• Published 20th Jun 2012
  • 11,388 Views, 296 Comments

The Mind of the Dragon - shpoople

Have you ever wondered what Spike actually thought?

  • ...

Chapter 1

"Spike! Let's go! Time to get up! Why are you still in bed?" Twilight woke up her baby dragon.

Because it's five in the morning, you skank! "Let me sleep a little longer, Twilight." Spike groaned as he pulled the blankets over his head, shielding him from Celestia's unforgiving sun.

"We have a busy day ahead of us, Spike!" Twilight announced cheerfully as she used her magic to grab a hold of Spike's comforter and yank it away from him. "There's no time to waste."

"I'm sure that whatever you have planned can wait another hour." He moaned at his rude awakening. Give me back my blanket you cunt!

"No Spike!" Twilight denied his plead. "We have to reorganize the library this morning. Get up, and I'll meet you downstairs!" With that she descended down to the first floor of the ironic tree library.

The scaly, baby dragon reluctantly obeyed. Uno, Dos, Tres! He counted off and hoisted himself up off the basket-sized bed. One of these days Twilight, I will either turn the tables or end you. Which ever is more convenient for me. He joked in his head. Even though Twilight ordered him around and made him do things that he didn't want to, he didn't hate her. He thought of her more like an older sister then anything else. He stretched his short body, scratched an itch and begrudgingly followed Twilight down the stairs.


As Spike reached the bottom of the stairs he was greeted with the avalanche of all the books off the shelves onto the ground. Then he noticed the source of the fall: a purple haze surrounding the books created by Twilight. He just sighed and walked over to Twilight. "Didn't we reorganize all this like, last week?"

"Yes, we did. But organization is the key to success. If there was no organization then everything would be in shambles." Twilight responded eagerly, already rearranging the novels on the floor of the library.

I swear to god, you have OCD. "Are you saying that they weren't organized before you took them all off the shelves?" Spike suggested, irritated at all the work ahead of him.

"No, but you can never be sure." She answered. "What if they weren't, then whoever was trying to find the book might never find it."

Because we get business in here all the time! He thought sarcastically to himself. "Can we at least eat first? The first thing I like to do in the morning is eat."

"Why are you set on postponing this?" She asked, half paying attention to the begging dragon.

Why are you such a bitch!? "All i'm saying is that I would be more productive if I had something to use as fuel." He returned.

"You can eat after we're done." She told him while looking through three books simultaneously. "I'll even take you out to get some breakfast. Just help me finish this first."

He sighed in defeat. "Fine." He picked up a book and examined it. The fuck am I suppose to do with this? He asked himself. He looked over Twilight's shoulder and watched her method of organizing the books. She was doing it alphabetically and in their sub-categories, in their own categories. He watched in awe as she effortlessly kept track of each book she sent out with her mind. That helps a big shitload of nothing. He shrugged and took an educated guess, he picked a spot on the shelf to place the book.

"Wrong!" Twilight watched him chose the wrong area for the book he had. Before he could let go of the book, she used her levitation spell to take the book from his grasp and also drag him across the floor. His claws wouldn't let him let go and he ended up crashing into the mountain of books. "That goes one slot over."

Spike dug himself out of the pile of books that rained upon him and just stared at Twilight with a blank expression. Soon...


"All right! That finishes that!" Twilight announced cheerfully as she turned around to a tattered Spike. "I believe I owe you a breakfast."

"Yes, please." Spike agreed. I'm so hungry, I could eat a... Horse. "Where are we eating?" He asked excitedly.

"I hear Pinkie has some delicious pie." Twilight proposed as they exited her library house.

I bet Rainbow Dash told you that. Spike snickered at the other meaning that sentence could have.

"What's so funny?" She asked while they walked to Sugarcube Corner.

"Nothing." He replied, trying to suppress the childish laughter boiling up.

"Howdy y'all!" A voice from behind them took his mind off it. They looked behind them and saw Applejack approaching them. "Ah finished with all mah apple buckin' for the morning and came inta town, lookin' for something to eat."

"We were just heading over to Sugarcube Corner to get us some breakfast." Twilight told her orange farm pony friend. "Would you care to join us?"

"Ah would be delighted." She said as she caught up to them and they continued on their way to Pinkie Pie's house. Applejack's hoof accidentally got stuck inside a dip in the pavement and she tripped. "Buck!" She shouted as she narrowly caught herself. "Ah'm fine, So what were y'all doin' this mornin'" Applejack asked them while they casually trotted.

"We organized the books in her- wait." Spike thought of something. If ponies shout buck when they're frustrated or angry, then it's pretty much replacing the dragon's word fuck. Applejack 'bucks' apples. Spike stopped and stared at Applejack, who halted and looked back at Spike with Twilight by her side. "Hey, Applejack?" Spike asked.

"Yeah?" She asked cautiously, Twilight and her didn't know what he was thinking.

"So you 'buck' apples?" He continued.

"Uh... Yeah..." She replied.

"When the apples fall, they can't grow anymore can they? They just slowly decay?" He added.

"Um... Yeah..." She answered.

"Do you feel good after you 'buck' them?" He question with a completely serious face. "Or are the apples just 'bucked'?"

"Ah feel pretty good after I buck 'em. Gives me a feel of accomplishment." She said proudly.

"I knew it." Spike stated flatly and continued on his way to Pinkie Pie's house. Applejack and Twilight exchanged a look, shrugged, and followed after him.


"Is she home?" Twilight wondered while they entered Sugarcube Corner. The three of them were greeted by not friendly faces of the owners, but by the enchanting scents that were beckoning from the kitchen in the back of the store. They approached the counter to make an order, but for some unknown reason, no-pony was in there except for them. "Hello?" Twilight called.

Spike looked around the room for any signs of anyone else, when his vision was filled with a bright, shining, pink face. Oh SHIT! He jumped back, started, and slammed into the wall. "Pinkie, you scared me." Spike whined.

"Silly Spike!" Pinkie teased playfully. Then her face melted down into pure seriousness as she bent down to his level. "There ain't no brakes." She whispered to him, coldly, with no expression other then terror inducing blankness.

"W-WHAT!?" He cried. Sweet Jesus! I think I just shat myself! Pinkie Pie never broke eye contact while he was up against the wall, sweating from fear.

"Oh there you are Pinkie!" Twilight observed behind her. "I was wondering where you were!"

"Hi!" She flipped the switch back into happy, playful Pinkie. "Did you guys come for some tasty treats?"

"We sure did!" Applejack confirmed. She noticed Spike still against the wall, panting and sweating profusely. "What's wrong Spike? It looks like ya just saw a ghost."

"It was-" He stopped his sentence half-way when he saw Pinkie Pie giving him the dead eye from across the counter. "-nothing. It was nothing." Spike muttered. She's either going to rape me or kill me, not sure which one is worse. Has she always been like this!?


The three had just sat down at a table to wait on Pinkie Pie in the kitchen, when she suddenly seem to appear between them with a plate of cupcakes on the table. "I'm back! Hope you didn't wait that long!" She said, excitedly.

"Pinkie, we literally didn't even get a chance to wait." Twilight told her with a smile. "I will never understand how you do that."

"Neither will I." Applejack agreed, while she grabbed a cupcake off the tray. "But ah won't ever complain about it neither." She took a bite out of the sugary sweet and almost collapsed from the wave of pleasure on her taste-buds.

Spike cautiously watched Pinkie Pie while he slowly reached for a cupcake. Please don't stab me. Please don't stab me. Please don't stab me. He begged in his mind. She returned his gaze with a friendly grin. Once his fingers got a hold of a cupcake he quickly brought it into his space. Still watching Pinkie to make sure she doesn't do anything, he stuffed half of it into his mouth and almost cried. This cupcake is orgasmic. I don't care if she rapes me anymore, as long as I get to eat these while she does it! He chuckled to himself as the divine taste of cake and frosting made a baby of flavor in his mouth.

"Pinkie Pie, these are the best cupcakes ah have ever eaten!" Applejack praised her.

"Thanks!" She replied, then jumped. "Oh! I forgot something!" She ducked under the table. The three of them looked under it to see what she could have possibly forgotten under the table, but she wasn't there anymore.

That meth-head can make a cupcake, I'll give her that! "Where'd she go?" Spike asked the other two, who just shrugged.

"She's so random." Twilight rubbed her temples trying to make sense of her ways.


Pinkie Pie never came back to the table with whatever she had forgotten, so they just left the money on the table and left. The three were walking down the main road of the town again. "Next we have to go see Rarity for whatever she needs help on." Spike's eyes lit up with the thought of Rarity.

"Well, ah should probably head back to the farm and see if there's any more work that needs to be done." Applejack started in the other direction. "See ya later, Twi and Spike!"

"Bye Applejack!" Spike called from Twilight's back. I wonder if I could sell Applejack on Ebay... Would that work? I guess I'll find out... He smiled deviously as he stared off into the distance.

"What are you thinking about?" Twilight asked with a grin.

Spike was ripped out of his thoughts. "Oh, what? Nothing." He replied. "By the way, what does Rarity want?" He asked, hopefully.

"She was actually asking for you." Twilight replied. Spike shot off her back and was now at full attention. "I think she might have made you something in her boutique." Spike then picked up his pace and hurried to Rarity's home.


The white unicorn opened her door to see who was knocking on her door. Her perfectly styled mane and stunning irises made Spike shake with excitement. Damn, girl! You lookin' fine as hell today! Is what he thought, but he could only stammer out a "Hi Rarity."

"It's so good to see you darling! I'v been experimenting with somethings that I'll just have to try." She looked around for her other friend. "Where is Twilight?"

"She's back there, she'll catch up soon." He informed her.

"Alright then, come with me darling. I'll get it ready for you." She motioned for him to follow her into her store. Spike couldn't help watching her lead, swaying with her graceful stride. one of these days... I'ma tap dat ass! Spike thought to himself as Rarity led him into her main work-space. Once inside he noticed a familiar light blue pegasus looking extremely board and uncomfortable in a high class dress. "Rainbow Dash here was helping me get the measurements right with a new dress." She smiled with appreciation. Rainbow just grunted in reply.

"Rarity? Are you here?" Twilight called from the front door.

"Oh, Twilight! I need your opinion on something in the kitchen!" She shouted back while she darted out of the room. "And Rainbow, please be a dear and try not to move much."

Spike kicked the door closed behind her and walked over to Rainbow. They both gave a half-lid expression until they heard the other two ponies below them. "Dude!" They both greeted each other, almost like college frat-boys, with grins and a bro-hoof.

"What's going on Rain-bro?" He jokingly punched her. "What has she done to you?" He asked her, examining her dress and all of her classy things to go along with it. She even smelled of fine perfume.

"I don't want to talk about it." She sighed. "Your girl has me in this getup for some dumb-ass ball she has to make dresses for. Dude, after I escape from here, you want to hang later?" She asked him.

"I can't Twilight has me doin' a bunch of crap for her today." He muttered, gloomy.

"Alright, after you're done being Twilight's little bitch-boy, come hit me up." She cackled. "Why are you here anyway?"

"Rarity said that she had something she needed to try out." Spike replied.

"Oooh, is Spike gonna get some?" Rainbow Dash teased. "You should convince her to let me go."

"You know, I think that you like it, lesbo." She returned with a glare. "I can do a lot of things with your name." Spike snickered.

Rainbow Dash just shrugged. "Rarity does have a nice flank, for a unicorn." She admitted.

"Easy there, lesbo." Spike warned with narrowed eyes. "Don't you be movin' in on my territory."

"No worries, buddy!" She assured with a beaming smile. "That's not my game! You go ahead and do your thang!"

"Thanks buddy." They bro-hoofed again to show that it was all good.

"I'll wait at Pinkie's till you're done with Twi." Rainbow Dash told him. "I'm gettin' some grub after this."

Spike remembered what happened that morning with Pinkie Pie in her house and shivered. "You watch your ass with her, Dash." Spike warned his rainbow-haired friend. "She scares the shit outa me."

Rainbow just laughed. "You're scared of Pinkie?" Her face was turning red with the thought of anyone being afraid of the pink mare. "How is she scary? At all?"

"This morning with pinned me up against a wall while the others weren't looking and got a whole rape, murder face going." Spike explained, sweating with the fear from reliving it. "I think she's different from what she seems like."

"I'll see about that." Rainbow scoffed, skeptically.

Twilight and Rarity came in that moment with a box in Twilight's force, mind grip. "Hi darlings, we're back with some things. What were you two talking about?" Rarity asked, curious of what the baby dragons and the speedy pegasus could talk about.

Bitches and hoes. "The..." He looked around the room for a subject but then landed on Rainbow. "... Wonder-bolts." He casually answered, Rainbow nodding her head in agreement.

"Ah, so the usual." Twilight chuckled towards Rainbow, who didn't think much of the comment.

"Spike, darling, can you stand over here so I can get you in this?" Rarity requested, motioning to a platform beside her and the box Twilight set beside her. Spike complied and climbed onto the short platform and stood straight up, letting her get a good shot. Rarity's horn developed a light blue haze, that crossed over and enveloped Spike. A nice suit appeared to spawn on him. The business-like suit was one that would cost thousands on dollars, it was all black with a white under shirt and a green and purple striped tie to match his scales. He saw himself in the mirror across from him and admired it. SWAG! He looked around the room for the two things that would make it even better. He found them on a counter and put on a fedora and a pair of aviators that were conveniently together. He then turned back the the group.

"I look good." He stated, spinning in place and admiring the suit more in the mirror.

Rainbow just gaped at the unjust division of clothing. "Why can't I get something like that!?" She cried.

"Because it's not meant for mares." Twilight giggled. "Spike, I don't think that hat and sunglasses work on you." She commented.

Bitch please, i'm fabulous. Spike ignored her and continued to look into the mirror. "Whatever!" He disagreed. "This looks amazing, Rarity."

"Thank you darling." She replied. "Since you're here as my living mannequin, you feel to keep it, i'v gotten the idea of what I need to make now." Spike's eyes lit up.

"I can keep this?" He asked. His eyes were full of hope that she wasn't joking.

"Sure." She answered with a shrug, it wasn't that big of a deal for her. She still gave him a smile for heartwarming excitement.

"Maybe he could wear it while you two go to eat somewhere." Rainbow Dash suggested, giving a subtle wink to Spike. Love you Rain-bro, you crazy wing-mare.

"Oh, I could show you off at that new restaurant that's opening tomorrow night!" Rarity squealed at chance to showcase her new line of clothing. "How about it Spike? Would you care to dine with me tomorrow?"

I could die of a heart attack right now, and be OK with it. "Sure Rarity! I would be honored to go with you!" Spike said, contently. He looked over to a smirking Rainbow, who tapped her chest and pointed to Spike saying that she has his back. Spike returned with the same gesture, which Rarity didn't notice, but Twilight did.

"Okay Rarity... Me and Spike still have some things to do today. Do you need anything else?" Twilight asked, watching Spike and Rainbow.

Rarity snapped out of her daze of thoughts. "Wha- Oh- no!" She stuttered. "That was all I needed darling, thank you." As they exited Spike gave Rainbow a subtle bro-hoof. "See you tomorrow, Spike!" Rarity called out the door.

"Hey, Spike?" Twilight asked.

"Yes, Twilight?" Spike returned.

"What was that in the boutique?" She questioned. "And that thing when we left. It seems like you tried to sneak something."

It was nothing, Twilight. "That crazy mare just got me a date with that fine piece of ass!" He said out loud.

Twilight stopped and looked at him with shock. "What was that Spike?"

He stopped and looked back to see what her problem was and then he realized that he said that out loud.

"Well, buck." Spike sighed.