The Royal Apples: Into the Land of Neverwere

by Radical Gopher

Chapter 03

The sun was fully up by the time Babs and Big Mac decided to cut short their conversation and try to get some sleep. The police mare had the next day off, so she promised to go with him to visit Applejack. Perhaps talking to her might help him figure out what was happening. Being a true gentle colt, the stallion insisted on taking the couch, which turned out to be a fold out bed just large enough for his rather substantial frame. The moment his head hit the pillow, he was asleep.

His mind drifted off into the firm grasp of Morpheus and he began to dream. However these dreams felt different. Instead of simply meandering from dreamscape to dreamscape there was a focus and clarity to them that made them feel... real. Like a split screen, he saw both his own life as he knew it, and the history of this world as Babs had told him. They seemed to spin through his mind, like two parallel spokes on a wagon wheel. Alike, but with different dings and missing flecks of paint. As he watched, faces faded in and out. Luna, Applejack, Granny, Applebloom, Celestia, his cousins from Appleloosa, all crowded their way through his dream. One face in particular seemed to latch on and dig into his dream, making itself almost annoying. It was the face of a brown furred unicorn with a black and grey mane, tail and neatly trimmed van dyke style beard.

The face turned to the alicorn and winced. “You really have made a royal mess of things, haven’t you?”

It took the stallion a few moments to remember, but then it came to him, sharp and clear. “Professor Pony?”

“Oh, I am so glad you remembered my alter-ego’s name. After all, you don’t want to make HIM aware of your existence, or mine for that matter.”

“But, ya ARE him... ain’t ya?”

“I’m not HIM any more than HE is me. HE is an uncouth slug, using ham-handed techniques to satisfy his own need for self-praise. I on the other hand have an absolute knack for being the sophisticate.”

“If that’s another word fer ‘pain in the butt,’ then Ah’d have to agree.”

Professor Pony frowned. “You aren’t very appreciative, are you?”

The alicorn snorted slightly. “What exactly have I got ta be appreciative fer.”

“Why this glorious opportunity my ignorant princeling. A profound lesson in the influence one pony can have in the lives of those around him, or in this case, what happens to others when that pony isn’t there to help out.”

“What does that have ta do with everything bein’ topsy-turvy?”

“Ever study meta-physics?” the professor asked.

“Meta-what?”

The professor rolled his eyes. Without warning there was a small pop of air and a cone-shaped hat appeared on Macintosh’s head with the word ‘dunce’ printed on it. “It’s a shame. An alicorn with all this power and none of it focused to any purpose. All right, I shall explain.” There was another pop and the stallion found himself sitting at a school desk with a black board sitting in front of him. The professor stood to one side levitating a piece of chalk and a pointer.

“Now, imagine the universe as an apple tree with millions of branches coming off it. The world you knew, let’s call it Equestria Prime for argument sake, is branch A. Here the Elements of Harmony have been keeping chaos under control for more than a thousand years. They have been lost, but recently rediscovered and used to maintain balance between good and evil. This is the world you came from. The one on which you happily lived until you made that rather Porlockian wish.”

“What wish?”

“Why the one where you speculated that the world might be better off if you had never lived? Don’t you remember?” asked the disguised draconequus.

Big Mac sat quietly for a moment or two thinking. “Ah think Ah do... but it weren’t a wish so much as a passin’ thought.”

“And there you have it! A passing thought, which your unfocused alicorn magic interpreted as a desire to be fulfilled. Unfortunately, it couldn’t accomplish your desire without rewriting the entire timeline on which Equestria Prime existed. In essence, it would have meant sawing off the branch and leaving it to regrow minus your pitiful contribution. This was something the universe would not allow and which no alicorn, not even Celestia can accomplish. So it did the next best thing. It simply removed YOU from Equestria Prime.”

“So where am Ah now? Tartarus?”

“Well, thankfully that’s where I come in. You see, Celestia was rather peeved at me for a somewhat risqué joke I pulled on her last week and she chastised me. Said that I needed to become more of a gentle colt. She even held you up as an example of how I should act around others. So, for the past several days I’ve been hanging around observing you. I must admit, watching you learn to fly and perform magic was quite entertaining. I was nearby when you made your ‘unintended’ wish, so when your own magic tried to end your existence, I added a little tweak to it that sent you here instead... a world where you, Macintosh Apple, had never been born.”

“So Luna’s alright?” Big Mac asked hopefully.

“She’s perfectly fine... unless of course you take into consideration the hysterical fit she had when you disappeared and she was told it looked as if you accidently blew yourself up!”

“You told her...”

“No I didn’t. Some ignorant guard pony assigned to your protection detail told her that. Oh, what a scene it was. Princess hysterics are something else to see. Hoofspear couldn’t have written such a passionate scene on his best day.”

The stallion’s face fell. “So she thinks Ah’m dead?”

“Well, as you’re so fond of saying...Nnnope. As fun as it was to watch, there came a point where even I couldn’t take any more of her sobbing, so I told her what had happened. Naturally, it’s now all my fault and I’ve got just one week to bring you back or I get to spend another thousand years providing pigeons with a poop roost. Unfortunately, I just can’t snatch you back on my own. It was your magic that got you there. You are going to have to do some hoof-work of your own to get back.”

“Like what?”

“Well, the timeline or tree limb you’re currently on obviously split from Equestria Prime at a point in the recent past. You need to steer it back closer in line, or parallel to the first branch so a bridge can be formed between the two, and you need to do so before any further divergences or branches are created that take you too far away to create the bridge.”

“And how do Ah do that?” asked Macintosh.

“As much as it pains me to say it, you’re going to have to...gaack... restore the balance between harmony and chaos.” Professor Pony winced heavily and a shudder ran through him.

“Y’all okay?” the stallion asked.

“Ugh. Saying that made me feel like I was hacking up a fur ball.”

“Cain’t y’all just make another one o’ yer mirror doors that leads from here back home?” the stallion asked.

“It would take too long. Dimensional portals don’t grow on trees you know. By the time I cobbled something like that together you’d be celebrating your 97th birthday. And if you remember, I only have until the end of the week.”

Macintosh sighed. The Professor was right. He’d caused this mess in the first place by wallowing in a morose, self-indulgent funk, then allowing that to influence his new powers. Luna, and undoubtedly his whole family were worried sick about him. This wasn’t what he wanted. It was totally irresponsible. “Ah gotta get back home. Ma family needs me and Ah gotta be there fer ‘em.”

“Let’s not forget the draconequus that needs you back as well,” the professor mumbled to himself, loudly enough for Bit Mac to hear.

“So where do Ah start?” the alicorn asked.

“First, find out how this world differs from our own, then take the steps necessary to put it on a parallel path. As a matter of fact, you’ve already taken that first step.”

“Can y’all guide me with this?”

“Unfortunately...No! The only way we can communicate is when you’re either unconscious or asleep,” the professor said.

“But how will Ah know what ta do?”

“You’ll figure it out,” the professor said, his image slowly fading from the stallion’s mind. “You have to... If you ever want to see home again.” With that, Big Mac suddenly woke up.

He looked up at the wall clock and saw it was a little after two in the afternoon, or it would have been if the sun had been in the sky. He looked over at Babs who was in the process of fixing both of them something to eat. “What happened? Did Ah sleep all day?”

His cousin shook her head. “No, we had a short day. Second one this week courtesy of HIM.”

Big Mac raised an eyebrow. “That has ta be a mite confusin’.”

“It can be, if youse pay attention to the sky and not the clock. We had to add an extra hand to the dial so we could keep track of the real days and night.” The stallion looked. Sure enough, there was a large, red, fourth hand designed to sweep once around the face every twenty four hours.

Babs brought a small plate over and set it in front of the alicorn. “Here, youse probably haven’t had anything to eat since you got here.”

He looked down. His plate was covered with a variety of different colored mushrooms and several pieces of bread that looked extraordinarily green in color. He took a tentative bite from the mushrooms and found the flavor not bad, though the moss bread didn’t have much taste to it.

“Sorry Ay don’t have anything fancier, but Ay ain’t had a chance to get to the store this week.”

Big Mac nodded his gratitude all the same. “That’s all right. Y’all weren’t expectin’ company any more than Ah was expectin’ ta be company.”

Babs watched her older ‘cousin’ quietly while he ate. “So... youse figured out why we have such different memories yet?”

The stallion nodded. “Had an interestin’ dream. Ever hear about meta-physics?”

“If youse mean ghosts and magical creatures and other worlds, yeah. Who wouldn’t, ‘specially with HIM out there messing things up.”

“Maybe a farmer,” Big Mac muttered to himself. “Anyway, Ah think the reason my memories are so different is ‘cause Ah’m from a different Equestria. One where... uh HE doesn’t rule and where Applejack is ma sister.”

“Well, that’s one possible explanation,” the police mare replied, carefully examining him as he spoke. Once again, there was no doubt he was being truthful. “What are youse going to do about it?”

The alicorn paused for a moment. “Ah think Ah’m goin’ have ta fix things here if Ah want ta get home again.

“Whoa...Whoa...Whoa! Hold on there sport. Wadda youse mean, fix things. Youse ain’t thinking of taking on HIM, are you? Ain’t no surer way of winding up on a pedestal than ticking off that snake.”

“Ah don’t plan on takin’ him on... just takin’ him out. Yer Equestria is out o’ balance and the only way ta fix that is ta put Princess Celestia back on the throne. That means HE has ta go.”

Babs went silent for a moment. “Okay... How exactly do youse plan on doing that?”

“By collecting the Elements o’ Harmony. They’ve beaten HIM before in ma world. They can do the same here.”

“How will you find them?” his cousin asked. “The only pony who knew where they’re hidden was Celestia’s student, and she died ten years ago.”

“It ain’t so much a matter o’ where, but who, and Ah think Ah’ve got that covered.”

Comments

[SFaccountant]

And there you have it! A passing thought, which your unfocused alicorn magic interpreted as a desire to be fulfilled.

Cripes. That's... oi. His magic can't get the rock out of the ground properly with his full intention, but it will self-destruct his ass if he starts getting mopey.
Magic sucks