Firetta leaped into the air, spreading her wings as she soared over her friends, landing gracefully several seconds before them. New Leaf reached her a second before Decadent.
Firetta felt bad for Decadent. Her crush on New was pretty obvious, but either the earth pony was really mean, playing around with her, or was a blockhead, not noticing it at all. Firetta was pretty sure it was the latter. New was barely ever mean, but was a biit, how should she put this, ignorant sometimes.
She watched as they bumped into each other, rolling fast across the ground since Decadent had been going to fast to stop.
Firetta leapt into the air to avoid her tumbling friends, but her back hooves got hit by New's face, and she fell, joining their tumble. They rolled down the hill, the ball of three friends knocking over several ponies and hitting some plants before finally reaching the bottom of the hill and rolling to a stop.
They all laughed harder than they ever had as they got to their hooves. After recovering from their laughing fit, they were all left with messed up hair and hiccups as they approached the Square, joining the crowd. They trotted across the Square to a sleek pole that held the flag of The Society, a pure white flag with a single skyscraper on it and a moon inside a sun behind it.
This is were the three friends would meet their parents. Firetta was suddenly hit by a memory, the memory of their meeting, as she looked down a dark alleyway shrouded in shadow.
Firetta and Decadent were trotting down the street, both of their parents chatting, trotting close behind them, giving the young fillies the illusion of trotting alone. The two fillies had meet at their first day of school last week, and this was their first playdate.
Firetta jumped in the air for a second, fluttering around before landing in front of her new friend, smiling. Decadent stopped and clopped her front hooves together at her friends show. Decant then spewed a joke and both fillies giggled.
They were trotting faster at the sight of a candy shop. They were about to reach it when they heard a scream from a nearby alleyway. The little fillies cautiously approached the alley, their parents close behind. The fillies covered their eyes from the sight. A dirty, mean gang unicorn was holding a rusty dagger to the throat of a young, white earth pony colt. He was demanding the colt's small bag of bits. The colt hoofed them over, and then the gangster took away the dagger to then thrust it at the green maned colt, who screamed. Before the dagger could hit its mark, however, Firetta's father, Fine Flame, saw the scene and quickly whipped his shotgun out. He pointed it at the gangster and pulled the trigger with his tongue, the bullet hitting the gangster in the chest, blood spurting over the alleyway walls.
Eventually the two fillies visited the colt after the first time in the alley with their parents, who wished them well. After sevral months, the three became best friends, and Firetta had pouted to her parents for a week straight when they said they wouldn't pay for New Leaf's education. But Firetta was an ace at whining and getting under ponies's coats, so after a week they started paying for New's education.
School had ended last year for the three friends. Even though some of them were on different ends of the social pyramid, they were still the best of friends.
That was Firetta's biggest fear. That they would get seperated for life, one or two of them getting put into The Society. Either the one in The Society would be without them, or one pony would be left on the outside, alone.
Firetta shook the thoughts as they reached the pole, and New sprouted a joke or two. They all laughed and the time flew away from them. Soon their parents were arriving, and the young ponies ran up to their parents. Little did they know that that would be their last time together in the Shanty.
===
Decadent blew her mane out of her face as she approached their parents. Firetta's parents, Fine Flame and Boosy Banjo were at the front. Fine Flame was a sunny yellow coated pegasus with a gray mane like Firetta's and brown eyes. His cutie mark was a single flame.
Boosy Banjo was a female pegasus with a white coat. Her mane was light pink, and her eyes were green. Her cutie mark was a bottle of booze with two banjos in the backround.
Next was New Leaf's parents, Small Willow and Running Rivulet.
Small Willow was New's mother, a white earth pony mare. Her mane was orange with a single black stripe, and her eyes were orange. Her cutie mark was a willow tree.
Running rivulet was New's father, a male earth pony with a light blue coat. His mane was the green blue of New's, and his eyes were green. His cutie mark was a river with two evergreen trees in front of it.
Lastly was Decadent's parents, Divine Diamond and Golden Hope.
Divine Diamond was Decadent's mother, a short, pink coated unicorn. Her mane was the same two layered mane as Decadent's, and her eyes were pink. Her cutie mark was a large diamond ring.
Golden Hope was her father, a male unicorn with a gray coat. His mane was gold, and his eyes were blue. His cutie mark was three bars of gold stacked on top of each other with a gold heart behind them.
The parents trotted over to their children. The ceremony was about to begin.
Everypony stood in silence, a few foals wailing, soon to be shushed by their mothers. A portly male unicorn took a stage that had been erected in the Square. His coat was dark blue and his mane was canary yellow. His eyes were light blue and his cutie mark was three scrolls stacked on top of each other. Decadent believed his name was Scripted Scroll.
Scripted began the long speech about the Fall, about how the princesses were killed by some thing that was a mix of all mosters, blah blah blah. It was all the past. Decadent just wanted to get to the pickings.
After a half hour, Scripted moved to the bowls, announcing that since it was July, stallions would go first. He reached his hoof into the bowl that held half a million names. He picked one and unfolded it. He read out loud " Storm Striker."
A big light blue pegasus swooshed onto the stage. He had a light green mane and purple eyes. His cutie mark was a storm cloud with a lightning bolt through it.
Then Scripted moved onto the next bowl. He fished around and read out loud "Decadent Diamond." Decadent shook as she trotted forward, her body rigid as she reached the stage. Her face broke into a smile as she stood next to Storm Striker.
The pair trotted away, off stage. It was then that Decadent realized that New and Firetta were not coming. That she had left them behind without even a goodbye.
Fear not I will try to do another review for this chapter. However it is getting late (like really late) here so I actually need to get some sleep. I will try to review this for you tomorrow.
I am looking forward to reading it.
Washed Away review
Chapter 02 induction
WARNING! THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS!
Grammar: 8/10
If did notice a few things. I will try to send a message to you concerning the few grammar issues I saw so you may change them.
Pros:
1. I like how you were able to show how our three protagonists became friends despite their varied backgrounds.
2. I enjoyed how you brought up that dilemma I mentioned earlier about how only 1 or 2 of these three friends could make it into the Society. It shows that the characters aren’t ignorant and saying things like: “Of we will all get in. They will make an exception for us.” They are all going into this knowing that one of them could end up being alone.
3. Despite actually watching the Hunger Games movie I was surprised by what happened at the end of this chapter. For a few reasons. First I thought that Firetta was the main character so to learn that it is actually Decadents (at least I am fairly sure she is the main character now… I will have to wait til the next chapter to see if I am wrong) was shocking. Even the fact that out of the three only Decadents gets picked was shocking because ever since I started reading chapter 1 I predicted it would be Firetta and New Leaf. I am serious I was so shocked by this twist that I actually ran around my house yelling: “What just happened! I was caught off guard (I generally am good at predicting how a story will go)! THIS IS AMAZING!”
Cons:
1. In the scene where Firetta’s dad saves new you had him use a shotgun. Now that is necessarily bad it just seems sort of convenient. Now I know you explained in the previous chapter that the Shanty can be rampant with crimes at times but seriously who takes a shotgun to their foal’s playdate? Perhaps if there was a story behind why the father carries a shotgun around with him all the time it would seem more believable.
2. Later in the chapter you describe the parents and while I appreciate that you described how the parent’s appearance I think some of their background should have been discussed as well. Boosy Banjo for example: you give us her appearance but never really described why she is called that. Sure her cutie mark has something to do with it but what about her personal life. Is she drink every chance she gets to the point of drunkenness or is it that she can drink alcohol and remain sober?
3. Decadents reaction to Scripted Scrolls talking about the past. It came as such a downer to me because it left me going: “Wait yeah you know this but I don’t! I don’t live in the Shanty and I don’t know your history! I want to know this!” *Robbie goes and cries in a corner. 10 minutes he returns.* Even if you had her doing some bored thought we she speeds over the whole thing that would be enlightening for the audience.
Personal thoughts:
One thing I keep on noticing are ponies with white coats. So I am a little puzzled why we keep seeing this. Because if there is a reason I am looking forward to finding out what it is later in the story. Otherwise I think it might be better to give some (not necessarily all mind you) of the white coated ponies some different colors instead. However if like I said earlier there is a mysterious reason for this that you plan on revealing to us in the future then ignore this statement.
Again I love the story and I am looking forward to seeing more. Just keep in mind that this is your world and unlike the ponies in it we the audience don’t know anything about it or its history.
Thank you and I hope you enjoyed this review of this chapter.
4885636 I just skipped the history because I want to make you wait. Oh, and I got your message.