• Published 14th Aug 2014
  • 4,549 Views, 378 Comments

OTR: Escape - The King of Hearts



After a disastrous falling out with the mare he cares about, Alex returns home to earth to clear his mind. But, you can only hide from the insanity of Equestria for so long before it comes looking for you.

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Escaping

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Off the Record: Escape
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Escaping

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Two weeks had passed, and Alex had done just about dick all, sitting in his childhood home, and feeling sorry for himself. He had bounced from angry, to sad, to depressed, and then back to angry, it was a vicious cycle. However, while all of this was going on, Alex had been slowly studying up for his exams, which he promised his uncle he would take, in order to finish his high school.

However, after about fifteen minutes of skimming over the material he would be tested on, he realized that he knew it all. And that was no exaggeration. Between his time with Twilight, and his conscription into the changeling army, he had more or less picked up on incredibly advanced stuff, which made these tests look like a third grade multiplication exam.

If there was one thing he was happy the Changelings had, it was their surprisingly advanced technology. So much of their lives revolved around advanced machinery, that everypony in the kingdom was practically a genius. So, by simple association with those guys, his IQ went up fifty points.

So, while that was great and everything, it always dragged his mind back to Equestria, and back to Rainbow Dash. He wasn’t naïve, he knew that she would be the focus of his mind for years to come… perhaps even the rest of his life. No one comes back from a betrayal of this magnitude. Especially when it’s slapped in their face.

“I hate this.” Alex grumbled, his stomach tying itself in painful knots once again. He had no idea where his life was going to go after this point.

Looking up at the clock on the wall, he frowned at the time.

Seven-thirty.

His tests were the day after next, and the time just wasn’t passing quickly enough. Although he had no idea what he was going to do after the tests were done… Well, he’d cross that bridge when he came to it.

Standing up and stretching, he decided to give the books a break. They weren’t really furthering his at this point anyway.

“I need a drink,” He mumbled, walking to the front door, and grabbing his coat and keys.

There was a bar a little further in to town, Bob’s, which was the central watering hole for the entire town. It had originally been built as a more of a mom and pop pub, where the farmers would come after a day of hard work, and get spend all their money getting drunk in a relatively quiet place, well, unless a game was on. But—after a few years, it started to catch on with a younger crowd, and started getting packed full of kids every Friday and Saturday.

So, seeing the possible profit, the owner of the bar, Bob, spent a lot of money adding a dance floor, building a stage for live music, and modernizing the theme of the entire place, to a much more sleek and clean look.

Alex had only been twice with his girlfriend at the time, but, beyond that, he was in Equestria.

“Hey, Chet,” Alex said in to his phone, as he got in to the car his uncle had lent him, “I’m going down to Bob’s.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be studying, kid?” Chet asked, his mouth full of something crunchy, “If you fail, I’ll have your hide!”

“You don’t need to be such a hard-ass about it,” Alex sighed, wishing that his uncle would step back from his life every now and then.

“You’ve been gone a year!” Chet retorted, swallowing and clearing his speech, “And your dad would kick your ass himself if he were around to do it!”

Alex sighed again, with a much sadder tone than his last one.

“Geez,” Chet said back, feeling bad for going where he had with the conversation, “Look, just don’t be out too late. You know that those tests are important.”

Alex remained silent as he pressed the speaker button, and placed the phone on the dashboard, so he could drive without the worry of handling the phone.

“If you’re confident, go out and have fun,” Chet said finally, after a brief pause, “God knows you’ve been a sad sack the last two weeks.”

“I know,” Alex said simply, his mind more focused on the road now, “I promise I’ll perk up at some point.”

“I sure hope so!” Chet laughed, “Find some pretty young thing, and take her back home with you.”

Alex was about to reply, when he heard a voice on the other end of the phone line.

“What did you just tell him to do?”

“Uh, nothing!” Chet answered quickly, as the sound of the phone being wrestled away from him was heard.

“Alex! What is Chet telling you to do?” The voice of Chet’s fiancé, Tammy, said, “Don’t you go doing anything like that so soon after a breakup!”

“He needs a rebound!” Chet argued some distance away from the receiver of the phone.

“Okay, thanks! Talk to you guys later!” Alex said loudly in to the speaker of his phone, as he tapped the hang-up button.

“Christ.” Alex exhaled, shaking his head and thinking some happy thoughts, “I need to stop being such a bitch.”

”But you are a bitch!”

And his forced happiness was gone, like tears in the oven.

“Hello, Dax.” Alex said out loud, “Nice to hear your voice, again.”

”I’ve always been here, baby. Just keeping quiet.”

“That’s such a surprise, considering how much you love the sound of your own voice,” Alex said, looking around him, to make sure there were no drivers around him staring at the guy talking to himself.

”Have you heard our voice? We sound—well, I sound sexy! It’s the confidence.”

“Why are you talking to me?” Alex asked, looking upward slightly, as if he were looking at Dax, “I thought we became the same person back in Haven Station, but you seem to keep popping up.”

”I heard we were going to pick up chicks!”

“That’s not going to happen,” Alex shook his head, “I just need something to take my mind off of… well, you know.”

Dax seemed to be satisfied at that moment, and didn’t speak up again.

The rest of the drive was uneventful, as Alex made his way to the bar, and stopped in the closest parking spot he could, which wasn’t very close, considering it was a Saturday night.

Alex hadn’t exactly thought this through. It was gonna be packed, and he would probably know a person or two in there as well, who would no doubt harass him with questions about where he had been…

“Fuck it!” Alex said, grabbing his phone just in time to feel it vibrate.

It was a text message from his uncle.

CHET: U kno wut 2 do!!!!

Alex frowned and shook his head, as the phone shook again.

CHET: ;) ;) ;)

“That man needs to grow up,” Alex laughed, cracking a smile for the first time in days, “He texts like a fourteen year old girl.”

Shaking his head, he set his phone to silent, and went in to the bar, no wanting to be engaged in an argument with his uncle about proper text etiquette.

It was a shame, only a few minutes later, he got another text that would have radically changed his decision to spend time at this bar.

////

An hour had passed, and Alex had so far gone unnoticed by anyone in the bar, while simultaneously being able to get a lot of alcohol in to his system. And man! Did it ever make all the bad feels go away!

“What would you like?” The cute blonde waitress asked him, as he sat alone in a slightly quieter section of the bar.

“Do you have hard ap-apple cider?” Alex asked, hiccupping mid-sentence, “I love that stuff!”

“Is that a flavor of Mike’s?” She asked, scratching her ear, “I’m afraid we don’t have it though.”

“Well shit!” Alex laughed, tossing his arms up in a drunken manner, wrinkling his nose at the cute girl, “Have you lived here long?”

“Actually…” She said, looking around the room for a moment, “We went to school together.”

“Really?” Alex asked, almost feeling the words slip out of his mouth, “I don’t remember anypony as pretty as you!”

“I’m Stella,” She said, pointing to her nametag, “And… did you just say anypony?—“

“Stella?!” Alex asked in a drunken shock, “You used to be really fat! Everyone called you Fatty Magoo!”

“Yeah…” She said awkwardly, not really surprised at his lack of a filter, “At least I wasn’t the aluminum monster, right?”

“Mhmm.” Alex said, nodding a little too much.

“So, what happened to you?” She asked after a moment of silence between them, “Where did you go?”

“A magical place,” Alex said, his eyes half closed as he frolicked in the happy memories he had from Equestria, “Way better than here! I mean, my parents were dead! It cheered me up a whole lot!”

“I’m so sorry about that, by the way,” She cut in, sitting across the table from him.

“That’s fine,” Alex shrugged, “It’s been like, four years! I’m over it.”

She furrowed her brow, “It’s been like, a year and change, Alex.”

“Oh!” Alex said, embarrassed that he had slipped up, “Yeah! I mean… It feels like it’s been four years!”

“It must have been tough,” She said, reaching across the table and placing her hand on his, “I’ve gotta get back to work, but if you stick around for a little bit, I’ll come have some drinks when I finish my shift, okay?”

“Sure!” Alex agreed happily, “I’ll be—Um, I’ll…”

She gave him an expectant look.

Alex felt the alcohol literally evaporate from his system, as he was brought back down to earth.

Then, immediately after, he lose all control of his voice.

”Actually, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I just got out of a relationship.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” She said, smiling sweetly, but slightly disappointedly, “if you change your mind at all, the offer still stands.”

”I appreciate that.”

As soon as she walked away, Alex felt nothing but anger well up within him.

“What the hell!” Alex yelled/whispered, “She was crazy hot! And she wanted—“

”Dude! She used to be fat! Gross!”

“Are you fucking serious?” Alex growled.

He knew that Dax was a part of him. That was the truth. But there was no denying that she was bang-able, regardless of how she used to be.

”I’m just giving you shit! I stopped you because we still love Dash.”

His reply had started funny, but ended was a punch to the stomach.

“I could have still done it—“

”Do you want to cry during sex? Because that’s how you cry during sex.”

How was it, that the evil- well, dark side, of his soul was the one talking sense to him right now? Wasn’t he the one that was supposed to be full of bad ideas? The one pushing him to do all the bad stuff in life, like indulging in some twenty year-old! But no. He’s more broken up about Rainbow Dash than Alex was.

”No I’m not. You and I miss her just the same.”

God that was harrowing.

“H-how did you get rid of all the...”

”Dunkieness?”

“Yeah.” Alex nodded, upset that he had been robbed his moment of bliss.

”Magic!

Alex exhaled, and looked at the last bit of beer in his glass, figuring that he might as well finish it off. It wasn’t like he had enough money to get to the plastered point he was just at. He probably couldn’t call that girl fat again if it saved his life.

“We should go home, we can come back for this chick in a few weeks.”

“Yeah…” Alex grumbled, “Am I good to drive?”

”Just fine.”

Reaching in to his wallet, Alex opened it and threw a crumpled up twenty on to the table.

“Is that you, Alex?” A voice called from across the bar, as a large guy walked inside, “It’s me! Chris!”

Alex exhaled, “Well shit.”

“I haven’t seen you in ages, buddy!” The massive guy said, taking a seat across from Alex at the table, “Looks like you’ve been drinking a whole lot.”

“Just a few,” Alex said, looking at the five empty bottles, while silently wondering why they hadn’t been cleared from the table, “They don’t really get to me though.”

“After that much, huh?” Chris said, gesturing to the waitress behind him for another of what Alex was having, “So! There’s only one reason a man drinks that much, Alex.”

Yeah, it may have been obvious that he was going through a breakup, but it didn’t really matter at this point to him what it looked like.

“Why are you trying to talk me up so much?” Alex asked, raising an eyebrow, “Gonna laugh at me for losing Dash?”

“Sarah?” Chris repeated, before Alex caught himself.

“I called her Dash—whatever.” He said, growling at the repeated breakup-centered conversations he was being dragged in to.

“Anyway, I just wanted to say that I’ve been there dude,” Chris said, sitting back and relaxing, “Need a wingman to pick up a new chick? Because Fatty Magoo’s been talking about you a lot recently.”

“I… Already had that conversation with her,” Alex said, closing his eyes and shaking his head, “It’s too soon.”

“Got it!” Chris said, putting his hands up defensively, “Give it a little time. I respect that.”

“What’s with you?” Alex asked the muscled blond jock, “Last time we talked… we weren’t exactly seeing eye to eye.”

“I was a dick, plain and simple,” Chris said, casually smiling as he leaned forward in the chair, “To be honest… My little brother was getting picked on by a kid that’s graduating this year. I went to beat the shit out of him, but found that me and him had way too much in common. It was an eye opener…”

“Well…” Alex continued awkwardly, “I hope he stopped picking on your brother.”

“Oh I told him I’d kill him if I heard another peep.” Chris laughed, thanking the waitress for the beer she had just brought him, “So, how long are you back for?”

“In a couple of months I’ll have to leave for a little bit…” Alex sighed, feeling bad in just how final this plan was to him, “But then I’ll be back permanently. It’s just a little business I have to take care of with Sarah.”

“Well, it’ll be good to have you around!” Chris smiled, reaching across the table and patting Alex on the shoulder, “Everyone went off to school in different parts of the country, but I was too stupid to get in to any schools.”

“Don’t feel too bad,” Alex said reassuringly to him, “I don’t even have my high school.”

“Yeah, well, your parents died half way through the second semester of classes,” Chris said, “You have good reason to be behind.”

“Yeah… I guess,” Alex nodded, “But! On Monday, I’ll have the two tests written, and I can move on with my life.”

“Are you going to be heading to university?” Chris asked, having no clue what kind of marks Alex had been getting while he was a student.

“No, I don’t think I need to,” Alex said, knowing that he was going to be asked why, so he made up a lie in the meantime.

“Did your parents leave you money?” Chris asked, answering the lie before Alex had to explain it.

“Yeah,” He nodded, “I can just put it in a high interest account, and live off the money it makes.”

“And with a house in your name, plus a couple of cars… You’re really set up.” Chris concluded, nodding in approval, “Lucky bastard.”

“Well, terrible circumstances led me to where I am, but I could be in worse places, I guess.” Alex laughed, having a good moment for the first time that night, “Well… I think I’d better get home.”

“On a Saturday?” Chris asked, “It’s so early! Why not drink a little more? We can get to know each other a little better!”

“I don’t know…” Alex said awkwardly, not especially wanting to stick around, as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and pressed the button, “I’m just really… Uh oh.”

“What is it?” Chris asked, seeing all the color drain for Alex’s face, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Alex swallowed hard, as he read the messages over, and then over again, each time his stomach got tighter, and his frown grew.

“Are you okay dude?”

“I need to go home.” Alex said, standing up suddenly, “Look, we’ll do this again. I promise.”

Jotting down his number on a napkin, Alex slid it over to Chris.

“Text me.” Alex said, grabbing his coat and heading out the door.

////

Alex knew it wasn’t safe, but the road was empty, and he simply couldn’t take his eyes off of the texts he had been sent by Chet, just after he had left for the bar.

CHET: U need 2 tell ur friends 2 be quiet!!!

Now, that one would have scared Alex more than anything, because he had been alone in that house. He would have just called the police, had he not gotten another message from Chet a minute after that.

CHET: NICE!!!1!!!!

This message confused the shit out of Alex, because he had no clue what he, or his house guests had done to earn so many exclamation marks from his uncle.

But, finally, the message that both haunted him, and gave him a massive amount of relief, was the final one.

CHET: Alex, this is Tammy. I understand that you’re going through a breakup, but there is no need to have five naked girls just walking around in your house at once! Please tell them to put some clothes on. And I hope they aren’t prostitutes, because the strange colors of their hair would lead me to that conclusion.

It only took him a moment to work out that message.

Five girls. With colorful hair. Naked in his house.

“Please don’t be ponies…” Alex whined, almost wishing that he was instead being robbed by naked girls in wigs.

Shaking his head once again, he floored the gas, and rode off in to the night.

////

Alex saw that the lights to his house had indeed been turned back on, and that there were also voices coming from the inside.

Voices that he recognized…

Putting a key in the door, he turned it, and held his breath.

The moment the door was open, he could see five stunning women, with a collection of hair colors, ranging from Pink, to Purple, and finally, to Blonde.

His question was answered.

“Is that you, Alex?” The excited girl with pink hair asked, bouncing up and down in her seat, causing her chest to bounce in unison, “I sure hope so! What are you wearing?”

“Clothes… Pinkie,” Alex exhaled, as her smile grew even more, and she jumped up and threw her arms around him, “Why are you guys here?”

“Because you’ve been gone for almost two months!” Twilight said angrily, “You said a week or two!”

“We need your help dealing with those dark sides, Alex!” Rarity scolded, shaking her head, “How selfish can you be?”

“Ah’ think you need to stop thinkin’ ‘bout yer’self!” Applejack scolded, crossing her arms over her ample breasts.

”Would you look at all the tits!”

Alex bit his lip. For the first time tonight, he agreed with Dax.

“You guys need to put clothes on…” Alex said breathlessly, savoring this moment, no matter how short it would be, “I can’t concentrate with all the... the…”

”Nipples!”

“Nipples!” Alex repeated, realizing just how well it summed up his difficulties.

The girls all look to him with raised eyebrows.

“Um, h-how did you get here?” Alex asked, walking past them and in to the kitchen, “I thought only I could cast the spell home.”

“Well, to be honest…” Twilight said shyly, “I watched you do it, after you went to the train station.”

“You were spying on me?” Alex asked, opening and rummaging through counters so it would sound like he wasn’t just hiding from their gorgeous bodies.

“Just in case we needed to come get you!” Twilight said, “And it looks like we did!”

“It’s only been two weeks here, you know,” Alex said a little angrily, considering that it was his first time home in years, “That’s a little unfair!”

“You can come back as long as you like, when we’re not facing the end of the world, Alex!” Twilight shot back, “It’s irresponsible to neglect Equestria, because you were betrayed!”

Alex didn’t answer.

“Your world will be here forever, Alex,” Rarity said, “Ours might not be, if we don’t fight for it right now!”

“Equestria comes first!” Applejack finished firmly.

“She was Equestria!” Alex shouted, coming around from the corner, his eyes bloodshot, obviously from tears, “What the hell do I want to do with a place, that breaks my heart every time I think about anything that happened there?”

The girls were all silent.

“Every moment of my four years there, were filled with one thought in my mind! Her!” Alex continued, “None of you realize just what I lost when I found out about Speed, and what she had been doing with him!”

Again, silence.

“Maybe this will give you all some inkling.” Alex spat, digging in to his pocket, and throwing a small cloth box on to the only open couch cushion, next to Fluttershy.

Reaching over, she fumbled with the new appendages that were her fingers, as she opened it up, to reveal a beautiful ring, with a large diamond resting in it.

“Oh Alex…” Fluttershy squeaked, trubg her best not to cry over this loss of his.

“You were going to ask her to marry you?” Twilight asked breathlessly, looking up at Alex and biting her lip at the tears running down his cheeks, “I… We didn’t know.”

“Just give me a few minutes,” Alex sighed, walking past the living room, “Why don’t you guys put some clothing on, and we can get back to talking about Equestria. Follow me up the stairs.”

While the tone in the room was overall horrible, Alex had a hard time staying sad, when five naked girls, all of whom had never walked on two legs for more than a few moments, all tried to walk up a set of stairs.

“Put an arm on the rail!” Alex said from the upper floor, as they all complied, and hugged the rail in order to keep balance.

“How on earth did you guys even get inside, and on to the couches?” Alex asked, wondering what kind of spectacle that had been.

“We walked on all fours!” Pinkie beamed, “But it wasn’t very comfortable with my butt in the air like that!”

“And,” Twilight managed, between incredibly shaky steps, “When we remembered you describing how you walked here, we all gave it a try… but sat down as soon as we could.”

“Woah!” Applejack called, falling backwards, and taking Rarity and Fluttershy back down the stairs with her, while Twilight and Pinkie completed the climb.

“Now I have to start again!” Rarity whined, “We should have brought Spike! He walks like this all the time! And he’d carry me!’

“Quit yer’ whinin’,” Applejack groaned, getting back on her feet, “Gotta get back on the horse an’ try again!”

Helping Twilight down the hall a little further, Alex pointed out his parent’s room, and showed her to the closet.

“In there is everything you guy’s will need to get dressed,” Alex said, opening the closet door and revealing his mother’s massive wardrobe, “Just get Rarity to pick out what looks good together.”

“Okay,” Twilight nodded, before giving him a sad look, “Look, about what I was saying—“

“Don’t worry about it,” Alex shook his head, “I need to protect Equestria. You’re right.”

“Thank you.” She smiled sweetly, placing a hand on his cheek, “You can come home once this end of the world business is over with. I promise.”

Alex smiled back to her happily, before giving her a confused look.

“Where are Spike and Alpha?” Alex asked, surprised that they hadn’t been brought along,

“We kept them in Ponyville just in case,” Twilight explained, “They can reach us if there’s an emergency.”

“Makes sense,” Alex nodded, “Anyway, I’m going to go freshen myself up with a quick shower. We can go over all this Equestria business when we’re all dressed and cleaned up.”

“Okay,” Twilight nodded, as Alex headed for the door of the attached bathroom, “Hey Alex…”

He turned to her and give her an expectant look.

“I’m really sorry about Rainbow Dash.” Twilight frowned.

He said nothing, as he walked in, closed, then locked the bathroom door.

////