Vinyl Drops By
"Aw, dude, that's great! I'll be there at ten, Rarity. I still don't know why I was evicted..."
"Yes, quite the mystery," Rarity said through clutched teeth. "I shall see you then, Vinyl. Goodbye." She hung up and sighed. She had been speaking with her big sister, Vinyl Scratch. She was quite the uncouth pony- always out partying and putting on a show. Ha! It was unbelievable that she ever even spoke to Rarity, let alone was her sister. And now Rarity was stuck with having her move in with the petite unicorn, after being evicted from her huge mess of an apartment. Rarity HAD to be lady-like and live up to her element. If she didn't, it would be so impolite. So she allowed Vinyl to stay until she cleaned up the pigpen of a house. She will not stay here all day, Rarity, She thought, being optomistic. She will have to clean up her apartment for most of the time she's here! She'll just eat and sleep here. That's all.
Sweetie Belle sped into the center room of the boutique. "RARITYRARITYRARITYRARITYYYYY! Rarity! Who were you talking to?!"
"Ahem. Um. Vinyl, Sweetie Belle."
"VINYL? She's SOOOO COOL!" Sweetie Belle gave a little squee. "But why?!"
Rarity gulped. "She," she said, "Will be staying with us for a while."
Sweetie looked at her blankly. "Why?"
"She was evicted."
"Why?"
"Because she's a huge, dependent, messy, ugly, over-partying, stupid, good for nothing, lazy-" She stopped herself. "It's none of your concern."
"Okay!" Sweetie plopped down on a pile of colourful fabric scraps. "Is Octy coming? You like Octy, don't you?"
"Octavia? I suppose she'll visit while Vinyl's here, but at the moment, she's staying with her mother. Now run along and play. If you want, you may use this fabric-" -She tossed her some cheap, thin, felt- "-To craft with."
She gasped, took her new prize in her green aura, and raced up the stairs to the guest room.
"But stay clean! Vinyl's gonna stay in there!" She added under her breath, "Not like she would care if it was messy..."
---------------------------------------
"Nice place," Vinyl commented, tossing up her glasses to get a better look.
"Oh yes, thanks." She paused, remembering Sweetie Belle's question. "Vinyl, will Octavia be visiting?"
Vinyl answered while rummaging through her suitcase for something, "What? Oh, yeah, probably," she said with a wave of the hoof. "Oh sweet, look what I found!" She held up a smushed orange flavoured Hostess cupcake that wasn't even in it's bag. She took a big bite out of it, to Rarity's disguist, and kept rummaging. "Oh, here it is." She held up an iTrot.
"I see you brought an iTrot. Nothing else, I suppose?" she asked hopefully.
"Nope, wouldn't need to," she said, pressing a button.
Rarity sighed with relief until the iTrot blasted music and filled the boutique, vibrating harshly. Rarity covered her ears at the atrocious music that sounded like ducks in a blender, and closed her eyes.
"Aaaaaw yeah! Let's crank this up to ELEVEN!"
Rarity didn't reply to Vinyl's comment, but simply gritted her teeth and kept walking, as hard as it was, until Vinyl shut it off. Rarity gasped as she looked at Vinyl's snout. "Vinyl! Y-you have such a terrible nosebleed!"
"What?" Vinyl looked down. "Oh, yeah, that happens sometimes." She wiped her nose, leaving a red streak in her fur. "Man, I got my coat messy! How will I clean this sh-"
Sweetie Belle's door creaked open, and she ran up to her big sister.
"-tuff. Shtuff. Yeah." Vinyl finished off awkwardly. "Hey there, squirt! How's my favourite unicorn filly been? Have you been getting good grades? You've always had trouble with your spelling."
"My magic's stronger now, Vinyl! See?" She picked up Vinyl's shades to demonstrate.
Vinyl started to panic, but said nothing as her pupils dialated and she gulped from the delicate glasses being handled by an ameteur unicorn. Sweetie then inspected the glasses, and found a small crack in the side. She mended it and gave it back to Vinyl with a grin on her face, which widened with Vinyl's shocked expression.
"How'd you do that, sis? Foals these days, man, I swear, they learn more and more spells every year. What's next, kindergartners studying calculus?"
"It's a simple spell, to be honest, Vinyl," Rarity said with a roll of the eyes. "You never finished fifth grade."
"Oh, yeah." She paused. "Well, thanks! Why don't you show me to the guest room, Sweetie?"
Sweetie Belle grinned and then raced into the guest room. Rarity followed behind, but to her horror, when she opened the door, it was a huge mess of scraps with quite an ugly dress layed in the middle. Rarity gasped, and shouted, "SWEETIE BEEEELLE! I said to keep it CLEAN!"
Sweetie wimpered, but cheered up at Vinyl's next comment after she walked in and sat on the floor. "Aw, don't sweat it, Rares. I like it like this." Vinyl raced over to Sweetie. "Did you make a mess of MY ROOM?! I'll GET YOU FOR THIS!" She tackled Sweetie and then noogied her, but not too hard so she wouldn't hurt her.
Sweetie grinned and giggled as she turned her curls into an unkempt mess. "Vinyl! Do you wanna play dolls?!"
The electric blue-maned unicorn gave her an apologetic smile. "Maybe in a minute, Sweet. I gotta settle down in here, alright?"
Sweetie Belle's face fell, but she recovered and said, "Okay." She then ran out the door. "Bye Rarity, I'm gonna go to Sugar Cube Corner! Maybe Pinkie has some overbaked cookies or extras or something for me!" She slammed the door.
Rarity made a disgusted face at Sweetie's remark. Who would eat overbaked cookies? Vinyl interrupted her thoughts of disgust by saying, "Yeah, I'm gonna unpack. Call me down here if you need anything, alright?"
The violet maned mare smiled and nodded, going downstairs to work on her dress. She forgot about everything around her, listening to the inspiring instrumental that played on the stereo. She was a beautiful swan- she was flowing through the river, flying up high in the sky! She was as breezy as could be, and nothing could ruin i-
knock, knock.
Rarity gritted her teeth as her daydream was interrupted. She paused the music. She guessed she was like that for about an hour, as she was making great progress on her dress. She admired it a bit before racing to the door, and opened it to reveal a grayish brown purple-eyed mare staring back at her. "Hello, Rarity! I've come to visit Vinyl, if this is a good time?" She said in her pleasant, polite accent with a smile on her face.
"Octavia! Oh, of course, darling. She's right upstairs. Go ahead and head up there, third door to the left."
She smiled again and then thanked her, heading up the stairs. The sound of a welcome from Vinyl was heard, and then a closed door.
Rarity smiled at the two friends. Good friendship always made her happy. She sat down on her couch, and picked up a romance novel she had started a few days ago. After about two hours, she heard a small wet popping noise coming from the guest room. She hear another sound, like someone smacking someone else. Rarity automatically assumed this was the case, and in worries of a good friendship ruined, raced up the stairs and opened the guest room door. "I CAN'T BEAR TO WATCH TWO FRIENDS FIGHTING LIKE THI-"
She suddenly realized what was going on. On top of the bed, Vinyl and Octavia were sitting. Octavia and Vinyl were petrified, looking at Rarity with dialated eyes as their lips were together. The sheets were neat, however, and they were sitting upright. Octavia opened her mouth to scream before Vinyl shoved her hoof in it, drowning it out. "Don't scream. Don't panic. I got this."
Vinyl coughed into her hoof before saying, "Yeah. Rarity, remember when I was talking about how good of friends we are? Yeah, we're super good friends. And gay for eachother."
Octavia face-hoofed.
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I once wrote in a group about the possibility of Vinyl being Rarity's sister. I'm happy to see a story where that happens.
Ah, I had this same basic idea, though I never got around to writing it.
I thus award you one "Great Minds Think Alike" point.
The construction of this first chapter/prologue is just awful. It aimlessly wandered around before burying a lead that was both pointless and stupid. A tale of Rarity's gay sister moving in with her has the potential for compelling development and funny situations, but this was a miss.
Look, I'm all for slash shipping, but there was no indication from Rarity that anything would be wrong with it. The presentation type of 'oh, by the way, this is happening' and failure to use adjective form in conjunction with confusing descriptions that appeared out of place made this a difficult read.
You got all of my yes
Technically, being gay is two men being together. The correct term for two women being together is lesbian. Sorry if i'm acting like a grammar nazi or something.
Automatic upvote and favourite for that picture.
4868631
technically the term gay is used to infer that someone is into the same sex, so it can be used for both males and females.
4867938 Ah, I saw a story close to that where Rarity actually WAS Vinyl. I would link you to it if I could find it again.
4867958
You, good sir, have given me an idea. If you don't mind me using it.
4867963
Yay!
4868032 I realized how...badly constructed it was. I plan to fix this, but I was very eager to just hurry up and get the first chapter out. Thanks for the critique; while a bit harsh, has helped me.
4868348 yay!
4868631 Nope. Gay is universal for anyone of the same sex being together. Lesbian is just specific to girls.
4869797 Hah, thanks!
I totally died right then, lost my shit at the last thing vinyl said, you fucking legend of an author
4872158
I'm...A LEGEND?!
Yay!
Well truth be told I would be gay for Octi too... if I were into cartoon ponies... or a pony myself.... thus finding it more culturally acceptable to be in love with a pony... and if I were a girl... Since I am not a girl, I could only be straight for Octi... if I were into cartoon ponies or was a pony myself thus finding it more culturally acceptable to be in love with a pony... I'm already straight though... so it would be weird to say I was straight for one thing in particular... even a cartoon pony cellist... Sorry cello is one of the sexiest instruments I know of... not that I would be gay, straight or in any way romantically involved with a cello... I just think they have a beautiful sound... Okay all madness aside... okay most of it... I am interested in seeing where this goes. So I will continue to read it by way of giving it a gold star so I can better watch its progress. See you next chapter.
4872782 You look familiar.
Lol, I'm gay for cellos too!
4872797 Do I? Well it is a small world. You could have read some of my work, I could have read some of yours, you might have seen another comment of mine elsewhere. I do get around this crazy site when I can.
In fact I will look on your other stories and see if I've read anything before... also perhaps add some to be read later.
Nope! I haven't read your work before, though I am interested in reading Pinkie's Banishment and the other one... though I am confused as to which is the sequel because they appear to be sequels to each other... Sequelception? Sweetie Revenge looks good too, I'll start with that rather than burning my brain trying to discover the origins of the puddle-verse.
Any fic where Vinyl is related to one of the Mane Six is comedy gold.
Post edit, I enjoy how the informality of the writing plays into the comedy. It's certainly smile worthy in many moments; especially in the final reveal where Vinyl makes it appear that she has eloquent words planned explain thier situation and then shits all over it.
I'll be watching this one.
4872797
4872979
Yup, I think I saw you on a few other fanfictions for comments.
You can read both in any order, so I was like, fuck it, they're sequels to eachother.
4873210 If done right, of course.
And I'm a huge sucker for OvtaviaScratch.4873644 great man!
I just think it was what I would do if MY girlfriend and I were caught.
I like the last line the best too, I planned it before everything else. "Whatever happens, I WILL somehow use this line!"
Sometimes formality in comedy writing quickly switching to informal for a funny situation can be hilarious, as well.
For example;
"The equestrian orange mare looked down at the horrible, green sin she had just forbiddenly eaten out of;
It was totally gross."
Especially with seemingly serious situations or making darkness of something simple the character did.
4874526 Well... in that case I'll start with the complete one. Well back to work.
I had an idea where Vinyl is her sister and drops by (for a visit, not because she was evicted), but you beat me to it.
TELL ME SHE DID NOT JUST SEE THAT!!!!!!
4874627 yup!
4874859 And those refridgerators mmm they have some sexy ice boxes
4875190 Haha, I win!
4876340 She did not just see that.
Except she really did.
I assumed that Vinyl and Octavia were in a relationship and it was public knowledge until the last line.
4876446 what?
4876508 Nope.
(raises eyebrow) Some of us preferred the first draft. Think you could repost it as a separate chapter?
Until next time...
Anon e Mouse Jr.
The first chapter was okay, but the lack of spaces in between the paragraphs made my eyes bleed. Just having indention is how novels do it, but this is the internet, you have unlimited space. Have a gap in-between each paragraph so it's not one whole wall of text.