• Member Since 12th Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

scootertheskitty


I write fanfictions about horses help me

Sequels1

E

A new town. That's Butterball's biggest problem right now. Having to deal with new classmates and therefore new bullies. But when things go too far with two bullies in particular over a weight issue, a group of three fillies are there to help him get by...even if he thinks that he's not fat and just big boned...

Credit to my friend Alex for the coverart!

Chapters (14)
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Comments ( 110 )

this is very well written

I'll be back when there is an update. So far so good, I like his mom.

Thank you all for the kind comments so far, by the way! :heart:

"Um...I'm...Butterball...and..."

He heard the pink pony cover her mouth as she tried not to laugh audibly. He looked away and wondered what was so funny.

COMPOSURE BREAK IMMINENT! XD

I don't know why, but in just this one small instant, it almost feels like you get the whole thing about appearances.

You have a nice way with words. I'm really liking the pacing thus far, looking forward to a more show styled fic and some creative interactions with the 5 fillies and Butterball. He's a nice OC thus far, good job on the Mom.

Kinda hoping for this to continue on even if it doesn't reach any high expectations. Far as new fics goes, with OCs, by a new writer no less and not using an eye-catching coverart for those with short attention spans, this is doing pretty well. And for a first story, quite honestly, a pretty fine job!

Keep writing. I'll say your success mainly depends on how well this story manages to differentiate itself from other "I'm overweight and bully makes fun of me" stories and how well you continue to show us more of the character dealing with his own personal demons and obsession with food. You know, keeping the story more centered around him and helping him in a meaningful way.

So far, great job. Looking forward to the next chapter of this story and do hope it continues to pace well. Not many people finish what they start. Show them that you can and keep building a nice steady library of fun and completed fics and people will take notice. It's sort of gradual and hard for new writers, so, stick with it!

Seriously, I do want to read more Butterball's world here. Take your time though, nothings worst than an obviously rushed chapter just to please the fans. We can wait! ;3
(just not months and months! :rainbowwild:)

Tophats to you for this. I just love seeing some well fleshed-out OCs

... pardon the pun.

I hated small desks too. Hard to learn when you have something jabbing your gut. I had a mean thought, I think that his cutie mark would be a turkey. That's only going off the name, not his other problem. (A type of insult for a name is a problem.)

In all honesty, I'm really enjoying this lil story.

Man, they're just insensitive towards heavyweight kids, aren't they? :unsuresweetie:

What the hell is this Soviet Russia? A lunch/recess of about 5 minutes? WTF?

Well he won't be a butterball for long...

Also, he's a Pegasus? :pinkiegasp:
That makes a turkey even more fitting for a cutie mark. Maybe he makes feather dusters, or pillows...

Looks like he won't be heavy set for long-with them? Ppppfftt. Knowing them, they'd slim him down. (Not that it matters)

Fat shaming is wrong, DT should know THAT! (Chubby Tiara?)

4863748 You're really making me tempted to change his cutie mark like that :rainbowlaugh:

4864127 I honestly totally forgot about CTD's blog and now that I'm writing this I can totally see the irony of it :twilightsheepish:

4848395 I also hated that one kid who was so rule-crazy, and made you sit in your desk really tight, and made you stop doodling or drawing, and also told on you for every little thing :twilightangry2: I hated that one kid.

How could Butterball not be familiar with PRINCESS Twilight?!

...oh, right...same reason she didn't get a free ride in that Manehattan episode.

4892083 I laughed harder at your comment than I should have :rainbowlaugh:

I guess he's unfamiliar with her because he doesn't know much about politics and government roles. Heck, I don't think he even knows about Luna…

He needs to get a hug from Mrs Cake pls

A pony, griffon and a changeling? I can never resist changeling fics.

#thehypeisreal

... Hey dude? Just a heads up if you don't know... Congrats on hitting the feature tab!

And this fic deserves it.

You lost me at "scornful glare"
Twilight does not do scornful glare, she does bemused glares, at worst.

4937184 It did? Oh my gosh, this is incredible! Thank you everyone! :heart:

I would've figured that ponies in Equestria would be in really great shape, given how A: they're vegetarians, and B: there's no internet there.

This is a really well written story. A simple OC with a common flaw/mindset that is relatable to a lot of people. Why isn't there more faves?

Wow, bit of careless bluntness from the adults there. Still, looking forward to more.

owwch poor butter this story remides me of one of my friends that went through a time being bullied and for her size

4938654
True, but Equestrians do eat a lot of sweets.

4972506 I thought that veggies would be the meat for them, and as adults eat a lot of meat in our world...

Here's hoping you continue this story! :eeyup:

5001036 AH YES IT HAPPENED. THANK YOU EVERYONE! :heart: :heart: :heart:

5001074 Now don't go putting it in the description, it discourages people from reading.

5001079 Wasn't planning on it, haha

5001112 Good first story btw, my first story was schisse.

5001119 Thanks! I'm really having fun with this little fic

Still enjoying this, keep it up.:twilightsmile:

I hate them cildren, I beaten one up and im 13 years old.

CONGRATULATIONS ON GETTING YOURE FIRST STORY IN THE FEATURED BOX! :pinkiehappy:

First story, so don't go easy with the criticisms. Tell me where I need to improve and I'll be sure to take your advice!)

First story, 62 likes, 0 dislikes and feature box. Very well played.

GLARED. Not LEERED.

GLARING is how ANGRY people look at you.

LEERING is how PERVERTS look at you.

5036346 I know right. It made me decide to favorite this.

Meet us three after school for an offer you can't refuse.

I burst out laughing at this, and I don't know why.

I agree with Telaros, you have a good thing going here!

That Godfather reference at the end made me burst out laughing... XD

This story for the most part is quite good, but my enjoyment is being stifled by our main character. Basically in my opinion Butterball is a bit of a jerk. I shall continue on however.

5282367 The reason why Butter's a little jerkish is because when I first came up with him I had him paired up with another OC of mine who is the exact opposite of him (skinny, nice to everyone, etc), so I tried to keep that personality with him. If he gets too jerky at any time I can try to tone it down to make him a bit more likable

5282425 Hmm he has hints of being a jerk at times, yet doesn't that generally revolve around his weight? ( which has been kinda drilled into his psyche? ) I figured his disposition would improve with character growth as he adjusts to his new friends and gains some confidence. Plus hes a kid, they are practically required to be a jerk at times, right?

5282549 Yeah, I'm planning that his personality will improve as he gets more acquainted with the town (and yes, I agree with you that most kids are jerks). Thanks, Mr. Hentai! :heart:

While well written, you sometimes don't use the right words for a particular context. A "Hoof-five" makes no sense as a word, because the "five" part refers to five fingers, but ponies don't have fingers(The hoof can *technically* be considered homologous to a single fingernail, but they're not really equivalent). May I suggest "high-hoof"?

5291813 Aah, noted! Sorry, I'm not really fluent when it comes to turning common phrases into pony related puns.

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