Princess Twilight Sparkle, princess of friendship and magic. How can you be princess of friendship without any friends though?
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 17th Jun, 2013
- offline last seen Jul 21st, 2022
SkyPieIsTheBest
Hey! My name's Dash! I'm a dude who likes writing crap. I don't use this website much anymore, but oh well.
SkyPieIsTheBest
Joined 17th Jun, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- TheApexSovereign · 2.9k words · 900 37 · 24k views
- GAPDashie · 9.7k words · 106 2 · 4.8k views
- Redwalllover28 · 2.5k words · 51 1 · 3.1k views
- RainbowFlash96 · 26k words · 132 19 · 5.4k views
- Meulin Leijon · 3.6k words · 22 0 · 880 views
- Joyous Apple · 12k words · 54 6 · 2.4k views
- Silentpegasus · 33k words · 237 18 · 6k views
- Doctor Perseus · 8.6k words · 1,189 18 · 23k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.196 seconds
Total duration
982 users online
454,603 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Not horrible. It could use quite a few improvements, but it was a decent concept. The deaths could have had more variety, instead of every pony dying through incredibly unfortunate events. Rainbow Dash's death was a bit forced, but Pinkie's reaction was perfect, even if the way she carried out the act was a bit of a stretch. I don't believe Sugarcube Corner would be tall enough for a pony to kill herself. If you could, try going back through the entire story and explaining things more. Also try to separate events a little more. The story got a bit confusing towards the middle. Keep editing and it has the potential to be a great story.
Sorry if I was blunt with my comment. I really did like the story, but I just felt it could be improved.
Great story. Not one of the best stories I read, but it's still pretty good. Here are the few problems.
1. How the characters died. I feel you could of added more detail about how Twilight's friends died. For example. When pinkie jumped out the window how did she die. I'm pretty sure Sugercube Corner is about 3 floors high. I believed she would of survived, or at least Twilight would try to save her.
2. The story was too short. If your going to write about how the element's of harmony died and how it effected Twilight. You should have a much bigger chapter or more than one chapter. The story feels rushed and is not having the effect you want the story to give.
Here are a few suggestions. 1. Add more detail about the deaths of the elements of harmony. 2. think about how the elements of harmony's actions caused them to die. This could help make the pony's deaths more accurate and not rushed.
Other wise the story was pretty good. do some of these suggestions and your story might turn out better than you might think.
The rating of the story will be out of 10
I shall rate this story at 7/10 or 3 1/2 stars
thanks for reading my comments. Hope it helps
4929880 Thanks for the advice. I'm not going to be on FIMfiction anymore really, so I'm not going to get around to editing it, but thanks anyway.