While ironically watching the sun going down, Sunset Shimmer looks upon the remnants of her life, questioning herself. Why does she need to exist? Why does she continue living? Everything in her life has gone wrong and she's just a burden to others; it would just be easier on everyone if she was dead.
Set directly after the first Equestria Girls, hours after Twilight's return home.
My first purely sad fic.
Cover art by Silverlinings
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I think that from the point of Fluttershy's pov it felt a bit rushed. Otherwise it was fine.
What a twist!
4859796 Yeah, looking back I have author's regret on what I could have done differently, especially Fluttershy
.
I would like to see reactions from the characters including pony twilight if she ever went back during the next time the mirror opens
4862058 so is there any plan to do a sequel from this?
5009297 I've honestly thought about it, but I don't know. Basing the sequel around the Mane 6's reactions seems too... predictable? Easy even? I wouldn't hold my breath, but hey, inspiration's a weird thing
.
Very heart wrenching story. I have 2 suggestions that would bring this from an A- to an A+
1) "and she didn't have a gun to shoot herself." That's so blunt it comes across as funny, like "ok, I've got my suicide note, I've got a bullet, and I threw down a tarp, I think that's everything. Wait...aw nuts! Dagnabbit Shimmer, you're always forgetting things!"
2) Your newspaper article doesn't really read like one - no respectable paper wouldn't write such a gruesome account of her death and the discovery of her body. The bulk of the article would be about her life, not her death. Something like
"Canterlot High School student Sunset Shimmer was found dead in her apartment yesterday around 4PM by a classmate who wished to remain anonymous. The cause of death was believed to be a suicide
Shimmer was the three-time Fall Formal Princess, described by her friends as a deeply troubled but good hearted young woman."
Oh, and one more... how about instead of having Sunset contemplate the gun at all, you have her thinking about jumping off the roof or hanging herself? It makes more sense for her to be thinking about methods that she could actually do.
...
I feel like this story would have had much more to it if Sunset had failed and recovered. And in doing so, learning that people did care.
As it is, this felt super duper forced. Not the biggest fan.
I don't know if it was just me, but I felt nothing reading this and I am usually pretty sentimental.
It was a good story, but I just wasn't feeling what you were trying to portray... it was lacking, I'm not sure of what, but something is missing.
Here's a thumbs up though.
5108553
It could have. There are a lot of stories like that though, while there are fewer that go into what might have happened if Sunset had not responded well to the failure of her plans. After all, she's dedicated some portion of her life to them and now it's fallen completely apart. It's clear from the fridge that she's at least a little homesick, if only subconsciously. So, in light of a failed plan, being worth less than nothing in the eyes of her fellow students, and being a little miserable about knowing never getting to go home, it's not entirely unreasonably for her to be depressed and perhaps having suicidal thoughts. Particularly when you consider her apparent lack of family and real friends and being from another world.
It did feel forced, but I don't think it must be. The author seems to have skipped over explaining the reasons and Sunset's state of mind in a thorough manner and gone right for the end. Also, while it's not impossible for Fluttershy to have showed up the next day, we have no idea how long Sunset was laying there and nothing in the description gives us a reason for screaming. I'd like to think that Fluttershy would have checked to see what was wrong with Sunset before assuming her to be dead, and so, while a single scream and rushing out is possible a little more detail would improve the story. Also, being emotional, she probably would have gone to her friends, not immediately to the police. At least that's what I think.
5248793
It was an okay story, but there is definitely a lack of feeling. For one, Sunset doesn't seem depressed enough. Plenty of people have had thoughts of suicide, but never acted on it. One of the things that feels lacking is a reason to act on it. A few interactions with the mane six equivalents in EQG that didn't go well or perhaps having overheard them arguing about what to do about her (some of their pony counterparts can be rather cruel at times) could have helped to set this up. It would be much more believable if instead of prejudice against them, she had reasons to distrust them. It'd be interesting if despite promising to Twilight to try to be friendly with her, they had difficulties overcoming their dislike/hate/bad experiences with her.
*How does Sunset have her own apartment in high school? Where did she get all the money for that without a family? Why does she have bleach to begin with, is there a reason for that?
5344925
That was exactly my point. I find it quite reasonable that she could have become suicidal. However, I feel like the story could have had a lot more impact had she failed in her attempts, perhaps only passing out instead of dying, and then having Fluttershy discover her. That would have left a lot of room for character development.
On top of that, yeah, a lot more could have been done leading up to the attempt to make that more impactful.
5344940
Personally, I'd rather people avoided redoing the the 'redeemed sunset' storyline over and over unless they really have a different twist. Also, I think it's important to not use suicide as a plot hook without addressing the effects on a person of feeling that way in the long term.
D-D-D-DAMN SON
Dang nice
7401978
you were asking for dislikes weren't u?
8456843
oh, k.
This seems.. okayy. One for being a good story because she goes to the easy way out rather than recovery, but lacks the essential feeeling to make it seem that Sunset is truly depressed, she doesn’t matter anymore, she is beyond redemption.
Like other people say, the news part is not very news-y. Why would the press report a suicide in it’s entire detail through a witness’ POV? But it would be better if there is more explanation as to why we can identify Sunset as a tragic character, would’ve made it better in my opinion.
Either way, good story!
Bleach is not a good way to suicide...
It will burn mouth, throat and stomach, hurt like hell then the person will throw up and pass out or pass out and throw up. Most cases the persob will survive having a few health problems becaise of it, it can kill but rarely and require especific conditions... so I don't recomend it.
Nice story, as already said it lacked a little on the feelings department but overall I liked.