Chapter 2
"I said that crazy mare hooked me up with a fine piece of bass." Spike quickly blurted out. "Yesterday when we went fishing." He gave a beaming smile to try to sell it. "It was one of the most delicious fish I had ever eaten. Why? What do you think I said?"
Twilight eyed him doubtfully, not sure if he was telling the truth or not. "It sounded like you said..." She thought about it and shook her head and decided it was her imagination. "Nothing." Lies, for the win! "You and Rainbow went fishing yesterday?" She asked curiously while they continued to walk. "I wasn't aware that you two were such close friends."
Spike has been in many situations like this one, he was already prepared for it. "Rainbow was teaching me how to fish." He said while never making eye contact, he just kept on walking as if nothing was going on. "Sometimes I get tired of your pony food, I like a little variety in my diet." He told her, which actually wasn't a lie. Can't expect a dragon to eat a bunch of shitty leafs and expect him to be fine with it.
"Some of the ponies around here wouldn't like you eating fish, though." Twilight cautioned, thinking of their herbivorous society. "They might think of it as immoral and wrong."
"I don't think that it's that big of a deal." Spike waved her words away. I don't care at all if they get all butt-hurt over what I eat. "It's not like they have to watch me eat it."
"To be honest, i'm a little on the fence about it too." Twilight admitted. "Fish can still feel pain. I'm surprised that Rainbow Dash eats fish too." Her face displayed that she was thinking about talking to her about it.
"She just showed me how, she didn't eat any. Rainbow always throws them back." Spike covered for his friend. And the fish don't feel pain... Anymore. Spike snickered. "By the way, where are we going?" Spike asked, following the purple unicorn.
"We have to stop by Fluttershy's house to help her with her animals." Twilight revealed to him.
Spike grunted with the thought of doing labor. I'm not going to get another bitchin' suit at yellow quite's house!
***
They reached the cottage and knocked on the door to let Fluttershy know that they had arrived. The door opened to show a flustered Fluttershy. Her mane was frazzled and she looked like she had been plugging holes all day by they way she was looking back into her house. "Oh, wonderful, you brought Spike with you!" She said happily. Just because i'm a dragon doesn't mean I can kill whatever beat the shit outa you!
"Fluttershy, are you alright?" Twilight asked the panting pegasus. "You look... Tired."
"I'm sorry, I'v only slept for about thirty minuets." Fluttershy said hurriedly. "Can you two please come in, I need some your help with something in the back, Twilight."
As they walked into her home they didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. They were expecting her house to be in critical state from the way she was acting, but everything was where it should be. There weren't any upturned furniture or pictures falling and crashing on the floor. The hell's her prob- Spike's train of thought was interrupted by a loud crash coming from the back of her cottage. "What was that!?" Spike wailed as he ducked for cover.
"Twilight, I could use your help now, please." Fluttershy begged.
"Of course." Twilight replied.
As they ran to the sound of the crash Fluttershy stopped and turned to Spike. "While we're dealing with this, can you just watch Angel for me, please?" She requested. Spike looked around and noticed the bunny was sitting quietly in a chair, glaring at him.
"Sure, no problem." He accepted. "Good luck with whatever's back there..." He leaned over to try and see what happened, but it was dark and still nothing out of the ordinary was out the door she exited by. He approached the glaring bunny and returned his gaze with the intensity of a thousand suns. "Hello, 'Angel'."
"Nice suit." The bunny said in a deep booming voice. Spike looked sown and noticed that he never took it off. "Does it come in hetero?"
"Please, you jelly." The baby dragon returned while spinning in place so that the the bunny could get a full view. "I'm the definition of swag."
"Last time I checked, swag didn't mean a gay little lizard." The bunny cackled.
"Now that I think about it, what's stopping me from telling Fluttershy that you talk?" Spike implied. "I'm sure she would find that interesting."
"Well, first off, you have no proof. They wouldn't believe you at all." Angel informed him. "Second, I wouldn't care anyway. She does whatever I want. She tried to make me a salad, and I was all like 'Bitch! You get your ass in there and make me a sunday!'"
"I don't understand how you do that to her." Spike shook his head with disgust. "I feel so bad for her, she's so... Shy."
"Oh really!?" He shouted sarcastically. "Fluttershy is shy? No shit, Sherlock! Who the hell would have thought of that possibility? If it makes you feel any better, I bitch-slapped her with the book when I made her make it."
"You're aware that I can kick your ass, right?" Spike warned.
"Meh, it would be a close fight." Angel shrugged. "Still, if they came in when we were fighting, all they would see is a dumb-ass dragon beating up a cute, little bunny. Even though you would be fighting for her, she would still hate you."
"You bastard." Spike hissed. "Why is your voice so deep anyway?"
"It's not that deep." Angel said, defensively.
"You sound like a damn whale." Spike stated.
"Maybe it's because of my huge-ass balls!" Angel jumped to his feet on the chair and performed a vulgar thrust.
"Sir, your tic-tac is showing." Spike remarked while averting his eyes. "No wonder why your suck a dick all the time."
He dropped back into the chair, covering himself. "It's cold in here." He claimed.
"Sure." Spike said skeptically. "When she finds out that you can talk, and you actually talk to her and show her what you really think. She's going to rage on you."
"That's never going to happen." He told him. "I'v seen her on her rage mode, I'm not ashamed at all to admit to pissing myself. She's a fucking demon!" He started to shiver from the memory.
"Is it really that bad?" Spike asked, chuckling at the sudden change of behavior.
"You really have no idea..." Angel trailed off with a horrified look in his eyes. "I don't like you, but i'm warning you. Don't piss her off, don't poke that bear."
"I don't see it." Spike smirked, thinking of the timid pony.
"You don't want to see it." Angel emphasized. "Sometimes I think that she has me and all my buddies here for some sick ritual for SATAN!"
"Then why do you keep treating her like your bitch?" Spike wondered, seeing him so frightened.
"It takes a lot for her to get to that point, though." He explained with a regained smirk. "Beating up her pet bunny would get her pretty close. and mainly because she is my bitch."
Just then the back door swung open and the two mares came back into the room. It looked like Twilight had her hooves full with whatever happened. Fluttershy had a expression that displayed her relief of the situation. "All done. Ready to go Spike?" Twilight said eagerly, she obviously wanted to return home after whatever happened. "Anything interesting happen while we were out?"
"Nope." Spike replied. "It was same as usual." Spike shot a look to the bunny that seem to be named Angel for the irony.
"Thank you so much for helping me with that, Twilight." Fluttershy thanked her friend. "It would have been a lot worse if it wasn't for you."
"No problem!" Twilight said back.
Angel hopped off the chair and casually walked over to Spike. He walked behind him and got extremely close to whisper in his ear. "You can't touch me." He taunted before he used Spike's head as a launch pad and hopped away. Spike's head was throbbing with the force of Angel's tiny legs.
"Angel, that's naughty!" Fluttershy attempted to scold him.
"Son of a bitch..." Spike muttered under his breath while he picked up his hat that was knocked off. You need to whip that asshole with a rake! "Yeah... I'm ready to leave." Spike turned to Twilight.
***
"Is that it?" Spike asked hopefully as they walked away from Fluttershy's cottage. "Can we go home?"
"Yes." Twilight answered. "I still have some things to do around the house, but yeah, we can head home."
Thank you, Jesus! "Cool."
"Spike?" Twilight asked.
"Yes?..." Spike responded carefully, knowing that it's never good when she talks in that tone.
"I know about your feelings for Rarity, and I don't want you to get hurt tomorrow if things don't go the way you're planning them to." Twilight said to her friend. "I don't think Rarity is thinking about it the same way you are."
"I know she isn't." Spike returned. "But we're going to be there the entire night probably. I'll have time to change her mind into my way of thinking." Spike said with a confident grin. Spike's got moves dat no-pony can resist. He thought as he fixed the fedora on his head into a better place.
"Well, I wish you the best of luck." Twilight offered.
"Thanks." Spike said to his sister.
"Hey you guys!" Twilight and Spike turned around to see Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie behind them, ruining the moment. "What are you guys up to?" Rainbow asked casually, gazing at Spike, obviously jealous of his pimp suit. Spike looked over to Pinkie Pie, who seemed to be normal still. Maybe it was in my head or something...
"We just came from Fluttershy's." Twilight told them. "I wish you were there, Rainbow. We really could have used your help with her- Is that Rose?" She stopped her sentence when she saw a friend.
Rainbow Apparently knew her too. "She's back from her trip?" She asked in excitement while they left Pinkie and Spike to go greet their friend.
"Hi Spiky-Wikey!" Pinkie said, as her usual cheerful self.
"Hi Pinkie." Spike let the incident from the morning slip away from his mind, deciding it was nothing.
"My Pinkie-sense is actin' up!" She announced as she scratched her belly. "My tummy's is a itchin'! You know what that means, don't you?" She asked with a beaming smile.
"No," Spike replied, "what does it mean?"
"IT MEANS YOUR FUCKED!" She hissed and glared poison into Spike's panicking soul. NO JESUS, NO! Take this demon spawn away from me, please! Spike was frozen with fear again. He was afraid if he made any movement, that's when she would strike him down.
"Oh, okay, sorry about that. I guess she's coming back next week!" Rainbow Apologized while chuckling at mistaking her for someone else they knew. "That wasn't her." She told them.
"Okaly-Dokaly!" Pinkie was snapped back into cheery, non-phycotic Pinkie. "I got to finish something back at the corner. Byesies!" Shy merrily skipped away. Spike was still in the same place, eyes wider then dinner plates, with sweat streaming down his face. I fucking hate you Pinkie, so damn much. Before she was out to sight, she turned back to Spike with eyes of fire, mouthing "Make peace with the dead, for you shall be joining them soon..." Rainbow and Twilight were looking at the terrified dragon with concerned looks.
"Are you alright Spike?" Twilight asked.
"Wha- Y-yea I'm fine." Spike sighed with relief that the insane pony had left. "I'm going to live, i'm going to live another day. So what's going on?"
"We were walking home." Twilight giggled. "Are you sure you're okay? You seem... out of it."
"He's fine." Rainbow Shot her concerns down. "My house is the same way as yours so I can walk with you guys."
Twilight remembered what she was talking to Spike about. "So you and Spike went fishing yesterday?" Twilight asked the blue pegasus. Rainbow stopped and looked back to her with confusion in her eyes. Shit, I got you buddy. Rainbow was not as adept as Spike was at making up lies on the spot. He pivoted around to behind Twilight and nodded his head to Rainbow.
"Yes..." Rainbow went with what Spike directed. "I needed help with-" She stopped when she saw spike wave his hands and shook his head. He pointed to her then to him motioning out that she helped him in this ruse. "-I mean I helped him get new fishing poles-" Spike motioned out that she taught him how to catch his first fish by mouthing first and pretending to cast out a line and reel in a imaginary fish, that he flipped out on. "-I mean I helped him catch his first fish yesterday." She said proudly. Spike gave a thumbs up from behind Twilight, who turned around to see what he was doing behind her. Spike stopped before she saw him and gave a blank expression with a shrug to sell it. The moment she tuned back around, he tried to contain his laughter and gave Rainbow another thumbs up.
"I see..." Twilight said doubtfully. "Spike asked you to help him?"
Rainbow looked over Twilight's shoulder to Spike. He pointed to her, then to him and waved his hands. "Yea, we don't normally hang out, but he wanted me to show him."
"And where did you learn to fish?" She asked.
Spike acted out a impression of Fluttershy and then pretended to feed a bunch of make-believe animals in front of him. "Fluttershy taught me how. She showed me how so that I could help her get food for her animals."
Twilight seemed to be satisfied with the response. "It's getting late, we should probably head home again."
"Alright, see you guys." Rainbow decided to flee. She spread her wings and flew past her but low enough to give Spike a bro-hoof on the successful lie. She knew that it was best if she asked Spike later what it was about.
"I guess she had somewhere to be..." Spike told her, trying to seem as innocent as possible.
"Yeah..." She narrowed her eyes. Twilight knew that something was wrong.
***
Spike was drawn to the balcony by a tapping noise about two hours later. "Spike! Get your scaly dick out here!" It was Rainbow.
"Sup, Rain-bro, Twi is in the shower." Spike stepped out onto the balcony. "What do you want?"
"Why the hell was Twilight grilling me about fishing?" She asked. "I don't even know how to cast a damn line!"
"Oh, that. I said ass in front of her and to cover I had to make up a story about how you and I caught a bass." He smirked.
"Nice." She murmured. "I don't know how you think of that crap so damn fast."
"You might be faster and stronger then me, but i'm hella smarter then you." Spike chuckled.
"Oh really?" She snickered at the truth. "Then maybe I shouldn't give you this." She had a small box in her wing that she flipped over and extended out and handed to him. "Who needs fingers when I can do everything with one wing."
The baby dragon examined the box. "What is it?"
"Dumb-ass, it's a box. You open it." She laughed. He opened it and a yellow glow shot in his face from a shine of a necklace inside. It was gold with incredibly detailed artwork all around it. In the center of it was a glistening sapphire stone that would most likely blind everyone in the room if shot with a lazer pointer. Spike just stared at it in awe and shock from Rainbow. "Give it to Rarity tomorrow. She'll most probably faint from the sparkles."
"Your just going to give me this, just for a shot with rarity?" Spike was amazed at his friend. "This couldn't have been cheap."
"You could use the help." She remarked, Spike didn't care though. She could call him anything she wanted for this incredible gift that she gave him. "I was going to give that to her for her birthday or something."
"Jesus, Rainbow. Thank you." Spike came closer to her. "Bring it in for a bro-hug, you crazy pony." He wrapped his arms around her in appreciation. She used a wing to embrace him. "I'll find a way to repay you for this." They broke the hug.
"Don't worry about it. Do me proud, and get some tail." She turned around to take off but then she stopped. "Why'd you take off your suit?" She asked, curiously.
"When you and Twilight left me alone with Pinkie she went all rape mode again and I pissed myself!" He informed her. Rainbow burst out into laughter and was unable to fly away for a good ten minuets.
"Don't worry about paying me back, you just did." Rainbow chuckled as she started to fly off.
"Rainbow." He stopped her, she looked back while in the air. "Thanks."
Sorry if this isn't as good as the first, I wasn't planning on more. I have been thinking about what's next though.
I'm on the fence myself and need an opinion. Do you all want this to become a romance thing? Spike wins Rarity in the next chapter and blah blah blah. Or does he switch his focus onto Dash? For that I have lots of ...ideas... On what to do with that. Or just say fuck it all and no romances? Leave your votes in the comments.
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why not have spike romance both of them and
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What the? Pinkie is starting to creep me out now...
Is this a troll fic,CAUSE I FEEL TROLLED!!!!!??????
782634
She's suppose to.
My goal has been successively reached.
You good sir are GOD!!!!!!!
God damnit this shit's hillarious. Keep up the great work! Also I vote that Spike gets every pony in the mane 6. Because he has so much swag.
Cheers.
jangledorf
782658
...meep
You should do whatever you think will make a better story. Although, personally, I like it better when Spike and Rainbow are bros.
Awesomeness my good sir
"Thank you, Jesus!" Wut?
Freaking amazing, both as a one shot or extended story. Definitly hoping for the "Spike bangs Rarity" ending.
Two things. One, Angel and Spike need to throw down. Two, what the actual fuck is up with Pinkie? She's not even Cupcakes psycho, she's like a fucking time bomb.
this is some good shit man keep it up but make it a nice suprise
for the romance part
if you can my drift....
im tired of spike and rarity ships go for rainbow dash
Imma say, I agree with Airstream about Spike and Angel fighting, and I think Spike should go after Rarity, his bro-lationship with Dash is just too awesome to change with romance.
Seriously...What the fuck is Pinkies problem....Does she have a crush on spike and is doing so reverse psychology shit...or is she just the fucking insane....
Yandere Pinkie Pie......So scary.....yet soooooo sexy.
I'd say go with Spike getting with Rarity. Him and Rainbow seem like too good bros to be in a relationship.
Definitely looking forward to future chapters! This shit is fucking GOLD.
i would prefer him to go for rainbow.
shipping
is way too over used
i fucking love ma
and besides
It would be great if this turned into a Sparity fic
. But what I'm really interested in is pyscho Pinkie 
Do rarity and rainbow but in epic twist do spikextwilight plz even if one shot do it you will win epicness
Spike and Rarity one because Sparity is my ship and two cause you already set Rainbow Dash up as a lesbian and it's working a really nice angle. (\ brohoof
Having Rainbow crushing on someone or lusting after them and Spike helping out would be a nice way for him to pay her back.
782703 I'm working on it damn it! Why must every fic lately seem to have a comment mentioning that, and remind me I should be writing and not slacking.
782764 He comes from a dragon background, a much more humanised place, where the words swag and fuck actually exist.
Spike and Rarity. He's too close a bro with rainbow dash to start the romance stuff.
Spike and Rarity because their the closest thing to cannon and because rainbow and spike have that cool broship going on.
Why do I love this pinkie more?
Spike and Rainbow would be EPIC
I vote Spike x Rainbow
1) because it's a pretty unique ship
2) because the way you have them written it seems like they would be the most likely to get along, where as Rarity... wouldn't appreciate his inner crudeness
the two devils
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this fic is incredible
Pinkie and her rape train 
, fluttershy and a jelly angel attacking him to get her back 
, Twilight become psycho obsessive with him because shes afraid she will lose him 
, Rainbow because awesomeness 
, Applejack? (dunno cause he smells of apples?) 
and Rarity because canon-ish 
i'd say let Spike discover his swag powers and have the mane six all after him in all their crazy goodness
but whatever you choose this fic is gonna be awesome
782833 Sounds like a good plot with a lotta plot. Have Celestia visit sometime, see what she's like.
I've got that nice feeling In my balls again!
Meaning I have some really good ideas for the next chapter.
I'm getting exited for the next chapter myself.
783376
What does pop it like a pro mean?
I feel like that's a compliment, but im not sure...
Oh god... I just thought what the CMC might be like in this fic...
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You sir are one pretty good Troll!
You actually managed to stir some indignation in me.
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785615
no te gusta mi historia?
Bueno.
Muy bueno...
786078 Nice Spanish!
Too bad I know exactly what you said! Well you're absolutely right. At first I was all too stiff and serious about it but then I noticed that it wasn't meant to be serious so I decided to congratulate you on your ability to influence people on such a level:
i725.photobucket.com/albums/ww253/TapeOperator/clapping.gif
786078 I'm kinda like your opposite you know! However I influence the people around me to take things in my stories seriously and I make them daaaaw and cry with sympathy for my characters. I control their feelings just like you can
Good story so far...
I'd rather see how the conflict between Spike and Pinkie develops
784259 Totally agree Spike's swag level is just too high not to get all six. It all makes sense if you think about it Spike's swag level will easily catch Rarity, his swag will mystify Rainbow, it's already driven Pinkie into nuclear level crazy , he has to use the power of swag to save Fluttershy from the evil known as angel, and with Twilight and Applejack there is just noway they will ever be able to resist Spike's ways. It's all about the dragon king of swag spreading the love.
im scared for spikes life and sanity.
sparity all the way
you dont romance your bro
Hello, my friend. This is one of the first MLP fanfiction I had ever read on FIMfiction. I remember reading the first chapter in the Popular Stories Section, but I didn't favorite it, and I completely forgot what the story was called. I recently created a group for the BEST of the BEST Spike shipfics, and this story was added. And what do you know? It's that story I've been thinking about for months! I am so glad I was able to find it again! I laughed very hard at this second chapter, and although I have not read the next few chapters, I truly hope you ended up going down the Spike x Rainbow Dash ship route. Honestly, it's my favorite ship next Spike x Luna.
Here's to hoping you actually went down that route. But if you didn't, I am sure I will be entertained nonetheless! Thanks again for the laughs!
Wow, pinkie seems to be breaking all sorts of natural laws, appearing from nowhere, bending space, and now causing a creature with none of the needed glands to sweat
my tummy's a itchin (what does that mean?) IT MEANS YOU'RE FUCKED!!!!!
I know I'm late but I hope it's Dash
The discussion between Angel Bunny and Spike also made me laugh hysterically! so, without further ado
I know that I am extremely late, but I am going to go out and be COMPLETELY radical here and say Pinkie Pie and Spike!
I just imagined spike pulling a move from the great red dragon (from Bone by Jeff Smith) and shooting flames at that bastard.