• Member Since 17th May, 2014
  • offline last seen Aug 26th, 2018

zeldafand


I am a serious brony, i am christian and PROUD OF IT! I am not the best writer, but I do my best. And My OC is no longer an Alicorn.

T

I am Rainbow Dash, and my factory is my greatest work. But how did it happen, how was it built, what corrupted me enough to build such a vile facility, well, this is how it all began.

WARNING: Some Gore!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 80 )
Comment posted by Manes deleted Aug 8th, 2014
Comment posted by Gleaming deleted Aug 8th, 2014
Comment posted by Windlife deleted Aug 8th, 2014
Comment posted by Norty Ahri deleted Aug 8th, 2014
Comment posted by ShadowblazeCR deleted Aug 8th, 2014

Great original idea 11/10

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Comment posted by Gleaming deleted Aug 8th, 2014
Comment posted by Hurgusburgus deleted Aug 8th, 2014

This is a note to the author and nobody else. My goal is to give some fair constructive criticism. Anyone who responds other than the other will be ignored.

Now, I've read the story itself, and I have to say that the idea that you have--Rainbow getting the idea to build the factory from AJs death--is interesting. However, your execution of said idea was extremely poor. You didn't give enough time to set up the story, and instead rushed right into the whole thing. Oh, and the betrayal from AJ? Yeah, that was a bit much. I've read the other comments, and there's already been a lot of complaints of the Mane 6 being out of character, so I'm not going to go deep into that. Also, at the end you said in the author's note that this was the longest thing you've written, correct? Well, that is fine and dandy, but it doesn't mean much if the quality of what you've written is poor. Many times, quantity does not equal quality. In fact, one of my stories is only a little over 1500 words, and I consider it to be one of my best. But I am getting off track. My last notes on the story itself are these: the grammar was shaky(as was pointed out by other commentators), the dialogue felt blocky, and the entirety of the story felt like someone's rant at the world. (Of course, that could've been the intent of the story. If that is, bravo. You did your job. :twilightsmile:)

What I will go into is this: the idea of a Rainbow Factory fanfiction. See, the problem is is that it's been done so many times and the original was so good in the eyes of many that any "knock-offs" were almost immediately deemed terrible. (In some cases, this isn't true, though for the most part it has been consistent.)

I remember I wrote one of these; that is to say, I wrote a RF-based fanfiction. Just like the one you've written here, it obviously didn't get many positive responses. Instead, it got the same old responses of "Here we go again!" and "A fanfiction of a fanfiction! Woohoo!". :ajbemused: Of course, not the response I wanted, but it was one that was bound to happen. Why? Because it's been done over and over again.

My advice? Well, there are two ways you can go with this: You can either forget this and try to come up with something new and a little more original, or you can just keep with this and ignore any kind of negative reaction you may get. Now, my opinion is to go with the first option, as it will help you improve as a writer and prove that you can indeed write. Not only that, but more people will probably like your new idea better than this one.

My first story was a Rainbow Factory story, and it got absolutely flamed. For a while, I chose to keep with it, despite the constant negative comments I'd get. Eventually, I saw it was getting me nowhere, so I eventually started writing other things. Now, I am better because of it and I enjoy writing even more.

I hope this helps. Keep on writing!

Sincerely,

Q. Words

Comment posted by Quillin Words deleted Aug 7th, 2014
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Comment posted by Fallen Prime deleted Aug 8th, 2014
Comment posted by Glimglam deleted Aug 8th, 2014

4811757 it seems any further efforts are meaningless, I wrote a story based of a similar idea before and deleted it, and now I come back with a better story, and everypony hates it even more. What the freaking hell FIMFiction!? I tried my best, and for an Inexperienced writer, this is a good story!

4819672 Uh, dude, I don't think it was a good idea to delete all the comments.

4819672 I've seen the work of inexperienced writers. A close friend of mine with no prior experience wrote a short, fluffy slice of life, and it was well-crafted and adorable.

Use your inexperience as a learning opportunity, not a crutch. Otherwise you try to make excuses for your poor writing and you never improve as an author.

Also, mass comment deleters are the SINGLE most hated group of authors on the site. Your reputation is dead.

ALSO, any negative comments will be instantaneously deleted. So don't bother.

So what your saying is that if we even say your story is bad (which it is) and explain why, you just won't hear it because its "negative".
You do realize someone telling you your story is bad is beneficial to you as a writer, right? Because if we all told you your story was amazing, then you'd never improve as a writer. You even say you're not an experienced writer. Well, to become more experienced you have to listen to criticism, both good and bad to learn and improve as a writer. Understand?

4819672
Dude, it doesn't matter if its "good for an inexperienced writer".
What matters is whether its good or not. And besides, you can't really be the judge of whether your fic is good or not. That's up to the readers. And from what they're saying, it's clear your story isn't good.
So get your head out of your ass, stop being a pretentious little twat, and accept criticism.

Have a downvote for the comment deleting attitude and the poor story.

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