SSAdventures: Spirit Awakening

by Spirit Shift

"Forget your language! Speak Equestrian!"

“What the non-existent hell are we still doing here?” were the first words that came out of Bionic Force’s mouth when his eyes opened to see the large colorful array of decorative pastries under the counter. To nopony’s surprise, he awoke the same way he always did; his eyes opened to instantly analyze his surroundings. Whenever he woke up, he didn’t groggily rub the sleep out of his eyes over the course of a cup of coffee like a normal pony, but rather he was immediately awake and alert of his surroundings.

One could never be too careful. Despite the several dangerous armed devices that protected him in his sleep, lethal hostility could always find a way through. At least, that’s what Bionic Force believed.

He lazily looked to the computer wrapped around his foreleg and saw that it was well past 11am. While Bionic was never one for schedules, he was one for never wasting time. It was Bionic Force’s personal belief that time was the one resource that should never be carelessly thrown away. This was coming from the one pony who once threw away several thousand bits worth of machinery, information and supplies on a near daily basis. It was also commonly known that Bionic Force was a severely apathetic pony who cared very little about most things, hated few, and enjoyed fewer. Unfortunately, wasting time was one of the few things he hated. You know, until he could invent a time machine that is.

This was the precise reason why Bionic Force wasted no effort in waking up both Spirit (who was still sleeping as Shift at the time) and Blazing Notes. Once they were up, Force was just as quick to drag them back to Crossroads so they could continue their pointless journey.

~~~

“And that’s why I choose to say colour instead of color,” finished Blaze. He gave a self-satisfied smile towards Spirit.

Spirit simply continued to trot forward on three legs while somehow managing to scratch his head in confusion. “I still don’t get it…” he pouted. Currently, our three heroes were strolling through the outskirts of the forest beyond Crossroads, eager to reach their next destination: The Mysterious Foal Mountains.

Whilst strolling through the familiar location, Spirit decided to bring up a topic that he had been wondering for a while. That is to say, what’s the best way to eat a chocolate cornet? From the bottom, or the top?

While they were talking about that, Blaze ended up saying the word colour. This of course sparked Spirit into correcting him by saying color. An argument broke out after that concerning the correct pronunciation and spelling. Now that you’ve finally decided to pay attention and catch up, let’s continue.

Blaze sighed and rubbed his temple in exasperation, “Spirit... mate. It’s all in the preference. The difference doesn’t matter. There is no difference in the meaning either.”

Spirit’s expression brightened up somewhat before lowing slightly in frustration, “Oh really? Well I still don’t like it. Everytime you say that word it confuses me when I think about what you really mean."

Blaze stopped to give him a confused look, “Wait. I don’t understand. How is that confusing to you? The--”

Spirit stomped the ground and looked up at him with tears in his eyes. “I can’t speak two languages like you can! I’m sorry!” he cried, looking disappointed in himself.

Blaze reeled his head back with an unpleasant look evident on his face, “It’s not a different language, you twat!” Narrowing his eyes at him suspiciously, he added, “You know, this still baffles me. There’s no difference in the pronunciation either. It’s purely a spelling thing. How can you tell which one I’m using?”

Spirit simply smiled and shrugged. Blaze opened his mouth to say something about his friend’s weirdness, until something more interesting came to mind. Standing tall, he moved forward so that the three formed a line with him in the middle as they all continued through the forest. Now Spirit couldn’t see his mouth move. “Oy, Spirit?”

“Yeah?” he answered, tilting his head to glance over at Blaze. Unfortunately, it didn't do much due the fact that Blaze continued to turn his head away.

“When we get to the next town, do you want to see if it has a theatre?” Blaze asked.

“Heck yeah! I love mov-- Wait what?” Spirit’s mouth briefly rose into a full blown smile before falling into a frown of confusion, “What’s a theatre?”

“You know, the place where we go see the movies,” he replied smugly, “The theatre.”

Spirit’s pace slowed until it eventually stopped. His eyes went wide and his voice lowered to barely a whisper. “Oh, sweet Luna, there's more of them…”

Noticing that his friend had stopped, Blaze turned back with what was now a smug look on his face. It wasn't often that Blaze found a new way to mess with Spirit’s almost abnormally cheery disposition. “Come now. As an adventurer you are honour bound to explore each and every town,” he urged as he desperately tried not to laugh.

Spirit slammed his hooves to his ears and shook his head frantically, “Stop it! It’s so confusing! Speak english!”

Blaze began to slowly circle his friend, chuckling all the while. He was intent to have his revenge for Ponyville. “Please,” he huffed in mock offence, “my language skills are at the epicentre of perfection!”

Bionic Force stopped in his own tracks. Spirit, however, began rolling around on the ground making loud, rapid-fire noises in an attempt to shut the noise out. “Lalaloopsylalaloopsylalaloopsylalalooleelooppylllalaaayyy!”

Blaze leaned down near his friend’s face with a small smile. “Spirit, what are you doing? What happened to your candour attitude?”

One of Force’s ears twitched. The rest of him did not move. At this point, Spirit had resorted to singing songs to force the noise away. “Do do dooooooo! Do do dooooo! Na na na naaaaa nanaaa nanaaa!!” He cried.

When he started singing, that's when the dams burst open for Blaze and he threw his head back and laughed maniacally, “Accept it, Spirit! Accept these new words as your own!”

“N-No!” Spirit stammered. “They’re stupid and they make no sense! Why do you need a ‘u’ in candor anyway!”

Blaze stood tall and gestured to himself in a dignified pose, “It’s just not my fault that I enjoy flavouring my speech with flyers of glamour and droughty.”

“The words!” Spirit hissed. Due to the confusion that arose from Spirit trying to comprehend a completely different way of spelling, he began writhing on the ground in agony, crying, “They hurt my brain!”

Just as Blaze opened his mouth again, a solid hoof smashed up against his chin, quickly shutting him up. He turned to see Bionic Force next to him. “What in bloody Tartarus was that for?”

Bionic’s expression never changed but his right eye turned from it’s normal grassy green to a soft magenta. You could always tell his anger level by what shade of color the one unnatural part of his face was. “I don’t care if you torture Spirit with idiotic methods. By all means, do so. But you will at least use the right words.”

Blaze would only look down at him with confusion, his hoof absentmindedly rubbing the spot where he was slapped, “Umm… excuse me?”

From magenta to a soft red. “At this point, you aren’t even thinking of any good sentences. You’re just using any alternatively spelt word. Epicentre? Candour? Droughty? None of those words meant what you used them to mean.”

“Bi! Not you too!!” Spirit cried. Tears began to fill his eyes as his own brother turned against him. Never in his life did he think it was possible.

Blaze looked down at the colt in shock, “Since when do you care about the contextual meaning of words?” he asked in disbelief.

Bionic waved him off with a hoof. “I don’t. I just enjoy seeing Spirit like this. I told you, if you’re going to torture him with idiotic methods, as least do it with some degree of intelligence.”

“Oh, really then?” Blaze gestured over to Spirit who was slowly trying to crawl away, “Why don’t you give it a shot then.”

“Gladly.” Bionic began to slowly walk over to his fallen brother who had by then, managed to distance himself slightly. “I’m fine with exercising my encyclopaedic knowledge of cultural differences in an endeavour to exemplify the proper way to savour his laboured suffering. ” By the time Bionic reached the limp form of Spirit, his brother was knocked out on the ground with drool leaking from his mouth.

Bionic turned around with a tiny smirk gracing his features. He gestured down to Spirit, “Like so.”

Blaze stood stock-still with an expression of utter amazement on his face. Snapping out of his stupor, he immediately fell into a low bow, “Teach me!”

Author's Note:

People who like British spelling vs people who prefer American spellings in a nut shell... someone always gets hurt in the end. Words can hurt you people. Haven't you heard of Carrionites before?

Comments

[catfire13]

*slowclap*

[LightningSword]

“Oh really? Well I still don’t like it. Everytime you say that word it confuses me when I think about what you really mean.

Damn, I'm really off lately. Forgot to put an end quote on that one.

[randomsurprise]

i don't know what else to say to this lunacy except WTF