• Member Since 7th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 28th, 2018

FrozenPegasus


T

Rarity receives summons to the castle, regarding a position by Celestia's side. Things take an unexpected turn when she discovers the state of Celestia's health. A battle against time begins to help the Princess keep her condition from becoming public, the consequences of which would cast a shadow of despair over all of Equestria. An uplifting story of love overcoming even the most difficult circumstances.

Chapters (13)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 115 )

It seems a bit off for Twilight to be left entirely out of something like this, so you will want to address it or edit that to be different*. Things that are at odds with the norm need to be addressed at some point or avoided.

That aside, it is a good start. Be aware that sometimes a new paragraph starts in the middle of a scentence, you will want to fix those.

* To keep her from getting in the way of the ship (which I would suppose is the point), she could be let in on things to be an aid to Luna or something say, public relations as having Celestia's student by her side could ease any fears of Nightmare returning.

The humor definitely has a certain flair. You had me at "a grey, formless rain cloud in a pout." :rainbowlaugh:

I can actually see the dress you are talking about in this and I find it very inspired. Really enjoyed this, can't wait for more. Will put this on watch :raritywink:

460628
Yessir. I have a dastardly plan for ms twilight, who will in turn will be providing us with dramatic tension and several appearances throughout the story. Also, sorry about the formatting. Apparently the pages app does not like google docs.

460676
Omg! That means a ton coming from you. I'm a big fan of your work. "Perfect for Me" was one of my first reads here.

This is very, very good. I can't wait for the next chapter.

Going good. :twilightsmile:

Luna seems like she needs help.

465342
Thanks! Glad your enjoying it so far. Going to be hectic for the next few days, poli sci paper and latin exam. High chance of an update on thurs/fri though


465349
Yup. She's going to have her hooves full. Maybe I will eventually give her a little purple helper... :twilightsheepish:

461051
Ty! the dresses will continue to be an important plot point (never thought I'd write that sentence...)

465737

That would add some interesting things to see how they pan out. Such as if it will before, during, or after she becomes a problem. And why she is let that close to the secret and what kind of help she will provide.

This is good, and just to inform you I laughed so hard at Raritys “I’m not above such acts of loyalty of course, princess, but I assumed the pink servant pony who escaped the pleasure of your company only moments ago would sate your appetite for more physical boons” I'm pretty shameless most of the time but that got my face to go red. I think you're safely within the bounds of not turning this in to a clop and I applaud you for that, though the teasing is quite hilarious (hey she's been around for a long long long time I think she's earned some playtime) I already added this to favs and watch, but if I could do it again I so would. Sorry for the ramble, great job! :raritywink:

Ah... Celestia picks her bitches well.

"And I came out her to escape the party myself"

Other than that and an uncapitalized Pinkie, very nice chapter.

This story needs more love. *gives the story love* :derpytongue2::heart:

My God, this is good.:raritywink:

So Rarity had a predecessor... perhaps an ancestor? But do take care what bee's nest of emotion you may be kicking open, young mare, when you recall the memory of a pony Celestia refused to replace.

The writing feels cleaner and smoother in this chapter. (If pressed to actually count, I suspect I would find no more than half as many spots that I'd consider rough, probably less.) You've written a very approachable and sympathetic character in Rarity, and in this chapter especially, she's starting to stand out as a uniquely detailed refinement of the show-canon character.

And speaking of canon, I'm glad to see you're not afraid to make up your own when the story calls for it. Semi-related: this Sleepy Luna is adorable.

472350
Indeed
472401
*rubs eyes confused-ly* I could have sworn I fixed that. *fixes* if it comes back this time I'll know I'm crazy... Good catch though
472468
Story love is always good :raritywink:
472472
I totally read that in Stan Marsh's voice.
472479
High praise, again. Yeah, I think this chapter went well, though I really need to go back over and rewrite some previous chapter sections, especially chapter 2. I read the blog, glad to hear your writer's block has lifted, or is at least near being resolved. Rom/Com, or I guess rom/com/dram is new territory for me as well, (would have posted the last part on your blog, but didn't want it to seem like blatant self-promotion). Good luck with dat plot :twilightblush: :facehoof:

Poor Luna, she works so hard and then becomes the subject of very naughty pranks.

Have to say I like it. You make Celestia very... equine. :pinkiehappy:

Looking forwards to more of this, you write very well and are excellent at your timing for swapping viewpoints. :twilightsmile:

Too awesome! And hinting at possible TwiLuna? :twilightsmile:

480204
Yeah I'd be a little mad if I were her.

480205
Thanks! It actually really helps to hear that, because I'm pretty sure this was my first chapter actively switching between all three main viewpoints. Glad it went smoothly. :raritywink:

481801
Maaaaaybe. It'd be pretty mean of me at this point to not arrange something nice for Luna by the end.

And so the serious shipping begins. :raritystarry: (as opposed to Celly teasing)

You know, you do seem big on capitalizing the first letter in colors.

496282
Bah, the vagueness of that comment was borderline cruel, like forcing an insomniac to play where's waldo. Not that I don't appreciate it. I was so tired I didn't even manage to put in a AN. So I fixed the one instance of sapphire being capped, didn't find any of white/turquoise, and one of magenta. I think that's it. Feel free to tell me if I missed one. And yes, so the ship begins... unless Celly gets completely denied :pinkiecrazy:

496477

"more of a question of whether the Alabaster mare would operate"

Earlier comment edited for correctness.

"Why yes Celestia, yes I do. Now pardon me for being unladylike, but I simply can't restrain myself from burying my snout in that sweet, sweet flank of yours and praying I never have to come up for air." :heart::raritywink:

Ahem... I mean uhh... anyway gotta go now

Whew, this ride's about to get bumpy. The question of love being brought up at the end seems sudden, to the point of being somewhat jarring, but it's a tough call because it's not necessarily out of character at all. Celestia would have every reason to address the issue immediately as soon as the question came up in her mind. And not just because of the lessons she's learned from Aria, I suspect.

There's more than a touch of Eternal here, and maybe some Composure. But it's got its own unique flavor, too. As always, I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes next.

Sweet sweet bitter sweet.

496492
oooooooh I knew I missed one. *Facehoof*

496712
If only things could be that simple... :duck:

497088
Ah good, glad you picked up on that. I wasnt trying to be particularly subtle about it, with the juxtaposition between discord / secrets and then Allofasuddenlove, hopefully you're not the only reader left after the next chapter. :pinkiecrazy: As for composure/eternal... Bah. Being fan of both, I've worried about that, and tried to keep this as separate from them as possible, but I guess some eventual bleed-over was inevitable. In my defense, I would say this is much more Rarity's story than Celestia's, while those two stories are much more focused on celestia as opposed to twilight. I would also hesitantly say my view of cel is slightly more "human" than DH's, if only in the sense that mine is more prone to.. Well that would be telling. But overarching vision will be different... I hope.

497304
The best (and worst) is yet to come :trollestia:

I felt so bad for Rarity when the princess reacted to the dress... I've been in similar situations myself. I look forward as always to more.

Rarity is my type of lady! :raritywink: Also, keep up the great work I'm loving this story so far.

Noticed a little typo there.

If a certain someone notices I “borrowed” their comment, and really wants it back, I’ll happily (grumpily) change it. :facehoof:

to

Thanks to PrettyMonster for lending me the naughty line concerning sweet, sweet flanks. :pinkiehappy:

Permission retroactively granted.

*brohoof*

That will teach Rarity to respond thoughtlessly to important questions.

Makes sense. Cadence is another word for rhythm. And rhythm is important for dancing.

527937
Yep. She's a trooper. Next chapter goes into her psychology a bit, now that I have more of a handle on it
529276
Bahahah, nice. You noticed AND actually read the AN. I'll have to fix that shortly.
529929
Aw, no love for Rarity? Celestia did kind of catapault over her in less than an hour...
530594
That's actually a good deduction, but not where I was going. Remember that Celestia's "possibly-a-consort-pony" is light pink. I don't have a problem with cadence, just not sure how she'd fit in to this particular story. Oooh, maybe I could make this pony related to her though, better than just creating an OC with no ties. Would also explain the musical ability and familiarity with royalty. Hm. I rather like that. Good call.

530984 Er... You're welcome? Sour Grapes, part time muse, at your service. :rainbowlaugh:

530984

Well, it is an important lesson for her to learn.

531076
Always open to new sources of input and ideas :raritywink:

531126
Indeed. One she won't be soon forgetting, ideally. Ugh. I'd so much rather be working on the next chapter than studying for my British foreign policy exam :pinkiesick:

529276
Also, fixed :trollestia:

If there was any doubt of how much Celestia's condition affected her mental state, it's been firmly abolished now. No thousand-plus-years-old sun-goddess-princess in her right mind would have given herself over to her emotions to the point of grabbing another pony for sexy time just because she got rejected. (Not that I fault her for it; quite the opposite! But normally, she has far more self-restraint than us mere mortals.)

Also, whoever said that Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? They meant Rarity. Yikes!

(Credit where it's due: It was William Congreve, if anyone wondered, and that's a paraphrase of the original line.)

So it wasn't necessarily sexy time at all? Awk-ward! I'm definitely leaning toward liking Stanza. She's harsh, but in a no-nonsense, for-your-own-good sort of way.

Now get back to that studying! :pinkiehappy:

Please study we can wait. The first part of this chapter made me want to :raritycry: ever so slightly, there isn't enough RarityxSweetie Bell love going around, and two sisters really should love eachother. :unsuresweetie::raritydespair:

537565
Yup, I'm thinking Celestia probably made her wait on the first day so Rarity 'accidentally' saw her in the first place. To directly quote someone: "No thousand-plus-years-old sun-goddess-princess in her right mind would have given herself over to her emotions to the point of grabbing another pony for sexy time just because she got rejected." :pinkiehappy: Glad you're liking Stanza. Everyone is so... "proper" in this piece so far, wanted to write somepony a bit more abrasive.

538075
Well there was about five different areas of foreshadowing going on in that bit. One of my "to die by" rules about stories in general, "One must not put a loaded rifle on the stage if no one is thinking of firing it." (Anton Chekov).
I mean it sounds overly ominous for my intents and purposes but you get the point: "One must not put a loaded Sweetie Belle in the foreshadowing..."
Oh, no Cutie Mark Crusaders though. Hell no. And that's not comment foreshadowing. Or is it? (<- question to negate ironic foreshadowing :pinkiecrazy:)

538170 cursed Chekov and his insane theories about guns... I agree on the CMC I don't really care for the episodes that deal with just them (mostly because we all know they will never get their cuties marks even though we all know what they are) though I am dieing to see an inclusion of Sweetie-Bot in more stuff. Also I am new here, how does one link directly to somone elses comment like that?

538192
Not sure exactly what you mean, I've just been using the reply button on the comments to reply to them. If you're referencing my quotation of Chekov, well I typed that :derpytongue2:

538207 Oh, I just get confused because when I click reply it has numbers and not a name... didn't know it converted. Also were you just channeling Pinkie Pie?:pinkiegasp:

When Rarity was doing high kicks in Return to Harmony to defend Tom, you could see a beer gut on her. It all makes sense!

But Sweetie Belle is a little to happy and innocent to have been raised by abusive parents.

538247
I am pinkie pie. 5th wall broken :pinkiecrazy:

538668
Poor rarity, she does try so hard to hide it lol. As for sweetie, I dunno. I really did go out of my way to make their parents more "impotent control freaks" than necessarily hardcore abusive, because the darkness of the latter isn't really something I want to mess with. I think it depends on the kind of kid. For instance, I volunteered with a friend of mine who's really into charity work at this after school tutoring/daycare for a few months. Some of the kids you could tell came from crappy homes, but some were so repressed you'd never guess. There was a little girl named Jessie who was bright eyed, bubbly, all the TA's favorites, but deathly afraid of brooms. Like if you picked up a broom she would go in the corner and look absolutely terrified. Also, you have to consider that Sweetie has had Rarity to shield her. As giving as Rarity can be, it's not a huge stretch that she's taken a lot of the more traumatizing stuff for sweetie over the years. Or at least, that's my opinion. That particular backstory isn't nearly over yet though.

538850

When we saw Rarity's parents in Sisterhooves Social, they seemed more like harmless, but loving doofuses than neglectful.

539241 Time changes things, and I've seen people who are generally happy who were raised by abusive parents, it all amounts to what they have to escape to. Maybe Sweetie wasn't old enough to understand before they changed in some way. Also... >>FrozenPegasus study for your exam, it wouldn't do for you to start doing poorly in school just because we are an insatiable bunch of reeders.

539241
You're just trying to get more possible plot points out of me aren't you? You sly devil you. *takes sagely author voice* All will make sense in time. I'm committed to minimally altering cannon
540210
Bah. Prioritize? Me? It's terrible. When I have free time on my hands it's like I'm writing in a cloud. When there's a million other things I need to be doing, I get a landslide of ideas to tempt me: I settle for jotting them down in a "to be written later" notebook, but it's really hard to resist sometimes. First exam down, three more to go. Last one is on monday

542985 lol well do what you feel you must, and good luck on your exams. :ajsmug:

Oh man I'm so glad this story got another update.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!