Technicolor
Learning about Colors
When wondering if something interesting was going to happen during any given day, it usually didn’t matter what time of the day it was when one was in the town of Ponyville. Something, whether large or small, was always bound to happen one day. From one or two pony problems to an evil magic sapping centaur running amok and trying to rule everypony, the town and its inhabitants did see a lot of different events happen on a regular basis.
And today would be no different for Princess Twilight Sparkle as a spread out series of thuds alerted her to someone at the front door of her new palace. Setting down the book she was reading, she snuck a look at the clock on the wall as she walked out of the room.
“Hmm, it’s seven in the morning. I wonder who that could be?” she said as she picked up her pace to a slow trot, seeing as how she had to cross much more space in the castle.
Trotting over, she focused her magic on the door in front of her, opening it in time with her arrival. On the other side was a sight that puzzled her..
Two changelings, a load of luggage… and a log?
“Hello Princess Sparkle, sorry for being so early. We are-“ one of them started to introduce themselves.
“The new changeling ambassadors! Of course, come in, come in, just let me get one thing,” Twilight said, ushering the changelings in before teleporting out of the room in a flash.
“Well she didn’t go wide eyed, scream, or freak out in any way. I’d call that a good start, wouldn’t you, honey?” one said while smiling as she looked at the aesthetics of the room.
“Oh the times they are a-changing my dear. But as I recall in our briefing, she is the academic type; one to succumb more to curiosity than fear in certain situations,” the second replied as a bright flash and popping noise signaled Twilight’s return.
“Sorry, I was doing some quick reading earlier before I rechecked my schedule for the day. You are actually a bit early,” she said, half looking at them, half looking at the scroll she floated in front of her.
“Oh yes, our travelling went quicker than expected…” The changeling paused before his eyes went wide. “Oh, your highness, I’m sorry, we forgot to introduce ourselves. My apologies. My name is Opilio, and this is my wife.” The changeling motioned to the other next to him.
“Dotted Blue,” she said with a slight bow.
“Hmm like the type of crab and butterfly?” Twilight asked.
“Yes your highness. Our species has similar traits to arthropods, so we in turn take our names from them. We found it very interesting that you tend to do this with…well, everything. If you don’t mind me asking, can’t that be a bit confusing sometimes?” Opilio asked.
“Well it can be sometimes, what with some ponies having very similar names. I’m just glad no one is named Twilight Sparkles, or else it might mess up the mail,” Twilight joked, earning a chuckle from the two changelings. “Um, is it okay if I ask you a question?”
“Why certainly your highness,” Opilio replied.
“Oh, you can just call me Twilight. I’m not really one for honorifics and titles.” Twilight gave him small smile.
“Are all the princesses like that?” Opilio asked, forgetting about what Twilight had asked of him.
“Well Cadence is, and Celestia prefers it for more official reasons, but Luna is still catching up on the past one thousand years so it may be a while before she decides.”
“Fascinating,” Opilio replied simply, focusing on what the princess was saying.
“So anyway, I was looking through some of the information I was given on you, as to prepare for your arrival... and I noticed that it said that there were three of you?” Twilight said, trying to avoid being blunt.
“Oh, yes. Dotted, myself and our son.”
“Oh that’s right, we haven’t introduced you to our son, Scuttle,” Dotted broke into the conversation again after walking back over from their luggage, cradling the log with a leg before placing it gently on the ground in between the three.
Twilight stood there just staring at the log in silence for a while before Dotted finally realized what was going through the mare’s mind and laughed a little bit. “Oh, how forgetful of us. This must look weird from your perspective, Twilight. I’m truly sorry,” she said before leaning down and nuzzling the log. “Scuttle, honey, it’s time to wake up. You’ve got somepony to meet.” The softness of her tone gave Twilight a reminder of her own mother.
Still looking down at the log, Twilight watched as it began to move. A slight roll to the right, then to the left, and then, with a small series of pops and green flashes, the log was now standing on four little black legs. After a slightly louder pop, the rest of the log changed into the small body of a young changeling.
The little changeling yawned and stretched before slowly inkling his head and opening his eyes. Twilight looked into his bright blue eyes as Scuttle slowly got going, as most foals did in the morning. He blinked a couple of times before it seemed like he focused on the pony in front of him. With a surprisingly sudden burst of energy, he gasped.
“OH MY GOSH! You’re that princess!” The changeling, with his newfound energy, started looking in every direction his body would allow him to. “And we’re in your palace! This is so cool!” His childish actions caused the adults in the room to laugh.
“Well Twilight, as you can see he’s… really excited about being here. It’s very rare that he wakes up and suddenly takes off. Usually it takes forever to get him up.” Dotted smiled as she watch her child zip around the room, looking at literally everything.
“Um…is it okay if I ask why he was a log while sleeping?” Twilight was still surprised by that. It reminded her of a comic Spike read, though she couldn’t recall the title at the moment. Something along the lines of Transformicons or something.
“Of course, Twilight. It’s actually something very simple. When changelings are born, they are born with all the traits and abilities that all other changelings have, but they do not yet have the knowledge to fully utilize them. When children first begin to grasp their powers, they start small with inanimate things. Sometimes it happens randomly in surges, and in somewhat rare cases like with Scuttle, the young ones transform when they are asleep,” Opilio stated as he kept his eyes on his son’s wanderings.
“Wow, I never knew that. I’ve only seen changelings transform into other ponies before.” Twilight felt the urge to take notes, but did not want to be rude to her guests.
“Well it’s not really a skill the changelings of the past revealed… but since the peace and everything, and how the situation is different, I think we changelings will have to… no pun intended, change.”
“Plus Scuttle’s ability has led to some funny incidents,” Dotted broke back into the conversation.
“How so?” Twilight could only imagine the possibilities.
“Well one time after dinner, Scuttle fell asleep and turned into a plate, and his father sure got a big surprise when he went to wash the dishes afterwards.” Dotted raised a hoof to her mouth to stifle her laughter as Twilight saw a blush on Opilio’s face appear.
“Moooooooooom!” Scuttle yelped as he ran back over to his parents. “I told you not to tell that story, it’s embarrassing-” He spun around to face Twilight in the second half of his sentence, lifting one hoof into the air in his defense. ‘-and it only happened once!”
His somewhat childish actions were what broke the dam holding back everyone’s laughter. Everyone laughed for a minute before having to stop and catch their breath. Opilio was the first to recover and speak again.
“So now that our introductions are out of the way, what do you require of us, Princess Twilight?” He added her title back in trying to keep the conversation serious.
“Well I just have the information on you and when you would be arriving. We have a house for you, ready to move in and everything. The paperwork for that and some other things you will need to go over is at the town hall. Mayor Mare will be in charge of that, so I think the best course of action is to get started on that.”
“Ugh, great. Boring paperwork.” Twilight looked down at Scuttle, his head hanging low while he softly scuffed the floor.
“Now Scuttle, we talked about this. Our first day in Ponyville might not be super exciting, but once we get settled in, I’m sure you’ll be able to have plenty of fun,” Dotted tried to reason with Scuttle.
“But what about today’s lesson? I was looking forward to it for forever, and now…” Scuttle frowned and just splayed himself on the floor of the palace. His parents looked at each other, trying to decide what to do.
“Ahem…I may have an idea that could help, if you don’t mind. If you want, I could watch Scuttle for you while you two head to town hall to settle everything. Everything that needs to be signed by me has already been. I made sure of it and checked it off my checklist,” Twilight told them, hoping to try and brighten the little changeling’s day.
Opilio looked off in thought for a bit before he answered with, “Well I believe that would be… acceptable.” Scuttle’s face lit up as his father agreed to Twilight’s proposal as he bounced around the place, a look of joy on his face.
“Now Scuttle, remember our rules before we leave you with the Princess, okay?”
“Yes mom… now go! Go go go go go go!” He pushed them towards the door slightly with his small hooves. They chuckled and gave Twilight a look that basically said “good luck” as they left. As the door finally closed, thanks to Scuttle pushing it closed with all his might, he slid down with a slight exhale of exhaustion. His fatigue was very brief though, because soon enough he was back in front of Twilight with a huge grin.
“Man, this is so cool! I bet nobody else has ever had a princess for a sitter before,” he said confidently, his eye brimming with happiness.
“Well I’m not so-“Twilight wanted to tell him, but…
“Yep, definitely the first. I should get that on a plaque and put it where everyone can see,” he cut off Twilight unintentionally as he continued talking to himself. Twilight watched him as he walked in a circle, talking about anything and everything.
“So Princess, what do you do for fun around here?” Scuttle finally broke out of his little monologue and stared up at Twilight.
“Well lots of things Scuttle, but is it okay if I ask you a question first?” She smiled at him, curious about something he said to his father.
“Well, I mean it is your palace, and you are a princess. You can kinda do anything you want,” he said with a shrug, stunning the princess with his childish logic.
“Well yes, I am… and it is… but it really isn’t…” Twilight fumbled for the appropriate answer but couldn’t find it. Instead, she chose to just go ahead with her question. “You said something to your dad about a lesson?”
“Oh, well I’m… I believe the phrase for it is ‘home schooled’? We don’t have an educational system in the changeling world… not yet, anyways, so it’s put upon the parents to teach the kids. But with us moving, we’ve had to cut back a little.” Scuttle’s smile faltered, knowing that he didn’t want to fall behind.
“Um, do you think maybe I could help you? If you don’t mind, that is.” Twilight always liked to help others learn. She had Twilight Time with the Crusaders, and this was sort of the same thing.
“You would do that?”
“Sure I would. Let’s head to the study and we can get settled.” Twilight trotted towards one of the exits of the main room of the palace, Scuttle following behind her.
Scuttle looked around at the room. When he thought of a study, he didn’t think it might be a two story room practically fully lined with books. He had never seen so many books in one place before; it was a surprise to him.
“That’s…That’s a lot of books,” Scuttle said, still a little dumbfounded.
“I don’t get why so many people say that when they first come in here. It’s only a small section of the Canterlot Archives,” Twilight told him as she ushered them over to some cushions where they could sit.
“So where do you want to begin?” Twilight started to get into here teacher mode.
“Well today I was finally going to learn about colors!” he said happily.
“Yes, colors…wait, what exactly do you mean by that? Don’t you already know what they are?” Twilight was confused by his statement.
“Well actually, I only know three. Black, white and gray. Until we manage to be able to change into objects and creatures with fine detail, we younger changelings don’t really know about colors,” he said, craning his neck, still amazed by the sheer number of books.
“But don’t you see in color?”
“Well when we are young, our parents use their magic to set our eyes so we only see in those three colors. Once we get a better hold of our abilities we can switch them to normal like you ponies have, but we’re told to so that we can be learn colors slowly, so we don’t go all…” He stopped talking and waggled his forearms around in circles while rolling his eye.
“Wow, that’s… interesting,” she said while chuckling at the child’s antics. “Okay then, so how about I start you off with a few easy colors and we’ll move on from there?”
“Sounds like a plan, teach.” Scuttle nodded enthusiastically.
“Oh, I think I might actually have some flash cards for this!” Twilight quickly got up and moved over top one of the desks in the room, searching for something in the drawers.
About an hour later, the princess and changeling were still going strong; Scuttle was a quick study. He used his magic to allow his eyes to focus only on the color he was shown. Once he had it memorized, Twilight moved onto the next one. Scuttle was amazed at the amount of colors he was being shown. He was told as a younger child that ponies basically invented color. He didn’t know whether that was true or not, but now it didn’t matter to him. Although he almost blew his metaphorical lid when Twilight told him about combining and mixing colors; the concept of infinity was very hard for the child to grasp.
“Okay, time for a quick quiz. I’m going to hold up some cards and you tell me the colors in order. I won’t use anything too complicated, just simple colors. Are you ready?” She used her magic to shuffle a bunch of cards together.
Scuttle stood up and saluted, signaling his readiness. Grabbing 14 cards in her magic, she floated them in front of Scuttle and watched as he rattled them off. “Red, yellow, green, red, blue, blue, blue, red, purple, green, yellow, orange, red, red,” he said with a little bit of musical flair.
“Very good, Scuttle. Now for something a little more complicated,” she complimented him while floating over six more cards, flipping over the first three.
“Cerise, chartreuse, aqua.” Scuttle’s brow furrowed. She was throwing some difficult ones. Even in the middle of it though, he questioned the sanity of said ponies who came up with these names; some sounded so nonsensical. He was brought back from his thoughts as Twilight flipped over the last three cards. “Mauve, beige, ultramarine,”
“Very good, Scuttle. I think I can say that you’ve passed my classical color clarification class,” Twilight said with a flourish, only to have Scuttle give her a look. “Too much?” she asked, only to be met with a shrug in return. Before she could retort though, a flash of magic dropped a scroll in front of her. “Oh? What’s this?” she said as she opened it to read, leaving Scuttle to his imagination.
Scuttle looked around the study again, but this time it was a lot more different to him. With knowing colors and all, he could now really see the room for what it was… and there was a lot of brown. He wondered that with all their colors and everything, why would ponies choose to make a majority of their book covers brown? He guessed the rest of the room made up for it, with the somewhat purple walls and floor, and the other cool things in the room.
“Scuttle… Scuttle?” He was brought out of his thoughts by Twilight still holding the scroll in her magic.
“Yes, Twilight?”
“It appears our presence is required at town hall. Unfortunately, their notary is out sick today and apparently I’m the only other one in town. Jeez, ponies today and not taking civil responsibilities seriously,” she huffed. Scuttle didn’t exactly get it, but laughed anyway.
“Okay, let’s get going so we can help your parents finish their paper works.” She nudged Scuttle to get him to walk.
As they walked to the town hall, Scuttle’s jaw hung open in awe. He had seen a lot of the place when he and his parents were travelling, but now that he knew colors and such, it was a whole new experience. His surroundings were different as he could see the green grass, blue sky, and white clouds, although he could swear there was a pink one every once in a while. And then once they hit the town square, things took a different turn.
Scuttle saw the ponies, and this time it was different; colors moved in all different directions. Left, right, up, down, forward, backward and he saw one pony in particular that was upside down. His mind raced to keep up with everything he was seeing, and it was lagging behind just a bit. He wondered how the ponies kept up with it. Could it have been since they saw it like that all their lives? Could it be because of their magic, or something else?
“Alright Scuttle, here we are town…hall. Scuttle?” She found that Scuttle was not next to her. Turning around, she found Scuttle not only a few feet behind her, but walking backwards. “Uh, is everything okay, Scuttle?” she asked as he finally caught up with her.
“Uh huh,” was the only response she got as he kept staring at where they had been. She waved her hoof in his face and it seemed to snap him out of it. “Oh, what? Where are we?”
“We’re at the town hall. Are you sure you’re okay, Scuttle? You’ve been really out of it since we left the palace.” She hoped nothing had happened to the little changeling.
“Well… I guess it’s just that… I don’t get it. How do you ponies do it?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean all the colors and everything. How do you just get it? There’s just so much to look at and it’s insane! I mean, I was fine when everything was just standing still. I mean like the rock, trees and everything, but then I saw all those other ponies and all their different colors walking around and it blew my mind. All the colors moving around like a rainbow in a blender! I just don’t get it.” He finished his little rant as he sat on his haunches.
“Well…” Twilight tried her best not to laugh as she answered. “There’s no real easy answer to it. I wouldn’t say I don’t notice it all the time. When Rainbow Dash zooms by too fast, it hurts my eyes a bit and sometimes trying to keep up with pinkie gets me dizzy, but I think it’s how all the colors work together that helps us adjust to it. The harmony of the colors, along with the harmony inside all of us, combine and allows us not to be overwhelmed. It just takes some time… I’m sure it’ll happen to you too. Once you get used to it, it will make more sense. I’ll head inside and let you think about that,” she said, leaving him to think on her words.
Scuttle just sat there staring at all he could see. The colorful building, the colorful ponies and the colorful scenery. It just blended in a way that he couldn’t describe with words. It was familiar but distant, new yet old.
“I get what she’s saying… sort of. I just hope it isn’t one of those ‘You’ll understand when you’re older’ kind of things,” he said to himself before he got up and went inside the building.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Delta 727 · 2k words · 39 4 · 2k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.094 seconds
Total duration
1,017 users online
2,143,323 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I personally loved the story. Now I'm too curious as to what the Disney reference is... Nyahhhh, must find out!
Later...
~Flow
Oh I liked the story. I thought the changing into a log was a reference to how rural legends tell of fay switching babies for logs, which is the real-life version of Changelings.
Was the Disney reference the upside horse?
While I saw no errors in the story, the short description had some. As what should draw readers in, it's important that I help you out
At long last, the princesses of Equestria have managed to secure peace with the queen of the changelings. The two races have come together for the betterment of each. There may still be some tension on an individual level but as a whole each now accepts the other. As the new era
beingsbegins, ambassadors are being sent to each side.For the changeling ambassadors, Princess Twilight Sparkle has volunteered to house
the ponies((them?)) in Ponyville and to make it her priority that everything goes smoothly. She believes that it will definitely be a learning experience for both races.For one of the changelings though she couldn't be more right.
4858759 actually the whole log thing is just one of those sleepign etaphors, like sawing logs or slept like a rock...but i didn't want to make him a rock for some reason...and no the upside down wasn't the disey reference...but thanks
4859909
Heh, my bad. I should have caught "sleeping like a log".
Twilight really should have known better then to teach him so many colours at once. After all, there must be a reason why changeling eyes are sealed at birth.
Anyway, good luck with the rest of your stories.
I really enjoyed this story. I would love to see more about these characters. Changlings are so neat, and I like what you did with the nymph(foal?).
4861584 i'll think about it...maybe
Spotted a few minor editing glitches, and your formatting seems to change halfway through, but overall the writing is pleasant enough. For the purposes of the competition, though, I'm not sure this meets the prompt requirements.
MOAR Pwease?
4865711 yeah sometimes when i go from microsoft word to gdocs to here it does some thing that i can't seem to see and then hear about i find it werid...and i realize the whole "prompt thing" i may have interpretted it wrong...but i figured that out....right about when i had finished writing so i thought to myself "....eh fuck it. LETS DO THIS ANYWAY!!!"
4866189 ...reall?...i guess i could...i'll look into it
4867465 YAY TANK YOU
Well this was a cute story. And that Disney reference must be obscure, because I can't find it to save me.
Most enjoyable. I hope Twilight didn't take the lesson too far, though... I can imagine a few ways that could go wrong.
Greetings, HAZESHIFT. Here begins the review you requested from WRITE.
To be blunt, I'm getting a bad first impression, because the synopsis, the faceplate you put on it, doesn't stand up well. I see that someone has said as much in the comments as well.
I assume you meant "princesses," but in either case, there's number disagreement here.
"but as a whole" should be set off with commas. The first is because you're starting a new clause there, and the second is to erase ambiguity over whether "whole" is being used as a noun or adjective. The latter is more common, so the reader's likely to trip on it as is, like I did.
Another place where a comma is needed between clauses. This isn't a foolproof rule, but in general, if a conjunction separates clauses (each with its own subject and verb), use a comma, but if they're just separating multiple parts of a compound subject or verb, then you don't use one, unless they get rather lengthy or complex.
Why is she hosting ponies for the changelings? Are you saying that she's hosting the pony delegation so that they can participate in the summit with the changelings, or are you referring to the changelings as ponies here? It's confusing.
This is a very down-in-the-weeds grammatical point, but you're talking about a hypothetical situation here, so it should use subjunctive mood: that everything go smoothly.
Put commas around "though." It's not absolutely necessary, but I hear pauses there as I read anyway. It feels natural.
ill-timed
And now on to the story!
First paragraph. This needs to grab the reader's attention and start to deliver on what the synopsis promised. The reader is here for action and characters. Scene-setting is also a legitimate thing to do up front, but get to one of those quickly.
Look at that first sentence. It's pretty clunky. The "in the town of Ponyville" feels rather tacked on, whereas it's pretty much the point of the sentence. That part's also a dependent clause that needs a comma. As an aisde, look how you use "was" three times in that sentence. Besides getting repetitive, that's also a verb to avoid as much as possible. It's much more interesting to read about what happens, not what is. It's dragging the story's motion to a halt, which you really don't want to do right off the bat like this.
"Magic-sapping" should be hyphenated, as it's a multi-word modifier.
All three of these sentences basically say the same thing. At least one listed examples, which have a lot more power than generalities, but this creates the impression that you're stretching for word count and can't think of anything more interesting to say.
You might want to have a look at Chris's fairly recent columns on coming up with a good first sentence.
first column
follow-up
another follow-up
Another descriptor that needs a hyphen.
Participles and "as" clauses both synchronize actions. Each of these would be fine on their own. I could believe she set her book down and glanced at the clock simultaneously. I could also believe that she looked at the clock at the same time she walked out of the room. But you've made all three happen together, and it's tougher to buy her setting down her book as she walks out of the room.
You just said she was trotting. Then you have the same synchronization problem here. You have her opening the door when she arrives, but somehow at the same time she's trotting over. Just suffice it to say you need to pay attention to this issue, but I'm not going to single out more instances, or I'll be using up a lot of space to do so.
You've got an extra period there. Now, I assume you've seen a discussion of show versus tell. As a comic moment, it's not so necessary to show, except that you actually do, in the next sentence, which pre-empts the need to describe her as puzzled here.
A few things. First, use a proper dash. Alt+0151 will produce an em dash. Second, smart quotes are often confused by certain things, including dashes. It's backward here. You could type the quotes first and add the dash later, or you could copy quotes from somewhere else. Third, that's a very clunky speaking attribution, and one that doesn't quite grammatically parse.
Hyphenate.
Needs a comma for direct address.
A semicolon doesn't work there since there's no independent clause after it. Except for very specific uses, you should be able to replace one with a period to form two complete sentences.
Such an honorific would be capitalized.
Direct address and capitalization agaIn. Basically, once I mark something twice, I assume you get the picture.
Another one that's in the weeds, but this should be "my asking."
I'm not sure it's necessary to say this at all, as it doesn't seem to matter that he forgot. It's more the author accentuating that he didn't answer, but that'll become apparent if Twilight has to ask him again.
Needs a comma for the dependent clause.
It's a bit intrusive of a narrator to inform us of character motives anyway, but this is another one that's probably unnecessary to communicate in the first place.
This doesn't quite parse as an attribution either, since you've already given the verb a direct object, and you never had her go over to the luggage.
Watch using "small" in consecutive sentences like that.
You sure this isn't a spell-check mangling of "inclining"?
Close repetition of "slowly" and "eyes."
You're hopping around to a lot of perspectives, but you're also not having the narrator speak any characters' thoughts for them, so this fits with an omniscient narrator. However, omniscient narrators have some limitations. This is an opinion. Who would find it surprising? You're not in a character's perspective, so I don't know who, and an objective narrator shouldn't be expressing his own opinions.
You haven't described him as doing much so far, and none of it is particularly childish. Really set the scene here. He should leap right off the page as precocious and energetic. It's also an opportunity to characterize everyone else by how they react? Does Twilight act amused? Embarrassed? Do his parents rush to stop him, or do they give him free rein?
Typo. And show me what all he looks at. This is very vague. What catches his interest? How does he react to a few of the items? Does he just look, or does he touch as well?
Now you're breaking from an omniscient narrator. He's taking a conversational tone and vocalizing Twilight's thoughts for her. Try to keep the narrative voice consistent.
Again, don't over-explain character motivations. Why might she do to get this across more subtly? Maybe flinch a hoof toward her notebook, maybe wonder how interesting Luna would find this knowledge, etc.
Another attribution that doesn't parse well. See how that could stand as its own sentence in a way that "Dotted said" couldn't?
Well, show me some that she comes up with and her reaction to them.
Note that you have a single quotation mark in one spot. And here's how to do an aside in a quote:
“I told you not to tell that story, it’s embarrassing—” he spun around to face Twilight in the second half of his sentence, lifting one hoof into the air in his defense “—and it only happened once!”
You used "childish" recently enough that it stands out, and here's the narrator expressing an opinion again.
Feels repetitive.
You're not really giving the reader much to laugh at here. Basically you're telling me to trust the narrator that it's funny or cute. Let me see it and make my own judgment. If the characters still react this way, that's fine, but then I'm laughing with them instead of wondering what they saw.
Most times, you'll set off a participle with a comma.
Another questionable attribution. I think one should go before the speech, too, since this quote tended to follow from what Twilight said, and I thought it was still her speaking.
This is becoming a recurring issue. Their reactions are vague, and their motives are over-explained. Describe their facial expressions, have them sputter a bit of dialogue about it.
He was interested in her, I'll give you that, but his most recent complaint was about a lesson, which Twilight can't exactly give him.
Clunky to stack up two "as" clauses like that, plus the telly "look of joy." And why tell me his father agreed when the dialogue already says that?
Dash, backward quotes, missing space, and having the narrator trail off is a limited affectation, so it's breaking from the overall omniscient feel again.
Another attribution that doesn't quite work, and I've pointed out enough of those, but there's something else here. First of all, you don't need to narrate Twilight as being cut off, since I can already see it in her speech. Second, a cutoff loses its feeling of suddenness when the narrator (or anyone else, for that matter) has time to wedge something in. Right after Twilight gets cut off, the very next thing needs to be what did so.
Comma for direct address.
She acts stunned in her next piece of dialogue, so it's unnecessary to say so.
That sounds like awfully grown-up phrasing for how young he's supposed to be.
Ah, a dangling participle. "Knowing..." is supposed to describe Scuttle, but he never appears in the sentence. Only his smile does.
Examples speak much louder than generalities, as I said. Give me a couple of quick anecdotes of times someone learned something from her and how it made her feel.
Hyphenate.
So have him act surprised.
Typo, and this begs for expansion.
Way too blunt. Note that you're also falling into a very repetitive pattern in your paragraphs, where you start with unbroken dialogue, then have a short attribution or narrative sentence. It's also skimping on the narration. The unspoken part of a conversation is just as important, but you're relying on the dialogue (and telly language in the bit of narration) to carry the emotion.
Let me see him act amazed. How does he look at them?
Comma after the dependent clause.
Just one, or is he rolling them both?
Alright, this is good. Give her a little more physical reaction, though, like a spring in her step as she goes to look for them.
You're jumping the perspective around a lot in this chapter. You're also just stating their emotions as bland facts rather than showing them to me. On a grammatical note, "amount" is for collective quantities. You'd need "number of colors" which sounds kind of awkward) or "amount of color."
He's not aware of a continuous grayscale, which is infinite?
Needs a comma.
Spell out numbers this short.
paperwork
Watch the repetition.
This deserves a lot more weight than you're giving it. This is going to be a little tough to get across well with an omniscient narrator, but I think it'll at the very least take delving into his thoughts. This is so new, so alien to him, and it's arguably the emotional crux of the story. Don't downplay what this experience means to him.
Leave a space after the ellipsis.
He says this three times in just five sentences.
Pretty repetitive, in the same paragraph.
Capitalization.
Inconsistent number agreement.
That's pretty redundant. It's also odd. She gives him a fairly vauge answer then decides he needs to think about it some? This smacks more of a plot convenience than something that happens naturally.
One of your concerns was whether you should continue the story. Really, only you can answer that. If you have fun writing it, and you feel that there's more story to tell, then absolutely. I do think that it needs more to be a complete story, since it doesn't come to a strong conclusion. Scuttle's learned this new perception, but he doesn't do anything with it yet or come to any new understanding about the world. It's just a new ability. For that matter, his father made it out to be a big deal to train him in colors, but Twilight manages to do it in a single afternoon? That takes away some of the gravity of it, or maybe it suggests that it's a hard thing for changelings to teach. If the latter, that should come out in the story.
You'd also asked about characterization, and that goes hand in hand with the emotional content. That is to say, there wasn't a lot here. Twilight seemed fine, if a bit muted, but then she's the easy one, since we already know her. The changeling parents don't show much personality, and for the amount of time we spend with Scuttle, he doesn't much either. It's tougher to do with an omniscient narrator, but it still can be done. Basically, you have to let their personalities come through by how they react to things and what their emotions are. Limited narrators are well-suited to this, but omniscient can work, too. You have to invest in what body language, facial expressions, and thoughts they have in response to each event, and do something to make each one distinct from the others. If they all behave the same, of course, then they're less interesting.
I'm curious as to what exactly these changelings were there for. It was built up as some consequential thing, but all they needed to do was sign some paperwork, and Twilight's so extraneous to the process anymore that she doesn't need to be present, even in a ceremonial role, and can volunteer her services as a babysitter. Seems like there'd be either more or less pomp and circumstance around this, but it's in a bit of a weird middle ground.
This was a clever idea for a story, and with commensurate emotional investment from the characters, you could have something here. It does lend itself to continuation, so we can see how Scuttle's world changes and how his parents come back into the story. There's really a lot that could go on besides color, as the two societies adapt to each other in many other ways.
Keep writing and have fun with it!
fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/349/4/b/reviewer_logo_longver03_01_by_burrakupansa-d5o60h2.png
Pascoite, WRITE's mineral
Cadence was Twilight's sitter.
Oh, discord!
Awwww, he's adorable.
And he'd be a grand-master at hide-and-seek when playing with other colts and fillies his age.
I want a sequel to this.
5659521 wall of txt...
7179289 i did ask for the review
7181592 i know
5659521
The grand wall of text
As overwhelming and impossible to understand as colors to a young changeling.
8263854
Well, it's only meant for the author, and he requested it.
He sleEPS LIKE A LOG!!!!
I caught this right away as being the reference, but it took me a bit to place it. At first I thought it was from Darkwing Duck, pilot episode, the nursery rhyme that turns out to be the secret code macguffin. A little more digging let me recollect the classic Spectrum Song by the ever imaginitive Ludwig von Drake, from Disney's Wonderful world of Color