Trying to find out why Coco Pommel decided to work fo Suri Polomare again Rarity learns about a underground pony trafficing ring. Problem is that the mare running it wants Rarity to join as either its newest member or its newest slave.
Well I won't lie that I saw this coming...no pun or double entendre intended....but as long as RariCoco ends up a for sure thing I shall be satisfied....but good chapter btw
It would be nice if later on down the road we can get alternate endings to this,but thats up to you
good job Schorl...really enjoyed it and keep it up....now has anyone seen my keys so i can get out of here
I like longer chapters on occasion. I wonder how Rarity will react when she finally discovers that most submissives are not there of their own will. As a member, it can't be kept hidden for much longer.
this story deserves the hate Fall of Equestria gets. At least there the behavior is obviously brainwashing rather than this, where there's some idea it's people being convinced.
By the way I see I overlooked an answer I got earlier about how it was foolish to go for Rarity. Maybe it makes sense to want someone in the government and to rely on corruption. What is stupid is relying on the corruptibility of someone who is part of the essence of their civilization.
Rarity is able to do something Princess Celestia isn't. It took Discord to corrupt her. To ignore that is stupid.
Frankly, I'd like Schorl to meet Alex Warlorn's version of Rarity. She's a pony who's willing to kill to protect those she loves
5263535 I think you might be working on a bit of backwards logic and incorrect information. Allow me to explain a bit.
First off, the thing that doesn't apply to my story: Fall of Equestria. You use this as a comparison, saying that "At least it, ect, ect", but are you aware that I'm a writer for the FoE canon? As such I feel I know a little more about the subject than you and while you are halfway right, that most males are under the influence of brainwashing, I'll be glad to correct you on the facts of the women. Most women in FoE that are willing are under no form of mind control. Now some might submit for "reasons" but in the end they made the choice to allow the bad situation to continue, to allow others to suffer so that they can get a little bit of peace. In a way that is much worse than what I present in my story.
Rarity is able to do something Princess Celestia isn't. It took Discord to corrupt her. To ignore that is stupid.
This is where I have the biggest issue with your statement. First off, are you saying that Celestia is easier to corrupt than Rarity? There was never any indication that Celestia was vulnerable to corrupting magic. I would have to say, in my opinion, that Celestia should be the most resistant to that kind of manipulation, else Discord would've done it to her long ago as he did to Twilight and never lost his reign of power.
You say that "It took Discord to corrupt her", but this is where I think you're working on backwards logic. This doesn't prove that it takes Discord to corrupt her, it simply shows she can be corrupted. Discord's abilities were so powerful that if he wanted to all he had to do is tap the girls on the head and alter their personalities. This overpowering ability to corrupt leaves an opening for lesser forms to effect them as well. Schorl prods at the darker natures of ponies, finding their mental weaknesses and then using her magic to make those weaknesses more overt.
For those with weak personalities, those with submissive natures, she brings out their insecurities and their dependency to others. For those with strong personalities she brings out their desires and want to take charge. Rarity has shown that she is more than capable of falling from grace, taking advantage of her friends and being condescending on occasion. It's not very hard to see her as the weak link amongst her friends and as many people have stated, the idea of "Mistress Rarity" is something widely accepted as head canon to those that enjoy bondage in the MLP community.
You also bring up that Schorl should go up against some other version of Rarity who sounds like a psychopath to me, but I ask you does that "killer instinct" mean that she would hurt Schorl if she found less destructive methods to solve the problem? Rarity was willing to fight dragons hand to hoof, but then opted to run because it was the better option. Even then, I don't see an issue with Rarity killing Schorl if she felt it was the only way out, since a person can react to a situation in a various amount of ways. We all have the ability to be good people, just as much as we can allow ourselves to justify our actions to get what we want in life. What would it take for you to become a despicable person mister Garfan? Might not be as much as you'd like to admit.
there's no logical sense to the females of FoE not being under mind control, when you look at the number who are under mind control in general, and two of the canon stories, Sun's Setting and Twilight Falls have the Caribou as not simply appearing everywhere at once, and conquering and collaring quickly when they do appear. Meaning the conquered towns have no reason to assume the Caribou will control everything but still submit to red collars quickly. Not in the aftermath of the entire conquest.
According the to Elements of Harmony, which are basically the embodiment of Equestrian Society Celestia isn't good enough to use them, Rarity is. As for corrupting magic, according to Faust Luna was possessed as Nightmare Moon, why should one alicorn be immune to something if the other isn't.
5265281 Yeah, again, by the canon of FoE it isn't mind control for a majority of women. I mentioned "reasons" before and these are things like giving into inevitability, succumbing to Stockholm's Syndrome, ones joining because it is easier that way, those who over time find that it is actually "better" and then those who actively wanted the change, ect, ect. Whether you think these reasons make sense or not, they are how FoE looks at the majority of "red collars" (I would assume about 90% are without mental influence of any kind, knowing what I know about the series from my internal knowledge, but it could be less). Now there are still those who resist the change, "Black collars", and they vastly outweigh the willing, but the fact of the matter is that in such a situation there will be weak or outright vile people who would rather be on the caribou's good side. That is life; when someone threatens you with of pain or relative comfort, some will opt for the latter sooner than others for obvious reasons.
As for why Celestia would be less suggestible than Luna.... well one would think that is obvious. I mean you are stating it like one's race is what matters, that being an Alicorn should judge how corruptible if she is or not instead of who she is as a person. Luna was not a strong individual in every aspect, having a weakness that persists in the series of wanting to have the admiration of the ponies she protects and serves as princess. Now since Celestia and Luna are two different people, it can come to reason that if the roles were reversed it might not of been the same, as Celestia could have the strength of character not to be corrupted in such a manner.
You bring up the fact that she can no longer wield the elements, but this doesn't show any sign of "corruption", just that she is no longer perfectly attuned with one or more of the elements. Reaching back into my pony nerd info, but in the MLP Trading Card Game Princess Celestia is represented by the element of kindness, an element she had to break by doing an unkind act and banishing her sister to the moon for 1000 years (or at least she could perceive it as a breach of that element which in her mind breaks her from it and the mind makes it real, yatta, yatta). Luna is similar, being represented by magic in the TCG, or as otherwise know as "Friendship", and we all know how she separated herself from this concept by believing that no one liked her. So yeah, If I may say it again I think that you are working on backwards logic (also this gives credence that an element bearer can become "unworthy" of the element they represent so even without corruption Rarity could just not represent her element anymore for a variety or reasons. Being an element bearer doesn't define you, you define it and can fall short of what is required to wield it.)
I get the feeling we are going to Rarity VS Suri sexual show down, I hope Blue Blood gets involved maybe as a referee or perhaps the two mares have to do his whims until one summits and gives up or something.
I'm not saying Celestia is corrupted, I'm saying Rarity is stronger than her in her element. As for Luna's character flaws she was strong enough that she could co-use the Elements. There's no reason to assume Celestia is more or less vulnerable to corrupting magics than anyone else
as for your statements about FoE and mind control, maybe they make sense when Caribou rule is firmly established. What about before then?
Frankly if this story was just a clop fic it wouldn't bother me so much. But it's obviously trying to be more and all I can think is the logic flaws. Schorl will kidnap ponies and then try to dominate dominant ponies into being dominant. And she's never been attacked from that?
Or the end of this chapter where Rarity gets manipulated into staying so easily feels like an insult to Rarity for me. No she can't keep Coco from being into BDSM, But she can insure that none of the Society have anything to do with her by leaving and getting them all arrested for kidnap rape and being an accessory to those crimes.
There's no reason to assume Celestia is more or less vulnerable to corrupting magics than anyone else
Huh, a statement I can follow, since Rarity can be lumped into "anyone else"
When it comes to FoE I am not debating you. I'm telling you fact, things that I know as a writer of the cannon and asking the people who are likewise in charge of the story what goes on in the universe. Mares are not under the influence of mind control on the whole. There are a few, mostly the "Blanked" mares, but that is it. Nothing you say can change what NCN himself says about how the universe operates.
But she can insure that none of the Society have anything to do with her by leaving and getting them all arrested for kidnap rape and being an accessory to those crimes.
Someone brought something like this up before and I'll tell you what I told them. Never once is Rarity under the assumption that Schorl is doing anything illegal. To her she is just business owner and Rarity knows that if she were to complain to something like this to someone else it would get no results because it is up to Coco to decide what she what her kinks are. At best someone would look into Coco's situation and hear the girl say personally that nothing is wrong.
Rarity is instead planning another method, one that might actually work, by becoming Coco's mistress. Rarity is not against the idea of another pony being her "submissive" and if she can keep the girl out of trouble at the same time then all the better. In actuality this doesn't even really betray her element. She is being incredibly generous in all this, dedicating a portion of her time and effort to help a friend in need of guidance. Her manipulation is not all that hard to understand if she has been shown that 1) being a submissive has it's perks and 2) that Coco's going to do it anyways and if she leaves Suri she might end up with someone else with more extreme kinks that the persuadable mare would do.
If seeing it as just a clopfic helps you to cope with your issues with my story, then fine, it can be a clopfic to you. doesn't really mean much to me. I write the story in a way that makes sense. Perhaps not to you but to plenty of others, though if you came up with an issue that wasn't properly explained in the story (which you haven't) I would own up to that issue an say that I would do my best to fix it if possible, prefaced with the fact that I am an amateur writer and that you are complaining about something that I do in my spare time that may or may not amount to anything over time.
So lets do a run down shall we: Mares in FoE are by large not under mind control, ever, no matter how many "what ifs" you put at the end. Rarity accepted her role as a dominant on a small part of there not really being an issue for her with BDSM on the whole and a large part that if she didn't things could go from bad to worse. The law would not bother interfering with a business that has, by Rarity's own admittance (unless she outright lied) has done nothing wrong. Coco would likewise say she is fine and the Society has done nothing wrong. This is a fanfiction by an admittedly amateur writer, not some grand epic that will span the centuries, get over it. and lastly, perhaps before you make assumptions and make theories as to how a character should react in a situation you should read the story a little, instead of not at all.
That being said I thank you for your feedback and I hope you have a pleasant evening.
P.S. It's hard to attack a pony who likes to walk around with a solid wall of muscle all the time. She employs minotaur for a reason and I assure you that her personal bodyguard is always close by.
Is there a reason Rarity doesn't consider Schorl keeping her(Rarity herself) there against her will illegal? When Schorl did that whole you'll be a dominant and you'll be a submissive thing it was under a threat which makes it impossible for Rarity to freely consent which means she was held against her will. And I don't think the Diarchy would just dismiss the concerns of one of the Elements. And I've seen some writers remove the Princesses as an out because so and so wants this on her own. But in this case Rarity is worried for someone's safety and besides she's done something as minor as ask for a room in Canterlot(she was very grateful but still staying at the palace in lieu of a hotel?) so I think she'd go to them.
Just to be clear I am saying that Rarity having to play the dominant and submissive for the club was an act of kidnap and rape because Schorl was blackmailing her with Coco's safety. Even if Rarity decided it was okay after the fact, or thought she was willing what happened to set it up makes it impossible not to be that.
you should read the story a little, instead of not at all
Now you are just talking out your ass, pardon my language. Rarity is under no threat. She could quit any time if she felt like it. Schorl made her an offer to remove Coco from the Society under the expressed reasoning that if Rarity stated she might see things differently. Rarity understood this and went for it because again, what would any of her friends (or the princesses) do except ask Coco if she was fine. Perhaps in reality they might do something more (which might likewise turn up nothing) but Rarity assumes it is a legitimate business, so to here there is nothing they could do. Rarity is never held against her will and nothing illegal is presented to her. There is nothing that can implement Schorl in Rarity's mind and seeing how Schorl handled the situation perhaps nothing that could implement her even if someone investigated.
they might decide they don't feel like talking to Coco and talk to and investigate Schorl. In fact in your own story you have a governmental side plot. Now maybe Rarity doesn't know about it. But all she would have to do is talk to someone to know about. And if this sets off her instincts that Coco isn't safe here why does she think no one else will care?
5268266 well how about this. Keep on reading and if you don't feel that everything is kosher after the next chapter you can go ahead and send a report to the admins about how terrible my story is. I won't stop you from doing so, heck I won't even stop you from not reading it, but if you do you might find that it's not as bad as you think. I mean it's just a story after all an it's not doing anything wrong, so I have nothing to hide. Perhaps the admins will actually look into it, come to me directly and then see that there is nothing wrong personally.
Now compare that situation with the story. I think you can see that the idea of going to the police based on assumptions, also know as filing a false report (which is a crime BTW) after you know better just because you're bitter about how things turned out is equally silly, unless your saying that Rarity is stupid and can't consider simple logic, and I would hope you felt she was smarter than that.
okay, there's an issue we're having here. I don't think Rarity should go to the police or file any sort of report. I want Rarity to go directly to the Princesses. From her own experiences Rarity knows that Celestia and Luna don't just do everything through government channels. Or is Celestia a student drafting a farmer, weathermare, baker, vet and tailor to deal with dragons SOP in Equestria? She's also seen Twilight take charge several times in Ponyville despite having no authority to do so. So maybe she could get some help from them so Schorl can't just throw her out.
5268415 Ok, this is starting to get into points where it takes meta textual information to answer you. Let's start of with the simple fact that if Rarity didn't join the Society at the end she wouldn't have left the Society's walls that day. She would've be locked away to continue her training as a submissive. People might look in on her over time, but then they would've been given a run around Equestria to buy time. So none of your arguments really mean anything.
Aside from that, if you want to continue on the psychology aspect of this all let's look at a few other factors. First off, Rarity herself never asked for that room in Canterlot, Twilight did, so Rarity might not feel that she can address either of the princesses directly about this so I'm going to phase them out completely from this on that reason alone, ignoring the fact that distracting the highest level government officials from their day to day duties that take up most of their time over the fetishes of one mare is ludicrous to begin with.
Now Rarity could go and talk to her friends about this, but again who is really going to bother with the Society itself at this point. If Rarity would've been able to leave she knows three things, that at this point the Society would have nothing to do directly with Coco's bondage obsession, so there is little to no reason to bother Schorl about this except maybe to find out which pony got her after she left Suri's side. Second being that Twilight was out of town for an errand in Canterlot for the princess, so the one most likely to be able to drop everything and come help could still be gone (which was part of the reason that she didn't leave in the first place as by the time she got back with help Coco could be too far gone and Rarity wanted to keep a close eye on her). Thirdly, Rarity tried to threaten Schorl with informing everyone about what was going on in the Society (what she knew at least, which was a that it was a BDSM club), to which Schorl said go ahead and then politely warned her that if she did that she would be letting people into the personal lives of pretty much every important pony in Canterlot and beyond, including Fancy Pants, a close personal friend. The idea of being ostracized from high society as backlash stopped her from wanting to go that route, instead taking the next available plan, which Schorl herself offered and Rarity accepted, realizing the pony was trying to convince her that things weren't so bad at the Society. By the end of it all, with Schorl's manipulative magic helping the situation without Rarity's knowledge, Rarity would've just seen that the crystal pony was right, that there is nothing wrong happening in the club and that her only issue is that Coco is with someone abusive, which again doesn't involve the Society whatsoever. At this point it's an issue between Rarity, Coco, and whoever was her owner after the fact (Suri or the hypothetical pony Coco would've gone to if the deal was legitimate).
Let's get back into the meta aspect. Let's say that Rarity was simply allowed to leave after she refused to join. Then let's say that everything went the way you assumed it would, that Rarity would go get all her friends who would drop everything despite this really seeming to be an issue that Coco needs to decide for herself and Rarity would be prying into the girl's personal life, went out of her way to do so even (which is a subject in MLP that has never be received well by those listening to the accuser if you want to take the events with Gilda and Candence as examples, even though the accusers in both situations were right). Then let's say that Rarity decided that this is the Society's fault somehow instead of Coco's own natural curiosity that might've been pushed further by Suri. What does this solve?
All Schorl would really have to do is turn them away at the door. They aren't the police and Twilight might be a princess, but not a respected one if her treating in "Rarity Takes Manehattan" is any indication. All she has to do is turn the six mares away at the door, declaring that the Society is a private club and that she wants to maintain the privacy of her members, then the main six are at a dead end. At best it's slightly suspicious, but with Rarity explaining everything to the others it is an acceptable scenario that would garner no further investigation.
And now lets take this in another direction; What if Schorl lets them in? Well now Rarity has endangered all of the mane six. Schorl could invite them in, show them around, perhaps offer some drinks, which might be refused by some but would be accepted by others like Pinkie who would down a glass of Passion Fruit without thinking and then say it tastes great which might then cause a chain reaction that could get everyone drinking. Now let's say that Twilight is still smart enough not to drink at least, all Schorl has to do is continue her tour, wait for an opportune moment, and then have her minotaur brute coldcock her when she's distracted by her friend's odd behavior. The rest are now trapped inside the Society and have to deal with not one, but dozens of the overpowering creatures, and are perhaps unable to fight back regardless. Everyone is captured and Schorl's plans are speed up immensely as she now has all six Elements of Harmony at her mercy and in a way that no one would know where they went. Twilight might have told Celestia that she was going to Manehattan (though I don't see why as this is now at the point where Twilight doesn't send letters to Celestia anymore, or at least not until she has something to report) and even mentioned the Society, but this doesn't automatically implement them in the disappearance, especially if a number of ponies of high standing collaborate with Schorl and say that the six ponies came, looked around (most being very rude about the club's practices as they did) and then left. Barring the Princesses being clairvoyant, which for the purposes of this story they are not, they would have no real leads.
So by going the route you suggested, which to you seemed to be the smarter thing to do, you instead did something incredibly stupid and caused the mane six to fall into the hands of an evil villain far ahead of her schedule; Good Job. And this is why I try to think of every angle ahead of time and give the characters I use the benefit of the doubt that they are intelligent creatures who can likewise figure out a course of action that would be beneficial to accomplishing their goals. Perhaps it is a bit contrived, as not everyone really has that level of deductive reasoning, but it makes for a better story than "Rarity brings her friends to their doom because she couldn't keep a strictly internal matter internal". Actions have consequences, sure, but the thing is that for every action there is an equal or opposite reaction. So Schorl plays the long game, bides her time and does little things (at least for what she is trying to accomplish) over a long period of time to minimize risk. You would have Rarity do something drastic on based on a "feeling" that would have dire consequences, and that is insulting to Rarity as a character to me, as I find stupidity very insulting.
Meta is fine. If I see something that I think is so obvious meta wise that even characters in the story should notice I point it out.
You don't shut the door in a princess' face. The amount of respect Twilight receives has nothing to do with the amount of power she wields. And if you take a princess hostage then you're asking for the other princesses' and their military forces down on you considering it's treason. So your early victory for Schorl is more likely her early death. Or do you have a reason that Celestia and Luna would take Schorl's word that Twilight and co just left? Bearing in mind they know that Twilight was suspicious of this pony. You give Celestia less power and less determination that I do, and that I think is reasonable. Celestia is a princess who will personally oversee a swap meet so she will certainly oversee certain things herself.
The Society is supposedly a legal BDSM community, if one dominant such as Suri is abusing a submissive such as Coco, don't the other members have a responsibilty to step in? I think that would make any issues with them an external matter. And if this is such a shame to the members of the upper class, well it might just ruin them so who would they be to shun Rarity? And wouldn't Fancy being part of a group that Rarity feels forced to join to survive lessen her opinion of him, while she needs to take care of another friend.
I just have to say I fundamentally disagree with your idea of Equestria I suppose. You think it's easy to avoid governmental authority there, I think what the princesses say goes; they're just nice about it. Look at all the stuff Celestia personally oversees, or personally appoints someone to oversee, and Luna ending a holiday because she got pissed off.
5271233 Once Rarity was in the club, she was never getting out unless she was a member or had completed the ritual. If she had managed to get a message to Twilight, it would certainly raise red flags, and draw much more attention than Schorl seems to credit (she also underestimates the mane 6's capabilities when all together), and if the location of the club were divulged, it would expose the problem if not the members. Luna would certainly be drawn to investigate, likely with a loyal night guard squadron. Even as the members fled to safety, most of the slaves would be discovered, or if they were given advanced notice, at the very least the equipment would tell much of the extent of what had been done. Under such a scenario, the Society would likely be hunted down city by city by Princess Luna herself, and the organization might have to go dark for a while. Of course she'd have no jurisdiction in Minotropis(?) where the leaders and most important members would have gone. With how deeply ingrained the Society has become in pony society however, I don't see any feasible path to complete eradication. Not unless Luna managed to get her hooves on a list of every member and bribed official, then arrested them all at once in a massive show of force that would completely overturn pony society as it is known today. Even then Schorl herself would be tough to nab.
Of course all this is hypothetical conjecture, given that Rarity did not get a message to Twilight about the BDSM club before she accepted the challenge. The question remains though, once the facade is lifted and Rarity sees the Society for what it is, will she feel compelled to reveal it then?
5272751 Now see, this is good. This is a reasonable deduction of events that would lead to the Society's end. Yes, should Rarity be clever enough to somehow send word out to the others once she figured things out then it would be near impossible for it to continue as it has. Also of the two higher princesses, it would be Luna who would be more likely to take charge at any point and come down upon the members with a vengeance, Celestia taking a more bureaucratic approach of wanting to look into it more (unless there was solid evidence like the suggested letter).
I'm not really trying to belittle the mane six in this, as they would be able to take care of the situation in one way or another should they know what is going on. Until then they can only go on speculation, which the show has shown that suspicions might be correct in the end (Gilda/Cadence) but overall they can't be used to judge a person right off the bat (Zecora/Luna). The scenario I posted before was a "What if Rarity did something without proof" scenario, where the point of the main six being there would be to find said proof, as ultimately would be at the mercy of Schorl with her Minotaur guards, being in an enclosed area where RDs maneuverability is limited and AJ (the heaviest hitter) it outmatched by creatures that are know for being some of the most physically power monsters of there size range. Once Twilight, AJ, and RD are removed from a combat situation, I feel that while Rarity and Pinkie could make a valid attempt, that in they would be overwhelmed, but again this depends on careful planning and the girls being caught off guard. If they knew what they were dealing with ahead of time, and were not stupid enough to simply rush in, then their chances increase immensely.
So thank you for putting down better methods of how the Society would fail. It was actually what I needed after Garfan's conjecture. I very much enjoy when people take the time to think things over and come up with ways the characters could win in the scenario given, instead of using knowledge you would only know because you're the reader and thus know that the Society are not just a simple S&M group.
5273048 I feel like Rarity would need far less proof to produce a result than she thinks she needs. Unbeknownst to her, Celestia is already suspicious of ponies reappearing with S&M fetishes, Twilight has been informed of some of those suspicions, and Luna is personally investigating the disappearance of at least one victim of the society. If they were given knowledge of the existence of the society by a trusted source like Rarity, many of the pieces would fall into place. Through their correspondence, Rarity would come to learn that the Society goes beyond her worst suspicions.
If Rarity ever lets slip to Twilight about her new penchant for domination, I feel she is smart enough to put the pieces together and demand the full story.The Society has taken a huge risk with Rarity, in that she is one of the very few ponies with a direct line to the few ponies with the ability to do something about it. And that they cannot close off that line for longer than they already have without inviting suspicion. Once the knowledge is in the hands of the Princesses I see two ways they could go about it; quiet or loud. Quiet would have Luna busting Society hubs city by city as I suggested before. Loud would be for Celestia to unilaterally pass a law to make BDSM illegal across Equestria. The later would make it tougher to find the actual members (especially the leadership) but make it easier to prosecute once they'd been found. It would also anger a great number of noble ponies, and would cause Celestia to become very unpopular for a while. Of course most if not all the major objections would come from ponies who were secretly members of the Society. If she were clever, she'd make a note of those with strong objections, and keep a close eye on them, hopefully getting them to lead her right to the base.
There is also still the question of Golden Touch, one of, if not the first pony to escape from the Society's control. His best bet would be to approach one of the Mane 6, given that the Royal Sisters are surrounded by Society spies. He has information no one else knows, that could be extremely damaging to the Society if he manages to get it into the right hooves.
5273574 I agree with pretty much all of this. Rarity might not need all that much proof to have ponies look into the Society, but she doesn't realize the information that she has. Twilight could find thing out through Rarity one way or another, but while it would give suspicions it's not like the Society is the only S&M club around. However it IS the only one that might have such a stringent policy of keeping out those who they deem "unfit", and the contrast of "members" being that most dominants are rich and powerful, while submissives are not, might put up flags for anyone who dwells on it too long. The only real thing I object with though is your ideas of ho Celestia would react. I don't think she would outright ban bondage, as it is not BDSM that is the problem, it's ponies that are enslaving and brainwashing ponies.
That aside the only the issue is the use of Golden Touch, as he was an extended cameo of an OC, so he might not actually returnto the story. He was Schorl's personal slave for some time, so he would know that some of the royal guards/polices were in on it and might not want to risk capture again by going to them, but then again if I am able to include him again he might try to inform the princesses regardless. Only time will tell.
5274117 The banning of Bondage would only be used as a means to an end, as a way to attempt to shut down the Society, or apprehend its members. It is a drastic step though, with some significant downsides. Going about it quietly is much more likely given how little press major events get in Equestria. Her administration is not very transparent with the common ponies, and we've never actually seen her make or change any legislation. Of the two options, the quiet route is certainly more likely, although it would be slower and more dangerous.
you all are listing ways the Society would fail that make perfect sense, except you're talking like Rarity isn't close with Twilight and Twilight isn't close with the princesses. Oh. this might happen if only they'd talk. Why wouldn't they talk if Rarity felt a threat? And if Twilight and the Mane 6 went to investigate why wouldn't they tell someone so if they weren't back at a certain time they'd know something was wrong.
And of course if there was a fight Rarity is strong enough to lift Tom, Rainbow Dash destroyed a good chunk of a barn on her own with no tools, Fluttershy would not seem like much of a fighter but is strong enough to throw a bear around with ease, Pinkie is incredibly fast and tough, Applejack's strength is obvious and for Twilight: magic can shield, it can levitate it can deliver blunt force trauma. If she had to she could teleport for help, but considering this is a pony who's blew the Golden Oaks library into the sky when she was upset I imagine she could blast a hole into the building to escape and let ponies know something was wrong
basically we're talking about the same thing here, I just think it's painfully obvious and would be so easy they could deal with this problem in their sleep while you think it's very hard, presumably for some reason besides your story needs it to be hard
5274956 ok, this is where I'm going to have to stop you there. I think that again you don't understand what is going on here. This isn't some cartoonish story, it is a serious telling of several pony's emotional turmoil and rape at the hands of an evil organization. As such the characters don't have abilities that are overblown and unrealistic for the sake of humor. So no, Rarity can't physically pick up a boulder, Rainbow can't smash into a building and annihilate it or walk away from such an attempt unscathed, Pinkie can't use fourth wall abilities, Fluttershy can't flip a bear and Twilight can't blow a building out of the ground (with it landing perfectly back on the ground unharmed I might add).
Now this doesn't remove their abilities entirely. AJ is strong for her size, Rainbow is super fast, Twilight has access to an array of spells, as does Rarity in a lesser capacity and has the ability to control and coordinate a large amount of items at once with her magic. Pinkie and Fluttershy have other abilities that help outside of combat, because when it comes down to it they aren't really fighters, and of the two Fluttershy would be about useless. So, yeah... like i said before going in head first is not the answer here when the Society's guards can easily take on 6 ponies of perhaps above average skill in an area they are familiar with.
5276974 If you want to see it that way, sure. This is another sign of backwards logic though. You say I nerfed them for drama, I say that the show made them more powerful for humor. Funny how that fits huh, that the more ridiculous the amount of power you give something the less serious it can be taken while the more down to earth something is the more real it feels.
BTW, you wouldn't happen to be Lordofmyth's alternate account or something, are you? Because you and he seem to have similar opinions on the matter of "Being realistic for the sake of story". On that note I'll say to you what I said to him (or repeat it if you are him and seriously have nothing better to do with your time), this is an "Alternate Universe" story. The rules from the show do not apply here as there are many things in the show that are done for comical effect alone (Like Fluttershy wrestling a bear or RD ramming into a barn and exploding when another crash into the ground broke her wing another time, both events happening in an episode that was trying to use these to hilarious effect to show that no one needed Twilight's help that day).
So while I'm repeating myself, let me also say that if you can't deal with that in my story, then by all means, give it a thumbs down and go read another story than fits your own idea of what MLP should be. The characters in my story will have the character traits of the ones in show along with reasonable adaptations of their supposed abilities, which are at my discretion because I'm the one writing this story. Whether or not that makes a good story is up to the individual reader, which I'm ok with if you don't like it. I would just hope that you would likewise respect my right to write the story regardless without trying to force upon me "plotholes" that only exist in your head because you want them to exist.
If you had EVER said anything that I felt was legitimate, like raincloudboom or others have, then I would own up to them and even join in on the speculation, but all you have ever done is baseless conjecture because you skim through the story to find problems instead of read the story and take in all the angles of the situation. You have outright said wrong things about the story events because of this, recounting the events in ways that didn't happen just so you can try and pin things on the Society when, again, they come off as a simple S&M club who's owner might have a few odd ideas, but never once has indicated that she is into the outright rape or slavery of other ponies to Rarity.
TL;DR: If you think this story is bad for any reason, give me a down vote, leave a comment and then go on with your life. I'm a big girl, I can take it and I'm going to continue writing this the way I planned regardless. Otherwise, why are you still here reading this if I'm doing such a poor job.
I do only skim but that's because every time I start to read I find something I think is wrong. And I will add, that to me, no subtracting power does not make it feel more real. In fact that makes it feel less real and makes me focus on the author of the story not the story. Consistency makes things feel real to me. The nature of reality doesn't change so changing the nature of the reality you're writing prevents me from getting into the story or takes me out of it.
I'm also more interested in the characters than the events that happen to them
After re-reading the last chapter, The Society may have to deal with an irate Blueblood in the future since he didn't get what he wanted, and now Rarity is protected from his...desires now. I could easily see him petty enough to try and get Rarity into trouble or to go after her friends before Schorl is ready, just to get at the fashionista.
I do enjoy the dark tones of this series, but I've still got to root for the good guys (Princess Luna yay), even if they may or may not win in the end.
wow that was pretty awesome. I hadnt seen that coming (no pun intended) but Schorl is still a deluded fool if she thinks she has won over Rarity completely. All it takes is for one slave to slip their bonds and beg her for mercy, beg her for help, or worse beg her to kill them or help them take their own life. I mean how long does she expect to keep Rarity in the dark for?
and she can't acquire Coco because of the heart ritual. Well unless for confidentiality protection Suri kept the mare bound by the Crystal heart even while she served and went home with Rarity.
Celestia has always shown too much restraint when it comes to hunting. When I'm king, the mighty will be able to take whatever they want. For a Society members collection is never full.
Honesty would be found by finding the untrained ones.
Wow, what a happy ending for the two ^_^ that was really nice. Sexy and nice. Keep up the good work Mistress ^_^
Nice job on this chapter, I'd say maybe write long chapters if and when you feel you need them.
Long or short chapters are both fine. Your stories are all amazing. Keep up the good work!
Well I won't lie that I saw this coming...no pun or double entendre intended....but as long as RariCoco ends up a for sure thing I shall be satisfied....but good chapter btw
It would be nice if later on down the road we can get alternate endings to this,but thats up to you
good job Schorl...really enjoyed it and keep it up....now has anyone seen my keys so i can get out of here
I like longer chapters on occasion. I wonder how Rarity will react when she finally discovers that most submissives are not there of their own will. As a member, it can't be kept hidden for much longer.
You are a great writer, just wish I could write as well as you
I'm glad to see Rarity there as a dominate, now just to get Coco away from Suri and maybe put that bitch in her place.
As for the long or short chapters, I would say go the middle ground between it, not to short but not to long either.
Another arc I can't wait for is Dash...and Pinkie. As random and odd as the party pony is..how is the Society going to handle her?!
this story deserves the hate Fall of Equestria gets. At least there the behavior is obviously brainwashing rather than this, where there's some idea it's people being convinced.
By the way I see I overlooked an answer I got earlier about how it was foolish to go for Rarity. Maybe it makes sense to want someone in the government and to rely on corruption. What is stupid is relying on the corruptibility of someone who is part of the essence of their civilization.
Rarity is able to do something Princess Celestia isn't. It took Discord to corrupt her. To ignore that is stupid.
Frankly, I'd like Schorl to meet Alex Warlorn's version of Rarity. She's a pony who's willing to kill to protect those she loves
5263535
I think you might be working on a bit of backwards logic and incorrect information. Allow me to explain a bit.
First off, the thing that doesn't apply to my story: Fall of Equestria. You use this as a comparison, saying that "At least it, ect, ect", but are you aware that I'm a writer for the FoE canon? As such I feel I know a little more about the subject than you and while you are halfway right, that most males are under the influence of brainwashing, I'll be glad to correct you on the facts of the women. Most women in FoE that are willing are under no form of mind control. Now some might submit for "reasons" but in the end they made the choice to allow the bad situation to continue, to allow others to suffer so that they can get a little bit of peace. In a way that is much worse than what I present in my story.
This is where I have the biggest issue with your statement. First off, are you saying that Celestia is easier to corrupt than Rarity? There was never any indication that Celestia was vulnerable to corrupting magic. I would have to say, in my opinion, that Celestia should be the most resistant to that kind of manipulation, else Discord would've done it to her long ago as he did to Twilight and never lost his reign of power.
You say that "It took Discord to corrupt her", but this is where I think you're working on backwards logic. This doesn't prove that it takes Discord to corrupt her, it simply shows she can be corrupted. Discord's abilities were so powerful that if he wanted to all he had to do is tap the girls on the head and alter their personalities. This overpowering ability to corrupt leaves an opening for lesser forms to effect them as well. Schorl prods at the darker natures of ponies, finding their mental weaknesses and then using her magic to make those weaknesses more overt.
For those with weak personalities, those with submissive natures, she brings out their insecurities and their dependency to others. For those with strong personalities she brings out their desires and want to take charge. Rarity has shown that she is more than capable of falling from grace, taking advantage of her friends and being condescending on occasion. It's not very hard to see her as the weak link amongst her friends and as many people have stated, the idea of "Mistress Rarity" is something widely accepted as head canon to those that enjoy bondage in the MLP community.
You also bring up that Schorl should go up against some other version of Rarity who sounds like a psychopath to me, but I ask you does that "killer instinct" mean that she would hurt Schorl if she found less destructive methods to solve the problem? Rarity was willing to fight dragons hand to hoof, but then opted to run because it was the better option. Even then, I don't see an issue with Rarity killing Schorl if she felt it was the only way out, since a person can react to a situation in a various amount of ways. We all have the ability to be good people, just as much as we can allow ourselves to justify our actions to get what we want in life. What would it take for you to become a despicable person mister Garfan? Might not be as much as you'd like to admit.
I personally prefer the shorter once a week chapters, but that's just me. Keep up the great work!
5264530
there's no logical sense to the females of FoE not being under mind control, when you look at the number who are under mind control in general, and two of the canon stories, Sun's Setting and Twilight Falls have the Caribou as not simply appearing everywhere at once, and conquering and collaring quickly when they do appear. Meaning the conquered towns have no reason to assume the Caribou will control everything but still submit to red collars quickly. Not in the aftermath of the entire conquest.
According the to Elements of Harmony, which are basically the embodiment of Equestrian Society Celestia isn't good enough to use them, Rarity is. As for corrupting magic, according to Faust Luna was possessed as Nightmare Moon, why should one alicorn be immune to something if the other isn't.
5265281
Yeah, again, by the canon of FoE it isn't mind control for a majority of women. I mentioned "reasons" before and these are things like giving into inevitability, succumbing to Stockholm's Syndrome, ones joining because it is easier that way, those who over time find that it is actually "better" and then those who actively wanted the change, ect, ect. Whether you think these reasons make sense or not, they are how FoE looks at the majority of "red collars" (I would assume about 90% are without mental influence of any kind, knowing what I know about the series from my internal knowledge, but it could be less). Now there are still those who resist the change, "Black collars", and they vastly outweigh the willing, but the fact of the matter is that in such a situation there will be weak or outright vile people who would rather be on the caribou's good side. That is life; when someone threatens you with of pain or relative comfort, some will opt for the latter sooner than others for obvious reasons.
As for why Celestia would be less suggestible than Luna.... well one would think that is obvious. I mean you are stating it like one's race is what matters, that being an Alicorn should judge how corruptible if she is or not instead of who she is as a person. Luna was not a strong individual in every aspect, having a weakness that persists in the series of wanting to have the admiration of the ponies she protects and serves as princess. Now since Celestia and Luna are two different people, it can come to reason that if the roles were reversed it might not of been the same, as Celestia could have the strength of character not to be corrupted in such a manner.
You bring up the fact that she can no longer wield the elements, but this doesn't show any sign of "corruption", just that she is no longer perfectly attuned with one or more of the elements. Reaching back into my pony nerd info, but in the MLP Trading Card Game Princess Celestia is represented by the element of kindness, an element she had to break by doing an unkind act and banishing her sister to the moon for 1000 years (or at least she could perceive it as a breach of that element which in her mind breaks her from it and the mind makes it real, yatta, yatta). Luna is similar, being represented by magic in the TCG, or as otherwise know as "Friendship", and we all know how she separated herself from this concept by believing that no one liked her. So yeah, If I may say it again I think that you are working on backwards logic (also this gives credence that an element bearer can become "unworthy" of the element they represent so even without corruption Rarity could just not represent her element anymore for a variety or reasons. Being an element bearer doesn't define you, you define it and can fall short of what is required to wield it.)
I get the feeling we are going to Rarity VS Suri sexual show down, I hope Blue Blood gets involved maybe as a referee or perhaps the two mares have to do his whims until one summits and gives up or something.
5265590
I'm not saying Celestia is corrupted, I'm saying Rarity is stronger than her in her element. As for Luna's character flaws she was strong enough that she could co-use the Elements. There's no reason to assume Celestia is more or less vulnerable to corrupting magics than anyone else
as for your statements about FoE and mind control, maybe they make sense when Caribou rule is firmly established. What about before then?
Frankly if this story was just a clop fic it wouldn't bother me so much. But it's obviously trying to be more and all I can think is the logic flaws. Schorl will kidnap ponies and then try to dominate dominant ponies into being dominant. And she's never been attacked from that?
Or the end of this chapter where Rarity gets manipulated into staying so easily feels like an insult to Rarity for me. No she can't keep Coco from being into BDSM, But she can insure that none of the Society have anything to do with her by leaving and getting them all arrested for kidnap rape and being an accessory to those crimes.
5267816
Huh, a statement I can follow, since Rarity can be lumped into "anyone else"
When it comes to FoE I am not debating you. I'm telling you fact, things that I know as a writer of the cannon and asking the people who are likewise in charge of the story what goes on in the universe. Mares are not under the influence of mind control on the whole. There are a few, mostly the "Blanked" mares, but that is it. Nothing you say can change what NCN himself says about how the universe operates.
Someone brought something like this up before and I'll tell you what I told them. Never once is Rarity under the assumption that Schorl is doing anything illegal. To her she is just business owner and Rarity knows that if she were to complain to something like this to someone else it would get no results because it is up to Coco to decide what she what her kinks are. At best someone would look into Coco's situation and hear the girl say personally that nothing is wrong.
Rarity is instead planning another method, one that might actually work, by becoming Coco's mistress. Rarity is not against the idea of another pony being her "submissive" and if she can keep the girl out of trouble at the same time then all the better. In actuality this doesn't even really betray her element. She is being incredibly generous in all this, dedicating a portion of her time and effort to help a friend in need of guidance. Her manipulation is not all that hard to understand if she has been shown that 1) being a submissive has it's perks and 2) that Coco's going to do it anyways and if she leaves Suri she might end up with someone else with more extreme kinks that the persuadable mare would do.
If seeing it as just a clopfic helps you to cope with your issues with my story, then fine, it can be a clopfic to you. doesn't really mean much to me. I write the story in a way that makes sense. Perhaps not to you but to plenty of others, though if you came up with an issue that wasn't properly explained in the story (which you haven't) I would own up to that issue an say that I would do my best to fix it if possible, prefaced with the fact that I am an amateur writer and that you are complaining about something that I do in my spare time that may or may not amount to anything over time.
So lets do a run down shall we:
Mares in FoE are by large not under mind control, ever, no matter how many "what ifs" you put at the end.
Rarity accepted her role as a dominant on a small part of there not really being an issue for her with BDSM on the whole and a large part that if she didn't things could go from bad to worse.
The law would not bother interfering with a business that has, by Rarity's own admittance (unless she outright lied) has done nothing wrong.
Coco would likewise say she is fine and the Society has done nothing wrong.
This is a fanfiction by an admittedly amateur writer, not some grand epic that will span the centuries, get over it.
and lastly, perhaps before you make assumptions and make theories as to how a character should react in a situation you should read the story a little, instead of not at all.
That being said I thank you for your feedback and I hope you have a pleasant evening.
P.S. It's hard to attack a pony who likes to walk around with a solid wall of muscle all the time. She employs minotaur for a reason and I assure you that her personal bodyguard is always close by.
Is there a reason Rarity doesn't consider Schorl keeping her(Rarity herself) there against her will illegal? When Schorl did that whole you'll be a dominant and you'll be a submissive thing it was under a threat which makes it impossible for Rarity to freely consent which means she was held against her will. And I don't think the Diarchy would just dismiss the concerns of one of the Elements. And I've seen some writers remove the Princesses as an out because so and so wants this on her own. But in this case Rarity is worried for someone's safety and besides she's done something as minor as ask for a room in Canterlot(she was very grateful but still staying at the palace in lieu of a hotel?) so I think she'd go to them.
Just to be clear I am saying that Rarity having to play the dominant and submissive for the club was an act of kidnap and rape because Schorl was blackmailing her with Coco's safety. Even if Rarity decided it was okay after the fact, or thought she was willing what happened to set it up makes it impossible not to be that.
5268146
Now you are just talking out your ass, pardon my language. Rarity is under no threat. She could quit any time if she felt like it. Schorl made her an offer to remove Coco from the Society under the expressed reasoning that if Rarity stated she might see things differently. Rarity understood this and went for it because again, what would any of her friends (or the princesses) do except ask Coco if she was fine. Perhaps in reality they might do something more (which might likewise turn up nothing) but Rarity assumes it is a legitimate business, so to here there is nothing they could do. Rarity is never held against her will and nothing illegal is presented to her. There is nothing that can implement Schorl in Rarity's mind and seeing how Schorl handled the situation perhaps nothing that could implement her even if someone investigated.
they might decide they don't feel like talking to Coco and talk to and investigate Schorl. In fact in your own story you have a governmental side plot. Now maybe Rarity doesn't know about it. But all she would have to do is talk to someone to know about. And if this sets off her instincts that Coco isn't safe here why does she think no one else will care?
5268266
well how about this. Keep on reading and if you don't feel that everything is kosher after the next chapter you can go ahead and send a report to the admins about how terrible my story is. I won't stop you from doing so, heck I won't even stop you from not reading it, but if you do you might find that it's not as bad as you think. I mean it's just a story after all an it's not doing anything wrong, so I have nothing to hide. Perhaps the admins will actually look into it, come to me directly and then see that there is nothing wrong personally.
Now compare that situation with the story. I think you can see that the idea of going to the police based on assumptions, also know as filing a false report (which is a crime BTW) after you know better just because you're bitter about how things turned out is equally silly, unless your saying that Rarity is stupid and can't consider simple logic, and I would hope you felt she was smarter than that.
5268335
okay, there's an issue we're having here. I don't think Rarity should go to the police or file any sort of report. I want Rarity to go directly to the Princesses. From her own experiences Rarity knows that Celestia and Luna don't just do everything through government channels. Or is Celestia a student drafting a farmer, weathermare, baker, vet and tailor to deal with dragons SOP in Equestria? She's also seen Twilight take charge several times in Ponyville despite having no authority to do so. So maybe she could get some help from them so Schorl can't just throw her out.
5268415
Ok, this is starting to get into points where it takes meta textual information to answer you. Let's start of with the simple fact that if Rarity didn't join the Society at the end she wouldn't have left the Society's walls that day. She would've be locked away to continue her training as a submissive. People might look in on her over time, but then they would've been given a run around Equestria to buy time. So none of your arguments really mean anything.
Aside from that, if you want to continue on the psychology aspect of this all let's look at a few other factors. First off, Rarity herself never asked for that room in Canterlot, Twilight did, so Rarity might not feel that she can address either of the princesses directly about this so I'm going to phase them out completely from this on that reason alone, ignoring the fact that distracting the highest level government officials from their day to day duties that take up most of their time over the fetishes of one mare is ludicrous to begin with.
Now Rarity could go and talk to her friends about this, but again who is really going to bother with the Society itself at this point. If Rarity would've been able to leave she knows three things, that at this point the Society would have nothing to do directly with Coco's bondage obsession, so there is little to no reason to bother Schorl about this except maybe to find out which pony got her after she left Suri's side. Second being that Twilight was out of town for an errand in Canterlot for the princess, so the one most likely to be able to drop everything and come help could still be gone (which was part of the reason that she didn't leave in the first place as by the time she got back with help Coco could be too far gone and Rarity wanted to keep a close eye on her). Thirdly, Rarity tried to threaten Schorl with informing everyone about what was going on in the Society (what she knew at least, which was a that it was a BDSM club), to which Schorl said go ahead and then politely warned her that if she did that she would be letting people into the personal lives of pretty much every important pony in Canterlot and beyond, including Fancy Pants, a close personal friend. The idea of being ostracized from high society as backlash stopped her from wanting to go that route, instead taking the next available plan, which Schorl herself offered and Rarity accepted, realizing the pony was trying to convince her that things weren't so bad at the Society. By the end of it all, with Schorl's manipulative magic helping the situation without Rarity's knowledge, Rarity would've just seen that the crystal pony was right, that there is nothing wrong happening in the club and that her only issue is that Coco is with someone abusive, which again doesn't involve the Society whatsoever. At this point it's an issue between Rarity, Coco, and whoever was her owner after the fact (Suri or the hypothetical pony Coco would've gone to if the deal was legitimate).
Let's get back into the meta aspect. Let's say that Rarity was simply allowed to leave after she refused to join. Then let's say that everything went the way you assumed it would, that Rarity would go get all her friends who would drop everything despite this really seeming to be an issue that Coco needs to decide for herself and Rarity would be prying into the girl's personal life, went out of her way to do so even (which is a subject in MLP that has never be received well by those listening to the accuser if you want to take the events with Gilda and Candence as examples, even though the accusers in both situations were right). Then let's say that Rarity decided that this is the Society's fault somehow instead of Coco's own natural curiosity that might've been pushed further by Suri. What does this solve?
All Schorl would really have to do is turn them away at the door. They aren't the police and Twilight might be a princess, but not a respected one if her treating in "Rarity Takes Manehattan" is any indication. All she has to do is turn the six mares away at the door, declaring that the Society is a private club and that she wants to maintain the privacy of her members, then the main six are at a dead end. At best it's slightly suspicious, but with Rarity explaining everything to the others it is an acceptable scenario that would garner no further investigation.
And now lets take this in another direction; What if Schorl lets them in? Well now Rarity has endangered all of the mane six. Schorl could invite them in, show them around, perhaps offer some drinks, which might be refused by some but would be accepted by others like Pinkie who would down a glass of Passion Fruit without thinking and then say it tastes great which might then cause a chain reaction that could get everyone drinking. Now let's say that Twilight is still smart enough not to drink at least, all Schorl has to do is continue her tour, wait for an opportune moment, and then have her minotaur brute coldcock her when she's distracted by her friend's odd behavior. The rest are now trapped inside the Society and have to deal with not one, but dozens of the overpowering creatures, and are perhaps unable to fight back regardless. Everyone is captured and Schorl's plans are speed up immensely as she now has all six Elements of Harmony at her mercy and in a way that no one would know where they went. Twilight might have told Celestia that she was going to Manehattan (though I don't see why as this is now at the point where Twilight doesn't send letters to Celestia anymore, or at least not until she has something to report) and even mentioned the Society, but this doesn't automatically implement them in the disappearance, especially if a number of ponies of high standing collaborate with Schorl and say that the six ponies came, looked around (most being very rude about the club's practices as they did) and then left. Barring the Princesses being clairvoyant, which for the purposes of this story they are not, they would have no real leads.
So by going the route you suggested, which to you seemed to be the smarter thing to do, you instead did something incredibly stupid and caused the mane six to fall into the hands of an evil villain far ahead of her schedule; Good Job. And this is why I try to think of every angle ahead of time and give the characters I use the benefit of the doubt that they are intelligent creatures who can likewise figure out a course of action that would be beneficial to accomplishing their goals. Perhaps it is a bit contrived, as not everyone really has that level of deductive reasoning, but it makes for a better story than "Rarity brings her friends to their doom because she couldn't keep a strictly internal matter internal". Actions have consequences, sure, but the thing is that for every action there is an equal or opposite reaction. So Schorl plays the long game, bides her time and does little things (at least for what she is trying to accomplish) over a long period of time to minimize risk. You would have Rarity do something drastic on based on a "feeling" that would have dire consequences, and that is insulting to Rarity as a character to me, as I find stupidity very insulting.
Meta is fine. If I see something that I think is so obvious meta wise that even characters in the story should notice I point it out.
You don't shut the door in a princess' face. The amount of respect Twilight receives has nothing to do with the amount of power she wields. And if you take a princess hostage then you're asking for the other princesses' and their military forces down on you considering it's treason. So your early victory for Schorl is more likely her early death. Or do you have a reason that Celestia and Luna would take Schorl's word that Twilight and co just left? Bearing in mind they know that Twilight was suspicious of this pony. You give Celestia less power and less determination that I do, and that I think is reasonable. Celestia is a princess who will personally oversee a swap meet so she will certainly oversee certain things herself.
The Society is supposedly a legal BDSM community, if one dominant such as Suri is abusing a submissive such as Coco, don't the other members have a responsibilty to step in? I think that would make any issues with them an external matter. And if this is such a shame to the members of the upper class, well it might just ruin them so who would they be to shun Rarity? And wouldn't Fancy being part of a group that Rarity feels forced to join to survive lessen her opinion of him, while she needs to take care of another friend.
I just have to say I fundamentally disagree with your idea of Equestria I suppose. You think it's easy to avoid governmental authority there, I think what the princesses say goes; they're just nice about it. Look at all the stuff Celestia personally oversees, or personally appoints someone to oversee, and Luna ending a holiday because she got pissed off.
5271233 Once Rarity was in the club, she was never getting out unless she was a member or had completed the ritual. If she had managed to get a message to Twilight, it would certainly raise red flags, and draw much more attention than Schorl seems to credit (she also underestimates the mane 6's capabilities when all together), and if the location of the club were divulged, it would expose the problem if not the members. Luna would certainly be drawn to investigate, likely with a loyal night guard squadron. Even as the members fled to safety, most of the slaves would be discovered, or if they were given advanced notice, at the very least the equipment would tell much of the extent of what had been done.
Under such a scenario, the Society would likely be hunted down city by city by Princess Luna herself, and the organization might have to go dark for a while. Of course she'd have no jurisdiction in Minotropis(?) where the leaders and most important members would have gone. With how deeply ingrained the Society has become in pony society however, I don't see any feasible path to complete eradication. Not unless Luna managed to get her hooves on a list of every member and bribed official, then arrested them all at once in a massive show of force that would completely overturn pony society as it is known today. Even then Schorl herself would be tough to nab.
Of course all this is hypothetical conjecture, given that Rarity did not get a message to Twilight about the BDSM club before she accepted the challenge. The question remains though, once the facade is lifted and Rarity sees the Society for what it is, will she feel compelled to reveal it then?
5272751
Now see, this is good. This is a reasonable deduction of events that would lead to the Society's end. Yes, should Rarity be clever enough to somehow send word out to the others once she figured things out then it would be near impossible for it to continue as it has. Also of the two higher princesses, it would be Luna who would be more likely to take charge at any point and come down upon the members with a vengeance, Celestia taking a more bureaucratic approach of wanting to look into it more (unless there was solid evidence like the suggested letter).
I'm not really trying to belittle the mane six in this, as they would be able to take care of the situation in one way or another should they know what is going on. Until then they can only go on speculation, which the show has shown that suspicions might be correct in the end (Gilda/Cadence) but overall they can't be used to judge a person right off the bat (Zecora/Luna). The scenario I posted before was a "What if Rarity did something without proof" scenario, where the point of the main six being there would be to find said proof, as ultimately would be at the mercy of Schorl with her Minotaur guards, being in an enclosed area where RDs maneuverability is limited and AJ (the heaviest hitter) it outmatched by creatures that are know for being some of the most physically power monsters of there size range. Once Twilight, AJ, and RD are removed from a combat situation, I feel that while Rarity and Pinkie could make a valid attempt, that in they would be overwhelmed, but again this depends on careful planning and the girls being caught off guard. If they knew what they were dealing with ahead of time, and were not stupid enough to simply rush in, then their chances increase immensely.
So thank you for putting down better methods of how the Society would fail. It was actually what I needed after Garfan's conjecture. I very much enjoy when people take the time to think things over and come up with ways the characters could win in the scenario given, instead of using knowledge you would only know because you're the reader and thus know that the Society are not just a simple S&M group.
5273048 I feel like Rarity would need far less proof to produce a result than she thinks she needs. Unbeknownst to her, Celestia is already suspicious of ponies reappearing with S&M fetishes, Twilight has been informed of some of those suspicions, and Luna is personally investigating the disappearance of at least one victim of the society. If they were given knowledge of the existence of the society by a trusted source like Rarity, many of the pieces would fall into place. Through their correspondence, Rarity would come to learn that the Society goes beyond her worst suspicions.
If Rarity ever lets slip to Twilight about her new penchant for domination, I feel she is smart enough to put the pieces together and demand the full story.The Society has taken a huge risk with Rarity, in that she is one of the very few ponies with a direct line to the few ponies with the ability to do something about it. And that they cannot close off that line for longer than they already have without inviting suspicion. Once the knowledge is in the hands of the Princesses I see two ways they could go about it; quiet or loud. Quiet would have Luna busting Society hubs city by city as I suggested before. Loud would be for Celestia to unilaterally pass a law to make BDSM illegal across Equestria. The later would make it tougher to find the actual members (especially the leadership) but make it easier to prosecute once they'd been found. It would also anger a great number of noble ponies, and would cause Celestia to become very unpopular for a while. Of course most if not all the major objections would come from ponies who were secretly members of the Society. If she were clever, she'd make a note of those with strong objections, and keep a close eye on them, hopefully getting them to lead her right to the base.
There is also still the question of Golden Touch, one of, if not the first pony to escape from the Society's control. His best bet would be to approach one of the Mane 6, given that the Royal Sisters are surrounded by Society spies. He has information no one else knows, that could be extremely damaging to the Society if he manages to get it into the right hooves.
5273574
I agree with pretty much all of this. Rarity might not need all that much proof to have ponies look into the Society, but she doesn't realize the information that she has. Twilight could find thing out through Rarity one way or another, but while it would give suspicions it's not like the Society is the only S&M club around. However it IS the only one that might have such a stringent policy of keeping out those who they deem "unfit", and the contrast of "members" being that most dominants are rich and powerful, while submissives are not, might put up flags for anyone who dwells on it too long. The only real thing I object with though is your ideas of ho Celestia would react. I don't think she would outright ban bondage, as it is not BDSM that is the problem, it's ponies that are enslaving and brainwashing ponies.
That aside the only the issue is the use of Golden Touch, as he was an extended cameo of an OC, so he might not actually returnto the story. He was Schorl's personal slave for some time, so he would know that some of the royal guards/polices were in on it and might not want to risk capture again by going to them, but then again if I am able to include him again he might try to inform the princesses regardless. Only time will tell.
5274117 The banning of Bondage would only be used as a means to an end, as a way to attempt to shut down the Society, or apprehend its members. It is a drastic step though, with some significant downsides. Going about it quietly is much more likely given how little press major events get in Equestria. Her administration is not very transparent with the common ponies, and we've never actually seen her make or change any legislation. Of the two options, the quiet route is certainly more likely, although it would be slower and more dangerous.
you all are listing ways the Society would fail that make perfect sense, except you're talking like Rarity isn't close with Twilight and Twilight isn't close with the princesses. Oh. this might happen if only they'd talk. Why wouldn't they talk if Rarity felt a threat? And if Twilight and the Mane 6 went to investigate why wouldn't they tell someone so if they weren't back at a certain time they'd know something was wrong.
And of course if there was a fight Rarity is strong enough to lift Tom, Rainbow Dash destroyed a good chunk of a barn on her own with no tools, Fluttershy would not seem like much of a fighter but is strong enough to throw a bear around with ease, Pinkie is incredibly fast and tough, Applejack's strength is obvious and for Twilight: magic can shield, it can levitate it can deliver blunt force trauma. If she had to she could teleport for help, but considering this is a pony who's blew the Golden Oaks library into the sky when she was upset I imagine she could blast a hole into the building to escape and let ponies know something was wrong
basically we're talking about the same thing here, I just think it's painfully obvious and would be so easy they could deal with this problem in their sleep while you think it's very hard, presumably for some reason besides your story needs it to be hard
5274956
ok, this is where I'm going to have to stop you there. I think that again you don't understand what is going on here. This isn't some cartoonish story, it is a serious telling of several pony's emotional turmoil and rape at the hands of an evil organization. As such the characters don't have abilities that are overblown and unrealistic for the sake of humor. So no, Rarity can't physically pick up a boulder, Rainbow can't smash into a building and annihilate it or walk away from such an attempt unscathed, Pinkie can't use fourth wall abilities, Fluttershy can't flip a bear and Twilight can't blow a building out of the ground (with it landing perfectly back on the ground unharmed I might add).
Now this doesn't remove their abilities entirely. AJ is strong for her size, Rainbow is super fast, Twilight has access to an array of spells, as does Rarity in a lesser capacity and has the ability to control and coordinate a large amount of items at once with her magic. Pinkie and Fluttershy have other abilities that help outside of combat, because when it comes down to it they aren't really fighters, and of the two Fluttershy would be about useless. So, yeah... like i said before going in head first is not the answer here when the Society's guards can easily take on 6 ponies of perhaps above average skill in an area they are familiar with.
5275433 oh, so you nerfed them for drama
5276974
If you want to see it that way, sure. This is another sign of backwards logic though. You say I nerfed them for drama, I say that the show made them more powerful for humor. Funny how that fits huh, that the more ridiculous the amount of power you give something the less serious it can be taken while the more down to earth something is the more real it feels.
BTW, you wouldn't happen to be Lordofmyth's alternate account or something, are you? Because you and he seem to have similar opinions on the matter of "Being realistic for the sake of story". On that note I'll say to you what I said to him (or repeat it if you are him and seriously have nothing better to do with your time), this is an "Alternate Universe" story. The rules from the show do not apply here as there are many things in the show that are done for comical effect alone (Like Fluttershy wrestling a bear or RD ramming into a barn and exploding when another crash into the ground broke her wing another time, both events happening in an episode that was trying to use these to hilarious effect to show that no one needed Twilight's help that day).
So while I'm repeating myself, let me also say that if you can't deal with that in my story, then by all means, give it a thumbs down and go read another story than fits your own idea of what MLP should be. The characters in my story will have the character traits of the ones in show along with reasonable adaptations of their supposed abilities, which are at my discretion because I'm the one writing this story. Whether or not that makes a good story is up to the individual reader, which I'm ok with if you don't like it. I would just hope that you would likewise respect my right to write the story regardless without trying to force upon me "plotholes" that only exist in your head because you want them to exist.
If you had EVER said anything that I felt was legitimate, like raincloudboom or others have, then I would own up to them and even join in on the speculation, but all you have ever done is baseless conjecture because you skim through the story to find problems instead of read the story and take in all the angles of the situation. You have outright said wrong things about the story events because of this, recounting the events in ways that didn't happen just so you can try and pin things on the Society when, again, they come off as a simple S&M club who's owner might have a few odd ideas, but never once has indicated that she is into the outright rape or slavery of other ponies to Rarity.
TL;DR: If you think this story is bad for any reason, give me a down vote, leave a comment and then go on with your life. I'm a big girl, I can take it and I'm going to continue writing this the way I planned regardless. Otherwise, why are you still here reading this if I'm doing such a poor job.
I do only skim but that's because every time I start to read I find something I think is wrong. And I will add, that to me, no subtracting power does not make it feel more real. In fact that makes it feel less real and makes me focus on the author of the story not the story. Consistency makes things feel real to me. The nature of reality doesn't change so changing the nature of the reality you're writing prevents me from getting into the story or takes me out of it.
I'm also more interested in the characters than the events that happen to them
After re-reading the last chapter, The Society may have to deal with an irate Blueblood in the future since he didn't get what he wanted, and now Rarity is protected from his...desires now. I could easily see him petty enough to try and get Rarity into trouble or to go after her friends before Schorl is ready, just to get at the fashionista.
I do enjoy the dark tones of this series, but I've still got to root for the good guys (Princess Luna yay), even if they may or may not win in the end.
I was hoping to see the deer fuck Rarity
wow that was pretty awesome. I hadnt seen that coming (no pun intended) but Schorl is still a deluded fool if she thinks she has won over Rarity completely. All it takes is for one slave to slip their bonds and beg her for mercy, beg her for help, or worse beg her to kill them or help them take their own life. I mean how long does she expect to keep Rarity in the dark for?
and she can't acquire Coco because of the heart ritual. Well unless for confidentiality protection Suri kept the mare bound by the Crystal heart even while she served and went home with Rarity.
Celestia has always shown too much restraint when it comes to hunting. When I'm king, the mighty will be able to take whatever they want. For a Society members collection is never full.