find "the pink one".
Ignoring him, John sets out in his travel. Soon, he discovers that he should have listened the old man, for he crashes against a tree in the middle of a forest covered by fog.
When he realizes that he survived, and amazed for it, he also realizes something else: a pink horse stands in front of him with the biggest smile he have ever seen.
Chapters (8)
More please.....
I want to read this, I truly do, but the grammar is killing my eyes.
What is a very tiring job? This is a sentence fragment, or needs a comma in place of the period in the sentence beforehand, a lowercase "a" in the word "and", as well as expansion.
What needs to be here is "Bought", as it is the past tense and "Buy" is future tense.
These are only a few of many errors that match this kind of problem, and there are other kinds as well. The premise for this is good, but the quality of grammar is not helping it any. In fact, it's hindering it.
*EDIT*
Advice for when editing:
A trick I know for when you need to edit something you yourself wrote. For you see, when you write, you have what you mean to write down already in your head, so when you go over what you wrote from the beginning, it clutters what you're perceiving from the actual written words. The trick to avoid this is to Read Everything Backwards And Review, or R.E.B.A.R. for short.
Strangely this also works for when trying to figure out if someone's lying. If they can't repeat what they said happened in reverse order from the first time they said it, they're lying.
4872151 Well, it really only holds true when repeating major things like going to specific locations over the course of the day.
4872199 Nah, you're just chatin' with some random guy on the internet who has a habit of rambling.
Okay you realize the Shrieker's from Downpour were female right? Why did you call this story's equivalent male? (I don't think they're necessarily called Shrieker's but considering their disorienting voices it's close).
Why would he save someone that tried to gut him? Naivety all around, I swear to god.
8473934
I don't know... video game logic? Kindness? Naivety, as you said?
Man, after reading this through I'm sad to see the long hiatus. Will it ever return?
9345234
My name will stop being John if i ever were to renounce to one of my stories.