Rarity and Spike have been in a relationship together for over two years, and they couldn't be happier. But one day, Rarity sits down with Spike to discuss some things.
Amazing cover art by StarlieChaser.
Chapters (1)
Excy
Joined 14th Dec, 2013 ·
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This fic has so much potential, it's literally oozing out of its pores.
This fic suffers from two very big problems: it feels rushed and there's absolutely no character development. The fic goes too fast, giving me no chance to care about the characters. Then again, what would be the point of caring because both Spike and Rarity feel like they're empty palettes.
There were plenty of opportunities to build character for the two during the fic: you could have had Rarity think about her relationship as she hunted for gems, bringing up a flashback or two, maybe even building up some tension; or when Spike goes to visit Twilight, same principle applies there as you could have had Spike talk about his relationship to Twilight, again a flashback would really go a long way, but alas, that scene is literally "Spike visits Twilight."
This fic is one giant opportunity and you failed to grasp it even in the slightest.
4837931
I know. I literally wanted to wait a little longer to write it so I could get like, a better story in general, but I just did it. And when I did, I just, forgot everything I was even writing about. It just became, not as good as planned. I'm probably going to rewrite it tomorrow.
Thanks for the criticism. It helped.
I liked this one a lot, good story and I really feel for Rarity on this one
BTW
4842975
Thank you, and It is "e" in waiter? i was honestly conflicted wheter it was "o" or e"
Very interesting story.
Just two very minor mistakes:
And no, I don't need you to come with me
"But what about all the stallions who come by your door...
I love this story, but it's so sad
If I was Spike I'd be like "No! Look Rarity, you pay me back with your love, your love is payment enough"
Nevertheless, I enjoyed it, have gave it a liked and have gave it a fave. to
Rather... well, stupid. Generally, feeling of inadequacy is sublimated differently. Feeling less contributing member in a relationship usually provokes rather substandard treatment of other member in a subconscious effort to make them contribute less, and thus somehow mitigate the disbalance.
5034721
Uh... What?
5037646
To put it simply...
As a rule of thumb, feeling inadequate in relationship does not make you quit it.
Rather, it makes you a raging bitch about it in a vain hope to discourage the partner from volunteering so much for it.
5039706
Ah okay, that makes much more sense.
I have to agree with Infinite Evil on this. The story and concept does have potential, but it was greatly rushed, and nothing is fleshed out. The flow of the story is stilted and jarring. Nothing really to get things flowing smoothly from one thing to the next. Not much in terms of description, emotions of subtle actions.