• Member Since 8th Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen Sep 26th, 2015

EverydayWritefag


Hey there. I am a writer on /mlp/'s Fingerbang threads. I am here to get comments and critiques and to eventually become a better writer in general.

Comments ( 29 )

From the title, I thought this would be about Featherweight.

Interesting.

Honestly not sure how I want to feel about this story, though nothing bad in the least, it's a very well written story, just a tad fast for me, but that didn't relly affect my opinion of it. I also like the last name you gave Anonymous, or is that the name Anonymous is supposed to have?

Awesome story. Any chance for more?

oohhhh hot. i like assertive gilda very much (good of you to get it just right). great story :eeyup:

You would think that featherweight would be apart of this story....

Did u get this idea from another story?

4848310
Actually planning on making a draft for a sequal once i finish with the story i am currently working on.

4848290
Not really one he was supposed to have, just a name I saw in another story that sounded good.

4849804
Not that I know of. I never really came here that often until I was suggested to come here for feedback on stories. If it is similar to another story that is pure coincidence.

Nice! Good job getting her personality right.

4850032 wow, that's some irony then XD

MORE!!! PLEASE! keep this going!!! I I will even help with ideas,

You have to start a paragraph every time a new person talks. You can't have anon and Gilda speak in the same paragraph then have the new paragraph as anon talking.

"Hi," said Anon. "I am human and I will spread my seed all over your face."

"Yes," replied Maud Pie. "Give to me that sexy human penis."

"Ok." Anon obliged as he reached for his zipper.

69 likes teehee

4852808 yes. i speak it.

i hadn´t thought i would like it, i started to read the second half to the ending and somehow she remember me of someone, i think i saw that type of relationship in an anime befor or something like that.

now i read the whole thing and it was even better, i think you just managed to make it all the way i like it. I think i could even want a sequel, a real story maybe after this, with his parrents and the whole school included. But if you should make a sequel, don´t let them have sex to often, i know Gilda is probably no one for the cuddle stuff or would for him to do it, but i think she could be someone like his guardian in her own way.

I want the possible sequel to be a normal story, sex is ok, but it should not be a complet clopfic, maybe Gilda could even change her personallity (or just be nice at least to him) piece for piece in a looooong story :pinkiehappy: At least think about it:heart:

4860709
Funny you should say that. As I said before a sequel is possible after i finish the story I am working on now. I was actually thinking of ideas for it as well as a title and what not. Nothing concrete right now, just ideas.

4861327 hhhhmmmm i think i should read more often the other comments, i am not used to read that often from the comments, but i think i could have known that already, if i had looked at least for your comments.

Really good work, i like it probably that much, because Gilda and Ano remember me of some other Characters i know, but i don´t remember which Characters.

Dear Writfag.

As weird as a boner as I have right now, and as much as I expect this to be a one off in it for the clop. I have to say I wouldn't mind seeing this turned into a series. As sexy as this is, I could see this going into some pretty emotional areas if done right.


Sincerely Yours, The Cake Devil.


P.S. My apologies for being another to beg for a squeal. I started writing this before reading the comments.

Few things. First, you should continue this as a series because people like it.

Second, a suggestion.

Add a little more detail to things, especially when describing people or things or events. More descriptive descriptions would help. But don't get all old russian author when you describe things but just add details when necessary. Don't be like Tolestoy or Dostoievski and spend three paragraphs describing a table. But do spend a paragraph describing GIlda because that would help us build a better image of her in our heads.

Continue this.

Comment posted by The Twisted Shadow deleted Sep 7th, 2014

4868691 why are people begging for squeals? they should be begging for sequels.

So a couple of things.

1. Great story, just begs for a sequel.
2. Noticed a few misspellings, nothing too major, brake instead of break sorta things. Keep an eye out for those.
3. Try to use more contractions in speech. "What do you think you're staring at twerp?" flows a lot more naturally than "What do you think you are staring at twerp?"

There needs to be a sequal to this story. Perhaps something to show that Gilda really cares? It's an idea I guess. I'm looking forward to the possibility. Overall an amazing story!

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