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Decisions, Decisions5,494 words
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Looks Like a Waterfowl6,008 words
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A Long Time Coming5,131 words
Antisymmetry4,917 words
Turmoil1,394 words

Turmoil

An excerpt from the final published work of Starwind Veil:

It has become clear in these first years of Luna’s banishment that her absence has damaged the soul of Equestria. Luna breathed life into the toiling of Celestia’s day. This was her gift, offered generously to all. Yet it has been smothered by the sun and its perverse methods of casting light where light ought not shine. Scorched by Celestia’s flames were both heart and soul, whose domain is the night. It was Celestia’s eternal gaudiness which blinded the ponies and turned them arrogant. All vividness and mystery was stripped away for the comfort of clarity and knowledge, and what remains now of the world is but an empty husk.

Luna was not banished upon the night of that fateful battle. She was banished when the hearts of her subjects no longer knew her, and she was made a stranger in her own kingdom.

Now in the sole rule of Celestia, the untempered light of the sun scorches the life of the earth and leaves no shade wherein the spirits can churn. Within a kingdom aligned only toward the sun, even the darkest caves are to be illuminated, and what monstrous beasts that rest within shall awaken. Only then will the true vengeance of the night be felt, and even the most sturdy of resolves shall forever be humbled.

• • ❖ • •

Fluttershy cast a blank stare over the dreary landscape stretching out before her, watching from the security of her tent as the storm battered the island. She’d set up before nightfall underneath the umbrella of two sturdy trees, seeking any form of refuge from the rain, but the weather had taken a violent turn in the night. Much of the rain was directed away from her tent by the leaves overhead, but the fear of falling branches was becoming an ever-greater fear for Fluttershy as the night carried on. It was unlikely her tent could survive out in the open, and face down the brunt of such a storm, so the risk needed to be incurred if Fluttershy wanted to make it through the night at all.

After the exhausting day she had just suffered through, Fluttershy was in desperate need of a restful night of sleep, but the wind tearing at the taught fabric walls of her shelter prevented any such rest, which only worsened her mental state, as her mind played out various anxieties in a continuous loop. She was currently at the foot of one of the two mountains where the land just started to incline, a milestone of her progress that should have been worthy of celebration, but the fact still remained that she was alone, and Rainbow Dash and Rarity were nowhere to be found.

There had been no hint to what time it was when Fluttershy had first woken from her fitful sleep. And in those fleeting seconds between the formless world of sleep and the stark reality of consciousness, she had felt for a moment as though she wasn’t alone. In that short time before fully waking, when Fluttershy had yet to open her eyes, she’d distinctly felt as though Rainbow Dash was there with her, just as she had been the night before. The illusion, however, was shattered when she reached a hoof out and found only empty air. When she dared to open her eyes, the reality was only confirmed, and though her heart resisted, all feelings she had felt of safety and contentedness evaporated.

For the rest of the morning, Fluttershy reflected on what Rainbow Dash had told her the day before, as well as what she remembered of their shared past. Of all the stories Fluttershy had conjured up to justify Rainbow Dash’s bizarre and elusive behavior, not one had ever included Rainbow Dash having crush on her. That most definitely changed things. Which was somewhat bothersome, because the primary feature of the past, as far as Fluttershy was concerned, was that it didn’t change. Yet here she was, lost in the present, with an indeterminate past.

The thought played in her mind again, as it had repeatedly throughout the morning: A crush.

How could she have not noticed? Was Rainbow Dash just good at hiding it, or was it naïveté on her own part. How many other crushes had she gone blissfully unaware of? And why her?

It was that final question above all the rest that gnawed at the inside of her skull. Why her? What could Rainbow Dash have possibly seen in her. She seemed lacking in every attribute Rainbow Dash strived for. She wasn’t a good flier, or even physically fit for that matter. She avoided confrontation wherever possible. For pony’s sake, she didn’t even particularly like winning! By every measure, it seemed like a crush on Fluttershy was a sad misjudgment on Rainbow Dash’s part. That would at least explain her embarrassment. Of course she would be embarrassed to have had a crush on a pony like her…

Fluttershy toyed with this possibility for some time, but it simply wouldn’t sit comfortably in her mind. Rainbow Dash hadn’t really seemed embarrassed so much as she seemed ashamed, or even afraid… Or both.

For her whole life, Fluttershy had presumed that her falling out with Rainbow Dash had been entirely her own fault. The way she perceived herself—as deficient, as less than, as a pony undeserving of friends—was in no small part based on that notion. It had seemed to her that the sort of ponies who lose friends were those who didn’t deserve them in the first place. Which was partly why Fluttershy had spent most of her life trying to be invisible. If she wasn’t friend material, then it was for everypony’s sake that she should avoid making friends, no matter how that made her feel.

But by Rainbow Dash’s account, all of those things Fluttershy had believed to be self-evident were merely morbid fantasies. Maybe Rainbow Dash had spared her feelings by omitting important details… but Fluttershy couldn’t believe that. Not a single word of her confession had been demeaning or accusatory in any way. In fact, she hadn’t blamed Fluttershy for anything at all, which meant that all those years of feeling worthless and alone… had been wasted.

The latter half of her school days: Wasted. The hours after school that she spent alone in her room: Wasted. Her first years after moving to Ponyville: Wasted.

The more Fluttershy dwelled on this, the more it made her feel…

She felt…

Fluttershy could hardly admit it to herself, but she felt… angry.

Normally she tried to see things from other ponies’ points of view, and she always trusted that other ponies had good intentions at heart… But she couldn’t bring herself to see it that way this time. She didn’t want to this time.

How could Rainbow Dash have let her go through those years of pain and doubt? How could she have not seen the weight Fluttershy carried around when they were together? How could she have let their friendship die, and do nothing to mend it?

Tears welled up in Fluttershy’s eyes. She knew how to feel about her pain now. She was furious! Her first friend, her best friend, had abandoned her because she wasn’t half as strong as she pretended to be. Rainbow Dash had sat by and let her agonize over the past, and then she’d had the gall to think that they could just get over it and never bring it up again, as if nothing at all depended on resolving the central issue—As if everything wasn’t all her fault.

Fluttershy buried her face in her hooves and choked out a scream. The thoughts were unbearable. The few seconds of brooding she’d allowed herself filled her with as much disgust as anything she’d learned from Rainbow Dash, but now that she’d entertained the dark thoughts, they wouldn’t go away. Her resentment possessed a drive of its own, and she’d willingly given it a voice.

Fluttershy stayed there, head in her hooves, and wept without restraint—at Rainbow Dash, at herself, at fate. Her mind was so overwhelmed and exhausted that she lost any sense of time and her thoughts lost all coherence. Everything seemed to slowly dissolve away. And in the end all that remained was the aching of her heart.

Author's Note:

This chapter is a bit shorter because it was split off of a what will become chapter 10. The tone was a bit heavier than what follows, so I felt it needed to stand on it's own. And I just wanted to get something out after not posting anything in so long. I feel like I've finally gained a strong enough grasp of this story's turning point to start making meaningful progress again.

Also, the excerpt at the beginning is a bit of a teaser and will become more relevant as the story progresses and the history of the island is revealed.

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