SWEETIE BELLE CHASTITY PROGRAM
“Apple Bloom, what are we going to do tonight?”
“The same thing we do every night, Scootaloo: crusade for our cutie marks!”
Three fillies were sitting around a table in a shabby tree house in the middle of Sweet Apple Acres orchards. On the table there was a huge list of several hundred things the fillies planned to do with jellyfish. Almost all of them were struck out.
“Yes, but we're almost out of ideas,” Scootaloo hung her head down. “We had over four hundred of them and they all suck!”
“Don'cha worry, Scoots,” Apple Bloom tried to reassure her. “We still have few more. See: idea number 404: makin' clothes for jellyfish. Sweetie Belle, did ya find materials for that?”
Sweetie Belle shook her head.
“Materials for idea #404: not found.”
The fillies sat for a moment in an awkward silence.
“Girls, maybe we should forget those jellyfish,” Scootaloo finally said. “We can simply go to the beach and enjoy ourselves without trying to torment wild animals.”
“No tormentin'?” Apple Bloom asked, not believing in what her pegasus friend said. “So what are we goin' to do there?”
Sweetie Belle looked as resigned as the pegasus filly. “I agree with Scootaloo. We'll come up with something tomorrow. For today, my energy levels are too low.”
“Already?” Apple Bloom protested. “But we were to try apple carvin' tonight! I even brought some apples!”
Scootaloo smiled sheepishly. “Carving? But I think it's already late and I'd have to get back ho–”
Apple Bloom leaned forward, her forehooves on the table, and looked straight into pegasus's eyes: “Brought some apples!” Then she quickly turned towards Sweetie Belle: “Brought some apples!” Back to Scootaloo: “Brought some apples!” And back to Sweetie Belle: “Brought some apples!”
“I'm a unicorn,” Sweetie Belle replied and defensively covered her face with her forelegs. The farm filly sighed and sat down.
“So y'all don' wanna do any carvin'?”
The silent stare of her friends was a sufficient answer.
“Okay, so see y'all tomorrow.”
***
Sweetie Belle returned to the Carousel Boutique and saw Rarity and Fluttershy looking at a drawing board and discussing something frantically. The board was covered with dozens of pentagrams, ancients runes, and arrows, pointing from one occult symbol to another. When the filly slammed the door shut, the mares turned around to greet her.
“Hello, Swetie Belle. What's going on at Applejack's?” the white mare asked.
“Nothing much,” answered the filly. “Oh, good evening, Fluttershy.”
“Hi. So, uhm, would you happen to have thought again about being our sacrificial virgin?” the pegasus inquired politely.
Sweetie Belle was slightly confused by the question. Before she responded, Rarity protested:
“Dear leader, I already told you it might not work. Given today's kids, I wouldn't be surprised if she was no longer a virgin.” The mare was not sure if she said that because she wanted her sister to live or because she wanted the summoning spell to succeed.
“Oh, I'm kinda prepared for that.”
Fluttershy trotted to her saddlebag, which stood on the floor next to the ironing table, and pulled out an small instrument. The device was rectangular, with two lights, one button, and an antenna.
“What's that?” Sweetie Belle asked nervously.
“It's a virginometer. It can detect an unbroken hymen tissue from distance. A kind of biodetector. Let me show how it works.”
The yellow pegasus pointed the antenna at Rarity and pressed the button. The device released a loud beep and a red light shone.
“It means that Rarity's not a virgin. Now, could you stand still?”
She pointed the antenna at the filly and pressed the button again. Again, the red light shone.
“Oh my...”
Fluttershy's face became slightly redder. Sweetie Belle seemed unconcerned with the result and shouted:
“Now me, lemme try!”
Before the yellow pegasus could protest, the filly snatched the instrument from her hooves, pointed at her and pressed the button.
Beep. A white light lit up.
Fluttershy covered her face in embarrassment. “Eep!” She grabbed the device and her saddlebag and quickly ran away.
“Poor leader...” Rarity said, seeing as her mentor disappears from her sight. “It's not her fault she's so socially awkward she couldn't find anypony in her life. I think you should make up for it to her.”
“How?”
“Find her a stallion. A stallion worth of our Great Leader!”
“Cutie Mark Crusaders Matchmakers! Yeah!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed enthusiastically.
“But first, do a test run. Try to pair up, I don't know, that teacher of yours. I heard she recently divorced. If you succeed, you may try with Fluttershy.”
“Adding finding stallions for Cheerilee and Fluttershy to list of future activities. Done. I have a question.”
“What is it, darling?”
“What can we do at beach? Because I'm going with other Crusaders to the beach tomorrow.”
Rarity focused her thoughts for a moment. “I don't know,” she finally answered, “maybe sunbathing? But I'll ask you a question, too.” A dramatic pause. “Which colt did it? Because I want to personally strangle him with his own guts.”
Sweetie Belle didn't know what to respond, so she could only blankly stare at Rarity's creepy smile.
***
At noon, three fillies gathered at their headquarters.
“So, does anypony have any ideas what to do at the beach?” Scootaloo asked.
“May sister told me we can try sunbathing,” said Sweetie Belle.
Two other fillies stared at her blankly.
“That's stupid,” the pegasus finally broke the silence. “You can't bathe in boiling water and the Sun is even hotter!”
“Yeah, we are not Princess Celestia!” added Apple Bloom.
“So what else can we do?” resigned the unicorn.
“Ah talked with mah brother,” said the farm filly, “and he said we could try swimmin'.”
““Good idea!”” the other two shouted in unison.
After packing their saddlebags, the trio embarked on their journey towards the bay.
***
Meanwhile, in Canterlot, Princesses Celestia and Molestia (spirit name: Luna) sat on a couch and played Portail 2 (cooperative mode) on their Hay-Box. When the next level was loading, Luna took an opportunity and asked:
“Sister, I was in a space camp on the Moon and now I'm managing the Moon. Does it mean that thou were in a space camp on the Sun?”
The elder princess laughed:
“Ha ha ha, don't be silly! Nopony can survive Sun's temperature.”
***
“Bon-Bon, we have a problem.”
Lyra blocked the TV screen from her roommate's sight, so she could get her whole attention. Sweetie Belle, who was sitting in her new cage, pressed the pause button on the remote.
“What happened?” asked the white mare, slightly annoyed by the sudden interruption.
“The computer has detected that Sweetie Belle was talking with somepony about swimming.”
“I wasn't!” protested the prisoner.
“Shut up, biological dead weight. Anyway, get going. We must stop her.”
“But...” Bon-Bon pointed her hoof towards the screen.
“No, you'll finish it later. Take the Emergency Equipment Set No. 42. I'll explain my plan on the way.”
The white mare reluctantly got up and trotted to the closet. She opened it, revealing a large set of saddlebags, numbered from 1 to 256. She grabbed the 42nd one with her mouth and followed Lyra upstairs.
Sweetie Belle sighed and took another look at the TV screen.
“What a coincidence,” she said. “It's the exact same frame on which Twilight paused it when I was in the library.”
***
It was a warm, sunny day in Ponyville. Ponies were enjoying their Saturday off. It was a perfect day to relax in the calm, quiet—
“I"M GONNA KILL YOU!”
Well, ekhm, it would be calm and quiet, if not for a saber-wielding mare, who chased two young unicorn colts through the streets.
***
“We arrived!” exclaimed Scootaloo.
A beautiful view was spread before Crusaders' eyes. An azure water, a narrow stripe of golden sand, and emerald-green bushes behind them. An old wooden platform extended from the shore towards the sea.
The excited fillied dropped their saddlebags onto the ground and cantered towards the shining water. “CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS SWIMMERS!” they yelled.
A loud whistle sound interrupted their joyful escapade. They stopped and looked around in confusion. In the distance, they saw a white mare running towards them.
“Miss Bon-Bon!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed when the mare arrived. “What are you doing here?”
“Didn't you all know?” Bon-Bon asked nervously. “I work part-time as a lifeguard.” She pointed with her hoof at the whistle hanging from her neck.
“Wow, I didn't know,” the unicorn robot gasped in awe.
“I didn't want to brag. Now, move away from water, it's dangerous.”
“But–” Apple Bloom tried to protest, but the mare interrupted her:
“No buts. Follow me.”
The fillies groaned in disappointment, but followed Bon-Bon. They stopped near the bushes that grew near the beach.
“Miss Bon-Bon,” Scootaloo inquired, “why can't we swim? It's been nice weather for days, the water should be warm, there are no algae, waves are small...”
The mare closed her eyes, trying to come up with an excuse. Luckily, she remembered the reason Sweetie Belle was not allowed near water:
“You can't go into water, because if you did, you would short-circuit.”
A small rock flew from the bushes and hit Bon-Bon in the back of her head.
“Ow! Who threw that?”
She turned around to see who the assailant was, but green unicorns perfectly hide in green foliage.
“'Scuse me, miss Bon-Bon, but this is horse manure,” Apple Bloom said to Bon-Bon, who kept looking around. “Ah've been in water many times and Ah've never had any short or long circuits.”
“Yeah, neither did I,” added Sweetie Belle.
Scootaloo nodded in agreement: “What they said.”
Bon-Bon stopped searching for the mysterious attacker and turned to the Crusaders.
“You don't believe me?”
““NO!”” they yelled in unison and galloped towards the sea.
“You idiot!” shouted Lyra, jumping out from her hiding place. “We must stop them!”
The fillies run onto the platform and skidded to halt at the very end.
“It looks deep,” said Scootaloo, gazing into the blue abyss.
“Don't!” shouted Lyra, who was running towards the fillies. She stopped on the platform, next to the shocked Crusaders.
“Hey, wait for me!” yelled Bon-Bon, who was still running. She entered the platform at the full speed, tried to halt, but tripped over, bumped into Lyra and pushed her into water.
The green unicorn robot tried to get hold of the platform with her hooves, but she failed. She fell to the sea with a large splash. Salty water quickly entered her chassis. In matter of seconds, her whole body started twitching uncontrollably.
The three fillies watched in horror as Lyra tried to call for help. Bon-Bon tried to reach her and after several tries she managed to grab her boss's tail with her teeth and pull her out.
When the twitching robot was finally lying on the platform, Bon-Bon turned to the horrified fillies and said:
“Do you believe me now?”
***
Twilight was reading a book in her library, when she heard sound of multiple hooves knocking energetically at the door. She got up and opened the door. As soon as she did it, two unicorn colts, one tall and orange, another one fat and teal, bolted inside and slammed the door shut.
“Help! She wants to kill us!” the taller one, named Snails, begged. Snips, the fat one, supported the door, as if he was expecting some force to ram into it. Their foe chose a different way of assault. With magic, she threw a saber at the door and half of the blade unexpectedly appeared inches above Snips's head, penetrating oaken boards.
“Twilight! Open the door! Are those two perverts in there?” Rarity's voice could be heard from the other side.
“No, Luna and Berry Punch are coming later this evening,” Twilight responded, without opening the door.
“I'm not talking about them! I'm talking about Snips and Snails!”
“What happened?”
“Those two rascals need to pay for their crimes!” The blade started to wriggle, as if somepony tried to pull it out from the other side.
“What crimes?”
Rarity explained what crimes she suspected the colts of.
The librarian laughed: “Rarity, look at them! They're still too young, they're still before puberty. They are simply not physically able to do it.”
“Really?” Rarity's voice sounded calmer.
“Yes! It must have been some older stallion, an adult. These two are innocent.”
“Oh. So I've been wrong,” the white unicorn said without emotion, as if nothing happened. “See you later, Twilight.”
“Bye, Rarity.”
With a little bit of magic, Rarity pulled the weapon from the door and trotted happily home.
As soon as he couldn't hear Rarity's hoofsteps, Snails said: “Thank you, Miss Sparkle. If not for you, we'd be dead now.”
“No problem, kids.”
Snips opened the door, the colts said their goodbyes and trotted back home.
“Interesting duet, those two,” Twilight said to herself. Suddenly, her eyes sparkled with joy.
“Oh, it's gonna be a masterpiece!”
She ignored the book she was reading a moment ago, sat to her desk, grabbed a sheet of paper and a quill and wrote a title:
‘Snaps And Slimes Discover Joys Of Adulthood’
***
Sweetie Belle was exhausted after the trip to the sea. They didn't get their cutie marks, they didn't swim, they didn't do anything, because of Lyra and Bon-Bon's sudden appearance.
“I'm home!”
Rarity put down her saber, which she was sharpening at the moment, and trotted to see her sister.
“So, Sweetie Belle, how was the sea?”
“We actually didn't do anything at the sea,” the filly said. A slight anger could be heard in her voice.
“What happened?”
“Apple Bloom suggested we swim, but then we decided not to and came back home.”
Rarity was puzzled: “Why didn't you swim?”
Sweetie Belle looked at her sister, surprised that she asked such an obvious question.
“So we didn't short-circuit.”
Rarity was even more puzzled: “Short-circuiting is what robots do, not biological ponies like me or you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, really. At least I think so, I have no idea how it would look like.”
The filly sighed. “So we could swim, but we wasted our day for nothing instead?”
Instead of answering, Rarity patted her sister's head.
“What do you think about taking a bath? We're both tired after today.”
“Okay. You may go first.”
Rarity trotted upstairs, entered the bathroom and started filling a bathtub. Meanwhile, Sweetie Belle went to the kitchen to grab some snacks.
Water in the tub was warm, so when it was half-full, Rarity slowly entered it.
She put her hind hoof in a wrong way. Almost instantly, she got a leg cramp. She shrieked, tumbled over into the water and started writhing in pain, trying to massage her hind leg with her forehooves.
Sweetie Belle heard all that commotion and immediately showed up in the bathroom's door. She saw that something was happening to her sister and shouted:
“You're short-circuiting! You're a robot!”
Rarity couldn't protest, but she made a mental note to give Sweetie Belle at least a week of detention. As soon as she managed to get out of the tub.
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Whooves chapter is progressing slowly and it's already longer than this one.
I also wanted to point out that in FiW CMC are never referred to as CMC, but I think everyone will forgive me a slight merging of two canons.
enjoyable chapter, will there be more"question mark"
642545
Thanks!
The next chapter is 50% done, it will be longer, and there will be Whooves, Derpy, and more Zecora.
I'm planning to write this as long as I don't run out of ideas and as long as the story doesn't implode under its own craziness.
You have to love the irrefutable logic in these stories.
If you had to end in the next, next chapter would Sweetie belle get out of the basement and reveal Sweetie bot?
644863
Logic? What logic? The logic was kidnapped and replaced by its robotic lookalike.
648754
Which they aren't: the real one is real.
I have few ideas for chapter 8 and all of them are extremely ridiculous. More ridiculous than for example revealing that Sweetie Belles were both robots all along.
‘Snaps And Slimes Discover Joys Of Adulthood’encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQlCb-5RMJ61FHcNoYzGpUkrzKncYoMk5IXbRg7F1TZ5bO84vib
I thought they were the Cutie Mark Acquisition Program
Fun fact, hymens aren't supposed to break during sex (that just means you're not doing it right), and hymens can break without sex at all. Heck, some people's hymens never break.